Arcana's Path Ch. 07

Finn glared, "Ah shit. Why?"

"Under contract, a djinn's magic is replenished by their sorceror. And you're weak as shit. And I'm powerful as shit." Hero shrugged.

The room was spinning before the man had even finished speaking.

---

Arcana flopped onto the balcony, listening to the rain. A dragon immediately jumped onto her stomach, curling up to lay down. She pushed it aside, "Sorry, that seat is taken."

Her girlfriend stradled her hips, grinning and leaning down to kiss her briefly, "So, how I do?"

"The flying?" Arcana asked and thought briefly, "Mmm... Not bad if you were trying to kill us."

Kitty laughed and lay down onto her, "No sugarcoatin' wit' ya, is there? How long did it take ya to learn to fly?"

"I didn't." Arcana sighed, "I'm a natural. Just like everything else... The Daughter of Magic. Don't take it too hard, Kitty. I was born to be the best at what I want to do. And what I wanted was to be a crazy dragon lady. Until I met you."

The woman laughed and smirked, "So that's why ya get so annoyed I can lick cunt better than ya. Never had much competish, have ya?"

Arcana rolled her eyes, "I'm worn out, Kitty. Can we not take five minutes for ourselves before you fuck me stupid, again?"

"I ain't just lookin' to bang ya."

The dragontamer craned her neck to kiss at the top of her head, "I adore you, Kitty. Absolutely. We're not just about sex... It's just you're awesome at that."

"Holy shit, ya actually still horny." Kitty burst out laughing, "... How? I mean, I been with some with an appetite, but ya on another -"

"Just trying to get as much of you as I can. Before." Arcana whispered.

The woman rolled over and kissed at her stomach, "I ain't complainin' babe. Havin' someone keep up with me is new. I like it. Just been feelin' like... Isn't there somet'in' else we should be doin'? Flyin' is fun as fuck. But what about ya? What's your favourite thing to do?"

"You." Arcana grinned broadly.

Kitty just rolled her eyes.

The dying woman sighed heavily, "I want to take our bathers to the waterfalls, tonight. By star light. That's about the extent of my plans for today. I... Oh, crap. You're bored of me, aren't you? I'm boring. I dream bad."

The biker shook her head, "Nah. I jus' feelin' like I ain't makin' ya happy enough. Quittin' is makin' me all anxious. Need a smoke. Ya can ignore it, Canny."

"Ew. Hate that name." Arcana shook her head.

Kitty nodded, "Yeah... That was bad. Much rather squeal Arcana. Ya damn sexy, as is."

"Which of us is the horny one?"

The biker shrugged and slid down her easily, and kissed at her skirt, "Mmm... Does it matter, that much? I promised ta fuck ya brains out. Every day. How's that workin' for ya?"

"Kitty..." Arcana whispered and then leaned up on her elbows, "I... Don't have much time left... And I still don't want to talk about it... But... Wedding dresses?"

The woman blinked slowly, "Damn girl, was that your... Proposal?"

"It was crap, wasn't it?"

"Utter shit." Kitty laughed, grinning at her, "But, you get a pass. I ain't never been one for churches. Though, I guess wit' ya mum, that ain't much of a thing been doin'."

"Wasn't planning on inviting her." Arcana shook her head, "But... I do have friends. Who aren't dragons."

Kitty chuckled softly, "Yeah, met the weird witch, 'member? Figured ya weren't a total loner. Me, I am, these days. Getting close to me ain't something people did after they met dad. Easier ta be on me own. And I'd ride a rusty spike to climax before I invite 'im ta ma weddin'."

"Ew! I was being romantic, Kitty!"

The biker shrugged, "Ya love me."

"I... I wanna marry you."

Kitty drifted back up and planted a kiss on her, "No foolin'?"

"No, fooling." Arcana smiled at her, "Isn't this our honeymoon?"

The woman put her hands behind her head and stretched her elbows out, and arched her back, sticking her tits into the air. Kitty yawned and grinned down at her, "Sure. Let's do it."

"Worst acceptance of a marriage, ever."

Kitty laughed, "Want me ta fuck ya, to make up for it?"

---

Hero looked at the passed out sorceror on the floor, and rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. When Astraea had turned up and demanded that he intervene he hadn't exactly expected this to be fun.

With his ridiculous magical energy, the lack of regeneration was probably not going to be a problem. His reserves ran deep. However, it would take time for the sorceror to get used to being completely drained of every bit of his mana.

It was tedious, having to think about things like that. Having to wonder about the consequences of doing something as simple as causing a meteor storm.

However, Astraea wasn't someone that even a djinn turns down.

The only real saving grace was that it was looking like this was going to be ridiculously good fun. Partly because it was so easy to fluster the idiot sorceror. Partly because the number of people interested who were assuming that the sorceror had more than shit-all power and were preparing to attack might actually require more than a yawn on Hero's part to stop them.

He walked by the fallen figure and peeked out the window, smiling at what he could see. A few vampires, a couple witches, and a warlock. They hadn't traced the teleport, of course. They had just found the man's home and decided to wait for him.

Hero sipped at his whisky, before nosing the window open and spitting his mouthful out into an expanding fireball that engulfed most of the street and scattered the fools.

One of the vampires failed to make it out, and turned into a rather crispy husk.

He walked back, putting down his drink and crouching next to the sleeping figure. He leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, "Don't worry about a thing, Lancaster. This shitty little apartment is now an impenetrable castle."

Hero transformed the couch into something more luxurious and lay down on it as he pulled up one of his favourite shopping sites in the air in above him.

He scrolled through the rows of plushies until he found a typical rainbow narwhal, and made the purchase. A moment later it appeared in his hands, and he slipped it under the sleeping figure's head.

Which was when Hero found himself completely, mind-numbingly, bored. With nothing else in particular to do until the man he was now contracted with woke up, he grabbed his laptop out of the ether and pulled up his casual profile on Crystalis.

Time to go murder a fuckload of demons.

---

Finn groaned groggily as he woke up with what was, without a single fucking doubt, the worst hangover of his entire life. Light wasn't just painful, it's existence was downright offensive. The sound of his own breathing was someone running a router right up against his ear.

A mug set down on the ground in front of him with all the delicacy of a volcano exploding, as far as his headache was concerned. He recoiled, and glared up to see the djinn and realise it wasn't a damned nightmare.

"Oh god, you're here."

Hero shrugged, "I know we have a contract, but you don't have to worship me. Only a god on technicality."

"Fuck off." He mumbled and glared at the dark liquid in the mug, "What bullshit is this? Dragon shite?"

The djinn laughed, hurting his ears, "Hangover cure. Tastes worse than it looks, but it is extremely effective."

Finn rubbed his face tiredly and took a mouthful that he immediately sprayed across the room. "Fuck! Are you trying to poison me?"

"Tastes... Worse... Than it looks." The djinn repeated pointedly, and then sat down in a chair and pulled a laptop out of thin air. The sounds of battle emerged from it, and a look of bored concentration appeared on his face.

The welder rubbed at his temples and eyed the hangover cure. "Do you have something that doesn't taste like boiled dragon shite?"

"Just man up and drink it." Hero replied without looking up, "You are the heir of Rasputin, after all."

"Didn't want to be!" Finn growled, hurting his own head, before grimacing and trying a second mouthful.

The djinn laughed and snapped his fingers, "You're not too bad, Lancaster. Here, less effective. But better."

The liquid, whilst it was still on his tongue, changed and became something chalk-y and chunky. Not exactly palatable, but a damned sight better than whatever the hell he'd been drinking.

So, this was the myth-famous humour of the djinn.

He didn't appreciate it.

Looking around, Finn could see that the man had been busy. There were a bunch of new additions to his lounge room. Firstly, he'd apparently been sleeping on a plush unicorn whale or whatever that was called.

Secondly, there was now a pillow the full height of a person leaning against the wall with a picture of... Well, it was difficult to tell with the style of drawing, but he was almost certain it was of himself.

Finally, there were a bunch of posters for games scattered around the walls.

"Moving in, I see."

The djinn shrugged, "If you're interested in living, yeah. You're taking this whole having a genie thing badly, if I do say so myself. You ever had a wish you wanted granted, Lancaster?"

"Not really." The man sighed, drinking the horrid-but-less-horrid concoction in front of him, "Mostly to be left alone, I guess. Which ain't going to happen because Rasputin died a dick."

"Died alone, scared and depressed, actually. Managuise." The djinn said sadly, "But that's boring. And so is your wish. You dream bad. We all want to be left the fuck alone. Isn't there anything else you always wanted? Rich? Famous? Fast cars? Sex with supermodels?"

Finn winced, "Shit. Managuise got to the demon hunter? That's gonna ruin someone's day."

"Mostly yours." Hero pointed out.

He shrugged, "Suppose I've always wanted to take a supercar for a test drive. But they're so expensive and impractical. Keeping one ain't a dream of mine."

"Genie. Your wish is my command." Hero said from behind his computer screen, and snapped a finger to make a series of pamphlets appear on the cofee table. "Pick one. Or another. I don't really care."

Finn picked up a pamphlet for a supercar idly and then dropped it. He would have been interested, if he wasn't acutely aware that a bunch of people were trying to kill him right at this moment.

"You keep calling me a sorceror, right? I'm just a warlock. Someone else gave me my magic. Isn't there an easy way to solve this?"

Hero sighed and put the laptop back through the air, "There goes that raid. Look, if there was an easy answer to this Lancaster, I'd take it. I'm a djinn. That means I am crazy lazy. Never worked a hard day in my life. Heck, I even cheat in casual."

"Why are you calling me a sorceror, a natural born magical genius, when I am a fucking warlock, who got their magic by sleeping with a sorceror?" He snapped.

The djinn rolled his eyes, "Because you are one. Now. Sort of. It is going to take a while, but you obviously know shit about inheritance and sorcerors. Why do I always end up with the worst masters? Fucking bullshit."

"Now, djinn!" He shouted, and the coffee table shook.

Finn looked down at it and took a step backwards, wondering if there was something in the table that was about to attack him. He was surprised as Hero appeared behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Calm down. Carefully."

He winced, "Is that a demon?"

"Not exactly. It's the uncontrolled emotions of a sorceror. As... I was about to say, Lancaster... You are a sorceror. Now. You feeling a bit calmer? Not going to blow up your own house by accident?"

He shook his head, feeling dizzy and drained, "I... What?"

"Take a seat."

He collapsed onto his couch as Hero pulled up his chair and sat down across from him and leaned on his knees. "First up, a quick and important lesson on sorcerors. They're not just powerful, they also have emotional difficulties. Because they find the world so easy to bend to their will, sometimes they can bend it in unpredictable ways when they get upset. Anger, depression, happy. The emotion doesn't matter, just the intensity. I've seen orgasms cancel out gravity and all kinds of weirdness."

Finn smiled weakly, "You had to make it about sex, didn't you?"

"Eh. It's cute how uncomfortable it makes you." Hero said unapologetically, "Moving on to inheritance. When a sorceror dies, with an active seal of... Its a spell thing, on their soul. Don't sweat the details. The result, however, is the knowledge and power of that sorceror is preserved, and given to their heir. There is some loss. Depends on all sorts of shit, like willingness to receive the magic, the time it takes to transfer, the amount of information and power being moved, and blah, blah, boring, blah."

He scratched at his cheek uncomfortably, "I'm going to inherit at least some of Rasputin's knowledge?"

"And his power. You already have more than you did. It's just going to grow, which is awesome for me. Less exhausting." Hero smiled at him.

Finn glared, "Rasputin was a creepy motherfucker. Am I going to end up with all those forbidden spells bouncing around in my head? He might have held off the corruption, sort of madness, kind of? Maybe? Dunno. I don't want to turn crazy or evil or some shit."

"Eh, you'll be fine." Hero seemed unconcerned as he confirmed the possibility. "That's boring shit. You have a genie. Are you seriously not going to stand around laughing and making wishes? I'm not leaving until no one wants you dead anymore."

He raised an eyebrow, "And why are you so interested in me making wishes?"

"Because I'm fuckin' bored, man!" Hero laughed, "I've been playing games and buying shit. Look around. I have to protect you, so I can't just run around having fun. Unlike you, I need more than a beer and a shitty cop drama to feel entertained. Do you really not find your life... To be crap?"

Finn sighed heavily, "But wishes? That feels not just like cheating, but like everything is going to go wrong with it. I'm not going to play at god. That is just going to go wrong."

"Ah." Hero's face curled into a smile, "There was a scrap of thought there... Something about hooking up with an ex. So is that why you just accept all this? Bad breakup?"

"You are not ruining her life, djinn." He glared.

Hero shrugged, "Fine, you're the master. If you don't want to rewrite someone to be interested in trying again... We could always make you a new girlfriend. Character creator style."

"That's disturbing."

The djinn sighed and rubbed his face, "I am a god, Lancaster. And I am your contractee. You're effectively the owner of a god. If that doesn't give you the right, I don't know what the fuck would."

Finn sighed and rubbed at his head, thinking it over slowly. Drunk, he would probably have agreed to it without a second thought. As things were now... He just wanted them not to be. "Got any time travel spells?"

"I'm a djinn. I can do literally anything. They aren't spells, technically. But fucking with time will get you fucked over. Every single... Well, time." Hero cautioned.

"Really super creepy that the answer to that wasn't `No'." Finn shivered, and sighed, "Uh... I know you say you've got this place locked down, but I don't feel safe. Nor do I feel safe travelling with you. Suggestions?"

"What about getting some advice from someone you do trust?" Hero shrugged, "Witch's Council?"

"Yes! That." Finn nodded, and immediately reeled as he found himself standing in the middle of a stone circle, beside someone who was in the process of being stripped down by a circle of witches sitting on an elevated ledge around.

He bowed his head and dropped to one knee, "Apologies, great witches. I have urgent need of guidance."

"We were done here, anyway." The head witch stated, glaring at the now-crying man who ran from the room. "Identify yourself, puny warlock."

"This is the great, the fantastic, the sexy and amazing Finnigan Lancaster!" Hero proclaimed, striding forward and spreading his hands, "His legend is legendary, his deeds are bold. His tale is one of sodomy, and drunken mistakes. In short, this man is nothing more or less than... An idiot, with the power and knowledge to turn you arrogant fucks into little ants. I'd watch your tongues."

Finn laughed nervously, "Thanks. Hero. I'm sure that helped... Uh... Like he said, I'm Finn. And apparently Rasputin named me as his heir. I don't know what to do. I'm scared."

"Finnigan Lancaster." The head witch repeated with derision, "Well, well. You've already bagged yourself an acolyte, so maybe you are Rasputin's heir. The man never did stop expanding his cult. This Council is not altogether convinced that Rasputin is permanently dead. It may blow over if you go into hiding for a few days."

"Wormfood." Hero pointed threateningly at the woman, and then laughed and shrugged, "Your puny little minds are so... Fuckin' boring. Rasputin is dead, bitches. Brought down by a managuise. He's not coming back. The gods were pretty pissed at him already, because of his interference with Arcana Astria. His unique flavour of immortality was passed on to his heir, not that I'd allow you to test it. He ain't ever coming back. This is the Legend of Lancaster, not the Reputation of Rasputin."

The high witch glared, "I think you should leave."

"I think you'd sound funny if you had a helium voice." Hero retorted.

Finn's face dropped, "What the hell are you doing, Hero?"

"Having some fun?" The djinn looked at him in confusion, as if playing around with the leading witch in the land was just something that you did when you were bored.

"Silence!" The witch squeaked in a chipmunk-styled voice, before standing up and bursting into flames. She pointed an angry finger towards them, "Cease this at once!"

Hero laughed, "Wow. Worked better than I expected. She's so squeaky."

"Freaking djinn." Finn winced, "Can you stop fucking around? I wanted some help. This was even your suggestion!"

"Fine. Fine, fine." The man sighed, "She can talk normal. As for your attitude, Council members, I neglected to introduce myself. I'm not just a djinn, I'm afraid. My name is Hero Kaida."

The room went quiet, and the witch sat down, shaken.

Finn glared over at him, "The Cursed Child has an influence on the courts? Since when?"

"Not a kid anymore, Lancaster." The djinn shrugged. "And I am, technically, a god. They know all that shit. Would you tell a god they can't do something?"

"I... Have never had to talk with a god. Out of my depth, there." He shivered, "So... We all friends again? I don't know what to do. I need... Help."

"The Heir of Rasputin has inherited the enemies of Rasputin. We cannot protect you from these. Most of them are enemies of the state. Sorcerors with... Dangerous connections." The high witch tried to be diplomatic as she told him that not only was he completely fucked, that the government itself was terrified of the people interested in making him dead.

"What about Violet?" One of the others spoke up, "She tends to take in the brats that are trouble."

"She's got her own problems." One of the others shook their head, "Days from falling into her own grave, unless the Bride is named. However, he has a contract with Kaida. That'll have to be it."

"That, in itself, is likely to get him killed. A god more interested in mundane pastimes than actually fulfilling a role?" The head witch shook her head.

"There is one more possibility. We could send him to her. To the... Neko. The Mirror would be able to protect him against just about anything."

"She's not fucking human." One of the witches yelled, the general concensus loudly agreeing.

One of the quieter ones raised a hand, "What about... The other one? This is an emergency."

"Waking that thing willingly would require the world to be at risk." The head witch snapped and shook their head, "No. Finnigan Lancaster, we cannot offer you any further protection than what you already have."