April Can Be So Foolish

The quick spruce up did wonders to both Aprils appearance and her outlook. She pushed aside, for the time being, the conundrum of how to be closer to Nicki and how to resolve the problem tucked between her legs. That also meant she must push aside any hope of Nicki being more than a friend. But a friend would be a great improvement in her life at the moment. So the fact that her spirit was brighter did more to enhance her appearance than the water and dash of make-up had. The look on Nicki's face confirmed all that she felt.

"Well, you look better," Nicki said with a smile.

As she walked toward Nicki, April smiled and said, "Thank's to my persistent new friend." And lightly laying her hands on Nicki's shoulders' April pressed a soft kiss on her cheek. "Thank you. You were right, I was digging myself a hole. I tend to do that a lot lately."

Nicki didn't think about it, and just followed her desires as she wrapped her arms around the petite woman in front of her and hugged her close. It was the best thing anyone could have done. The magic of human touch washed the tensions from April like a shower washing the dirt from a small child. As they stood there holding one another, April wished she could be a strong woman like Nicki, but she never really was very strong when it came to emotions. Finally, pushing all thoughts away she just soaked in the strength that Nicki was offering. When Nicki lightly stroked her hair, April melted a little deeper into the comfort of another soul.

The minutes blended into an hour as they sat and talked. The view from Aprils living room of the sun setting amid a few clouds near the horizon was an added bonus and enhanced the feeling of warm comfort in the room. As the two new friends sat on the sofa in silence watching the final moments of this day, April tentatively took Nicki's hand into her own, and said, "Thank you again for coming. I feel silly now and sorry I caused such a fuss."

"I'm not sorry in the least," Nicki replied. "I'd take this instead of the gym any day."

*****

Nicki picked her up early that next morning. It hadn't taken much persuading to get April excited about a day trip down the coast. The weather was finally turning nicer and the crowds were out enjoying the warmth. Having been raised in the area, Nicki had her own secret places where exploring the pristine coves was like a taking a stroll from a time past. It was to one such place she took April. As she had expected, no other person had bothered with the small hike to get here and the restful sound of the surf calmed them both. Nicki watched with a smile on her face as April walked the shore nearby searching for treasures from the sea. She wished it was a swimsuit or light summer dress April was wearing, but the season was still just fresh off the winter's cold. But even with her covered head to toe Nicki was entranced by the gentle feminine grace of her new friend.

As the day stretched on, the north wind picked up and stole away the warmth that all the sunshine had brought. They relocated their beach blanket to a sheltered place behind the volcanic outcroppings. With the wind blocked, the sun once again warmed them in their secret hiding place.

"This is the most beautiful place I think I've ever been," April said as she dreamily stared at the rhythmic surf.

Nicki, taking April's hand said, "It's one of many places along this stretch of coastline. I think I could take you to a new one every weekend all summer."

"Wouldn't that be perfect," April said wistfully. "Life is just too hectic, it seems to me. I need this."

"Me too," Nicki confided. "But for some reason I don't enjoy it as much alone. Seems like it is better shared."

"Same here," April agreed.

It was almost more than Nicki could manage, but she restrained her desire to draw April close and shower her with the kind of kisses that she had never given to anyone. Not knowing the details of April's life, or the current problems she was facing...Nicki forced a restraint she didn't feel. From her vantage point, she could watch April unseen and she filled herself with that. The puffs of wind that found their way into this secret hiding place gently played with the soft curls of April's silky black hair before dropping them back, slightly askew. The slender arms hugging bent knees...and the small slim feet with painted toes wiggling in the loose sand. Nicki's desire was burning a hole into her heart, and she felt herself getting wet with unfulfilled desire. Yes, there was a mixture of lust...but this felt so different from anything she had ever know before. But the old wounds of loneliness had taught Nicki to push down wishful dreams that never come true.

"Ready for some lunch," Nicki asked interrupting the magical moment.

"Now that you ask, I think so," April replied. "I think those waves were hypnotizing me," she added with a laugh.

"Well, there's many a tale about some lost beachcomber who was never seen again," Nicki teased.

"Eew, that's scary...I'm glad I'm not alone," April said with a happy voice.

"I'm glad I'm not alone too...but it's not because of those old tales, it's because you're here to share this with," Nicki said.

The truth of those words hung heavy between them. It went unsaid, but both knew there was more to the words than either was ready to admit.

"Let's eat," Nicki finally said, breaking the spell.

The lunch was simple but satisfying. It also bordered on the romantic. Had there been no unanswered questions between the two, it would have led to a kiss...and then another kiss and more. But there were unanswered questions, and Nicki heard those haunting words of her mother's concern again. They were faint, but clear...she might never find love as a lesbian. And as always, Nicki closed the door on those words, and the moment passed.

"Let's take a walk. There's a really neat sea cave not too far from here. The tide's down, so we'll be okay," Nicki suggested.

Slipping her Keen's walking shoes back on, April gracefully rose to her feet and held out her hand saying, "Come on pokey, lead the way!"

The rest of the afternoon passed like a dream. They poked around in the tide pools, discovering all manner of odd creatures and a few treasures that had to be taken home. Finally, the incoming tide forced them to surrender their cove until another day.

The drive back north toward home was even more relaxed. Some of the awkward newness and insecurities of a new friendship were eased, and they talked of their lives.

"So you were raised here your whole life," April asked.

"Yep, born and raised right here," Nicki answered.

"Sometimes I wish I had been more settled," April said with a small frown and a scrunch to her lip.

"And sometimes I wish I had run as far away from here as I could get," Nicki teased back.

"Why, it's such a perfect place. So beautiful," April replied.

"Well, I'm sure you figured out by now that I'm gay," Nicki answered.

"Well, sure. But this seems like an accepting place to me," April said.

"It's not that. It has more to do with the small size of the gay community here. To be honest, it's hard to find someone here," Nicki told her.

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that," April said meekly, a bit ashamed she had been so dense.

"It's a gay thing. Straights have a bigger pool to fish from. I've dreamed about what it would be like in Portland, but every time I go there, I can't wait to get back home," Nicki said with a laugh. "I guess I'll just end up like my momma said I would...old and all alone."

"Don't say that! You have a lot to offer the right girl," April said, sorry that she had brought up a tender subject.

"Well, I could have told you that," Nicki joked and smiled at the pretty lady in the other seat. To herself she said, 'If you only knew how I was feeling about you right now...'

April too was thinking along the same traces...if only I was finished becoming that girl...maybe, just maybe. But you're not finished came the other voice...the ugly voice that was always draped in darkness. But the day was too perfect to let that voice barge in! No, not today!

"Hey, I've got an idea," Nicki said wanting to shift the conversation.

"What," April asked also eager to lighten things up.

"Next Saturday is the first day of April. Maybe we could avoid some silly April Fools pranks from friends if we slipped out of town... maybe a little longer trip south and come back on Sunday," Nicki asked.

When April seemed hesitant Nicki added, "I have a friend who has a nice cabin down near Florence. It'll be fun and you can see some other unbelievable places. There's also the Aquarium in Newport. And the cabin has two bedrooms, in case you're scared of me."

"Don't be silly, you're my hero. Why would I be afraid of you? I was just being me, afraid to venture out I guess. But sure, let's do it," April said...pushing her fears aside. So long as there's separate rooms I should be okay, she told herself.

"Great, we'll leave early Saturday then. There's so much to see, we'll never see it all. Maybe we should hit the aquarium on the way back Sunday," Nicki said with the happiness in her heart reflected in her voice.

"It's a plan then," April said with a revived touch of happiness in her own voice.

The rest of the trip home settled into an easy conversation of learning new things about a new friend. The likes and dislikes, the favorite foods, the simple things that make everyone unique. And as fate would have it, the two women discovered they seemed to be made for one another. That realization, that should have brought hope, was tinged by the conflict known so well by those with sexual identities that didn't quite align with that which most people took for granted. But hope is quite irrepressible and given a chance will float to the top and bury doubts and indecision with its power.

When Nicki finally pulled into April's drive, the sun was just dipping near the horizon. Walking April to her door, Nicki asked, "Are you sure theirs no one in there bothering you...or who can get in there and bother you?"

"I promise, there's no physical threat. I'm my own worst enemy, I fear. But you were right...again. Getting out was a great idea and I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight. I'll be safe and snug, I assure you," April said as she smiled up to Nicki.

It was all Nicki could do to restrain from grabbing this angel and kissing her lips, and to somehow be able to say the words that were bursting her heart open! But instead of doing what she hungered for, Nicki pulled April into a safe platonic hug and said goodnight.

Driving herself back to her empty house, it was Nicki who needed cheering up. "I get a mixed signal from her," she said aloud to herself. "She seems more straight, but not all the time?" Oh well, a new friend is good too...just see what turns up.

*****

The work week was the same as every other work week. Nicki was kept busy with the multitude of diverse tasks all successful general contractors deal with. But it kept her mind busy and burned through some of the pent up energy she was plagued with. The highlights were the days she met up with April at the gym. In fact Nicki had taken it upon herself to spend plenty of time helping April become confident and secure in her new workout regimen.

April was having a much more productive week. In fact, she was almost feeling her old creative self again. When she left the Architectural firm in Dallas for a fresh start, she had become successful as Andrew and was at the top of the game. Now she was scraping by with custom homes for the influx of newcomers to the Oregon coast. It was enjoyable at times, but also frustrating. Her transition issues made those frustrations seem greater than they normally would. She knew that, but knowing didn't really do much about making them go away. As odd as it seemed to her, the gym was beginning to be her sanctuary. The workouts burned much of the stress away... and Nicki was there.

The hardest part about Nicki was the fact that she was Aprils ideal woman. If she could have drawn her on the CAD program and built her by hand, she couldn't have been more perfect. April second guessed every decision she had made getting to this point. What if I would have just finished the transition sooner, she asked herself a hundred times. Is there any way to tell Nicki now, she wondered and then shuddered to think how that would go. And the worst thing was the realization that it almost felt inevitable that the attraction between them would win out over caution and everything would come crashing down around them. There was just no clear path out of this, and each time she resolved to disappear again, Nicki would call to make sure she would be at the gym. And each time April couldn't resist just one more time. And each time she once again felt alive and happy because Nicki had a way of making her feel safe and grounded again.

"Are you all packed and ready for our adventure," Nicki asked as she stood over April watching as she worked through the bench presses.

April couldn't answer because it took all her strength and air to get the weights up and back down safely. Nicki knew this, but enjoyed the way April rolled her eyes at her when she did this.

"Did I ever tell you looked kinda cute when you do that thing with your eyes," Nicki asked knowing she was flirting.

After two more presses, Nicki casually took the weight and set it on the rack. April was winded and was glad this was the last station in her workout. But she wasn't so winded that she didn't flirt a little herself saying, "You know I can't lift all that and talk at the same time, what if I were to drop it and kill myself trying to chit chat with you?"

"I would catch it before that could happen, you know that," Nicki replied with the confidence of truth. "Why do you think I'm standing right here?"

"I don't know, but I did notice you looking at my tits," April said with a smile.

Now it was Nicki who was a little flustered, had it been that obvious, she asked herself. But putting on a bold front she replied, "I think the workout might be making you a little faint. Should I get you a sip of water, maybe?"

"No, I'm fine," April said and then added, "about both not needing a drink and about you checking me out."

"Okay, so I'm busted," Nicki conceded. "It was just a casual look to see how you were holding up."

"Oh, and for a minute there I was so flattered," April replied with a little pout on her lips.

"I see what you're doing, you know," Nicki proclaimed.

"And what's that," April asked.

"You're flirting with me," Nicki said with a laugh.

"Me flirting with you! How did you turn it around to me when I was in danger lifting all that weight over my head?"

"Anyway, you never answered my question about being packed," Nicki said pulling the last string in her confusing game of shift the blame.

April laughed once she realized what Niki had done, and said, "I think I need to keep a closer eye on you miss smoothy."

"Oh, I thought I caught you doing that earlier," Nicki shot back with a smile.

"Okay, I give up! And I thought men were difficult," she said with one final attempt to out talk her friend.

"Ouch, that was cruel. And I thought you liked lesbians," Nicki teased right back.

April decided it was best to surrender the game and said, "I only know one lesbian, and I like her a lot."

It was meant as part of the joking but when she said it and the two looked at each other, the smiles were there but the eyes were saying things more serious. The attempts on Aprils part to remain at arms length were broken down another small notch. Nicki sensed April's quiet unease and rescued the moment saying, "You never answered my question about being all packed for tomorrow."

April smiled at the kindness of her friend and answered, "Yes, I'm all set. Shall we go back to my place and have something to eat?"

"That sounds like a plan to me," Nicki replied, and held out her hand. April hesitated for just an instant, and then put her hand into Nicki's and they walked to the locker room together.

April had never once indulged in her attraction to another woman, and that walk across the gym felt like a combination of walking on a cloud and being on a stage. But when she glance around, no one was paying any attention to them. It was a moment of awakening another small part of herself, and it was a magical moment she would always remember.

"Let's just grab our stuff and go, we can shower at my place," April suggested.

"That makes sense," Nicki agreed.

Opening her front door, April said, "Run on up and get cleaned up and I'll pull together something to eat."

"Okay, won't take but a few minutes," Nicki said as she bounded up the stairs.

By the time Nicki came back from the quick shower, April had warmed up some fresh clam chowder and put together a mixed salad. With an assortment of crackers and drinks, their dinner was ready.

The two chatted about the upcoming trip while they ate, as once again they sat together overlooking the sea.

After sharing the task of cleaning up after dinner, and a glass of wine, Nicki said, "I should be getting home. I've got a few more things to put together for this weekend, and then get some sleep. I'd like to get an early start tomorrow, if I drop by around seven in morning would that be too early?"

"No, that's fine. I'm an early riser," April replied.

"Okay, see you in the morning," Nicki said.

April had gotten used to Nicki's hugs, so she wasn't surprised when she came over for a goodnight hug. But the romantic feelings had never fully abated ever since the gym and that telling look they had shared. Perhaps that was it, or maybe the wine and the lovely evening, but whatever was the cause of the spell, the outcome was that as Nicki drew April into a hug, their lips met in a mutually urgent kiss. Whatever ruse they had maintained so far was dismantled in that instant. April felt herself melt into Nicki's arms all while hearing the scream inside her hear shouting no, this will never work. But those dark screams were not powerful enough to prevent her from accepting that kiss and offering hers in return. When the kiss ended, Nicki cradled April's head to her and held her close.

April didn't want to move. She could hear Nicki's breath and feel her strength as she cuddled her. Why it had to be so mixed up, she didn't want to hear the thoughts but couldn't keep them away. Why can't it just be easy for once, she asked herself as tears welled up in her eyes.

Nicki whispered, "I didn't really mean for that to happen...but I'm not sorry it did."

April nodded her head in agreement, too afraid her voice would betray her other concerns.

"I better go," Nicki finally said as she broke their embrace. If she noticed April's damp eyes, she didn't say so. She too was deeply moved by what had just happened. It was a mixture of joy and confusion. Joy because she had kissed a lovely woman who was beginning to mean more and more to her. Confusing because she had never felt such a lack of control over her feelings...nor the intensity of such feelings.

But she could not go without one more taste of those lips, so tipping April's face up with a gentle hand, Nicki offered one more small tender kiss to those sweet lips. April could only allow herself to be guided at this point and returned the soft kiss of this goddess who had possessed her.

"I'll be here bright and early in the morning...sweet dreams April." And with that, Nicki left and April was once again alone with her feelings and her doubts.

*****

Despite the dramatic end to the evening, April slept better than she had in some time. Perhaps it was because the remembrance of that first kiss was more in her mind than the complications it brought...or maybe as she teased her taut nipples, it was easier to ignore the complications. Indeed, it was hard not to dwell on the glowing pleasure radiating upward from between her legs that the kiss and her desires had ignited... until sleep finally slipped in unnoticed and afforded a sanctuary from everything but erotic dreams of love. When the alarm went off, April was already stirring into wakefulness, and she got up with a smile knowing Nicki would be here soon.