Anyone but Her

"I promised you when we got married that I'd never lie to you. I'm sorry to say that I've broken that promise. I can try and justify my actions by telling myself it's just a lie of omission, but it's a lie regardless. I thought it wouldn't hurt if you never knew. I hoped I'd never have to reveal it to you but here we are. What I've never told you are my true feelings for Stacy."

"You're probably sitting there right now thinking something like I'm secretly in love with her and am afraid those feelings would be too big to contain if I had stayed last night. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Honestly, I'd have been fine if what happened last night was with any other one of your friends or even a complete stranger but when I saw Stacy lying on that bed; I'm sorry honey, but in that moment, I couldn't hold in my loathing of her anymore. I hate her and can't stand the sight of her."

"That's why I left last night. I'm sorry but there's no way I could share your beautiful gift with that bitch." Calvin turned slightly and focused intently on Stacy's face. "I'm sorry to be so blunt about it Stacy."

Calvin breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back in the recliner. It felt good to get it out and off his mind. He just hoped he hadn't destroyed his marriage or his wife's relationship with her friend. Despite his feelings about the woman, the two women love each other.

"I'm sure both of you now have questions and like I promised, I'll answer each and every single one of them. But first, I'm starving and I'll bet you are too if you're honest with yourselves. Let's call a little break for lunch. I'll run and get us something while you try to make sense of it. I promise that I will be right back."

Carolyn quickly replied "No, don't leave. Don't leave again. Please stay until we've sorted everything out. You're right, food would do us some good so we'll order something for delivery, just don't leave me again. Go on downstairs to your man cave while Stacy and I try absorbing everything. We'll talk more over lunch."

The Chinese food that Carolyn ordered took almost an hour to arrive and they all sat around the kitchen table nervously. Each person avoided the others' eyes as they began to eat, adding to the already high level of discomfort in the house.

Carolyn finally broke the silence and asked the first simple question. "Do you still love me?"

"Of course I do! I'd hoped I had made it clear that I love you more than anything."

"Can you forgive me?" she asked.

"There's nothing to forgive. What happened wasn't your fault. You tried to show me how much you love me and I ruined it. All the blame is mine for the poor reaction and not being 100% honest with you. I'm the one asking for forgiveness."

"How come you didn't ever say something to me about how you really felt? Why don't you like her?" Carolyn inquired.

"She's your best friend. I'm not some type of asshole who wants to dictate who your friends are. You love her and she loves you. You make each other happy. Why would I want to take something like that away from you? She doesn't try to take you away from me or put you in possibly compromising situations when you guys go out. This will probably sound super weird but despite my feelings about her, I trust her to not hurt you."

Stacy fought to hold back tears as she spoke her first words since Calvin began his explanation of the reasons behind last night's event. "We've known each other a long time, Calvin. I thought we were friends. What did I ever do to you to make you hate me?"

"It's kind of a long story so bear with me. I said I would tell you both the truth and I will but I ask you to remember that the truth is subjective. My versions of events from the past are as I perceived and recall them. Stacy, you may not remember events the way that I did and may not remember some of them at all. I have my vision of the truth, you have yours, and the real truth is probably somewhere in the middle of all that."

"As you already know, my history with Stacy goes all the way back to high school. I can remember seeing her for the first time when my family moved and I transferred into her school shortly after the start of 10^th grade. She was attractive at first sight but the first time I met and talked to her, I wasn't impressed. In fact, I surprised myself at how much I could dislike someone from just a 10 second conversation. 'A first impression is a lasting impression' is something my father had taught me from a young age."

"I came from a very small school and town where everyone knew each other from the time they could walk so making friends out of strangers was something I had never had to do. I found out quickly that I wasn't very comfortable striking up conversations out of the blue with someone I didn't know but somehow managed to make some good friends early on that helped me adjust pretty quickly to life in a school about 5 times the size of my previous one."

"I asked one of my new friends about the girl standing over by the cafeteria talking with her friends. They were all beautiful girls but for me, one of them stood out from the rest of the crowd like an angel that God had shown to me bathed in a ray of light."

"He looked over at the group and said 'That's Stacy Clarke. She's the head cheerleader even though she's just a sophomore, class president, valedictorian of last year's freshman class, and dating our starting quarterback who's a senior. Her parents are loaded and own the bank in town. Trust me, Calvin. You don't have a prayer in hell with her. She's our town's version of The First Lady but with blonde hair.' I quickly shot back, 'Not the blonde, asshole. Who in the hell is the red head?' I was just a kid but fell instantly in love. Stacy had barely registered on my radar."

"The red head turned out to be Emma. For a then 15 year old boy, she was the first masturbatory fantasy I had in high school based on a real person. I was so nervous when I thought of her that I couldn't bring myself to speak to her for almost 2 months. It was getting close to Christmas and I wanted to ask her to the dance so badly. I actually saw her standing alone one day and I figured this would be my best chance. I slowly made my way up to her, introduced myself and asked to go the dance with me."

"It took all the courage I had in the world to get those couple of sentences out my mouth. I'm not sure I was even able to complete the last word in my proposal before Stacy and entourage walked right in front of me, grabbed Emma by the arm and started talking to her like I wasn't even there. I heard Stacy saying that she was so excited because she convinced her boyfriend to have the team's wide receiver ask Emma to the dance."

"Emma looked over Stacy's shoulder at me and Stacy must have noticed. She spun around and looked me up and down from head to toe. 'I don't recognize you. Are you new here?' I told her yes, my name was Calvin and I transferred in a couple months ago. 'It's nice to meet you, Calvin. I'm Stacy. Welcome to Westbrook High.' She turned back around, hooked her arm in Emma's, and the group walked away."

"That was the last chance I had to speak to Emma until our junior year. I went out for the baseball team in the spring of my sophomore year. I wasn't very good but managed to snag a spot on the JV team. I ran into Stacy one day after practice. 'Hey, your name is Calvin, right? I didn't know you made the team. Congratulations.' I told her it was just the junior varsity squad. 'Well, you gonna have to make the varsity team if you want me to cheer for you. See you around.' I briefly wondered if she had any clue how clueless and passive-aggressive she was."

"I turned 16 before the end of the school year and my parents were able to afford a car for me. It wasn't much but I knew the sacrifices my folks had made to get it for me. I went looking for a job the next day. I ended up bussing tables in a Mexican restaurant two nights a week and weekends. I went full time once school ended. They didn't pay very well but there was a free meal every shift and occasionally the waitresses would share tips. I managed to save most of what I earned that summer since the only real expenses I had were insurance and gas for the car. My few friends and I tried to stay to mostly free activities for our fun."

"I went to the bank to open up a savings account for the money I was making. I pulled up to the curb behind a behind a brand new Mini Cooper with a bow on top. Stacy was jumping and down hugging a man as he handed her the keys. About a week later, she pulled up next to me driving a BMW convertible as I was leaving the parking lot of the movie theater. 'Hey, what do you think of my new car?' 'I thought you had the Mini Cooper. Didn't I see you getting the keys to it the other week?' 'Yeah, decided I wanted a convertible so I made Daddy buy me this instead.' She smiled as she turned to go into the theater and I got into my car, shaking my head as I drove away."

"Later that summer, I managed to get score an early shift one evening and thought I would stop by the local ice cream shop for a treat before heading home. Stacy and her entourage were parked at one of the tables near the counter. No sighting of Emma. I waited in line and gave my order to the cashier then moved to the end of the counter to await my strawberry malt.

"Over my shoulder I could hear, 'Oh my god, which one of you bitches farted? Smells like a 3 day old burrito in here. I can't believe the nerve of some people to come in here and ruin everyone else's good time by stinking up the place.' Through the corner of my eye, I could see all heads at the table turn and look at me. I grabbed my malt and headed for the door, trying to ignore the giggles from the table behind me."

"School started back up and I actually managed to ask Emma to the homecoming dance. She said yes. Turned out we really liked each other and had a lot in common so we became a steady couple. I thought I treated her well but we started having problems a few months down the road. Every time I had to work Stacy would comment how her boyfriend didn't have to work and always had time for her. Every gift I bought her, Stacy commented on how her boyfriend had gotten her a better version of it months ago. Little issues suddenly became big issues. Spring rolled around I talked to her about Prom. She told me that we should see other people and she had decided to go with someone else. 'Stacy's boyfriend is going to set me up with one of his friends. We're getting a limo and a room at the Hilton for the after party. He's taking me to that new French place that you won't go to.' Once her new man turned out to be just some asshole that wanted to get into her panties and succeeded, she tried to get back together with me over the summer. She told me she was sorry but I didn't take well to having my heart broken and told her no."

"Dating someone like Emma had made me lots of new friends and I had become quite popular by the time senior year rolled around. Even though it was still only the JV squad during my junior year, baseball had tightened up my physique. I had traded in a good part of my shyness and awkwardness for confidence. I decided to give acting a shot for some extracurricular credit and tried out for a school play that had been written by the drama club. Naturally, Stacy landed the lead role but I managed to get a small background part. Stacy thought there should be a musical number added in to the play to showcase her supposed vocal skills. The drama club did not want to change the script. Two days later, we were all informed that the bank would be providing a large donation to the school and drama club to use for sets and costumes. The school overrode the drama club and chose to put on a classic Rogers & Hammerstein musical with a much smaller cast than the drama club had written. Suddenly, my acting career was over."

"I had friends all over the school but I really treasured those first few that had welcomed me and shown me the ropes in those first days. Before I had come to the school, they had gotten permission from the school to start an archeology club. Our class president, Stacy, managed to convince the school that the money for that and a couple other clubs would be better spent on other clubs and activities that aligned more with her vision of school spirit."

"I lost out on prom king by 3 votes. There were rumors of votes bought through promises of small $500 scholarships from the bank so she wouldn't have to dance with anyone but her boyfriend."

"Then graduation was finally upon us. Stacy and I had been neck and neck all through our years together in terms of GPA. The final grades came in and we were tied. Co-valedictorians it was going to be. 3 days before graduation, I was called into the principal's office. Evidently one of Stacy's teachers had failed to count an extra credit assignment that Stacy completed and once the grades were recalculated, Stacy would finish with GPA.02 points higher than me. She would be valedictorian all by herself and I was relegated to salutatorian. That was the last straw. I was livid and started throwing accusations around the office. 'This is bullshit and you know it! Stacy Clarke and her family will do anything to get what she wants and you will just let them get away with it. You don't give a shit about the students at all. Pretty coincidental that Mrs. Brooks' husband is a vice-president at the bank and she's the one that suddenly finds a forgotten assignment. Or how about the bank giving a sudden donation to change the school play and I lose on out on extracurricular credit for drama club. What about the rumors of the bought votes for prom king?' I stormed out and went straight into the counselor's office. At that moment, he was the only person I trusted in the school."

"I told him what had happened. It really wasn't a huge shock to him. After a quick phone call, he assured me that my full ride scholarship would not be affected at all. He also gave me one other piece of information that I took full advantage of. Since final tests were already taken and the grades had been calculated and submitted to the school board that morning, I was technically considered to have already graduated. The 2 more days of classes and the graduation ceremony were just fluff at that point so I decided to skip them. Screw the school and screw Stacy Clarke for making my high school years miserable. I talked to parents and they reluctantly agreed with decision. I packed my car that night and left for college the next day. I had already signed up for some summer courses so I would have been leaving in a few weeks anyway. Once I got started with school, I decided to take the high road and forget about the past. I didn't have a single thought about Stacy until you reintroduced me 3 1/2 years ago."

Carolyn reached across the table and grabbed my hand. "How come I never knew those things? I know you told me that high school wasn't your favorite time in life but you never went into detail so I never pressed the issue. Back when we were still dating, I used to ask Stacy what you were like when you were younger since she knew you then. At that point, I knew I already loved you but the person she described made me even more certain that you were the man for me. She told me of a loyal hard working kid with unflappable values and a fierce competiveness. A man that everyone liked and respected."

Stacy interrupted at that point. "Is that really your opinion of me from back then? No wonder you hate me. You were right that I don't remember a lot of those times and some I remember differently than you do. I thought we were friends in school. Competitive and maybe even adversarial ones at times, for sure, but I remember us still being friends nonetheless. Maybe I am remembering it all wrong though because until you just said it, I would have sworn you were at graduation with us."

Calvin started back up with his story. "So anyway, I went on to college and met Carolyn the first semester of junior year in that Stats class after she transferred in from her previous school. I hesitated at meeting her friends until we had gone of a few dates to make sure we were comfortable together. I wanted to make sure Carolyn got to know the true version of me, not some version possibly tainted by the opinions of her friends. Once I was confident that she liked me for me, she began introducing me and everything was fine. They were nice people and I actually fit in well with the group. She always kept telling me that she couldn't wait for me to meet her very best friend though. She said Stacy wasn't able to transfer into our school and she missed her."

"There are millions of people named Stacy in the world so I never thought anything of it until I wanted to take Carolyn to finally meet my parents towards the end of summer before our senior year. I knew I wanted to marry her and already had the ring too. I had only given Carolyn the broad strokes of my life before I met her. I told her I grew up in a small farming community and moved to the "city" when the bank took the farm. We didn't have much growing up but we had what we needed. High school was fine but I didn't have the greatest memories of it and preferred to think my life really started when I got out on my own and met her."

"We flew into St. Louis and drove back across the river to meet my parents. They loved her immediately. We had a great time the next few days until Carolyn said she had a surprise for me. She asked me to take her to lunch at the Mexican restaurant where I had worked at back in school. We walked in and the manager on duty was still the same one from years ago and remembered me. I introduced Carolyn and she told him we were meeting someone in the bar. I was puzzled. Meeting someone? She doesn't know anyone here?"

"We stepped into the bar and immediately two girls screamed. I realized one of them was Carolyn when she threw her arms in the air, ran across the room, and started hugging someone. They broke their embrace but kept one arm around the other as they turned to look at me. I could hear Carolyn saying, 'Baby I think you know my best friend in the whole world. I was so excited when I finally put it together and realized you two knew each other and were old friends. What were the odds of that? I called her and told her I was coming to meet your parents and Stacy said we should meet up and surprise you.' I was sure you could see the look of confusion on my face but didn't notice because you were so wrapped up in seeing Stacy for the first time since you left school."

"It actually took me a few moments to realize what was going on because I honestly didn't recognize Stacy at first. You had been attractive enough in school, but the person standing in front of me looked like she'd had a couple of pretty rough years. You looked exhausted. Do you remember how quiet I was through that whole lunch? Carolyn, you told me later how you thought it was so polite of me to just sit patiently and let you two catch up. I'm not sure I could have formed two coherent sentences even if I tried. My mind was immediately flashing back to school and how much I disliked this person my girlfriend was gushing over. I thought I had left all the hate and animosity in the past but it immediately came back. I eventually able to pick up parts of your conversation and realized Stacy hadn't really changed much. If anything, I thought she might have gotten worse."

"I heard stories of boyfriend after boyfriend, one bed after another. This one bought you this, that one bought you that. A quick flirt with a professor to get a grade changed. Daddy making sure you had a house to live in so you wouldn't be subjected to the dorms. Carolyn admired you thinking you were so strong and confident with yourself to be able to go from relationship to relationship without getting hurt badly. I knew you were just as spoiled, vapid, and immature as ever."