Are You Ready For This?

He put his fork on the plate, beside the half-eaten salmon. He raised a glass of wine to his lips, glancing at me, before averting his eyes, and then finding mine again. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"That's what my agent asked me," I said. I looked at him. A bit of a smile crossed his slightly wrinkled face. My unspoken question was, "Do I want to do it with him?"

Six weeks before this actor and I met for dinner, my agent brought me a proposal from a Spanish director whom I admired. It was a bold script. Just two characters. Both middle-aged, both wounded in love by spouses who had had affairs. They meet at a park. The connection is apparent. Her house in the forest is a place they can explore who they are.

"This won't work if you and I don't work," I said. "I've seen your films. You've never played a character close to Manuel. I've never approached the intimacy Raoul wants from Sonia. I don't know why he thinks we can pull this off." He put his wine down and leaned in.

"I'm not sure we can," he said. I've never undressed in a film. You haven't either. He wants us to do a lot more than undress." We were meeting for the first time. We're both very good at our craft. He's got a girlfriend. I'm currently single.

"What's your girlfriend think about this?" I said. "Is she willing to share you with me?"

"She says she is. It's just acting, she said."

"Raoul's going to put us in a room and we're going to do a lot of things in front of a crew. An audience is going to see a whole lot of us up close. Really up close. Are you sure your girlfriend is ready for that?"

"I go back to my first question to you: Are you ready for this?" he said. I looked around the restaurant. There was a chance, I thought, that some of these people might see me on a screen fucking the man sitting across from me. A few heads turned when I first came into the room. I've been in some popular films. I've got a good reputation as a character actor. He does too. He may be more familiar to more people than I am. And here we are, a make or break point in our careers.

"So far, you haven't repulsed me," I said.

"Well, that's something," he said. We both smiled and, then, we spoke seriously about our feelings, our fears, our desires. We both saw this as an artistic challenge, an adventure, and a big risk. We both saw this as something we couldn't pass up.

"It's settled, then," I said. "I'll see you in Madrid." Of course, it wasn't quite settled. Raoul insisted that we do some rehearsal, with the crew filming us, to make sure that his hunch about casting us was correct. We had to get tested medically, so that we knew we were clean and had no diseases. Once we started, we couldn't be with anyone else until shooting was complete. That meant his girlfriend stayed back in the states. We left the restaurant. He hailed a cab for me. I kissed him on the cheek. He smelled nice.

Two weeks later, I was sitting in a small cafe near the Prado, drinking black coffee and waiting for Raoul's assistant to pick me up. She was right on time and we drove to a rustic farmhouse a half hour outside the city. Five cars were parked in the gravel motor court. A small van was backed up toward a side door. We walked in the front entryway. Raoul and my co-star were huddled in a corner of the large living room.

"Joanna!" Raoul said. He kissed my cheeks. "At long last! I've admired your work for so long. It's a pleasure to finally meet you." He gestured to Armand. "You two have met," he said. It all seemed so formal, in light of what we were about to do. I gave Armand a light hug.

"It's good to see you again," I said. "I'm glad that neither of us got cold feet. How was your flight?"

"Uneventful," he said, with that slight smile of his. Raoul took us aside and told us what he wanted to do. He was intentionally vague. He thought that would be the way to get realistic performances out of us. For today, he wanted to break the ice. He wasted no time in doing so. He said something in Spanish to the five-person crew. They each took their positions behind two cameras, a boom mike, and lights. He turned to us.

"Stand by the table," he said, "and face each other." Armand and I walked to the center of the room. On the table was a small plate of orange wedges. A black piece of cloth lay nearby. "Joanna, take an orange slice and slowly feed it to Armand." I did as I was told. "Put your index finger in his mouth. Armand, you suck on it. Slowly." His mouth was wet and warm. His tongue rested under my finger.

We reversed roles. The orange was bitter. His finger was smooth. As I sucked it, I swirled my tongue around his digit.

"Very good," Raoul said. "Use the cloth, Joanna, to blindfold Armand." I wrapped the long cloth around his head twice and tied it in the back. Raoul repositioned the camera operators. One, a woman, used a smaller, handheld camera. A young man rolled a camera on a dolly to a place behind me. Raoul whispered in my ear. He saw my surprise. "It's okay, Joanna. Do it."

I put my hands on Armand's shoulders and leaned in to kiss him once, then twice. I unbuttoned the top of his shirt. Silently, I did the rest. No one spoke. I turned to Raoul. He nodded. I loosened Armand's belt. I paused. Then, I lifted his shirt out of his pants and slowly removed it. He had a hairy chest. His nipples were hard. Again, Raoul whispered in my ear.

I ran my fingers over his nipples. He flinched, but stood there. I circled them with my tongue and gently sucked on one and then the other. He inhaled and held his breath. Then he sighed with a small shudder. I kept my left hand on his hip and turned again to Raoul. Again, he nodded. I put my right hand on Armand's crotch. I could feel his hardening cock. I squeezed it gently and let go. The camera woman moved for a better angle.

"Take his pants off, Joanna," Raoul commanded. I slid them to his ankles. I removed his loafers and then finished the job. Everyone could see the wet spot on Armand's briefs. Everyone could see his cock throbbing under the cloth. I stayed on my knees and pressed my cheek against it. I reached behind and grabbed his ass.

"Oh my god," he said, softly.

Raoul told me to stand up and step back. He told Armand to remove the blindfold. "You're doing well, amigo," he said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," Armand said. "It's what I signed up for."

"Good. I'm glad. Now, take off your underwear." We were all looking at Armand. He looked at me, shrugged, and smiled. He lifted his briefs over his hard cock and took them off. "Hold his penis, Joanna," Raoul said. I grabbed it with my right hand. His balls were hairy. So was his ass. He was a beautiful man. A beautiful, naked man. "Okay, let go, Joanna." I did. "Now, stroke your penis, Armand. Show us how you do it." He hesitated and, then, slowly moved his left hand up and down his shaft. He took some precum and rubbed it over his shiny, circumcised head. The camera woman knelt in front of him, recorded him, as he did what he was told.

"Very good," Raoul said. "You can stop now." He turned to me. "Undress for us, Joanna. Show us your body. Show us your sex."

"Am I ready for this?" I thought. What the fuck. It's too late now for that question. Raoul's directness had caught me off guard. What I imagined was not how this was playing out. This was raw. This was mature. He wants me to show them. I signed up for this, too. What am I waiting for? Show them. They're waiting.

I walked in front of Armand. I reached for his hand and brought it to my face. I touched his hard cock. Then, I stepped back. "I want you to see me, Armand. I want them to see me, too." I stepped out of my shoes and unzipped my skirt. I unbuttoned my blouse. I removed them and put both on the table. My fingers trembled slightly as I unclasped my bra. He looked down at my breasts, then up at me, and smiled. I pushed my panties to the floor and left them there. I didn't need them any more.

The camera woman panned up from my feet to my face. Raoul told her to stand behind me and capture my ass. He told Armand to put his hands on my hips. "Now, slowly draw her in," he said. We were the same height. Armand's hard cock pressed against my mound. "Kiss him," Raoul said. I held his face in my hands and touched my lips to his. They were soft and sweet. We moved slowly against each other. He felt good.

"Okay," Raoul said. We broke our kiss. "So far, you two look good together. How is all this going for you?"

"You mean, how does it feel to have a hard on in front of all of you and a naked woman and two people with cameras?" Armand said. We all laughed. "Actually, I like it. Anything for art, you know." We laughed again.

"I can't believe I'm doing this and I have to say that it's a turn on," I said. Raoul took us aside, as the others took a break.

"You will do what I say, yes?" Raoul said. "I will push you. You will tell me if I go too far, yes?" This was the test. We three knew it.

Raoul called the crew to set up in the rustic bedroom. He followed them there. Armand and I were alone in the living room. "I will fuck you or suck you if he tells me to do it," I said. He said nothing. His half-hard cock gleamed in the afternoon light streaming through the window. "I'm sorry," I said.

No, no," he said. He looked into my eyes. "What I said is true. I like what we're doing. I just don't want you to think that all I'm after is an easy fuck in front of strangers. I actually think this film, if we make it, could be groundbreaking. In spite of my arousal, I'm a little nervous."

I touched his arm. "I'm glad you said that. I am, too, in spite of my words and actions so far." We talked for a minute more. Raoul's assistant came in and said they were ready for us. We walked through a narrow hallway lined with old photos. In the bedroom, the stationary camera was up high toward the ceiling, pointed at the bed with its turned-down cover. A diffused light cast a nice glow. The room was large enough for the nine people in it. Armand and I were still naked.

Raoul asked for quiet. He told the crew how he wanted to shoot the scene. He told us that he would give us minimal direction. He wanted us to go with what we felt but to do what he asked. He told us to take our time, pretend that they weren't there. He told us to make it real.

"Get on the bed, Armand. Put your head on the pillow and put your hands behind your head," Raoul said. Armand's cock flopped around as he positioned himself in the center. "Joanna, get him hard and make him, how you say it, make him have an orgasm." I turned to Raoul. He stood in the corner with his arms folded. I looked at Armand. He was nervous. I could see it in his eyes. But I knew he was willing to let me do it. I knew I wanted to do it. I wanted to make him come in front of these people.

"Whatever you say, Raoul," I said, as I shrugged my shoulders. He smiled and waved me toward the bed. It was very quiet in that room. I got on the bed and straddled Armand's thighs, facing him. I put my hands on his belly and gently pressed it. Then, I wrapped my right hand around his cock. I put my left on his balls. He began to stiffen. Slowly, I stroked him until he was fully erect. I got off his thighs and knelt by his hip. The camera woman brought her lens close to Armand's twitching cock.

"Suck him, Joanna. Do it slowly." Raoul's voice was soft and low. I looked in Armand's eyes. He wanted it. He wanted my mouth on him. I did too. I leaned over his throbbing penis and licked it. I wet his cockhead all over. I put the tip in my mouth. It was salty, like he had already come. Slowly, I took him in, all of him. It wasn't huge, but it was thick. I like thick cocks. I cupped his balls again, slowly moving my mouth up and down. Armand started to moan. I didn't want him to come just yet, so I took my mouth off him.

"You taste good," I said. I moved up to his mouth and kissed him, this time with my tongue. I wanted him to taste his cock. He probed my mouth.

"That's amazing," he whispered. "I want more." I grabbed him again and squeezed more firmly. Screw Raoul. I want Armand to come now. I want him to scream. I stroked him faster. I sucked his nipples. I pressed my cunt against his hip. And then, he exploded. He screamed. He came all over his belly. I didn't let go until he was empty. I didn't let go until he was spent.

Raoul's assistant used a damp cloth to clean up Armand, but not before I tasted his cum on the tip of his cock. Then Raoul told me to get on all fours in the middle of the bed. "Lick her ass," he told Armand. I felt his wet tongue moving over my cheeks. Then his mouth was on my cunt, sucking it slowly. I moaned a little; it felt so good. My tits swayed just above the mattress. His tongue found my asshole and circled it. "Do it," Raoul said.

Only once in my life has a man put his finger in my ass. Armand wet his finger in my pussy and then pressed it against my hole. "Please, Armand," I said. He pressed harder and pushed past my sphincter. He moved his finger slowly, letting me get used to it. Then, he twisted it around. Oh my god! I moaned again.

"Don't move," Raoul commanded. He said something in Spanish. The camera woman changed her position and got a close up of Armand finger-fucking my ass. "Okay, take it out," he told Armand. The camera moved to my face. I looked into the lens, waiting for what was to come. Armand was licking my cunt again, using his mouth to pull on my lips. Then, he backed off. His hands were on my hips. I felt the tip of his penis against my cunt. He was hard. Raoul leaned toward my ear. "I want him to fuck you, Joanna. Tell him to fuck you." He stepped away.

"Put it in me, Armand. Please. Put it in me." He slid his cockhead up and down my slit. He paused. And then he pushed in slowly. He pulled out and then pushed in again. And again. And again, until his thick cock was nestled completely inside me. "Yes," I said. "Yes."

He fucked me slowly from behind. The camera moved around our bodies. I wanted to ride him. We changed positions and I climbed on his cock, facing him. He played with my hard nipples as I was grinding against him. I fucked him fast. I wanted him and all of them to see me come. I closed my eyes. I was getting close. I fucked him faster and then fell off the cliff. My juices gushed from me. The camera caught it all.

Armand and I sat naked on the bed. The crew watched us. Raoul did too. I could feel their eyes exploring all of me. "They see you here. Naked. Vulnerable. Aroused. We do this film, the world will see you. Are you ready for that?" Raoul smiled as he spoke. He seemed pleased with what we had done in front of the cameras.

"I wanted to do this," I said. "I was turned on doing it and knowing you all were watching two middle-aged people have sex. I didn't know I was an exhibitionist, but I guess that's what I am and I like it. I want to do more. I want to make a sensual film. I want people to see me. The real me." Armand grasped my hand.

"Joanna's right," he said. "It was a turn-on, having sex in front of you. I think we can make a good movie, a sexy movie. I think it can be a movie that breaks new ground. I want to be part of that." The crew applauded.

Raoul smiled broadly. "Let's do it," he said. And we did.