Animal Café Ch. 31

"Mmm... You suggested Sammie the other day. I think I like that."

"Yes. Sammie is nice. So? Sammie?"

"Yeah. Sammie. It's cute."

***

Three years later...

"Sammie! It's time to go home."

"Nooo! I want to keep playing with my friends!"

"No, that's enough for today. Remember what Dr. Layton said. You have to rest more."

"Okaaay! But can I hug Elody first?"

"Hehe. Sure. You can hug her before we leave. Hurry."

Lucy sat on the park bench, seeing her beautiful kid running around. Of course, apples never fell far from the tree, so Sammie, a strong-willed person, didn't only hug her friend, she also decided she was going to play some more anyway. A few additional minutes of activity wouldn't be the end of the world despite her fragile condition.

For Shane and Lucy, the past three years have been a blessing. Sure, there was now some seriously bumpy road ahead, unexpected things that life could bring, but nothing could be more potent than love, and no matter what they would have to face, they would prevail. It was a certainty.

"Okay, Sam! It's time to go home, now."

"Okaaay mooom!"

After being granted this extra moment of joy, Sammie trotted back to her mother and placed her small hand in her big hand. They both slowly walked away towards the penthouse perched atop of the big insurance building, their home.

Along the way, Sammie, without understanding really what she was asking or how much it would hurt her mother, spat a painful direct question.

"Mommy? Why am I sick?"

"... Oh... It happens. Everybody gets sick at one point or another. Don't worry too much about it."

"But, it's in my belly. My friend Elody said she has never been sick like me. She said that one day she had puked her oranges everywhere, but it didn't hurt for months like it does to me."

"Sam, there is all kinds of sickness. Yours is just a bit different... a bit more complicated."

"This is why I have to return to the hospital to see Dr. Layton?"

"That's right. Tomorrow you'll see him again. You like him, right?"

"Oh, yes..."

Pain. There was nothing worse for a parent than to deal with a sick kid. Having your most precious person in the world in such a bad place was not normal. No parents should go through this. Just thinking about it was like being stabbed in the guts by a thousand knives.

Yet, a child couldn't understand this. It was impossible to tell Sammie the truth as she wouldn't comprehend it. It was impossible to come up with a beautiful story that would make the suffering go away. The parents had to scream in silence while the kid would continue living, oblivious to a world of risks and worries. Severity, treatments, none of this could be discussed rationally with the small human. All that could be done was to listen and answer the innocent questions that only hung to reality by a thread.

"... I like him a lot."

"We like him too."

"Are you sick too?"

"Me? No, Sammie... I'm not sick."

"So, why are you going to the hospital then? You are always there when I'm there."

"Yes... To keep an eye on you."

"I like that."

"Me too."

That was another gut shredding lie. Lucy hated it. She hated it so much. Every single second in the hospital was an absolute nightmare. Countless hours were shared with Shane, sitting on this uncomfortable chair, keeping an eye on Sammy and trying to cheer her up after her rough treatments. How many times did she have to read that book about that fox and their friends? It was Sammie's favorite story, and she had read it so often that she had forgotten the title.

Sammie always loved foxes. Her entire bedroom was decorated with this theme. Fox blanket, fox wallpaper, fox pillows, fox stuffed animals. Foxes made Lucy sick in her stomach. Each and every of those animals she saw on TV, in pictures, in books... They all reminded her of Sammie's grave sickness. Yet, there was nothing she could do to push them away. It was the opposite. They made Sammie so happy that she purchased more of them despite the devastating pain that looking at them caused. More books, more pictures, more socks with fox faces on them. This act of generosity from a mother was as beautiful as it was self-cruelty.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Sammie?"

"Why are you crying?"

***

One year later...

"Dr. Layton. There MUST be something we can do! I told you! Money isn't a problem!"

"Shane, Lucy, listen to me... You know this as well as I do... It's not about the money."

"..."

"We tried everything and beyond. Sammie is no longer responding to her treatments."

"..."

"I suggest that you spend as much time with her as you can in the upcoming days."

"What... What are you... suggesting?"

"Listen. Sammie is exhausted. She may act brave, but she is truly stretching her limits. You know that better than anybody else... You've seen her health deteriorating every single day."

"I... I know... but..."

"I will never lie to you. It's unavoidable. I will explain your options soon. But I think you know what they are already. Perhaps it would be good for you to start preparing her for what will come next."

"What... will come... next?"

"Yes. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. We did everything we could."

"..."

Shane had a very hard time accepting the reality of the dire situation, and Lucy just sat on her chair staring at nothing. On the one hand, they knew for the past four months that things were going downhill... scaringly downhill. Sammie had not left her hospital bed in such a long time... She became so skinny and so pale. But still... Neither of them dared to discuss the possibility of an unhappy ending. Life wasn't always going the way people expected, and despite the power of the collective human mind, there was not always a way out. Some problems had no solutions, some paths had an end, and even the world's riches wouldn't be able to escape some of the worse predicaments.

In all cases, life meant death. It was the most absolute and absurd rule of the universe.

***

"Did you see Dr. Layton today, mom?"

"Yes."

"Am I going to get better?"

"... No. I'm sorry."

"Oh, it's okay. But does that mean I can stop the medication that makes me feel bad?"

"Yes."

"So, what is going to happen to me then?"

"..."

"Am I going to die?"

"... Y... yes."

"What's death?"

"..."

"Mom?"

"It's... It's okay..."

Lucy tapped in her pool of motherly strength, the one that seemed to be bottomless, and forced an unnatural smile on her own face. There was no point in showing Sammie a devastated face while she was asking a barrage of agonizing questions with her small voice. It wouldn't change anything but make her uneasy about her own destiny. Sammie was a child, not an adult. She didn't have to endure any more pain than she had already gone through.

There was only one right thing to do.

Lucy, while Shane sat in the darkest corner of the room, would lie.

Only lies could hide the ugliness of life. Only lies could bring Sammie this last moment of happiness.

Lying to a child would keep the family together just for a bit longer.

And believing that lie as she told it to Sammie would also bring Lucy happiness, even if it was a temporary one.

"Sammie. Death is a beautiful thing."

"Ah yeah?"

"Yes. You'll see. There will be no more pain."

"Oh! I want to die then!"

"Ghk!..."

Lies hurt so much. But Lucy had to endure it.

"So, will I leave the hospital?"

"Yes."

"Where will I go?"

"Somewhere in the sky... With the stars."

"Really? But... that's super far."

"Haha... Sammie. Yes... Yes it is."

"So how will I get there then? Will someone come with me?"

"Mmm... Probably a fox..."

"A FOX!?"

"Yes. A very cute fox will come to pick you up and bring you there."

"REALLY!?"

"Yes. It will keep you company until dad and mom are ready to go there too. We will be a bit late."

"Oh, it's okay. If I have a real fox to keep me company, I can wait."

"Good. What are you going to name your fox friend, Sammie?"

"Mmm... VIX! Because it's super cute!"

"Haha. Okay. Vix it is. Make sure to tell Vix everything you want. Then if I see a fox named Vix, she will tell me everything you told her. She will tell me how happy you are in the sky."

"Okay! Will do!"

***

Two weeks later, in a nearby neighborhood...

"Vicky! Do you want to come with us to the park!"

"YES! I'm coming!"

"Bring your baseball glove with you. We can play ball!"

Vicky was smaller than everybody else her age, but at ten years old, she was a lively little kid always ready to play with her many friends. It was no surprise that all the parents in the neighborhood adored this little ball of energy.

"MOM! I'm going to the park with my friends to play baseball!"

"Okay, but don't come back later than 5 pm."

"I will! See yaaa!"

After grabbing her glove and cap, Vicky bolted out the front door, forgetting to close it behind her as usual. Her mother just smiled and shook her head. Kids.

Accompanied by her friends, Vicky carefully crossed a few streets and quickly reached the little park. There were a lot of people today, but they would still find some room to throw the ball.

"Over there! Near the fence!"

"Ah, yes! That's perfect! Go over there. Not too far. I can't throw very far!"

"It's because you are so small, Vicky! You need to eat more!"

"Baaah! My mother says I'm cute the way I am!"

Then the fun began. None of the kids remotely knew how to throw a ball properly, but it didn't matter one bit. Too far, too short, over the fence... It was ridiculously clumsy and fun. The three girls had a blast.

For many long minutes, the inexhaustible girls ran around and faked amazing catches, challenging themselves more and more.

"Alright, Vicky! I'll throw super far this time."

"Okay! I'm ready!"

It was indeed a nice throw. The ball flew high in the air and was clearly going to land behind Vicky. So she ran... and ran... There was hope despite the shortness of her tiny legs. With her arm stretched above her head and her eyes fixated on the black dot in the sky, she was falsely convinced that she could catch that one. It would undoubtedly be her catch of the year.

But then...

"OOOWW!"

It was like being swept at the hip level. She was so small, and it was so big. Vicky had bumped into a large furry mass that had thrown her legs up and her head down. After a mighty pirouette, she landed flat on her back on the hard grass, knocking the wind out of her tiny lungs and causing her to see stars.

When she sat up, she barely had time to see a demonic face staring at her. A large black dog, fixating her with his terrifying eyes and foamy mouth. It looked so scary... so aggressive... Vicky's instinct screamed danger, but she didn't know what to do. She was paralyzed by fear.

THUMP!

The ball fell loudly between the two of them.

Why did this trigger his rage? Nobody would ever know.

An incredibly large set of fangs, fast as lighting, rushed to Vicky and dug cruelly in her head.

RRAAAAAAAAWWRRRRRR!

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRG!"

Vicky had never screamed like this. A scream that nobody had ever hoped to hear. It was her only defense. Her only way to express her profound distress! The pain was unimaginable. The intense pressure on her small child-like skull made it crack... She could hear her own bones breaking, and her eyes felt as if they were about to pop out of their orbits. Her small body was thrown left and right without pity as the dog shook her violently like a ragdoll, threatening her neck to snap. There was nothing she could do. She was too small.

It hurt!

IT HURT!

IT HURT SO MUCH!

"MAAAX! STOOOP!"

CLANG!

An aluminum baseball bat smashed the dog's head, forcing him to release his deadly grip from the girl's head, but not without pulling some fragile children's flesh in the process.

A veil of blood covered Vicky's vision as she collapsed on the ground as a dead person would.

Voices... a lot of voices... Screams...

Fading voices...

Vicky passed out.

***

A moment later...

"Sammie is gone. I'm very sorry."

"..."

"Take the time you need. Maria will come to see you in a moment."

"... Thank you... Dr. Layton... For everything."

"No worries... Sammie was a fantastic child."

How was this possible? How did this happen? Shane and Lucy held each other's hands, observing their inanimate child on the pure white hospital bed. It was over. Sammie was gone. Her magical fox had come to escort her to the sky.

How was this possible? Instead of pain, the two mourning parents felt just a bit lighter. The love of their life was gone, their beloved Sammie. Yet, the relief to know she was no longer suffering and had departed peacefully and happy, thanks to the doctors and nurses' outstanding work, the ones who cared for her for so long, made it feel better. Somewhat...

Then guilt.

Lucy wondered if this was normal. Confused beyond what was possible to describe, she couldn't help but question herself as to whether or not she was suffering enough. She had to suffer more. It was her child that she had just lost, after all, not a mere stranger. Why wasn't she feeling despair and a deep desire to die? Was there even some happiness in her soul?

Her lie fissured.

Once the child had departed, the foundation of the lie had collapsed and wasn't worth shit anymore.

There was no fox... There was no sky... This reassurance didn't serve any purpose anymore. Sammie was gone, and it was a brutal undeniable reality.

Yet, Lucy was incapable of feeling worse than she already was. Why? Why? It was not something she could share with Shane. It was simply too shameful to share. And she didn't even want to know if Shane was experiencing the same mixed emotions. If he were, she would get angry at him for being as heartless as she was.

Why did Lucy feel so strong? Why did this final day go so well? Was this just an after-effect of death? Would this wall crumble in a few minutes, a few hours, a few years? Never? There was certainly this numbness raging inside her heart as she attempted intensely to trigger her own dark emotions.

To no avail.

She squeezed Shane's hand one more time.

"I need to go for a walk. You'll be okay?"

"... Yeah. I'm okay. You?"

"Yeah."

"I love you, Lucy."

"... Yeah."

She couldn't find the strength to return the same kindness. Perhaps that was it, the broken part. Maybe her love was entirely gone. Maybe all that was left of her love traveled on the back of Vix with her child. She had given them all that was left of her love, and now they were gone. They left her behind with nothing but emptiness and a reservoir full of pain.

Lucy exited the room, unable to cry.

Where was she? She had no idea. Her eyes saw the hospital floor striped with black marks caused by the constant traveling of the stretchers, but her memory had been whipped clean by what had just happened a moment ago, and she couldn't identify this place. The only direction she could pick was no direction. Step after step, she moved without guidance, without a goal, without purpose. The hallway was large, yet, the walls seemed oppressive... suffocating. Her lungs struggled to take in enough oxygen to push this mental fog away.

Would it be this way for the rest of her life, moving through time and space without feeling part of it? Did ghosts exist? Did she become one?

At least she could still hear. The air going through the vents, the random beeping from the various machines, she became familiar with so many of these after all the time she had spent in this place with Sammie. From those hospital sounds, she could tell a child had a healthy little heart and would make it just fine. Then in the room on her left, it was a bit more laborious, perhaps this one would find itself playing with Sammie very soon. She had sadly memorized all those sounds after spending over a year in this children's hospital.

Another sound filled with anguish... A crying woman could be heard far away in the distance... There was such pain in her voice... such distress... Yet, it didn't affect Lucy. She went through all those emotions already and had none left at the moment.

But this female cry... Such a lament... No, she had not heard that one before... This one was filled with violence, with hopelessness... It wasn't normal.

What could have happened for this invisible woman to agonize this much. It was almost unparalleled with what she had herself experienced. It sounded like she was trying to die but wasn't allowed to.

Lucy followed this cry of disconsolateness echoing through the large hallways without knowing where they were coming from. Her instinct led her left and right in areas where she knew she shouldn't be, but nobody noticed her. She certainly had become a ghost tonight.

She then pushed a double door using her two hands. Definitely, her strength had come back since Sammie had passed away as if her continuous tiredness for having cared for her for so long had suddenly vanished.

The cry. Lucy found it.

Alone, sitting on an uncomfortable bench, was a woman folded in half, crying her lungs out over her knees. She was the embodiment of suffering. No matter what had happened to her or her child, as the latter was far more likely the case, at first glance, it didn't seem that any words would have been able to reach her soul to soothe her limitless pain.

So Lucy didn't say a word.

She walked to the bench and sat right next to the woman, not interrupting her, and blankly stared at the wall in front of her.

Why was she here if she could do nothing to help? How did this happen? Why was she here while her dead child was resting in her deathbed not too far away from here. Shouldn't she be with her husband, who undoubtedly had a broken heart and needed her support? Why did she follow some random cries that led her to even more misery?

Lucy placed her hand on the woman's back.

She didn't speak a word, but the sobbing diminished. After a moment, the lady turned her head to look at her through her blurry eyes.

"...T...thanks..."

"..."

There was nothing to answer. The warmth of Lucy's hand wasn't something she needed to be thanked for. It was the only thing to do, an instinctual gesture from a mother to another. No matter what the issue was, this warmth meant the same thing.

It's going to be alright.

"Her... her name is Vicky..."

"..."

"She.... She got attacked by a big dog at the park... She is so small... She is severely wounded."

"..."

Lucy had not asked for the details. So why was this woman telling her about this horrible story? How was she supposed to reconcile the loss of Sammie with this horrendous story that she had just heard? How was she supposed to establish precedence?

She froze as the distressed woman continued her hideous depiction of the events.

"Vicky... They are trying to save her... She got disfigured... I... I don't know how bad it is... they wouldn't tell me..."

"..."

"What... What am I going to do? I'm a single mother... She has no father... I don't know... I don't know what to do... I'm poor..."

"Ghk!..."

Guilt.

How could Lucy have forgotten this? She and Shane were wealthy. That was the result of hard work, and it was well-deserved, but they were wealthy nonetheless... Withstanding the loss of a child was universal, and no amount of money could ease the pain... or so she thought...

What if they had been poor...? All those extra treatments and little extras didn't cure Sammie but made her life so much more comfortable. This absence of worry about real-life necessities such as rent or utility bills had made a huge difference.

Their money had made a notably positive difference in Sammie's quality of life.

On the other hand, this woman's financial condition had made things instantaneously worse for her. In a fraction of a second, the time of a vicious dog attack on her defenseless child who didn't deserve it, her entire life and means of survival had been demolished due to her inability to absorb an unplanned event.