Another Love - Rob Moves On

"You're wrong Karen. I was not your first love."

"Yes, yes, yes. don't you remember. We were both virgins. We gave ourselves to each other forever."

With sadness in my voice I responded: "No, Karen there was somebody before me. There always has been someone before me."

"That's not true. We love each other. We had children. We rebuilt our house together. There was no one before you. How can you say that?"

I reached into my attache' case for a copy of Dr. Grayson's report.

"Karen I've had an expert psychiatrist analyze all the information supplied by Avril, me, even the boys. This is your copy of her report. I urge you to read it. But for the sake of time, let me summarize her findings."

"Dr. Grayson believes that you have always been who you are now."

"Early in our life together your obsession wasn't obvious. But there were many subtle hints that would have been noticed by the trained eye."

"Remember, I was always so accommodating? You always decided the furniture, the room colors, the shrubbery, what movies we went to, what social events we attended. Always what you wanted. These things weren't really important to me but you never really asked, did you? You just did want you wanted."

"But when you met Philipe your hidden personality was unleashed. In him you saw your ideal. You couldn't know that Philipe was the epitome of the ultimate narcissist, a truly self obsessed personality. Nurtured by the arrogance and vanity of the DuMonte family, he became a sexual predator with a voracious appetite and a truly perverse mind. Everything he did was to sate his appetite and his alone.

Avril learned too late what kind of sociopath she married. Her total focus became survival for her and her children. She became oblivious to the numerous women he bedded. Even encouraging him in order to distract him from realizing she was expendable especially as the children matured. Yes, even to the point of entering into a "loving" relationship with you."

"Tell me Karen, did you know that Philipe was named as co-respondent in three divorce petitions in Canada? He destroyed at least three marriages that we know of. There were seven innocent children among those marriages. They lost their loving homes. Their lives were torn apart. They will bear the scars all their lives. And you tell me Philipe was a good man?"

"Did you know he was arrested and charged with having sex with a fourteen year old girl? Only family money and influence of the DuMonte name and their friends saved him from a felony conviction. Of course I'm sure you knew he's a registered sex offender. Right? That is one of the reasons he doesn't have any commissions in the US anymore. But he's a good man. Such a good man!"

"But the question I put before Dr. Grayson wasn't about Philipe. It was about you. I could understand a woman being seduced by such an expert predator. But why did you among all his lovers, last for twenty years?"

"The answer was immediately obvious to an expert like Dr. Grayson. She was able to explain all your behaviors, all your protestations of loving me, your rationalizing of the betrayal, deceit, and conniving under some guise of "loving" me and not wanting to hurt me."

"YOU ARE JUST LIKE HIM!" "You are also totally self-obsessed. You are only interested in sating your vanity and thirst for lust. Every action you take, every word you speak, everything about you is for you and you alone. I was not your first love as you so often try to remind me. YOU ARE YOUR FIRST AND ONLY LOVE."

"The only difference between you and Philipe was he belonged to the social elite with a renown name and pedigree and the arrogance and vanity you lacked.

It was a relationship made in Hell. You both were so deluded by your own self importance that nothing else mattered, not your spouse, not your children, not your marriage vows. You completely lost any sense of right and wrong. You provided him the adoration he craved. He provided you with the social status you lacked, "Honored Mistress". The decadence of the DuMonte family provided you with a venue to act out your delusion."

"Dr. Grayson believes that although unspoken, you both recognized in each other the means to satisfy your deepest desires; lust and vanity."

"Your absolute adoration of him fed his vanity like no one else ever had. He lusted after you because you provided a constant approval of his predatory actions. You deluded yourself that what he was doing was sharing his love with these women as he proceeded to seduce them, destroy their marriages, families, bring nothing but shame and pain into their lives. You encouraged and condoned it all."

"In return he provided you with "standing". He introduced you to elitist artiste society, wined and dined you in the finest restaurants. You met all the beautiful people, the rich and famous. You were an "Honored Companion." How more deluded could you be then convincing yourself that it was acceptable for a married woman with two children to be another man's public whore behind your faithful husband's back! You continually disgraced yourself, humiliated me and the family, twisted the minds of your children just so you could satisfy your lust for Philipe and your craving to mingle with the social elites, to be someone with "standing"."

I had not intended to rip into her like I just did. But I was on a roll. It all came out. I couldn't stop it.

"For the first time I see you as you are. I am incredulous that I could ever have loved you. But I marvel at the absolute total involvement of your persona in this delusion."

"You did nothing wrong. You honestly believe that. In fact you can do no wrong because whenever you are confronted with the enormity of your actions you plead love. You did it all for love and who can fault you for that? After all, in your mind Love is never wrong."

"The longer I've pondered this revelation the more bewildered I've become. You are capable of dreadful actions all rationalized by love. You turned my sons against me. Taught them lying and deceit were normal. That fidelity is relative. That promises and vows are situational. As I review our life together it is apparent that what you say has no relationship with your behavior. Your promises are binding only so long as they don't prevent you from doing what you want. You are not an immoral person rather you have become an amoral person. You do not perceive a right and a wrong. You can not lie because a lie implies there is a truth. You seem to believe that truth is whatever you want it to be and it can be changed or discarded at any time."

"Karen if you could look at our life together and I asked you how often you cheated on me I truly believe you could look me in the eye and say "never".

"But the part that hurt the most, Karen, the part that utterly destroyed any positive feeling I had left for you was when you first committed yourself to Philipe. You knew exactly what you were doing. You hardly knew him yet you simply committed your heart and body to him without reserve. It was a conscious, willful decision that you were going to explore this relationship no matter where it took you. No matter who it hurt. You did it for you and only you."

"Karen, I want you to listen now about how I feel about my marriage to you. You have tried to convince me that your reality is the way I should accept our marriage. This is my reality."

"You betrayed me the first time you lied to me about working late so you could have dinner with him. You continued to betray me while he was in NYC meeting him again and again then ultimately sleeping with him regularly. Our marriage was over long before he moved into my home."

"You couldn't have known the future when you started your affair. You couldn't have known that he would "save" you while I was deployed. That he would make you his honored companion. That you would be accepted by his family. All that was hidden. For all you knew he would return to Canada after his work was done and you'd never see him again. But you didn't care. You were his whore and you loved it. No matter what he did to you, you would always convince yourself it as his way of showing his love for you. He could have pissed on you in public and you would find a way to justify it as an act of love. So don't try and justify your adultery by telling me all the good things he did for you. What a good man he was."

"Our marriage was fatally wounded the first time you lied to be with another man! For the next 20 years it was dying a slow agonizing death that you selfishly and cruelly kept on life support while you indulged yourself in lustful excess. All I was to you was a mealticket. Somebody who provided a place for you to stay while you waited for your lover to call and use you again. I'm sure for the last 20 years, all I've been is a warm cock that you used while you fantasized that it was Philipe fucking you."

"That is my reality and there is nothing you can say, do, explain or deny that will ever convince me otherwise."

"My whole reason for involving Dr. Grayson was in the hope that you were psychologically incapacitated. You didn't know what you were doing. Maybe you weren't responsible for your actions. I was looking for any excuse to believe in you."

Then I lost it. I slammed my fist on the table. Karen jumped. A look of horror on her face.

I was sobbing and shouting at the same time. "Why! Why! You fuckin' evil bitch! I trusted you with my heart and our family. I'd die for you. You were my life. My dream come true. And you shit on me for 20 fuckin' years."

I finally got a grip on myself. I hated what I just said and did. All I could think of was: "I'm sorry Dad, I tried, I really tried. But it hurts so much."

There was silence in the room for a while. 30 seconds, a minute, 15, I couldn't tell.

I finally raised my face and looked at Karen.

She sat seemingly shriveled into her chair. I thought just maybe for the first time she had an inkling of the enormity of the pain that was consuming me.

I spoke softly to her. "I am so sorry for what I've said. I just couldn't keep it in any longer. I think I've said enough about your relationship with Philipe. I didn't enjoy saying those things. I just couldn't listen to you lie anymore. There's only you and I in the room. If I played the complete CD with all the graphic descriptions of your debauchery it would change nothing."

"You should know that I have sent a copy of the CD and the report to each of our sons."

"Oh god! Why did you do that?" She shrieked. "What will they think?"

With a tired voice I responded: "Because now is a time for honesty. If there is any hope of either of us having a decent relationship with our children it must start with complete honesty. I've spoken with them and they understand my motives. Whether we ever have a meaningful relationship remains to be seen. I've taken the first step. It's up to them now."

"I strongly urge you to contact Dr. Grayson. I believe she has an appreciation for your situation and is ready to provide counseling but only if you request it. I am leaving this area. I can be contacted through my attorney. He will see that your painting is returned to you. It should arrive shortly."

I reached over the table and took Karen's hand in mine: "Now I want to say something to you from the bottom of my heart."

For the first time in many minutes Karen raised her head and looked at me. Her expression was conflicted. She didn't know whether I was going to start screaming hateful expletives again or ask her to stay with me.

"Karen, I forgive you. And I ask that you forgive me."

She was obviously puzzled. "Why do I have to forgive you?" "You didn't do anything wrong."

I answered; "When a marriage ends there is always blame for both parties. Perhaps you can forgive me for not being strong enough to stay with you. Or maybe that I wasn't observant enough to recognize my accommodating attitude was enabling the growth of your obsessive tendencies. If there is anything, I ask your forgiveness."

I meant what I said from the bottom of my heart. I'd hope that by asking forgiveness she'd think that I was holding out some hope for the future. That was a pipe dream but I did want her to have some incentive for seeking help. I was fearful that leaving her without any hope, her delusion crushed, she might turn suicidal. There was also a little surprise coming her way in a few days that may cause her to hate me with a passion. I'd need a lot of forgiveness for what was coming.

I continued: "I am forgiving you because, as my father wisely cautioned me, I refuse to live consumed with the bitterness and anger inside me. I have to learn to let that go or I'll never find contentment in my life. It will not be easy but every day I will say a prayer for you that you also can find contentment in your life.

'

"Karen, you now understand my reality. If you love me as you say, then do what's right for me for the first time in 20 years. My future will never include you. Your are dead to me. Let me go find my peace."

With that I stood, turned and walked out the door. I could hear her sobbing as the door closed. I was unmoved.

Epilog

Much was left unsaid and undone at that final meeting.

I met with Avril before leaving for Atlanta and thanked her for her honesty.

"I did what I had to do for my children and myself. I am not proud of myself. I am very aware of how wrong my actions were. Unlike Karen, I carry a heavy guilt and will spend my life trying to make amends to the people I've wronged. Fortunately, my children knew at an early age our family situation. I promised them that they would always be first in my life. Their interests have always guided my actions. They have grown up well. I am very proud of them. They've made my life worthwhile."

She calmly continued: "I know when I have to lie and when telling the truth is demanded. So to you I now tell the truth. If you chose not to believe me I understand and accept your decision. I would probably do the same if I were you. That you are my man, I have never lied. From the moment you said that Philipe painted the wrong woman my heart told me I was meant to be your woman. That is why I came to you last week. I would not be a part of anything that could bring pain to my man's heart. I will always cherish the little time I was able to spend with my man. I thank God that he allowed me to have that time. I hope that you can think of me kindly. I will always be your woman and carry my love for you happily in my heart. I wish you happiness."

Three days after the meeting, Karen received the painting. I had soaked a rag in paint remover and wiped the figure from top to bottom smearing her image into an unrecognizable streak. I attached a brief note:

Karen,

It was after much deliberation and introspection that I decided to mutilate this painting. I struggled trying to balance your 20 years of infidelity and self gratification with my loss of 20 years during which I honored my vows and sacrificed my personal desires for your sake and the needs of our family. This painting stood as a constant reminder of your actions and your disrespect for me. That you intended to display it at a public exhibit and hang in a place of honor in my home only verifies what I said when we last met, You Love Only You. I decided that I would not allow you and your dead fantasy lover to continue humiliating me. Now his fame as an artist will join his rotting corpse into oblivion.

Rob

I heard she was upset.

When the DuMonte family was advised of the "accident", there was much unhappiness in our northern neighbor. Law suits were threatened but since the ownership question was had yet to be settled, it was unclear who had standing to file suit.

Of course the exhibit was cancelled and Karen was fired.

Since the rest of Philipe's work was considered mediocre, the family dropped its attempts to gain control and Avril had the entire collection shipped to the US. She hoped that it would provide some modest income while she divested all of Philipe's inheritance and sought permanent residence and employment in the US.

A strange thing happened several months after the dust settled over the inheritance. Rumors of Philipe's debauchery began circulating among gossip columns in several Canadian cities. While not national news, the stories were picked up and avidly consumed in French speaking areas in Canada. Since there was credible evidence about the validity of the stories, suits for slander were not an option. Practically, such a suit could open Pandora's box and must be avoided at all cost.

It just so happened that I had maintained contact with Larry Kemp the art director in NYC who had given me his file on the DuMonte family. We were chatting one evening and somehow the idea of planting some of the information we had gathered evolved. He offered to use the contacts he had established to release true but previously unknown gossip about Philipe and his family. The only caveat was that neither Karen's or Avril's names would be used.

The crazy upshot of this incident, was that the value of Philipe's art works started to increase! Apparently there are collectors of both erotic art and the art of narcissistic artists. Certain pieces were renamed "Orgasm", "Fantasy Fulfilled", etc. and he was now being viewed as an avant-garde erotic artist.

The DuMonte family was apoplectic having their name associated with what was now considered erotic/pornographic art. Of course Philipe's reputation as a sexual predator grew by leaps and bounds as rumors and exaggerated scenarios took on a life of their own accelerating the rise in value of his paintings. Avril was smart enough to sell his paintings while the craze lasted. She even stoked some of the stories herself by embellishing the fictitious themes of each painting with hints of the debauchery that inspired it. And in a flash of pure genius, she started signing the paintings herself along with her husband's name boosting the value even higher. As far as she was concerned it was pay back time for the DuMonte family and her asshole husband.

But the final comeuppance occurred when the Canadian elites, embarrassed by the exposure of their lifestyle by the press, ostracized the DuMonte family. They were no longer welcomed at major fete's, were asked to resign from their board membership on major charities, etc. in total humiliation.

Admittedly I did take some pleasure in these events. It boggled my mind to think that the mediocre abstract art of a sociopathic Canadian elitist could evolve into prized erotic art that in turn led to the demise of an influential, arrogant, elitist family. I lost not a wink of sleep.

How you may ask did I know what was going on 800 miles to the north?

It so happened that on the day that my divorce became final, nothing happened. However, the following weekend, on a cool, rainy, Friday evening I had an uninvited and unexpected visit by a beautiful eurasian woman.

I certainly was surprised when I opened the door. Even more so when she walked into my condo pulling a small roller bag. She asked if she could use the powder room as she was exhausted from her journey. I showed her to the guest bedroom and proceeded to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine for her.

About five minutes later, as I stood in the kitchen, I heard her call to me. Taking the glass I headed toward the guest bedroom. As I past the master bedroom, a familiar voice called my name. I entered and, you guessed it, there she stood in all her glory.

I smiled, she smiled. Then she spoke in a low inquisitive voice, "am I still worth painting?"

Putting the glass down I stood gazing at her. Words came out of my mouth, but I don't remember thinking them. "Your beauty defies the genius of any human to capture in any art form." She smiled shyly. "may I have the honor of preparing my man to enjoy his woman?"