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Me: anyway
Me: as you'd expect, I reached my limit at some point
Me: and kind of made a mess on a couple pages…
TeacherPet: REALLY??
Me: yeah. Sorry
TeacherPet: christ
TeacherPet: really??
Me: why would I make that up?
TeacherPet: wow
TeacherPet: that is hot
Me: Is it?
TeacherPet: mhmm
TeacherPet: I wish I coulda seen that
TeacherPet: mmm
Me: Well that's good then
Me: I'm glad you're not upset
TeacherPet: ya right!
TeacherPet: that's like.. a total compliment for me
Me: :)
TeacherPet: so
Me: Soo
TeacherPet: tell me what it felt like
Me:?
TeacherPet: when you "reached your limit"
Me: oh
Me: Really good ;)
TeacherPet: well duh
TeacherPet: details
Me: Okay
Me: I was already pretty excited before I even started
Me: You know, anticipation
Me: Anyway, I ended up touching myself pretty early on when reading
Me: not thinking about it
Me: aaaaaand it just kept building up, you know
Me: I had to make an effort to hold back
Me: and then I lost it
TeacherPet: what set you off?
Me: Everything I guess.
Me: And the ending, about how she couldn't define what they had
Me: and how she wanted to be taught
Me: that was good.
TeacherPet: thanks
TeacherPet: I hope that part didn't scare you ;)
Me: heh
Me: Maybe a little ;)
TeacherPet: hey
TeacherPet: I hate to cut this short
TeacherPet: but I need to get off early tonight
Me: Oh
Me: I already did that
TeacherPet: LOL
TeacherPet: good one :P
TeacherPet: sorry tho
TeacherPet: it's family stuff
TeacherPet: let's continue this tomorrow?
Me: Maybe!
TeacherPet: I want to
TeacherPet: so let's do it!
TeacherPet: bye
It was still fairly early in the evening, and I almost felt at a loss. Now what do I do? I was so used to spending all this time with her… Maybe I could do some more work. Or just watch some TV. I was trying to decide what to do when it occurred to me that I hadn't even considered calling up my girlfriend. A wave of guilt washed over me. What the hell do I do about that?
I couldn't keep this up. It wasn't right. But… What did I really expect to happen with Autumn? It's not like we could have some kind of real relationship, could we? Maybe after she graduated, but… Fuck. She's only a teenager. What the hell do we have in common. Lots of things. But not enough. Not realistically. What the hell do I want to happen? I had been living so in the moment that I hadn't brought myself around to thinking about the repercussions of what I was doing. All I feared was getting caught. But what happens if I don't?
These thoughts pushed me into a kind of moody frustration. And now I was tense. Fuck it. I decided to go the gym to blow off some pent up steam. When I got there, I hit up a treadmill first thing. An attractive woman got on the machine next to me as I took mine.
We made eye contact and she smiled at me, "Hey, how's it goin'?"
"Not bad, you?"
"About the same…"
Now as a guy, normally I wouldn't brush off a good looking girl wearing cute exercise clothes that started up a conversation with me. But by activating my machine and returning some noncommittal answer, that's pretty much what I did. I sarcastically wondered what I was doing. Who knows how much I might have had in common with this person. Or maybe she was just being friendly. Whatever. In my mind, there was only one thing I really noticed about her. She wasn't Autumn.
XI
The next day in class, she gave me a little smile when she walked in the door. Her hand brushed up against her face and tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. Didn't I read someplace that playing with your hair is a telltale sign of flirting across all cultures?
A few students started talking about their papers as they found their seats. When the bell rang, one asked, "So when do we get our latest drafts back?"
"Yeah, you've read them all by now, right?"
"Now now," I replied, "If I didn't give each paper the attention it deserves, you wouldn't learn anything, now would you?"
"I've learned you love red pens and hate a lack of commas," a girl joked.
I chuckled, "Well, there is no good writing, only good re-writing, right?"
"Seems to me like you only make a mess on the papers that need lots of re-writing," another sighed.
"I bet he makes a mess on the good ones too," Autumn suddenly piped up.
My eyes snapped to her and she had this wide grin, and then she sort of tensed and shrugged, like 'oops'.
I played it off, "Yes, I am messy towards each and every one. But you would all be heartbroken if I didn't share my wisdom with you, so I'll accept your thanks now and we'll move on to today's schedule…"
Glancing at Autumn again, she gave a subtle nod to acknowledge the exchange. After that, we didn't particularly share any other "moments" for the rest of the class. I'd be sure to give her a hard time about it online that night. If she didn't give me one first, anyway. I looked forward to it.
I had to run some errands, so I didn't get home until the early evening. I logged on and checked for emails; there was nothing and she wasn't online yet. Bummer. A little disappointed, but I figured she'd get on soon enough. It wasn't until about 11:00 at night that my patience had completely worn thin. She's usually on by now. I wonder what the holdup is… I figured I'd wait a little longer. Like thirty minutes. Or maybe an hour…
But she never showed up. This sucks. I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, leaving the computer on until the last possible minute before I gave up and went to bed. Just in case. Nothing! Defeated, I finally went to my bed and stripped down. That was when I noticed there was a message on my phone.
I figured I missed a call from Heather, but when I picked it up, I realized it was a text message. She never texts me. I opened it up…
'Lame! my internet is down and the company says it wont be restored till tomorrow. btw, does your phone do text msgs? i forgot to ask last time'
Well yes, yes it did. I held the phone in my hand and pondered whether or not I should reply to her. I felt so relieved having read the message, and yet a little unnerved that she contacted me on my phone. It could be a dangerous precedent to text her back… Then she'd know she could contact me almost any time of the day. Shit, even during school. Though the thought spooked me, I also felt a tiny rush shudder through my body. Bad thoughts.
I rolled over onto the bed and tried to ignore it. I could just wait until tomorrow, she'd find a way to tell me the same thing in class, and I'd be clear. Then we could just talk that night. It's safer this way. Don't be stupid. I closed my eyes and imagined where she was right now. If she was lying in her bed too. I had this sudden desire to tense my body as I thought about her. I wanted to hold her right then… What am I thinking? This is more than just wanting to fuck…
I turned back to the table with the phone on it and opened up the message again. Fuck it.
'just got your msg. see you tomorrow.'
I hit send and let my eyes close, the phone still in my hand. I'm not sure how I felt about what I just did, but for some reason, it soothed me. I began to doze off, and I was in a half-sleep when I felt the phone buzz in my hand. I brought it up to my face and the screen lit up with a new message.
'thx for texting. didnt want you to think i was ignoring. goodnight'
My hand dropped back down to the bed and I closed my eyes again. I thought I'd be nervous, but I fell asleep with a content smile.
The next day, I turned off my phone as I arrived at work. I didn't want to see whether or not she'd push her luck and try texting me during one of my classes. Not until I was safely out of class. Besides, who knew how I would react… I'd probably text her back, for fuck's sake.
Class proceeded with only one small incident. At one point, my students were up from their desks and going from group to group for a little writing exercise, where one group would start a poem, and then the next group would write a new stanza, and so on. During another switch up, Autumn swung by a little closer to my desk than need be and furtively slipped a folded note onto my desk.
I opened it up a few minutes later and glanced at the message. All it said was that she'd be online earlier this afternoon to make up for lost time. I folded it back up and stuffed it in my pocket. Looking back up, I realized she was cautiously watching me. She didn't avert her eyes when I met her gaze, and I gave her a curt nod. She smiled and went back to work.
It was a little after 4:00pm when I got home; a faculty meeting after hours kept me hung up. Autumn was already there when I logged on. I felt a giddy flutter when I saw her, pleased that she wasn't missing this time. We had only chatted for a little while when my phone rang. I rose my eyebrows, wondering if she was choosing now to escalate things…
Nope. It was Heather. Don't be *too* disappointed, man. I picked up and started talking to her… still at the keyboard. I probably should have at least stood up and walked into the other room so I wouldn't be completely distracted, but instead I chose to divide my attention. Always a bad idea.
Before I knew it, I had agreed to go out to dinner and maybe a show with my girlfriend. I couldn't tell you how I felt about that. I didn't want to dwell on the fact that I would've rather stayed home on instant messenger with my student, but anyway…
TeacherPet: you seem distracted
Me: Sorry, I had to take a phone call
TeacherPet: oh
TeacherPet: but you're back now?
Me: Yep
TeacherPet: goody
TeacherPet: how about no more phone calls
TeacherPet: and I get you for the rest of the night?
Me: That would be nice
Me: But to be honest, I'm going to have to go out this evening…
TeacherPet: oh
TeacherPet: that's lame.
Me: Yeah
TeacherPet: what are you doing tonight?
Okay. This was awkward. Do I come out and tell her the truth, or do I beat around the bush?
Me: I'm just seeing a friend
TeacherPet: your girlfriend?
Me: Yes
TeacherPet: I see.
My chest tightened. I was sure I could feel her disappointment and irritation coming through the computer, but then…
TeacherPet: well I guess we will just have to make good use of the time we have
TeacherPet: right?
Me: Definitely!
Whew! Was she really this perfect?
TeacherPet: so I've been thinking about our last conversation
TeacherPet: and about some stuff I wanted to put in the story
TeacherPet: but couldn't fit it in very easily
Me: Oh yeah?
TeacherPet: yeah
TeacherPet: and since you said you liked hearing about "my perspective"
TeacherPet: well anyway
Me: What? Go on…
TeacherPet: soo
TeacherPet: talking about how my orgasms really feel
Me: Hmm
Me: I would have definitely liked to read about that
TeacherPet: really?
Me: Yes really.
TeacherPet: well I had written some stuff up
TeacherPet: in another draft
Me: Want to send it?
TeacherPet: do you want me to?
Me: :P
Me: obviously
TeacherPet: ok gimme a min
I waited…
TeacherPet: shit
Me:?
TeacherPet: I cant find it on my comp
Me: Oh
Me: that IS shitty.
TeacherPet: sorry
Me: it's okay
Me: maybe you'll find it another time
TeacherPet: well I dont want to leave you hanging
Me: So thoughtful!
TeacherPet: I know right??
TeacherPet: so now what
Me: I'm not sure
TeacherPet: is there anything you wanted to talk about?
Me: To be honest, my mind is kind of stuck on what you mentioned
TeacherPet: oops
Me: yeah
TeacherPet: well I guess I could just type it up here
TeacherPet: but it won't be as eloquent..
Me: I'll do my best to cope
TeacherPet: ok
TeacherPet: so I totally curl up my toes
TeacherPet: I know its cliche but I do
TeacherPet: also, I get kind of lightheaded
TeacherPet: like dizzy
Me: during or after?
TeacherPet: during
Me: interesting
TeacherPet: ya well
TeacherPet: it's like stronger the better the orgasm
TeacherPet: soo I was kinda dizzy the other week
Me: really?
TeacherPet: yeah..
Me: hmm… sorry?
TeacherPet: ha
TeacherPet: it's a good dizzy
TeacherPet: I cant really get that by myself
Okay, so, a hot girl talking about her orgasms is one thing. Having her tell you that you gave her good ones is another. To have her then mention masturbating on top of that… I was, like, in boy-heaven. I mean, I didn't even know how to respond to that. What am I going to say? KEEP GOING!!!
Me: oh…
TeacherPet: is that weird?
Me: I don't know
Me: if it is, it is weird in a good way
Me: I mean, at least it sounds like it… if that makes sense
TeacherPet: well I like it
TeacherPet: I'm glad you like it
TeacherPet: now that ive told you about it, I think I deserve more
TeacherPet: right?
Me: Ahh, deserve… yes
TeacherPet: good
Me: so anything else?
TeacherPet: well
TeacherPet: my mouth also gets wet
TeacherPet: like really wet
TeacherPet: umm that sounds bad
TeacherPet: it isn't like I'm drooling or something
TeacherPet: its hard to explain
TeacherPet: but my tongue especially
TeacherPet: and I have this overwhelming desire to lick
TeacherPet: I just want to lick lick lick
TeacherPet: when im cumming, I mean
Good fucking god, could I be *any* harder right now…
Me: wow..
Me: you never did that last time..
TeacherPet: well I was never really in a position to
TeacherPet: except during #3
TeacherPet: but by then I was just like.. out of it
Me: was that a good thing?
TeacherPet: very good
TeacherPet: fishing for compliments?
Me: Just asking…
TeacherPet: uh huh
TeacherPet: so what do you think?
Me: I like it
Me: Especially the licking thing
TeacherPet: really?
Me: Yeah it's very… primal
Me: and sexy
TeacherPet: ya
TeacherPet: well im glad you like it
TeacherPet: so next time I wont hold back
TeacherPet: deal?
I was so gone in the moment that I didn't even think about it before I typed it…
Me: Deal
TeacherPet: :D
TeacherPet: so you admit it
TeacherPet: there will be a next time
Me: ahh, well…
Me: it's not that I don't WANT to
Me: you understand
TeacherPet: yeah yeah
TeacherPet: well last time I checked
TeacherPet: we didn't get caught
TeacherPet: so I don't see the prob
Me: It's complicated
TeacherPet: *sigh*
TeacherPet: you're ruining the mood
Me: sorry
TeacherPet: so
TeacherPet: when's the last time you masturbated?
Me: This morning
TeacherPet: in the shower?
Me: nah, in bed
TeacherPet: what did you think about?
Me: What do you think?
TeacherPet: don't make me guess
Me: why not?
TeacherPet: cuz it's embarrassing if im wrong :P
Me: ha, now you have to guess
TeacherPet: no, tell me
Me: not till you guess
TeacherPet: tell meeeeee
Me: dum de dum
TeacherPet: fine
TeacherPet: was it about me?
Me: Yes
Me: Was that so hard?
TeacherPet: shut up :P
Me: I was thinking about that sunday
Me: and your story
Me: replaying it in my mind and trying to imagine better how you felt
TeacherPet: mmm
TeacherPet: was it good?
Me: It was
Me: No dizziness though
TeacherPet: :P don't make fun of me
Me: I'm not
Me: Don't forget I told you I lost it so bad when I read your story
Me: like that wasn't embarrassing
TeacherPet: true..
TeacherPet: but that was hot
Me: well what you say is hot too
TeacherPet: oh good
Me: So… your turn
TeacherPet:?
Me: When's the last time you masturbated?
TeacherPet: last night
TeacherPet: after you texted me back
Me: Oh?
TeacherPet: ya, I was feeling anxious until then
TeacherPet: then I could relax
Me: What did you think about?
TeacherPet: About today.. telling you about my orgasms
TeacherPet: and you getting turned on
Me: Is it like you imagined?
TeacherPet: kinda
TeacherPet: except in my fantasy we ended up meeting up
Me: ah…
TeacherPet: wouldn't that be fun?
Me: yeah
TeacherPet: hmm
TeacherPet: how much time do you have?
I looked at the clock.
Me: shit
Me: I completely forgot.
Me: I need to go get ready actually…
TeacherPet: awwww
TeacherPet: why did I even say anything!
Me: Because you're so thoughtful?
TeacherPet: yeah that must be it :P
TeacherPet: why don't you cancel
TeacherPet: say you're sick
Me: ive been using that excuse too much already…
TeacherPet: but im having fun
TeacherPet: and im horny
GOD!
Me: Yeah?
TeacherPet: ya…
Me: well me too
TeacherPet: so stay!
Me: I can't
TeacherPet: argh
TeacherPet: well
TeacherPet: will you be back on tonight?
Me: I'll try my best
TeacherPet: ok
Me: Talk to you later
TeacherPet: bye
XII
So I went and met up with Heather at a fairly nice restaurant and settled into spending the evening with her. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. I mean, I had been in a relationship with her for some time, so it's not like we didn't have anything in common. Or that I didn't care about her. It was just, I dunno, the passion had been so subdued by Autumn, and then replaced with a fire for her instead.
Anyway, somehow I managed to get Autumn out of my head for the majority of the evening and focus on my girlfriend. I didn't think I'd have it in me to be so… I guess dishonest with her. Or myself, for that matter. Although I sort of felt like I was going through the motions on one hand, on the other I managed to store away the fact that I was having an undeniable affair, both physically and emotionally.
