Androshorts - The Perfect Jezebel

She looked from me to Jane,

"I think I know," she said.

"You did love," said Jane, "you turned up here, to one of the most easy-going bunch of people I've ever been mates with and immediately let us know that you were the most important, and we had to live by your rules even when you were four thousand miles away, you might as well have written the first set of minutes Babe."

"Oh, Fuck you!" said Anna-Louisa, "just because I wouldn't join your little happy family!" She said the last bit in a whiny voice, "just because I didn't want to live in your pocket-like HER!"

"And then there's Tony," I said, "OK, he had his tongue hanging out when you turned up, and you decided you were going to take advantage of that. God forbid the plain-Jane girl on the ground floor could continue to have his company, oh no. Anna-Louisa's here and it has to be about her."

"I think that was Tony's decision?" she replied with arms folded defensively and ending with a bit of triumphant smile.

"Yeah, after all we didn't have anything going on, did we Tony, we weren't together 'as such'." Tony looked at me, his misery absolute, "Well it turns out neither did you and Anna..."

"And we didn't!" she snapped, "we just.."

"He just paid you to sleep in your bed and have sex with you," I said.

"How dare you!" she howled.

At that screech Rick appeared, mug in hand.

"He had to pay you to sleep at your place?" he said with a grin. "I've seen him digging in his wallet on his way out."

"Well, I wasn't going to sleep at his, the place is like a pigsty!"

OK, it was a bachelor pad, but Tony was a bit of cleanliness freak and the place was spotless (thanks to his cleaner).

"But he had to pay you?" Rick repeated, "And you had sex?"

"Well, if he's living in my flat, he should be paying towards its upkeep. Not like YOU!" she pointed a finger a me, "He told me that you were a real sucker and would feed him AND let him fuck you; Jesus, are you THAT stupid or are you just a FUCKING WHORE!"

Suddenly Jane was in Anna-Louisa's face, inches from it in fact.

"That's enough, BITCH!" shouted the normally placid Jane, infuriated by the blonde currently losing her temper so spectacularly, "Wind your neck before I break it!"

"You call me a bitch? That fucking slapper there screwed her own brother, had a fucking kid with him and had to give it up? So you don't think that's the kind of thing a WHORE WOULD DO?"

We all looked at Tony, he was the only person that could have told her that.

"It was planned you fucking idiot!" shouted Rick, "and as for you!" He said looking at Tony, even more cross than his wife now. They'd both been living in the house and following my treatments and injections with interest.

"Planned? Oh OF COURSE IT WAS," she raved, "because that's what people do isn't it, people who are tooo fucking stupid to use or even understand the concept of CONTRACEPTION! HE told me," she shouted shifting the blame again, "he wouldn't fuck you because you wouldn't go on the pill!""

I butted in.

"Anna..."

"ANNA-LOUISA!" she all but screamed.

"Anna-Louisa; I'm guessing that our mutual friend Tony told you all about my wantonness did he?" We all looked at him, and she nodded. "Was he trying to get into your panties at the time?" she looked puzzled. "Correct me if I'm wrong but did it go something like 'Yes Babe, I admit I had sex with the woman across the hall from me, but I stopped ages ago because she was such a slag and wouldn't use contraception', throwing in that I'd had sex with my brother-in-law and got pregnant? Don't tell me, he found out and stopped sleeping with me?" I stalked across to Tony and stared in his face, "I just wanted HIM to get out of bed for once afterwards, not just me, of course I used fucking contraception!"

Tony was shrinking back into the garden, looking askance at me, at furious Rick and Jane staring daggers and with some levels of apology to Anna-Louisa, almost as if he still might have a chance with the air hostess that had or had not cheated on him, depending on the terms and conditions of their relationship.

Rick looked at him with real anger in his face and for a moment I thought he was going to hit him, and the only the blue lights of the police car called against the shouting, swearing and screaming coming from our garden.

Time to finish this before The Old Bill got involved.

"Well Anna-Louisa,"I said, "much as I would love to have been the kind of trollop that you evidently think I am, I had a child for my sister, made sterile by the life-saving radiation therapy and chemo she had when she was a kid. I went through three cycles of In Vitro for them but it never worked and was REEEEEALLY uncomfortable. Yes, I ovulated then had sex with my brother-in-law one afternoon and thank God I fell pregnant that one time. I handed that child over to my sister the day it was born and I don't regret a fucking minute of it.

I DO regret getting into an on/off thing with your boyfriend." She opened her mouth to protest, "OK, the man that paid to sleep in your bed; we were only doing it once or twice a month but that stopped the day you arrived. He worshipped the ground you walked on, seemed willing to believe you were both going to live happily ever after, because he didn't know about all of the other flight crew you shagged when he wasn't around."

We now had an audience of lady two police officers and the elderly neighbour than had called them.

Rick stepped forward,

"Sorry officers," he said with an expansive gesture, "just a bit of a 'neighbours falling out' thing, we're all going back into our own properties directly and I promise nothing like this will ever happen again."

"I'll need a few names and addresses, just in case you understand."

"Of course," he said, "you come with my wife and I and our neighbour Andi there."

Anna-Louisa had to have the last word of course.

"YOU!" she stabbed an angry finger in my direction, "you interfering BITCH!"

"NOW THEN!" said the second police officer stepping between us, as I mouthed 'Me?' back at her.

"Come with us Andi," said Jane, "leave this psycho to her fantasies. She can explain to Tony about how her screwing those other blokes once his back was turned was actually HIS fault, AND probably yours Babe."

She took my arm and all but frog-marched me into the hall and up the stairs.

The police officer took our names, addresses and dates of birth, then the coffee and biscuits from her now calmed hostess, as Rick outlined the background of the fight he'd probably started; fair play he had also stopped it. The police officer some notes and shook her head.

Her colleague was taking similar information from Anna-Louisa and Tony and from her body language and facial expression when she was walking to their car she was equally as annoyed by the blonde air hostess and her exclamations about the tramp/tart/slut from the flat downstairs.

Two nights later I was parking my car and not expecting anything, Anna-Louisa's Mini wasn't there.

Inside the hallway it was different though.

At the top of the stairs was an older lady and gent having a quite loud but quite reasonable discussion on the upstairs landing with Rick and Jane.

I heard Jane say,

"And there's Andi look, I expect Anna mentioned her."

I stopped and looked up.

"I'll go Mum," said a taller man I hadn't noticed, and he walked down the stairs towards me.

He stopped a few steps away from me and smiled. He had something of Anna-Louisa's dark complexion but not her blonde (dyed) hair. His was a dark brown, his matching eyebrows drawing a perfect line across his handsome face.

I snapped out of my appreciation. Evidently, he hadn't.

"Hi," he said with a very genuine smile, "I'm Rob, Anna's sister..."

"Brother..." I corrected.

"Sorry!" he grinned showing perfect straight white teeth, "I'm Rob, Anna's my sister!"

"Hi Rob," I smiled back at him "I'm Andrea, Anna's downstairs neighbour..." I stopped speaking for a moment, and just gazed up at him, "It's complicated."

And so it was; why did that fucking woman from upstairs have such an attractive brother? I checked the left hand, no rings.

"It normally is," he said, "Can we... err... have a chat?"

"How about a coffee, I've just finished work and I HAVE to take my shoes off!"

I opened my front door and stepped in, happy for him to follow me.

"Thank you," he said, "Mum? I'll just be here, knock when you're done."

He stepped into my large kitchen diner, where I was already filling the kettle.

"Decaf or ordinary?" I held up both containers, the ordinary was a really nice expensive instant that I kept for special occasions or special friends.

"Oh, the ordinary please," he said appreciatively.

I took two of my nicer mugs from the cupboard and spooned in the granules,

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Anna," he said.

"OK," I looked at him expectantly, my teaspoon poised over the coffee tin. He giggled and closed his eyes, and I giggled back.

"Sorry, I'm really not that good at this," he smiled again, and it looked perfect; what was I saying, everything about him looked perfect, improved when he slipped off his short jacket, and the muscle definition was on display under his tight grey 'Fred Perry' polo shirt.

Just to play fair I took off my jacket as well.

"Are you here to tell me off Mr Gray?" I said with a chuckle, my mind going back to masturbatory readings of Fifty Shades. I don't know if my rude thoughts showed through my face but right there and then I would have allowed him to raise my skirt, pull down my panties, put me over his knee and spank me.

I poured the boiling water into the mugs to break the tension.

"Milk and sugar?"

"Please," he said simply, his mouth still locked into that grin of his.

I did so, turning slightly so he could check out my spankable bottom in that short uniform skirt, now fully visible after I'd removed my jacket. I wanted to undo a shirt button to show some more flesh and a bit of my ample cleavage, but that would have been a bit obvious.

Shocked by my own wannabe wantonness, I poured a splash of milk in and around both mugs, and apologetically dabbing around with kitchen paper before I put a spoon of sugar in mine and handed the sugar bowl and spoon to him, and he did likewise.

I turned back to face him.

"So... Anna." I said.

"Anna," he replied. It was still very quiet.

I picked up my coffee mug,

"To Anna!" I said with a cheeky smile.

"ANNA!" he called back laughing, the tension in the room released somewhat. "I'm sorry," he said, "only she rang Mum, that's her up on the balcony with my Dad talking to your neighbours, and Mum decided she wanted to come flying down here to the rescue, only to find that the drama queen's somewhere between here and Dulles."

"That's Anna," I said.

He looked at me and closed his eyes.

"Anna can be... difficult."

"Yeah," I said, "come and sit down, let's make this as comfortable as it can be."

"Of course."

We walked through to my big sitting room, and I took one end of the big sofa and he took the other. I turned my body to face him, raising my knees up. It was my turn obviously.

"She... it seemed like she didn't want to make friends, other than with my downstairs neighbour of course."

"You were together... or used to be?" he paused to allow me to finish it.

"We had a thing," I said, "to be honest it was only very casual and it kind of suited us both at the time. If Anna hadn't arrived, we'd probably just have stopped..." I paused, did I really want to tell this gorgeous man about my last fuck? By the sound of it he knew anyway so I continued, "It was nice, but we probably would have just got bored and stopped seeing each other. He's a bit of a man-whore to be honest and would just walk over to me to get his Saturday dinner and Sunday lunch for free; anything else was a bonus."

"What a bastard," said Rob with narrowed eyes, "You were well shot of him I think."

"Yeah probably."

"And Anna started to see him?"

"The day after she arrived, I knew that I was definitely yesterday's girl and she was the new flavour of the month, I mean you only have to look at her, she's gorgeous."

"And you aren't?"

I blushed, and dropped my eyes; what a cool, hot-looking bastard I was dealing with!

"I'm not bad," I said still feeling the heat in my cheeks, "but I decided to work in travel agencies rather than air hostessing. I don't do the glamour."

"You don't need to," he said, sipping his coffee and smiling at me, "Trust me!"

"Are you really here to talk to me about your sister Mr Gray?"

"Rob please, Andrea."

"Then you can call me Andi."

"OK... Andi," he smiled again and I could see he was forcing himself to get the discussion back to his sister, "You had a falling out?"

"Yeah, after seven or eight months of spoiling for one."

"Why?"

"We're a quite close gang here, even old Mr Hanaghan that lived in Anna's flat before her; we invited her to our flats for coffee, to our Christmas open house thing but she was always too busy. Then she eventually accused us of not liking her."

"It's quite easy not to like her," he smiled, "She's my sister and there's some days I can't f... sorry, I can't bloody stand her!" He swung his right knee around and up onto the sofa and getting more comfortable, leaning forward some more, just like I was. I carefully squeezed my boobs with my arms to bring them up and into his gaze now he was closer. He continued, "Take my job for instance," he said sipping his coffee.

"Your job?"

"I'm a doctor," I raised my eyebrows in pleased surprise; a gorgeous doctor, my parents would love him, "an orthopaedic surgeon no less."

"Wow!" I said, letting him know I was actually impressed.

"But to listen to her, because I don't fly in or around Jet airliner's I might as well be flipping burgers in McDonalds."

I giggled.

"Yeah," I said, "That I can believe! I sell the holidays and seats that keep her in a job, she looked at me like I was a cleaner!"

"So, a falling out with her wouldn't be too complicated. This other bloke..."

"Tony..."

"Tony, never met him, he was her love interest?"

"Among others," he closed his eyes and rubbed them with his thumb and forefinger, "not sure it was love, but I think the thing that annoyed us all was that she was making the big eyes, talking the talk, charging him ten pound a night rent to sleep in her flat and... how do I say this... letting him... shall we say... enjoy the benefits. My bed is directly below hers and I used to hear it, blow by blow if you'll pardon the expression."

He chuckled.

"She charged him... rent..."

"Yep, insisted that if he was going to be staying her house he had to contribute; I'm pretty sure everything else was for free."

"Every night he stayed there?"

"So I heard."

"And you probably heard all of it." He sat up and finished his coffee, "and then?"

"She was giving Tony a hard time; as well as charging him 'rent' she made him buy takeaway food, and then buy her groceries on his way home, seeing as she was flying all over the world."

He closed his eyes again.

"And I suppose she wasn't being exclusive?"

"Nope, there was Jaguar Jeff, my mate Mike and Pilot Pete with the Over-something or other Range Rover."

"Overfinch; Pete Conroy?"

I shrugged my shoulders,

"In only heard her calling him Pete, quite loudly though."

He grinned but continued.

"Dark-haired guy, my age, bit of a Kirk Douglas dimple in his chin," he touched his own beautifully shaven chin, and I instantly remembered it on the other bloke and nodded, "and a shiny Range Rover worth more than my house?"

"So Rick upstairs told me; the day all this went wrong by the way," I felt I should add, "he came twice..." I realised my Freudian slip of the tongue, "well, he stayed overnight twice if you get my drift." I smiled and grimaced at the same time.

"I'm following you," he said, "Pete is an old family friend and they've been pretending there's nothing between them for quite a few years."

"Well, there wasn't that much between them on last Saturday and Sunday morning. They were extremely close and quite vocal. Two or three times in fact."

He giggled again. I hoped that by being jokey I was making discussing his sister's sex life less totally fucking awful than it would ordinarily be.

"OK; at least Mum will be pleased to know that the start of all of this was because Anna was seeing young Peter Conroy. She went to school with his mother, and I have a feeling both of them have been setting their youngest children up since Nursery."

"It worked!" I said with a grin.

"I..." he paused, "Hmmm... I was going to say 'Mum will be delighted when I tell her, but... err... I MAY have to alter the description of the circumstances!"

"Well, to cut to the chase, Anna had moved Tony's van full of expensive kit from our secure driveway so Pilot... so Pete could park his... Overfinch?" Rob nodded, "there instead. Tony came home earlier than expected and Pete and Anna were still... close, so it all got... complicated. Anna was bullshitting poor old Tony and between me, Rick and Jane we... kind of broke the news to him. After Pete had left of course."

"Thank you. Mum will be pleased to know he didn't get a black eye for it."

"Tony is a fitness trainer, he's also a karate instructor so..."

"Again, might not tell Mum that."

"So that was Sunday's sad story," I said, feeling a bit of a downer that my charming conversation with the charming man would be coming to an end.

"Thank you very much for your openness Andi, please believe me, I did envisage a story pretty much as you described it. My sister tends to... well... add her own interpretation to complicated incidents that befall her, things are never her fault EVER. Except when they are of course. But charging a boyfriend rent when he isn't even a boyfriend, that's fucking new, even for her. And moving in another one..."

"Three," I butted in.

"Oh God, don't remind me. Thank you again Andi, really, and sorry for all the shit she caused."

"You are most welcome Rob," I said.

Shit.

Shitshitshit.

He was making to stand up. I thought quickly.

"Can I refresh your coffee for you?"

"No," he said. Shit again, "But!" he added brightly, "how about I buy you a coffee tomorrow lunchtime; judging by your uniform, your agency is in the town centre isn't it."

"Yeah!" I said not hiding my beaming grin.

"I'm replacing a couple of hips tomorrow morning, should be done and dusted by one at least. Meet you at Coffee Republic?" That was four shops down from mine.

"Perfect!"

"Give me your number, that way I can call you if I can get away earlier."

I told him the number and he dialled it. I saved the missed call as 'Doctor Rob' while he saved mine as 'Andi'.

With perfect timing there was a tap at the door that sounded like Jane, so I stood and led the gorgeous doctor back to the front door and opened it, revealing Jane giving Rob and Anna's Mum a hug and Rick shaking hands with their Dad.

"Any time Mrs Gray," said Jane, "one of us is normally around, and we'll keep an unobtrusive eye on Anna and let you know, she'll be fine honestly."

"Thank Jane, and thank you Rick," she said.

Rob turned to me and took my hand and kissed it,

"And thank you Andi," he said graciously, "Mum, while this has all been a bit of a worry, I do have some news that you'll be pleased to hear."

"Seriously?" she said with some disbelief, I wasn't sure how delicate Jane's description would have been, softer than mine to her son I hoped.

"We must be on our way, we've already taken up so much of your time," said Dad, "and Robert has a long day of it tomorrow."

"Surgeon!" said his Mum with evident pride, and Jane responded with evident pleasure.