Anita's Affair Pt. 03

"Whatever the motivation, she regrets it and did so before she was caught. It was a purely physical relationship and she never loved him, but she had sex with him all those times. The only real question is do you love her enough to genuinely forgive her. Is the mere fact that Bill Wissinger's cock was in her pussy and mouth all those times too much for you to overcome. That is a very personal decision and only you can decide that."

"Ok, I can answer that question without difficulty – I think I could get past it if I could be sure of her love– but that is still a big problem for me. Obviously I was, actually am, deeply hurt by her unfaithfulness. I had never questioned her love for me for a second and I trusted her unconditionally. This has been an unbelievable blow...well, to my ego, if nothing else. I have a hard time getting the idea that she cared enough for another man to sleep with him whenever I was out of town. I picture talking to her, lovingly, on the phone while that man probably was in the bed with her. I feel betrayed and humiliated.

"Yet, I love her so much that I can't conceive about what my life would be without her. I can overcome the thought that he penetrated her cunt and that she used her mouth – I can live with that, but I just can't seem to really believe that she loves me as much as I love her! Could she have been with this Bill Wissinger all those nights without sharing her love with him? How deep is her love for me? Could...could some other Bill Wissinger come along?"

"All right, I understand your fears. How could you not worry about that? Now she has said many times, 'I love him more that life itself and I don't think that I could live without him.' If I could prove to you that, without question, she means that, could you believe in it and trust her again?"

"I can't think of any way that you could prove that, but if you could, I could put all of this behind me. Nothing, and I mean nothing, would make me happier!"

Char stared intently at him for a good thirty seconds before replying. Finally, reluctantly, she started speaking. I said before that I feel like a hypocrite for the way I didn't give you a hint about what was going on. Now I feel worse because I'm going to break a solemn promise I gave to Nita. Find the recording your security system made for April 3rd this year. I know what happened and I don't want to watch it, but I think that you have to see it to answer your question about Nita's love for you. It's going to be very painful for both of us!"

Tom found the date of that recording and brought it up. It started with Anita coming into the bedroom and undressing. She carefully folded her clothes and lay them aside and took out Tom's favorite regular nightgown –pure white and diaphanous with a neck line that brushed the top of her breasts. Putting it on over her nude body, she was absolutely lovely as she checked herself in the mirror. Tom stared at the picture of his wife and was both aroused and angered. "Why are you showing me this? Is she getting ready for her lover? I can't stand this!"

"Don't worry; she's not getting ready for Bill. Just watch."

On the screen Anita carefully brushed her hair, reapplied her lipstick and turned to the bed. Lying down and carefully arranging her gown she took a framed picture of the two of them from their wedding day and looked longingly and lovingly at it for several minutes.

Placing the picture on her lap, she reached over and picked up a large prescription bottle. Opening it, she removed several capsules, put them in her mouth and picked up a large glass of water from the bedside table. She washed down the capsules and repeated the process.

Tom watched this weird behavior with dismay and blurted out, "What the hell is she doing?"

"She's committing suicide by taking sleeping pills!"

Tom reacted in shock, tears gushing from his eyes as he kept gasping out, "Oh my god! Oh, my god!" over and over. He stared hopelessly in absolute horror at the scene being played out before him. Tears were also flowing from Char's eyes as she watched the awful scene that she hadn't wanted to see.

Finally, as the last capsule was swallowed, Anita picked up the picture and, with no tears, kissed Tom's picture and whispered, "Goodbye darling." Holding the picture to her breast, she lay back to die.

There was no more motion, so the recording cut off at that point. Almost immediately, it came on again as the room was suddenly invaded by Char and several paramedics as they rushed to Anita's side. She was still in the same position, looking almost like Snow White in the movie. Resuscitation began immediately as the transferred her to a mobile stretcher and she was quickly taken from the room. At that point, motion ended, the recording stopped.

Tom just sat there, stunned, immobile, as the horror of what he had just watched overwhelmed him.

"We got her to the hospital, they got the pills out of her and she recovered pretty quickly. When she woke up, the only thing she would say was don't let Tom know. Here...I wanted to remember everything she said when she recovered consciousness so I put it on my phone. Listen.

Anita's voice, weak but clear, came through. "Please promise me that you won't tell Tom about this! It would just be one more thing chaining him to me. Tell him that I just fainted or something. Low blood pressure, bad food – whatever, just not that I tried suicide. That would tie him to me forever for the wrong reason and I couldn't stand that."

"I did just that. I lied to you and said that she just had fainted from dehydration and lack of eating. She was concerned only with you and I had to promise her that I wouldn't tell you the true facts. I'm breaking that promise now, the first time since grade school that I've broken a promise to her. Maybe I should have told you then, but my loyalty to her was just too great. She was so desperate to keep this secret and I was certain that she wouldn't try it again. Damn, I think that this whole business has torn me up almost as it has you two! I love you both and I'm stuck in the middle!"

"How on earth did the rescue team get there – thank god they did, but what warned them."

"Me. I had been with Nita and she was very low, very depressed, and said some weird things. Mostly she just seemed resigned. Just before I left I said that I hoped that she could sleep that night and she said she would because had gotten some sleeping pills. She had a funny look on her face, but it didn't mean anything to me at the time. I was thinking about everything, particularly about how depressed she had been and, suddenly, I had a...an epiphany, I guess! Depressed, resigned, sleeping pills meant suicide! I stopped, called 911 and told them that someone was committing suicide and headed back to the house. I got there just in time to open the door and they got her out.

"The doctor said that they pumped the pills out in time, but she had taken a fatal dose. I...I guess I saved her life but she didn't thank me for it the following morning. I recorded that too and I had a feeling that I might have to play it for you. Here, listen.

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"Oh Char, why did you stop me? I had to do it and now I know I'll never get the nerve to do it again! I'm ruining two lives and I just can't do it anymore. I told you that I love Tom more than life itself and that I couldn't live without him. I meant it! I've lost him and I just couldn't do it anymore."

"But you still have Tom and you know that he loves you!"

"That's the problem! He loves me and despite being horribly hurt, he would never leave me although I deserve it. Yes, he's still there but, at the same time, he isn't. I had sex with Bill, but we never made love. Tom and I made love every time. Sometimes we were tired or out of sorts for some reason and the sex wasn't great, but the love was always there. Whatever hang ups we had before became really unimportant and we always cuddled together afterwards.

"Now, we've having sex and it feels good and we both have orgasms – but it's just sex like I had with Bill. It's just physical. I would like to cuddle up against him but I just don't think I should. I don't have the right. I have to wait for him to make the move, and he doesn't. Sometimes I think that he would like to, but he can't get over the barrier between us. We're just not comfortable with each other anymore and I'm the reason.

"Tom will never have that beyond-the-physical closeness that he really needs as long as I'm around. I thought that if I were gone, he would be devastatingly sad for a while, but that he would get over it and find someone that he could trust as well as love. He deserves that. Now, I'm back to square one. I finally got up the courage to give him that opportunity and now I know that I have to find some other way! I know that he is suffering every day, and I have to find a way to free him from this albatross that's hanging around his neck!

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Tom just sat there, shocked beyond belief, tears flowing again. "See, Tom, when she said that she loved you more than life itself, she meant it! Her only concern was you and she sees herself as an anchor holding you back from true happiness. She still sees herself like that. She went through all the therapy to explain to herself why she did what she did, not to remove any blame. In her mind, regardless of anything else, she has done something beyond redemption.

"This year-long purgatory has cemented that belief. The only reason that I've broken promises and put myself into the picture is what she has decided to do. With your anniversary coming up she has decided that it is time to end it in a different way. She is planning to just disappear. I don't know what her specific plans are, but that is what she is intending to do."

"Char, I really don't know what to say about that, but I'll love you forever for saving her! I'm certain that Nita really feels the same way behind all that depression she and I have caused. You've been a true friend making an honest effort to help both of us. Seeing that recording and hearing that unbelievable cry for help from her was a crushing blow for me yet, at the same time I now have absolutely no doubt of Nita's love for me.

"I still have no clear explanation for her behavior last year, and maybe I never will. It seems that she doesn't understand it either. Maybe, even probably, I made a mistake not confronting her last year, but I was scared! Even facing her adultery I thought that we had a better chance getting by it by pushing it into the background than facing it. I was genuinely fearful that he meant more to her than I did and that her love for me had faded. Obviously her feeling of guilt and my fears of lost love made getting past it impossible despite both of us wanting to. I had no idea of the depth of her depression.

"Regardless, what you've shown me today has been devastating but, at the same time, uplifting! That she was actually willing to die to free me – could anyone be more loving and loyal? I'm ashamed that it took that for me to look past my own fears to see her real commitment to me and love for me. Could I do that for her? I would like to think so, but I pray that I never will have to find out!"

"Obviously, I am thrilled at your reaction! This has been agony for all of us. I was planning to tell you about her suicide attempt and let you hear that recording, but that extraordinary video was beyond belief. I could cry right now when I think of that brave woman dressing up pretty, kissing your picture and saying goodbye! I curse that security system that revealed her affair, but bless it for showing the depth of her love." The two of them sat there, side by side, replaying the last few minutes in their minds. "Well, what now? How are you going to handle it?"

"Do you have any idea as to when she plans to leave?"

"Nothing specific, but I suspect that it would be Thursday. Your anniversary is this Saturday and I think that she wants to be gone before then. Tomorrow, Wednesday, she has an appointment for a facial and having her hair done. She didn't say anything, but I think that she wants to look her best when you see her for what she thinks will be the last time."

"Ok, that sounds right. The first thing that I am going to do is make some flight and hotel reservations and schedule some vacation time at my office. Then, with your assistance setting the stage, I want to prepare a pleasant surprise for her tomorrow night! She is leaving home Thursday, but not the way she plans!"

The following morning as Tom prepared to leave for work and gave Anita what had become a perfunctory kiss goodbye he said, "I may be a little late this evening. Why don't we go out to eat? If you want to I'll pick you up around six. Why don't you make a reservation at that Italian place we like?"

This was not unusual and she smiled, saying, "That would be nice, dear." She was smiling, but it was a wan smile, not the one that Tom usually got. She did make the reservation, of course, and they had a pleasant dinner despite a certain tenseness in the air. Arriving at the restaurant Tom had complimented her as he said, "You look beautiful tonight." She loved hearing that and brightened up considerably, but just didn't know quite how to react.

He had said that many times in the past, but not recently. In addition, running through her mind, dampening her pleasure, was her awareness that this was their last dinner together. She tried to be her normal – or what once had been her normal – vivacious self, but it all felt artificial to her. Still, it was pleasant and she lost herself in it to some degree. In a less crucial way, it was like enjoying a last meal before the execution!

On the way home, both were quiet, deep in their own thoughts. That mood continued as they mounted the stairs and entered their bedroom. Then, suddenly, Anita saw something totally unexpected and shocking. There, draped carefully over the bed was her honeymoon nightgown. In the corner were three suitcases ready to be packed.

Anita stared at the nightgown, her mind in turmoil, conflicting thoughts clashing with each other. Confusion reigned as hope began to emerge from the chaos. It could only mean one thing, but that thing was wonderful beyond belief – but it had to be! She turned to Tom with a beatific smile starting to form on her face, a face that almost immediately crumbled and, weeping, tears flowing from her eyes, she blurted out what she had longed to say for a full year, "Oh Tom, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I did something totally unforgivable, but please forgive me anyway! I love you so much but I ruined our marriage! I'm so sorry!"

He reached out and embraced her, pulling her tight against his cheat. "Nothing has ruined our marriage, honey! We both damaged it a bit but we're ok. I certainly forgive you, but we both screwed up. I guess what you did was worse, but I made this past year one of anguish and misery because I didn't have the courage to face you and find out the truth. I was so afraid that you loved someone else! Char told me and showed me things that cleared away my doubts that I might have lost your love and enabled me to put things in perspective – what was really important to me, namely you! We are very, very lucky in that we have a friend that loves us both almost as much as we love each other.

"Anyway, we can talk about all of that stuff while we're honeymooning in Bermuda! We have a flight tomorrow and we have to pack!"

That night the sex was far more than a physical act – the love was back. Afterwards, for the first time in a year, Anita was wrapped in Tom's arms as they cuddled together. Pillow talk was also back. There would be long, significant discussions and explanations in the future, but now the talk was light and, even, teasing. As she snuggled tighter against her husband, she quietly said, "I can't believe how my life has changed in such a short time. Just a few hours ago I thought that I needed to disappear and, instead, we're leaving for Bermuda in the morning! You're wonderful, darling! You're also right about Char, though – we never would have made it without her!" Then, impishly, "Maybe we should take her with us!"

Tom grinned down at her. "Maybe next time. You only want two on a honeymoon!"