Androshorts: Passion and Compassion

"Really, that advert you accused me of watching, well... I didn't just watch it." I hoped desperately this wouldn't see her out of the door again screaming and after all, I had to tell her sometime, "well it's actually one of mine."

"You mean..." her face crept into the hugest smile, "THAT tampon commercial?" I nodded, "I use those by the way."

I smiled,

"Good," I said, "All the more money for me."

"And that awful woman..." she sprung forward and pushed me back against the worktop as it hit her, "The vicious cow with the eyelid flutter... THAT'S MY MUM ISN'T IT!"

"Yeah!" I said, "Although if you ever tell her I do have plausible deniability."

She held her angry look for as long as she could then broke, laughing long and hard, hugging me tight.

"The eye flutter and the nasal whine, the rising inflection. If it wasn't for the fact that Mum rarely watches TV I'm amazed she hasn't tumbled to it."

"It came to me while we were separated," I said, "it was when I called you about the message that had been left on the house phone and she was called me an idiot. I was offered that campaign the next day when I was still really angry."

"And it paid for our new bed?"

"Our new bed, Mikey's new bed, the bedroom TV, the dishwasher, new doors on all of the kitchen cupboards, my coffeemaker, and... well that was only after I cleared the last of the mortgage with it."

Her mouth fell open at that. She slipped her arms around my neck,

"I'm in love with a man of property!" she kissed me, "and that is quite a painless but still quite sweet revenge Ricky," she said, "and at least you know that your source of new material is only a phone call away!"

And that was what we did, rather than being angry with her cow of a mother, she now had a way back at her.

The advert campaign was a rolling one, with new scenes thrown in every few months, all playing on the ever present but often unspoken concept of menstruation in a mens' world, and the actress using my words did it brilliantly, we even have one for planned for the advert break for the Superbowl the next year.

If I was short of something for my nasty, snarky 'period Lady' to say, Nicky would phone her Mother for a chat and turn on the speaker so I could hear. Next she would say something that she knew her mother would vehemently disagree with and I'd be there with my voice recorder and notebook. We're saving the announcement of our engagement for when I'm really short of material.

When she disconnects the call I simply say, "Ker'ching!"

It's good to have enemies.