Andi's Dream - A Blizzard in Buffalo

What can you say when a person opens to you like that? "I'm sorry you had to go through that," was all Paul could think of to say.

"Whenever an ambulance goes by, I look to see if he's behind it," she tried to smile. There was a question she needed to ask, but for some reason she was terrified to ask it, but with a deep sigh she plowed ahead and asked, "Is there a Mrs. Jarecki?"

"No," said Paul sadly. "Used to be, but she's not with us anymore." He held up his left hand to show that there was no wedding band, nor was there a shadow of one.

"Do you mind if I ask?"

"No, I guess not. We were in the Air Force, married nearly 7 years. She was a pilot, fighter pilot, flew the F-15, I was flight surgeon for another unit on base."

Andi remembered the photo on Paul's desk in the corner, a photo of a younger Paul in dress blues standing next to a lovely, statuesque redhead in a flight suit. They looked so happy. That must have been her. She began to kick herself for thinking it was Halloween costumes. "Go on."

"It was a beautiful summer morning, June 18^th, she was on a 90-day temporary duty assignment to Kunsan Korea and nearing the end of her rotation. Only one more week and she would come home. She had the first mission of the morning, flying flight lead. God how she loved that job. She'd come back from a flight lead mission so excited..." He sniffed and moved on. "That morning Melony, my wife, taxied onto the runway and her flight elements, the three other planes, formed up around her. She got clearance to take off, but instead of releasing the brakes and taking off, her aircraft just shut down. They tried raising her on the radio, but she didn't answer, so her wingman moved forward for a better look and saw her slumped forward in the cockpit and he called the tower and declared a ground emergency. It turned out she had a myocardial infarction right there on the runway, her last act was to shut down her plane and set the brakes... the flight surgeon's wife dying of a heart attack in an F-15..." Paul went silent.

The fire snapped occasionally, and the Christmas music continued to play, occasionally a giggle could be heard from upstairs, but Paul remained silent. "Oh my God," gasped Andi quietly. "What did you do?"

After a deep breath Paul said, "I retired. I was no good to Uncle Sam anymore. I took the insurance money and bought this chunk of land, went back to school at the University at Buffalo and got a fellowship in pulmonology, then took some law classes. Now I'm a consultant to Springville and to South Boston hospitals, trying to open up a sleep study clinic at the local VA facility."

Andi opened her arms up wide "Come here, you need this."

He stopped her. "That's not the whole story, I think you should know the rest of the story."

"What happened?"

"I told you that Melony died of a heart attack, I didn't tell you the cause." It suddenly became hard to swallow. Tears filled his eyes as he stared at the ceiling. "Because she died in the cockpit of a combat aircraft there was an autopsy. She was on day 83 of a 90-day temporary duty assignment." He clearly didn't want to continue, and Andi refrained from urging the words out of him, she wrapped her arms around his arm and held on tight. Eventually he swallowed hard and spoke; "She died of a myocardial infarction caused by an allergic reaction to a large dose of levonorgestrel."

The words spun through Andi's head; it actually took her a second to recall that in extreme cases levonorgestrel will cause a heart attack but...

"We had our future mapped out, I was an up-and-coming flight surgeon, she was a fighter jock being groomed for leadership. There was no room for children in our future, so we were INCREDIBLY careful because she was allergic to birth control pills."

"Oh, dear God," said Andi sadly. The active ingredient in birth control pills is levonorgestrel, a synthetic version of the hormone progestin and if you're allergic to birth control pills, that component is probably what you are allergic to. If she was allergic to birth control pills and had an allergic reaction to 'a large dose of levonorgestrel' it means she took a "morning after pill" not realizing that "Plan B" is nothing but a large dose of levonorgestrel. She was obviously screwing around behind Paul's back and was afraid of being pregnant.

People can be such bastards to each other.

"I'm sure there's more to your story that you're not ready to tell yet," said Paul softly, and at that Andi shrugged her shoulders and nodded a bit. "Me too, so maybe we're not so different... but I'll take that hug now, if it's still available."

They moved closer and Andi leaned her head on Paul's shoulder and slowly they began to relish the warmth of another human being, a warmth they both had both missed for so long. They sat like that for a long time, listening to soft classical guitar renditions of Christmas hymns on Paul's stereo and watching the flames dance in the wood stove.

The fire burned down so Paul got up and added new wood to the fire that he got from behind a small door just to the left of the stove. He grabbed the tea pot and topped off their cups, then he sat back down on the couch and was overjoyed when Andi leaned back against him.

"You have a lot of Christmas music," she said softly. She didn't really care about the music, she just wanted to hear his voice again. It was so nice to hear the voice of a man that wasn't hitting on her, or hitting her, or droning on and on about work, or gasping for breath, or...

"I love Christmas, and I love Christmas music. I love classical chorale to Manheim Steamroller, country to opera. What about you? What music do you love?"

"I don't know. It depends on my mood, right now what you are playing is perfect for the moment," she paused for a moment, right now her life was dominated by music targeted to five-year-olds. "I guess... ummm... yacht rock? Is that what you call it?"

"That's it, gentle, melodic, soft rock. I don't have a yacht, but my brother and I have a sailboat. Next time you're in Florida I'll take you sailing."

Suddenly the song Sailing by Christopher Cross drifted into her head.

Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be

Just a dream and the wind to carry me

And soon I will be free...

She imagined herself on a calm, warm ocean, a gentle sea breeze pushing them gently along, the boat rocking gently on the mild swells, just her and the girls... and a tall handsome man at the tiller... "Yeah, I like that idea," she murmured. "Let's go sailing." She sipped her tea. "Where will you take me?"

"John and I, that's my brother, we do our sailing on the intercoastal waterway, the Indian River. Generally, north out of Jupiter Florida, up to Melbourne, up to Port Canaveral, on occasion we go south to Miami Beach and the Florida Keys."

The names of the cities and ports of call sounded so exotic and exciting to a Denver girl whose longest journey ever, landed her in a ditch in Western New York, in a snowstorm. "Will you take me to the Bahamas?"

"Yeah, let's do that, let's go to the Bahamas, it's just one-day to get there from Jupiter. We can picnic on the beach, swim in the moonlight, and get enough souvenirs to bury the girls. Have you ever been there?"

"No," she said sadly, "I never traveled much, but I did plan to go to Canada once."

"What happened?"

"I got lost," she said sadly, then she cheered "but I met a nice man who said that he will take me to the Bahamas!" A brief tickle fight broke out, giving the two grieving people a needed laugh, for Paul it was the first joyful laugh in years.

Settling down Andi watched the flames in the big glass window of the wood burning stove, it looked to Andi like the flames were dancing in slow motion, and their dance was so hypnotizing. "Why does the fire do that?" she asked pointing to the stove. "Why do the flames move so slow?"

"When you cut back on the air that goes into the combustion chamber the fire burns slowly like that. When I want to put the fire out, I just shut off all the air going to feed the fire and the goes out. No fuss, no muss."

They sat for a while longer, the music changed from guitar to piano instrumental Christmas music. She leaned forward and placed her empty mug on the ammo crate that serves as a coffee table, then leaning back she took his arm and wrapped it around her shoulder because it felt like the right thing to do.

Paul pulled her closer and she snuggled in, secure in feeling no pressure to go anywhere further. "What was your best Christmas and your worst Christmas?" he asked. "Worst first."

She didn't even pause. "My worst Christmas was five years ago. My husband had taken off with some floozy, he served me with divorce papers and wanted everything, the car, the condo, and spousal support. There I was, suddenly a single mother of two preemie babies barely a month old doing everything wrong, dead broke, up to my eyeballs in debt - student loans and medical bills, my mother was no help at all, she kept getting on my nerves, I wished my dad were alive to see my babies..." she let out a shuddering sigh of exasperation and wiped away the tears with the sleeve of Paul's robe.

"What was the best?"

After a long pause she said "Believe it or not, it was the same day. I finally got to bring my babies' home. They were in the preemie ward for a month, but we got home and there I was with two beautiful new daughters, perfect in every way, I couldn't stop counting their fingers and toes. Nana and Grandpa Olson drove down from North Dakota and brought lefse and sandbakkels and Nana kept mom away from me so I could spend time with Grandma Roberts, my dad's mom. Grandma Roberts came up from Arizona to see the babies and it was the last time I got to see her; she passed away after that New Years. The very last thing she said to me was that she saw my dad bright and clear in his grandchildren." Andi stopped and sniffled a little, enjoying the sweetness of the memory before she said, "And Lucy, she was such an angel to me, she helped so much, I don't know how we would have made it without her. I hope you get to meet her someday."

"I wish I could have been there" he said quietly.

"What about you? What was your best and worst Christmas?" Andi asked, "worst first."

"That's easy, the year Melony died," he sighed and after a long pause he continued. "I was in our housing unit alone. I had just been told by the housing office the day before that since I was no longer married, I had to move out of base housing and into Bachelor Officers Quarters, BOQ, it's kind of like a dorm, or move off base. So, on Christmas Eve I went to my commander and told him I was done, I didn't even wait to hear what he had to say. I turned on my heel and went straight to the base personnel office and started the retirement process. Instead of opening presents, I spent Christmas day packing. I called her parents and told them that if there's anything of hers that they want, come get it because on January 15 I'm sending everything left behind to the dump." Paul's mood slowly sank into a darkness that equaled Andi's when she recalled her worst Christmas.

Andi held his right hand with both of her small, perfect hands, "And your best?"

"Oh, we had so many great Christmases when I was a kid, God I love Christmas, that's why you hear Christmas music and see my decorations, all from that era. And the best ones were when we were dead broke, but I think the best one was the year after I got out of the air force and moved here that my sister-in-law Macy was able to get my brother and I to reconcile. We hadn't spoken to each other in years, maybe decades. We sat down right here in this cabin and spoke for the first time in ages. It was so good to have my brother back. We've been tight ever since, I hope you get to meet them someday, John and Macy."

The music finally stopped, and they sat together in silence, the only sound was the occasional snap from the fire. Andi eventually broke the reverie by saying "Do you think this is going anywhere?"

"By 'this' you mean...?" he pointed back and forth between himself and Andi.

"Yeah, us."

"I really don't know, here we are, a couple of doctors, grown professionals, covered with battle scars and painful oozing wounds. We know better, right?"

"Right," she agreed.

"Besides, we're both wearing so much clothing, we'd have to stop and feed the twins breakfast before we got it all off." And with that they both began to chuckle as they leaned toward each other, their foreheads touching. "I need to put more wood on the fire," he said sadly.

"And I think I should head back upstairs," she said with a frown.

He got up and added a few good size logs to the fire, and as he did, he heard a series of familiar clicks. When he turned around, he saw that Andi had converted the couch to a bed. "I decided that I really shouldn't wake them, they're so tired." She had a slightly worried look on her face, unsure if she were doing the right thing, but she patted the couch next to her.

"Those cots upstairs are very squeaky," he agreed, "you'd wake them up for sure. It would be irresponsible."

"You're very thoughtful," Andi smiled as he helped straighten out the blankets. They lay down and covered themselves with the heavy blankets. They lay face to face gazing in each other's eyes and Paul saw a smile cross Andi's face. "This is so wonderful," she whispered.

"This is perfect," responded Paul, then he gave her a gentle kiss on her exquisite lips. "Good night Doctor Roberts."

She kissed him back. "Good night Doctor Jarecki." She rolled over and snuggled back against him. He put his arm over her, and her hand reached up and gently grasped his wrist, pulling his arm tight around her. It never occurred to her to question that kiss, it simply happened. In moments they were sleeping deeper than either of them had slept for a decade.

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Andi woke to the smell of coffee and frying bacon. She didn't dare open her eyes, what if she opened them and found she was in a generic motel room in a generic town and that last night, the first warmth and security in ages were just a dream? She then felt breathing, panting on her cheek and slowly opened her eyes in terror of seeing some kind of pervert closing in on her only to see Wonka 'smiling' at her in that open mouth way that all Labrador Retrievers have. "Good morning Wonka."

Paul gently nudged Wonka out of the way and knelt facing Andi. "Good morning Dr. Sleepyhead. Are kisses still authorized?"

She smiled. "Little ones, and not around the girls." He gave her a sweet kiss on the lips to greet the morning and she waggled her eyebrows "We may need to change the prescription, Doctor. Maybe we can titrate up, but first your patient needs coffee - stat!"

Paul magically produced a steaming mug, with real cream, a touch of sugar and a hint of chocolate and peppermint. "This is my Christmas blend. I drink it black most of the time, but during the holidays I add flavors."

"Oh, this is so good," said Andi as she rose, sipped her coffee and started fumbling around for her glasses. "I've got to get my toothbrush" she said as she pulled his gray robe around her and stumbled up the stairs followed by Wonka. As she worked her way up the stairs, the twins worked their way down heading for the bathroom. As they passed each other Wonka changed direction and headed downward to follow the twins.

"Good Morning girls!" said Paul cheerfully but the girls walked past him, heads down as if they were concentrating on the patterns of the wood floor. "Are they always this grumpy in the morning?" he asked Andi as she came back downstairs with a small case.

"They get it from their mother," she muttered as she walked past Paul. Then she stopped, patted him on the chest and arched her neck up for another kiss. "Just how old are you?"

"Fifty-three."

"That's a good age, I like that age."

"And how old are you?" asked Paul.

"Never ask a woman that question," said Andi as she wagged her finger at him and headed into the 'modern' cabin to use the facilities.

Not long after they dressed, they gathered around the table for pancakes, bacon, and oatmeal. The girls were not overjoyed by the oatmeal and they didn't like the syrup. "It's real maple syrup!" insisted Paul.

"It's yucky," said the twins.

Paul got up and made a quick trip to the pantry in the newer cabin. He came back with two bottles, one was a cheap store brand imitation maple syrup, the other was a blood red favorite in western New York, loganberry. "Here, this is probably what you're used to, and this one is fruit."

As expected, the twins loved the loganberry.

Andi was curious about the source of the bacon; it was quite delicious. "Where did you get this? I normally don't eat bacon, but this is incredible."

"It's local, trust me, I knew the hog personally," said Paul.

"You knew the hog?" asked Andi, incredulous.

"Yep, Brad Clemmons up the road a piece raised it. He showed it off whenever I visited. When it met that great pork chop in the sky, Brad gave me some in exchange for a chunk of brisket I smoked from one of Gerry Hirsh's cows."

"You smoke your own meat?"

"Yes ma'am. I cured and smoked that bacon too. The land is bountiful, between the four farms here we raise cow, pig, chicken, sheep, goats, ducks and the occasional turkey. From the field and woods, we harvest turkey, deer, grouse, woodcock, squirrel, possum, pheasant, duck, dove, and geese. From our ponds and cricks we get sunfish, blue gill, perch, bass, trout, and walleye.

"He said crick," giggled Madeline.

"It's CREEEEEEEEK!" corrected Sandy.

"There's a difference between a creek and a crick. A creek is a beautiful stream, maybe a little waterfalls here and there, birds and deer splashing and drinking."

"So, what's a crick?" demanded Sandy.

"A crick is a cow's bathroom."

"Ewwww!"

Andi calmed the girls down easily enough, she was grateful that they didn't ask about eating squirrels and dove, both of which she had eaten thanks to her father and her grandpa Ole. "When do you get time to rest up here?"

"We do all kind of things up here, you just caught us on bad day..." He said gesturing to the window, then he looked out of the window, "... make that week." The snow was swirling around as the wind picked up. Andi noticed that Paul had cleared the driveway again while she slept this morning.

"How much longer is this storm going to last?" she asked. It was now Thursday morning; with luck it will blow itself out and the conference can start as scheduled on Tuesday.

"The storm is moving north today, so we get a break while the city and the suburbs get hit, but it will be back tonight, and tomorrow, and Saturday. That's life in the snowbelt. Hey - while I was in the big barn this morning, I found a Christmas tree stand and some lights and ornaments, what do you say we go back in the forest and get a Christmas tree for the cabin when we get a break in the weather?"

"Yeah!"

"Can we mom? Can we?"

"I don't know," Andi looked at Paul, "can we?"

"Sure, I got just the machine to get us back in the woods."

"How much do they cost?" asked Madeline suspiciously.

"Yeah," said Sandy with her fists on the table.

"We'll go into the forest and find a tree that will fit in that corner over there, cut it down, and bring it home..."

"That's stealing!" demanded Madeline.

"Yeah," said Sandy and she thumped her fists on the table.

"She's got you there," said Andi with a smile.

With a mock defeated sigh Paul said, "Ok, when we find a tree your mom will call the guy who owns the trees and ask him how much he wants, Ok?"