Anal Fantasy to Reality

When I did, I could see that she'd forwarded me an internal memo indicating that the board would be looking for a new manager of the IT maintenance department along with the direct contact info of the HR person and that I was welcome to use her as a reference. One telephone interview, one Zoom interview and one in-person interview later, I got a call letting me know that I'd been selected and as of the first of the month would be the new head of the IT maintenance department.

I immediately called Denise and when she answered, I said, "I've got good news and bad news."

"What's up...what's the good news?"

"I got the job as IT manager!"

"That's awesome! What's the bad news?"

"Well, I'll need to move so I was hoping you might know somewhere I could stay temporarily until I can find a place there?"

It took Denise a few seconds to realize I was kidding before she said, "Oh, I'm pretty sure I can find somewhere for you to stay but the rent would be high enough to feel it all the way to your ass!"

"Exactly what I was hoping for! I'll let you know once I work out all the details."

Of course, when I submitted my resignation with my current board, they came back asking how much of a raise it would take for me to stay but I simply told them, "You might be able to match the money, but you won't be able to match the benefits!"