by rwsteward
The younger generations might have a hard time putting a picture to your words unless they have seen some old black and white TV shows, but I had no problem. I imagined the story being told, like Jack Webb from Dragnet. Well before any kind of time period was mentioned, I already had it in my mind. Your dialogue was spot on.
And then you had to go and rip my heart out and make me cry you bastard.
I'd give it a 6 if I could but it only allows 5 stars.
You said that you had changed your mind about ten times before the story even got to me - I'm guessing that you changed it a few more before it got to the final version.
A really amazing story - and I cried too.
we seem to be more emotional where a young kid dies. A touching story, Mr. Steward.
I added this as a favorite, but I just don't know if I can ever read it again. I like your work but it was just too much for me emotionally!
OMG! That was such a tear-jerker. That story also hit home for me in a different way because I experienced watching a child die of cancer and it was a horrible thing to witness. Even though he was just a student of mine, I felt a profound loss and it will always be with me. Anyway, you have a talent for writing and you should definetely keep up the great work!
I started the story noticing a few misused and misspelled words and thinking about commenting on the value of a proof reader. Then, the story sort of reached out and grabbed me and if there were any more minor issues, they escaped my notice. Then my nose needed blowing and there was some suspicious moisture in my eyes and it was like Oh Crap, why does this shit have to happen in real life and why do people have the skill to make it so painful on these virtual pages.
Lovely story, well written and if only all of us could find the perfect partner in life.
Five stars.
Utterly outstanding. Don't know what you could ever do to top this story. It is the best I have ever read on this site.
Thank you...
ShrkDivr
*****+++++
Spoiled only by a few misuses of language. Keep writing, and find an editor.
This is the first sory that I have read of yours and wanted to says thanks for a great story. Real characters,real people, real love,real sadness, real joy. All the things that make up a life.Thanks again
You kept the flow crisp and the characters interesting. It didn't seem as long as it was. My son died of cancer - that part presented a challenge, but you handled it well.
I would have liked the story of Ellies' abuser with more flesh on it, but it's only a minor comment. You do need an editor - shinning for shining, loosing for losing, etc. Unneeded distractions better avoided.
Keep writing, you have a gift.
You weave a fine tale made of light touches and sharply accented moments.
I stopped reading half way down page 2. I'm happy that others liked it though. To each his own.
rwsteward here...
Many thanks for the comments on this story, the good and the bad
As for needing an editor.
I DID use one of the volunteer editors. Apparently, there were some bugs that didn't get smashed.
I will make the necessary corrections and repost. Allow up to 72+ hours for the corrected file to show up.
i thought the story was paced perfectly . the slow building of love, the consummation of that love, and the pain of the child's slow and obviously heart wrenching decline , along with the fact hat things went a little sideways, but hat he held to a vow, i cannot hope that these two, and the family get another story, just if to show how the younger siblings learn of the elder brother, and how it may have effected them.
This is the first of yours I have read. One page in, I went ahead and printed out your story list so I can read your others.
The next five pages justified that early choice. Thanks for a great read.
LitID: Tyro999
A wonderful bittersweet romance, it tugs hard at the heart. Very good plot, and I thought the ending was great.
I expect to see this on the Hallmak channel soon!
Thank you!
M1
I am speechless. This is a great story. I will definitely be watching for more of your work in the future.
I can't express how emotional this story made me feel. Best story i've read in a long time.
I'll admit it, I cried when I finished this story. Such a great story, very moving and emotional. Good to see that they made it through Andy's death and had a great life together. 5 stars.
Such a good story.. just like everyone else that commented I got emotional and cried
Such a wonderful story and had me crying like crazy at the end. Thanks for sharing this outstanding story with us. Keep up the great work.
I thought smoking in the newsroom? I haven’t seen smoking in any public building for years. Then you mentioned Mick at his IBM Selectric and I thought…ahhh. By then I was so hooked on the story I couldn’t read fast enough.
And yes, like most of your other readers, I cried. If you read this comment before reading the story, have your Kleenex ready.
The death of a child can tear a marriage apart or strengthen it. I’m so glad, Jake and Ellie made it through the rough part.
Most definitely 5 stars. I look forward to reading more of your stories. Thank you for sharing this one.
Maddie
RW - - - One thing that isn't in God's overall plan for things is for the parents to outlive their offspring. Eight years ago we lost our daughter very suddenly, she was 44. Seldom does a day go by I/we don't think about her. She was the metronome of our lives and set the tempo of the home and kept my wife and I in line, and when she passed the silence was deafening. You have very expertly and gently painted a portrait of numbing grief and included a shadowbox of that family's return from tragedy and growth into what can only be perceived as the strength to carry on, grow, yet never forgetting the very beginning. Thank you for an excellent read. And yes, I'm just like the rest of the readers, I had a few tears. Sincerely, Prof. Ramstein
Captured hesitance to commit well. Shouldn't have killed off the little kid, though. Comedy always preferred over tragedy. 5 stars.
I only post to the good ones or the really bad ones. I've read enough of these stories... so I can honestly tell you this is a very well written story. I don't know where any of the bad comments came from. From what I read the only problem readers could have is they prefer stories that aren't real and can only read the fantasies.(they probably watch the bachelor) :) This story is real, the male character is a man and the womens a women... And the toe heads an everyday kid. Simply beautiful.
I was enjoying the story but I had to stop reading. I lost my only child, a seven year old boy to a glioma.
I am almost at a loss for words. 5*
The child, Andy, was the centre of the story... and that made it so much more precious. Too often stories are written as though children are 'just' offspring, but I really liked how Andy was part of them both! I can only imagine how devestating a loss of such a child would be to parents in real life... Thank you for writing.
I had to stop reading a few times before I could finish it, incredibly moving and well written.
Without a doubt, one of the best if not the best story that I have read on Lit. You captured the anguish of the parents that as a former cop I saw so often in the faces of parents learning that their child had died. A wonderful real life story that even makes an old soldier and cop tear up.
What an intense heart warming story waking up so many different emotions! I laughed and cried! Thank you for giving me an awesome time reading the story of Andy!
I have read most of your stories, all good. I too noticed some small problems with grammar, but I accept that not everyone is able to be grammatically perfect, myself included, and that the literary world would be poorer if they let that prevent them from contributing. The way you have used your skill to portray the period and the placement of events is, in my opinion, excellent. I found myself drawn in to the story to such an extent that I was chuckling to myself then sad then laughing and then, in tears, well done keep up the good work, and watch out for spell check, it often has no idea of which version of a grammatical variation you are trying to use! Again excellent work please don't stop writing.
Somewhere in the comments that person known as "Anonymous" reared his ugly head and demonstrated his ugliness. Any person with at least a semblance of understanding could not read this story without being profoundly touched by it. So Mr. Anonymous, you need to crawl back under your rock like the serpent that you exemplify, who truly has no soul.
Thank you, rws, for just and outstanding story! I regret that I can only give it FIVE STARS!
This is the first time i've read a story on this site that has rili touched my heart. THANK YOU, FOR RESTORING MY FAITH IN LOVE.
when he died i almost cried, but it was probably the most romantic story i have read
The story was beautiful. I cried when Andy died and this reminds me tht we take life for granted. The story was very touching, romantic, and sad. Thank you for writing up this story.
I'm at a lost for words right now. No clue what to say, so here it goes... Great story, made me cry, and keep up the good work.
You cant help but to with this one. Bravo.
Amazing story. Made me cry and appreciate the little things in this world. Also made me realise that on any day, your life can change
but the youngster gave them sugar and honey. TK U MLJ LV NV
What a fabulous story . . . To be able to weave strands of love, desire, other strings of our humanity, and tragedy together not only plausibly but elegantly is quite an accomplishment. Thank you
OMG,
I can't believe he died.......
This story was sooo touching......and sooo sad.....
Well written but damn....sooo sad.....
Thank you for this story. I loved the way you placed the story in its place in time, not by telling us a date, but by the use of detail: smoking a pipe in an office, the use of the typewriters and the hotel burglary in DC. The craft and skill that you demonstrated in writing this story was exceptional.
Such raw emotion, such a beautiful tale and such believable characters. This story got my cold apathetic beating with emotion which is quite the accomplishment. I feel so depressed right now at the fate of poor Andy. Just fabulous,
Amazing writing; one of the many ways this story stands apart from the vast majority of Lit stories is how many distinct emotions are invoked through the plot.
A truely remarkably well written story. It sets a bench mark for other authors to try to achieve. I'm so glad I read it. Thank-you Sid
I enjoyed your story, and like many others who left comments, had tears in my eyes when I finished. Your story goes straight to the heart, and as you pointed out, love is the most important aspect of a relationship. Thanks for sharing your story.
This is such a passionate and beautiful story, and for something like this to be written, you need a great and warm heart. Such powerful story, able to evoke great catharsis, is only a product of experience -- no vicariousness here. For whatever inspired You to write this, God bless.
I cried loads when Andy came around to going to the oncologist.. I was hoping that this would end with a miracle of Andy barely making it, with weak responses to the meds... It did end along the same lines... though not the way I'd have wanted Ellen to live her life with Jake... Love this
I cried more than a few tears......this story is a hidden treasure here. Thank you for the story and the reminder about what is important.
This story was one i did not expect. Some really nice parts in it, and especially the end.. I might have shed a tear or two.. Really a good read. Thanks for the post.
your writing is great, I cried when Andy was in the hospital
its been a year and we've come talk to you again, TK U MLJ LV NV
Seldom a book has touching moments... urs story had a good one... thanks
The loss of a loved one is so hard.
You and your words do that proud.
Thx
ok, I admit it. I cried. You got my 5 just for the raw emotion.
This is probably the best story I've ever read here on literotica. I cried, smiled and love this story.
this is the best story i have ever read or seen . you are very good writer .thank you
i think i read this story at least 3 or 4 times already
still brings a tear to my eye
thank you for sharing this store with us
each time I re read it, it gets better
I have to have read this particular peice of littriture at least 10 times each time i am always wiping tears from my eyes a brilliantly written peice capturing the essencw of the pain a parent would feel in this situation
I find it supremely ironic that this story is the highest rated of its kind and yet contains within it one of the most devastating types of sorrow imaginable. Apparently "Romance" does not necessarily mean "happy". Contentment makes for boring reading, in the end I suppose. But it had some very human moments, which is why I gave it a 5 rating.
My heart ached reading the ending.. i mean ached . I cried and cried and just wanted to go hold my own little boy... loved this story
This is a story which inspires to live, to overcome sorrow so as to find light at the end of the tunnel
A warm, compassionate love story. A true love story. Need more of these.
That was a truly beautiful love story. Thank you for sharing it.
Sorry i could only give 5 stars. And to think i almosed passed by this story. Your story touched the heart and left me in tears. A million stars!!
if you set out to make a grown man cry, you succeed.
good story, with characters that draws you in.
Wow! That took a turn I wasn't expecting. Damn!
The author hit this puppy right on the head. Our 8 year old has a genetic tumor-producing disease, and I remember the day I was told that the geneticist would likely need him to have a CT scan for brain tumors. I managed to get him dropped off at day care none the wiser, then I went back to work and spent the rest of the day crying at my desk. We are NOT wired to watch our kids die, and the grief and pain of hastening my father's death (make the decision to pull the plug for a fun family outing sometime) and waiting for that poor old man to die paled to transparency compared with the grief, the pain, and the abject terror I felt that day.
If we grant stars for well-written tales, this gets a solid five. If we grant stars for creating characters we can relate with and understand, this gets a solid five. If we award stars for ripping your heart out and shoving it down your throat while still beating, well, it gets about seventeen million.
If the author's goal was to turn a bunch of adults into blubbering crybabies, it appears that s/he has succeeded. Well done!
NiCe story... I felt so sad and happy .... the sense of loss and the joy of being a dad.
Yes, I had tears as well. Very well done. Thanks for sharing it with us.
U had me in tears with this. I hate stories like this but i know things like this happen everyday. No child should die before theyre time.