Another Take On February

"That's me -- crazy." We had broken the hug and were just standing, talking, close to each other.

She asked, "Have you thought about what you want to do?"

"About the family, and us?"

"Yes. Have you?"

"Sure. But I needed your input. And I needed to see you and see how I reacted. I have to say that I really hated you...for a while. But no more. Still, I'd have some problems...you know...resuming. Because, I never want to feel that way again. Never."

"Does that mean we're finished? If I even wanted you back? I do, I think, but I don't know how to.... You couldn't just move back in. But the kids need you. Maybe we should do the counselling, and split time with the kids."

And that's what we did. I found from that first meeting that I didn't hate Linda anymore. But I also found that I had no desire to be close to her, and no love for her. That had gone. That hate had gone, and taken the love with it.

I moved inti an apartment with two bedrooms, and I started working full time for myself, from there.

Our counselling sessions really never took off. Linda seemed to want to reunite. I didn't. And, eventually I made that clear.

That was at the fourth session, and Linda was sobbing after I said that. I had told her, as I had before, that the risk to me from being close to her was too great. It had almost killed me just over eighteen months before. She had no explanation for why she went off with the jerk, other than that she wanted the sex. And that wasn't good enough to try to become a family again. And, although I didn't say this, I knew that if we got back together, and she did it again, one of us would die. Or both.

We divorced, and she stayed in the house. I did okay working, made some money, and bought a house nearby, so the kids could easily visit. They had their own rooms.

The whole ting had been so hard on the kids. Taunting at school, questions to us about why we had done what we did.

Eventually it did settle, mostly. You could sense some reluctance on each of their parts to engage with members of the opposite sex. But that passed.

Linda hasn't married again. I heard that she was seeing men -- dating. But I couldn't have cared less. If she had tried to move someone into the house, maybe I'd have bucked. But that didn't happen, and now they're off to college.

I also never remarried. I found that I could not come to trust anyone. Any woman, and, except for the kids and my parents, anyone at all. I did sort of stumble into a long-term friends with benefits relationship with a younger woman -- Kelly Smith -- who was a single mother with a son who was ten. She and I were clear from the start that we needed some good times, and maybe some close contact and cuddling once in a while. I also liked her son, and tried to help him out.

Other than that, I had hook ups with women, mainly from my gym. My experience had caused me to muscle up and get more fit. They liked that -- some of them. Some women knew that I had the murder charge, most didn't. Of the ones who knew, two were really revved up by that. I took some advantage of that, but it felt bad and I cut them off.

My life is not lonely now. But neither is it anywhere near what it was before Linda broke my heart.

One night did us in. We had a happy family. One night destroyed that.

The only consolation is that the asshole didn't survive to create more destruction. When I got too down, I always played back in my mind the last moments of his life. It helped.

The end.