Are You Kidding Me?

This is a take-off on cuminmywife's cuckold story. I have texted him several times and gotten no response.

So I present this for your entertainment. Some of you may know I am NOT a big fan of cuckoldry and I enjoy a good BTB story or BTB story. (That covers both genders.) This is a fitting payback for a story that just struck me wrong. As far as sex is concerned, the original story had bunches.

*

Jon met my wife, Janie, through a mutual friend. He and Janie had gotten along well and started hanging out together regularly. I was never really threatened by Jon. He was always pleasant and polite, but when you're fucking someone else's wife, you tend to err on the side of caution. They had fun sneaking around while I was at work or away on a trip, but no matter how much fun the sneaking was, something was missing. They told me this later on.

There was the night in December, when they decided to fill in the missing piece to their puzzle. Janie invited Jon over to our place to play cards after dinner. He arrived around eight in the evening, and Janie welcomed him. She hugged him, which I didn't think was that unusual. They were friends, after all.

We first sat down on the sofa, and I grabbed Jon a beer from the refrigerator. When I returned, Jon and Janie were sitting together, holding hands, resting them on his leg. "What's going on guys?" I asked, as the expression on their faces was that of someone who had to deliver some terrible news.

"Well... dear..." she said, "We have something we need to tell you, but we'd rather you be sitting down." So, I did the reasonable thing and sat down, and she proceeded to explain. "So, Jon and I have been having a sexual relationship for the last couple of months. You see, we had this chemistry that was bigger than both of us, and one thing led to another... we care about each other." She reasoned. "I also care about you and I didn't want to cheat on you, so... we have an arrangement we'd like to propose."

Jon picked up where Janie left off. "You see, we can't stop seeing each other. There's just too much there to ignore, but we wanted to make sure you were included in our little tryst. We'll continue having sex regularly, but you'll be there with us... watching. Maybe lend a helping hand here or there." He said, smiling.

Janie continued, "Really, it's going to be a lot of fun for you. I've looked at your search history and I know you like cuckolding porn." She rolled her eyes as I looked confused. "I've seen the history on your browser and you constantly search Pornhub for 'cuckolding relationships', so I know that deep down this is really what you want. It's honestly what's best for our marriage as well."

Jon began again. "So, what we need from you is a signed document. A simple statement that all parties within the contract agree to these terms." I looked through the papers that Janie pulled out of her purse. Some things specified she and Jon were to be absolved from any wrongdoing if the arrangement didn't work out, and I decided to begin divorce proceedings. Some clauses allowed various forms of physical contact, such as kissing, cuddling, and even showering and sleeping together.

I sat there, my mouth dry, not knowing what to say. Janie pleaded her case. "Look... I love you, but I also love Jon and what he can do for me. It's nothing personal, but the way he makes me feel is something I can't just quit. I know he feels the same way about me." Jon nodded his head in agreement. "So, sign the contract, babe... this is the way it's going to be from now on."

What was I to do? I certainly didn't want a divorce, but I had no idea how I would react to watching Janie be fucked by another man.

I looked at the pair of them again- their hands still locked but on her thigh now. Janie looked at me earnestly and said, "Maybe this will convince you to sign..."

I watched as she pulled Jon's face to hers and began to kiss him. He returned the sentiment and put his hand on her cheek. Part of me couldn't believe what I was watching.

There was my wife kissing another man. My cock began to stir in my briefs. I didn't want to acknowledge it, but the longer you both kissed, the more pronounced my erection became. I tried to shift and hide it, but Jon noticed it first.

"Look... he likes this!" He exclaimed. That's when Janie handed me the pen. I looked down at the contract, pen in hand, and sighed. I couldn't hide it from them, and I wasn't sure if this was right.

##############################################################################################################

Now, up to this point, the story was original. Now the guy gets a set of balls.

I had researched quite a bit of cuckolding sex. But it was for a case I was working on.

You see, I am a private investigator, and I do a lot of divorce work, in addition to a security company I own. Obviously, I had not done nearly enough research. So I went into investigator mode, which I am sure they didn't expect. I pulled out my miniature tape recorder and pushed to record.

"Just so we are clear, I would like to record our conversation to eliminate any future disagreements. Just for my own peace of mind, you understand. There is a lot of legal mumbo-jumbo in here ......I notice you two have already singed and had your signatures notarized."

"Yes," said Jon, "We just wanted to save time. We knew you would be on board with this. Geraldine, our notary, will be here soon to notarize your acceptance. Then we can start enjoying ourselves." He was beaming like a kid at Christmas.

"Just to be clear, how long have you two been fucking behind my back? I can't beleive I didn't catch on."

Janie piped up, "Well, we have been married for four and a half years, and Jon and I have been having an affair for two and a half of those. And please don't refer to it in those terms. He is my soulmate, and we have been making love for all that time."

"REALLY!!" I was a little over the top now.

"Come on now, Richard. Don't get so full of yourself. She is enough woman for the both of us."

I looked at them and realized my marriage was over. I took the pen, made my mark, and stood.

"I hope that is satisfatory."

I showed them the document. I had scrawled, 'OH, FUCK NO!!!!', on the signature. Janie looked at the contract and shrieked.

"Sorry, asshole, I don't share well."

"Now see here Richard ....."

I had been shaking the bottle of beer in my hand, with my thumb over the mouth. I took the contract and folded it into my back pocket. Then I pointed the bottle at my soon-to-be ex-wife and the asshole who used to be my friend and moved my thumb off the opening. The stream of liquid caught the two of them full in the face. I turned and picked up my briefcase, laptop, and my jacket and in the midst of demands to come back here, and where did I think I was going, opened the front door. I knocked Geraldine, the notary, on her ass.

"Your show, bitch."

"You must be Richard. ......OH, SHIT!!"

"You ain't lying, bitch."

I got in my pickup and backed up to the foot of the driveway. I put it in drive and cut the wheels to the left, rolling across the front lawn and through her rose bushes. As I bumped off the curb, I clipped the left rear quarter panel on the Asshole's Lexus. I know, juvenile. So sue me. At least he was still alive.

I drove to her parent's house. I figured I'd be proactive, and while I dearly loved my in-laws, I was not going to be the bad guy.

My cellphone was blowing up with messages and texts. Finally, the inbox was full; and after a while, the calls and texting stopped. I pulled up in her parent's driveway and got out. I was leaning on the doorbell, and soon I heard, "ALLRIGHT, ALLRIGHT, I'M COMING!!" The porch light went on, and then I was face to face with her father. Judge Thomas Smith did not appear to be in a happy mood.

"RICHARD!! What are you doing here at this hour? And where is Janie??"

"I don't know where the fuck she is; certainly not on this fucking planet." My father-in-law and mother-in-law had always treated me with love and respect. Even though they had a son in addition to my soon-to-be ex-wife.

I handed the judge the 'contract' and placed my mini-tape recorder on the kitchen table.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??"

"Read it," I said.

He started to read, and his eyes bugged.

"Is this for real??" he asked.

I turned on the tape player, and it started from the place where I asked if I could record the conversation so that there would be no misunderstanding. As it played, his wife listened to it, and suddenly the bathrobe she was holding closed slipped open, and her hand went to her face, covering her mouth. She gasped, and the robe gaped open, revealing the sexy black nightgown she was wearing.

'Well,' I figured, 'his night is ruined.'

He finished reading and looked at me.

"I don't suppose there is any way around this, is there?"

"What would you do in my situation?"

His eyes fell, and he shuddered.

"I understand, son."

Just then, their old-fashioned house phone started to ring. His wife answered the phone.

"Hello??"

"MOTHER!! If Richard is there, I need to speak with him right now!"

Her father grabbed the phone. "About what, stupid? Are you two having some problems??"

You could hear the shriek and the surprise on the other end.

"DADDY!! What are you talking about?? This does not concern you or my mother. This is between my husband and me!"

"You should get a CONTRACT that clarifies that. Otherwise, you have made this a family issue."

I could hear the wailing and the "OOHHH, NOOO, THEY KNOW!!!"

Her father said into the phone, "Goodbye, Janie!" and hung up.

Dad turned to me and said, "Go and get a good night's sleep. Then do what you have to do.

Just don't do anything stupid, copy??"

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry for everything."

"Not your fault, son. Sometimes the snake just sneaks into the garden."

I went out and got into my truck and drove to the Hampton Inn, and checked in for a week. I proceeded to demolish the mini-bar and then collapsed in the bathroom, puking all over the floor. I dragged myself fully clothed into the shower, and hosed myself off. Stripping off my clothes and then collapsing onto the bed, I slipped off to dreamland.

The next morning I woke up and cleaned myself off again. I realized I had no clean clothes, so I called my OTHER good friend, Gerald O'Toole, the one not sleeping with my wife, and asked him to pick up some fresh clothes at Walmart and bring them to the Hampton Inn, room 819. He was a little concerned with what was going on so I told him I would explain everything to him when he got there."OH, and pick up some Egg McMufiins and a lot of coffee. Hustle, buddy."

Then I got a hold of my office and had my two best guys start surveillance on the slut and the ass hole. I called the bank and put a hold on all my accounts, personal and business. I canceled all our joint charge cards after paying them off. Then I called and canceled her cell phone, which was part of my business plan with the company, and then called and had all the utilities shut off to our house. I called a friend of mine who was a lawyer and she recommended a divorce attorney.

"My brother is very good if you want maximum bloodshed. Tell him I sent you. From the looks of it, this will be a slam dunk and could be a landmark decision."

I called her brother, and about that time, Gerald showed up, and I got dressed, and we broke out the groceries for breakfast. I filled him in on the events of yesterday, and at the same time, told my soon-to-be attorney what had happened and what I wanted. He told me to show up at his office with everything at about 3:00 p.m. We would lay out a battle plan.

Gerald was incredulous.

"I can't believe she would do this. Not the cheating stuff but to suggest a written contract. And notarized, too."

"Tell me about it. I have a few more things to do. I'll touch base with you a little later and bring you up to date."

"No problem, pal. I never fully trusted Jon, and I guess now I know why. If you need anything, anything at all, Astrid and I are here for you." Astrid was his wife of 10 years and always treated me like a younger brother.

He left, and I checked myself in the mirror. I looked like shit. Definitely an improvement from yesterday.

I left and went to the bank. I was immediately shown into the office of the senior vice-president. I'm not a billionaire. But between my personal accounts and business accounts, it was a significant amount of money.

He jumped right on me.

"I don't understand your actions. Surely it is your money, and you can do as you see fit, but is there anything we can do to change your mind??"

Guess where Jon worked! He was the senior financial advisor at the bank. So I laid the contract on the veeps desk and then turned on the tape. His eyes clouded as he read the contract, but as he realized what he was reading and what he was hearing, his complexion went from pink to translucent.

"Surely this is some kind of joke."

"If it is, I'm not laughing. I can't continue to do business with an institution that employs a shithead who is fucking my wife behind my back."

My voice had risen to a low roar, and I'm sure the surrounding personnel heard every word. I retrieved the contact from his shaking hand and picked up the tape recorder.

"I wonder how many other 'customers' have been treated the same way. You can inform Jon Samuels that he will be served soon with legal papers. GOOD DAY, SIR."

I turned and left. As I crossed his office area, I heard him bellow 'GET SAMUELS IN HERE NOW!!' I snickered.

I stopped at a stationary supply place and ran off three copies of the 'contract'. I thought it best to not proffer the original around until I got it into the hands of my attorney.

Then I went to my insurance agent. Guess whose soon-to-be ex-wife worked there?? I was ushered into the owner's office, Ms. Daphne Loria. I thought I heard a strangled 'RICHARD' as I walked across their bullpen area. 'This is great,' I smiled.

Ms. Loria rose as I entered and took my proffered hand.

"Richard, good to see you. What can we do for you??"

She was ansty and looked decidedly ill at ease.

"I suppose you know why I am here, Daphne. I am canceling all my insurance with your company, effective immediately, and would appreciate a refund check right now. I can't do business with anyone who would employ a lying, cheating slut-bitch."

"Just one minute, Richard. Your personal feeling can't impact my companies way of doing business. I have not seen nor heard........"

I threw the copy of the 'contract' on her desk and stared at her.

"Do you need to hear the tape recording?? "

She read the three pages and briefly acknowledged the notary's stamp and signature. A shiver shook her upper body.

"One moment, please." She hit the intercom button.

"Janie, would you please come to my office- NOW!!"

Seconds later, a visibly shaken soon to be ex-wife walked into the office.

"Yes, Ms. Loria???"

Janie, you're fired. Clear out your desk and leave.

IMMEDIATELY!!"

Janie staggered and then passed out.

Several people came and fussed over her.

Ms. Loria rose and asked if my decision still stood.

I rose and shook her hand.

"It's nice to do business with a highly moral professional. I think i can leave my business where it is."

I turned and left, stepping over my supine ex-wife, and drove to the lawyer's office.

#######################################################

My lawyer's name was Nathanial Sampson. He was a little older than me and looked younger than me. But he was sharp. He welcomed me to his office. He asked if I would like something to drink and then had his secretary get waters for us.

"Now Richard I've talked to my sister, and she seems to think I'm going to enjoy this. So what have you got?"

I produced the original 'contract' and then spooled up my tape player.

The recording played out, and he was listening to it, but he appeared to be more interested in the 'contract'. When it finished, he hit his intercom button. His secretary/paralegal came in.

"Bethany, take that tape recording and make two copies. Then put the original in the safe. Get Mr. Daniels a new tape, and bring the recorder back."

He went back to reading and kept shooting me sideways looks every so often. Finally, he put the 'contract' down and looked at me.

"This is for real, isn't it? No one could make something like this up." He thought for a minute, then he looked at me.

"Alright, so what do you want to do?"

"I want to crucify them. I want to hurt them so badly, that they won't be able to get work or have any kind of social life together. I WANT THEM TO PAY, BIG TIME."

He smirked a little bit and smiled at me.

"I have never seen anything like this before in my life. I wouldn't miss being in on this for all the money in the world!!!"

"First thing we are going to do is to get the notary in here and depose her. I worked with her before, and I think she will be obliging. We will have our own notary here and do everything legal. Then we will get the tape authenticated and put it to good use. We will push for a jury trial and hammer them."

"Oh," I said, "I think they are both out of a job. I raised a little stink at the bank and her place of employment."

"Even better, we will just crank up the pressure. If we get a jury trial out of this, I'll handle the case pro-bono. I love this already.

"The fact of the matter is, they have no claims to either slander or libel. We have proof that everything they said is true. As long as we don't deviate from the facts, THEY CAN'T DO OR SAY A DAMN THING!!"

The light slowly dawned in my mind. They had screwed themselves.

********************************************************************

We had the notary in and, when it was laid out to her, she rolled on them. She testified that they wanted to have their cake and eat it too. Nathanial got an appointment with a judge and laid our case. He shook his head and looked at me.

"I feel for you, Mr. Daniels. If I can, I will do everything in my power to set this right. But are you sure you want a jury to hear this??"

My lawyer stepped up.

"Your honor, my client wants maximum pain and suffering for the woman who is still technically his wife and the 'person' she has been consorting with. He wants their marriage dissolved and to have her leave the union with nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING."

"Alright, counselor, set it up and let's see if the other parties will roll over."

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We notified the other two and told them to sign the papers or get a lawyer. They wailed. They were almost flat broke, what with getting the utilities turned back on and being unemployed. But she refused to sign, and he was looking at a large settlement demand.

They finally got some fly-by-night shyster to represent them. They neglected to mention the 'contract' or the recording to her lawyer. We scheduled a sit-down at my lawyer's office and got our ducks in a row. My attorney had the recording validated as to time and audio authenticity. We were ready.

They showed up at 11:00 a.m., with her father in tow. I was a little surprised and worried. I shouldn't have been.

Janie walked up to me as if to hug me.

I rebuffed her advance and sneered at my former 'friend'. She started by saying that this was all a big misunderstanding and that I had rained 'holy hell' on the two of them.

They had both lost their jobs, were almost destitute, and had no prospect for any future.

I had instituted a 'Quit-Claim' deed and deeded the house to her.

But with no money, they were rapidly getting underwater. They tried to list it for sale but were not having a lot of luck. She wanted me back in her life, her bed, and most of all her bank account.