by darkstone57
The story seems incomplete.
So much was alluded to/foreshadowed to, but not followed through.
I did like your story yet I was expecting so much more.
And as someone already mentioned, I was grossed out that
1. she had to literally “prove” with many descriptive words her puking if she drank coffeee then
2. the tongue fest right after upchunking—grose!!
I did like your dialogue though.
I love the story just want more doesnt feel finished did you write another part. What to know what happens. Leads like there is so much more and many wonderful things to come.
i enjoyed the complexity you added into the story surrounding the emotional trauma she endured and how it manisfested. I am curious to see if you decide to expand on it, the revealing to he parents and more of her lengthy recovery. Keep it up
Did Brie and Michael REALLY have to have a tongue-fest just after she vomited up dinner??
i love this story...please please write the next chapter....and soon. i am dying of anticipation..of all the stories i have read, i must say this is my favorite! thank you :-)
one dimensional storyline.................still a good read...........3-4 stars.if i may i suggest u read a few stories posted by DEMURE on this site......u can do a lot better with some inspiration.
We can only hope that you will continue with this story line. Great Start!
I'm just corny enough to like these linear romance stories. A little more editing would put you over the top. The dangling quotation mark in the first paragraph. The random use of "to" when "too" is correct (and vice versa). The same with "then" when "than" is correct. Just minor distractions though. Good job.
I really liked your story! You did a really good job of revealing their personalities through the story. You made Michael so lovable. A satisfying tale!