All Comments on 'And The Gods Are Pleased'

I am not sure that I have ever read a story composed, for the most part, with adjectives .. for some reason, it worked! The characterizations were well established and the story line flowed along smoothly. Of course this is just my opinion, but I have to say well done! Unusual and enjoyable.

A very nice piece of writing, but a little long toward the end. (No such thing as too much sex, but there *is* a limit to human stamina.) There were several instances of typos and other errors which I found broke the mood and engagement in the story. For example: the word 'shuttering' for the word 'shuddering' at the bottom of Page 1 and the word 'there' instead of 'their' toward the end if the story. Such screw-ups ruin the reader's ability to emotionally engage with the characters - their thoughts, feelings, physical interactions, etc. The writing has to be so perfect that it does not call attention to itself and allows the reader to immerse him-or-herself in the tale.

Wow. I feel drunk.

There are so many delicious details to savor as one makes one's way along much of the pretty little arc of this story. The sexual skillfulness and pleasure and abandonment of the characters is just luscious. The theme of sexual acuity, focus, and control builds beautifully to a tantalizing crescendo, and then hovers there in glorious full-color imagery. One gorges oneself in intoxicating abandon, relishing every sip and slurp... scrumptious, really. And for me this is so right to where he brings her through her first or second orgasm.

Up to that point the story's structure is strong and the timing of events feels right. But here's where it hits a snag and runs off track, I think. The action just stays there for what seems like forever. There's more and more and then still more of this suptuous feast. It's just neverending. It gets confusing. One's mind begins to wander. One feels lost and overwhelmed -- more than satiated, but with nowhere to go.. And then the metaphors and similies and analogies and all begin to really run rampant. There are just so many; they mix and jostle and trip and fall all over themselves. (Did the writer get a little drunk too perhaps, immersed as s/he was, hip deep in the lust of it all?!)

I can't remember now just where the story eventually moves on. They do get to the kitchen, I know. After that, well, I'm afraid I've lost track of just how the story resolves.. Does it resolve? It must. Something to do with gods and godesses, I think. In any case, I liked it.

Great beginning. Great theme. Nice characters. Fun, hot, mostly literate (some wrong words, spelling -- need to fix this). Needs a lot of tightening though -- way too long (cut out whole pages), way too much mixing of metaphors (too many is worse than too few), stalled timing about half-way through.. It's really worth revising, though, I think. Don't give up on it. It could become a real little gem if you work it over!

In spite of some errors in grammar and spelling, this is a wonderfully conceived and tender love story. The relationship as it develops between the two characters justifies its length, and at times packs an emotional punch for the reader. The romantic atmosphere that pervades the entire plot is marvelous. If there is one drawback to this lovely story, it is the use of the present tense to tell it. However, this is not enough to deny this story a Five Stars rating.