Arnie 01

Arnie 01

Hey there, I'm Arnie (Arnold) and I'm a CD Trap and a total waste of time. Like a pathetic total waste of time, but I totally fill the clothes, so if that's enough for you, I mean, drop me a comment on Chang. Just don't expect too much from me because you know, I'm pathetic.

But pathetic doesn't mean afraid, but when I close my eyes tight, I mean, I just don't see myself giving sex to anyone any time soon. Or having sex with anyone, however that should be stated. The visions just don't come to me, but on the other hand, I can't keep my eyes off of certain memes, like giving sex in certain ways memes, but that's with my eyes wide open. So, that will probably keep you away from my pathetic self within itself, right?

But talk to me anyways for a few minutes, okay? It's not like I'm stone cold, unless stone cold is the same as being pathetic, but I'm approachable and my smaller frame helps the way I look in the clothes, so throw me a bone and have a chit chat with me. I mean, I don't get out a lot, but I do get out and maybe a little help getting past a few things would benefit both of us, so, let me be the shy and pathetic one and say hey to me.

Anyways, I'm not so pathetic that I don't think about stuff, so, ooh, when I close my eyes and I'm not saying this out loud, but when I close my eyes, I see sex stuff from the other way. Like the other way where I might be, maybe, ooh, oh, um, like maybe I'm the subject of when you (pull on yourself over me), but in person and not from one of my selfies on Chang. (But not on me)! (And I meant whacking off over me like a mad man). (With grunts and groans). (Like a man mad with lust). (But not on me).

Anyways, um, I'm of a smaller frame and that alone brings a few things that I use to my advantage when I'm dressed. I keep my hair shorter and in a "face surrounding" spikey style and for right now, that suits me just fine. It can be a bit much going back and forth, but once I have it styled for the weekend, that's that.

So, obviously, I've never had a boyfriend or been the boyfriend, so there is no point carrying on about that, I suppose. And about that other thing that I have visions about, well, that's all they are, silly visions that are not real and will probably never become a reality, so, hey there, hey, I'm Lil Arnie and if I can't even qualify as a tease, well, I'm just a bore, I guess.

But I still get out there. I mean, dressing for a mirror is the real bore and other than 10, how many selfies can one take and post on Chang a day, right?

Anyways, I still have a few friends who almost tolerate me, so that's a good thing, right? LOL, even if they tolerate me because they are also stuck in the middle between remembering me as Arnold and gawking at me as Arnie. I mean, I'm not supposed to say it, but I do have that type of body right now. Besides, it's nice being noticed, even if it's me who cuts things off so quickly for fear of well, literally everything sexually related, so.

And, and, and, even though things are a little boring from my end, well, they are not totally pathetic, maybe. Unless being totally pathetic is the same as things are totally pathetic for me, LOL.

But it's not pathetic how I at least perform a service about every three Friday evenings. Oh, no, re-read the above, not that kind of service, LOL, but my few friends who still tolerate me and who like to side gawk at me, well, I perform a service for them, again, not that kind of service, but it's my big night out, so, well, there is something that I do for them every third Friday evening.

Now, as far as it being my big "whoop, whoop" night out, LOL, I may have the needle of the moral compass just this side of "slut" with a little bouncing back and forth action for how I dress, but it's my one big "whoop, whoop" night out, right?

And, and, and, I get to drive Frank's big ass dirty 4-wheel truck! Which I can barely see over the hood, but it's better than advertising my skimpy reveal in my truck, right? People remember and associate other people by the vehicles that they drive, so ensure that I remain a bore and a non-tease by vehicle association, LOL, I put all that on Frank's big ass dirty 4-wheel drive truck!

Oh, the guys, they have their ATV adventures about every third Saturday, so I take their fuel containers up to the gas station on the Friday night before and fill them up. In Frank's big ass dirty 4-wheel drive truck!

I mean, how exciting is my life, right? And as a boost, LOL, yep, I wear black latex kitchen gloves for the scent of the gasoline on my hands. Or "whoop, whoop" for short.

Oh, and as another boost, LOL, my friends wouldn't have anyone else fill their empty and identical fuel cans, so maybe I'm a little, little, little bit of a tease after all. But it's easier when you know someone, I guess. LOL, but the fags at the gas station, well that's totally different!

[Vroom, parks, clunk, clunk, spew, spew, rumble, clunk, spew, spit, spew, clunk, clank, pop, pop]

Well, not only is Frank's big ass dirty 4-wheel drive truck dirty, it's on its last legs too! Oh, and just above when I said that I should be left to be the shy and pathetic one, well, I'm not exactly shy! I'm just a pathetic waste of time, so.

[Tailgate creak and kerplunk. Slides Frank's credit card. Ooh, cash back requested? Sure!]

"So, um, do you need some help there, missy guy? I mean, gas cans are heavy when they are full and it looks like you could use a friendly helping hand, so?"

"Oh, um, they do get heavy, so thanks mister, but since I only know you from your stalking of me here at the gas station every third Friday at precisely 7pm, I mean, thanks, but I got this. I mean, my friends who need this gas like it when I return all tired out from hefting all these heavy gas containers around, so."

"Oh, well, I mean, it sounds like your friends are less than friends if they like wearing you out from hefting around four large gas containers, so maybe you need a new friend or something then, hmm? I mean, I can understand why they would want to wear you out, but having you return all wore out isn't making a lot of sense, so?"

"Oh, I mean, I think my friends like it when I return all worn out and tired from lifting four full gas containers that weigh almost as much as I do because I have a tendency to plop down on the garage floor when I return, so?"

"Oh, and then what happens?"

"Um, not much, mister. I mean, I go all "whew" and plop down for a rest and then they go all "whew" and circle around me to make sure I'm okay, so?"

"Aha, aha, aha, so, so, you like that sort of thing then, hmm?"

"Um, it's not like that, mister."

"Oh, I think it's exactly like that, so?"

"Well, it's not like I sit there with my mouth open or anything, so?"

"Aha, aha, aha, then it is like that then! I mean, are your eyes open at least, hmm?"

"And that's none of stalker dude business, mister! Anyways, thank you for the offer of a helping hand, but I would prefer it if you kept your hands to yourself, so."

"Oh, it's like that then, hmm? I mean, did you or did you not throw me the whacking off hand and arm symbol motion three weeks ago, hmm?"

"Oh, well, it looked like you were struggling to get the nozzle back into it's slot, so, I just showed you how to do and it's not my fault if it looked exactly the same as secretly asking if you if you whack off over me after we pull away from the gas station, so?"

"Aha, aha, aha, now we're getting somewhere! And if I do, hmm?"

"Hah! Remove the word "if" and I'll confirm that I have a thing for a guy going mad over me, so?"

"Aha, aha, aha, do you have a fantasy of doing it for me then, hmm? And what's your name?"

"Oh, my name is Arnie and my fantasy may or may not be to watch, but that doesn't mean I plop down for my friends for that reason, so?"

"Oh, aha, aha, aha, then what is the reason that you plop down for these friends of yours, hmm, Arnie?"

"Well, all four of them are under 21 and their man balls are that active, so they need a lot of release and relief, so?"

"Aha, aha, aha, ooh, so, can I be one of your new friends then, Arnie, hmm? And, and, and, aha, aha, aha, if your pretty little mouth is closed, but your eyes are open, I mean, you must have a lot of messy laundry to do just afterwards, right, Arnie?"

"Well, the first time, for sure mister, but even though my clothes are on the smaller side of the moral compass, I mean, they still cost money, so lately I have been stripping down to just my undies before I plop down on the garage floor and gaze upwards, so?"

"Aha, aha, aha, is this for real or are you just a phone sex operator without the phone part, hmm?"

"Well, I mean, it's not exactly true in real life, but maybe it's what I think about sometimes, so?"

"Aha, aha, aha, so, do you..."

"Nope! I do not! Mister."

"Oh, so, you're a daydreaming tease and nothing more than, hmm?"

"Well, I have that right, right mister? Also, I think the words you are looking for are pathetic and a complete waste of time, so."

[Gluck, sploosh, splash]

"Well, are you going to lift the containers into the back of the rickety old truck for me or not, mister, hmm?"

"(Squeak, squawk) sir, please do not touch another customer's fuel cans! His butt crack is all that I have when he crawls up into rusty truck bed, so please don't harass my favorite customer (squeak, squawk)."

Well, wow, you learn something every day, right? I never pegged Henry for that!

"Oh, ooh, sorry, mister, but this is Henry's station and all, so?"

"Well, am I going to have the chance to fag over you again in three weeks or not then, Arnie, hmm?"

"Well, if you don't mind wasting your time on me, um, next time tell me how many strokes, argh, never mind, mister, but I'll see you in three weeks!"

"(Squeak, squawk) Arnie, your cash back is ready at the counter (squeak, squawk)."

And then I made a beeline for the entry doors of the gas station! After one quick hand motion, that is.

[Vroom, vroom, vroom, squeal away]

And well, that worked.

[Crash, that's not airbag cream splattered on the windshield!]

LOL, well, it worked in my favor, I guess.

"Well, what the hell was that, Henry? Do you have something for me? I don't mean the cash back or your fat gas station pump handle!"

"Arnie, I mean, I'll play by your rules, so?"

"Henry, do you actually think that I know what to do with that information, hmm?"

"Arnie, the way I see things, you don't really have to do a lot of anything, so?"

"So, just kneel down and let you have your way then, hmm?"

"Arnie, well, or you could live under a rock, so? People share body fluids all the time!"

Well, I guess if I drooled while living out my fantasy of watching a guy stroke, argh, shake it off, it's Henry, so shake it off!

"Henry, this is no time to bring logic into the argument! How old are you, Henry, hmm?"

"Oh, too old to be your boyfriend, but young enough to bring your fantasy to the light, so?"

"Well, maybe you're not totally wrong about a couple of things, Henry, but I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for someone as pathetic as I am, so. However, if I wanted to update my visual fantasy, I mean, ooh, I mean..."

"Oh, on your butt! On your bare butt, Arnie!"

"Bare?"

"Bare! Besides, the other perfect logic is that it's good body lotion, so?"

[Snatches the cash back $40]

Huh, and it's not even that big of a target, but info is always good, but that's all it was! Info only! Well, fantasy upgrade info, but info only!

[Crank, grr, crank, grr, clunk, clunk, spew, spew, rumble, clunk, spew, spit, spew, vroom, vroom]

"So, um, hey buddy guy, I mean, did I properly close the tailgate? I'd hate to lose a bazillion dollars of fuel, so?"

[Hey buddy guy steps over the pump aisle, shakes tailgate, walks to driver's side window]

"Well, I'd say that I just watched you walk inside of the gas station, so your tailgate is just fine, but I would hate to ruin a chance at a date over a cheesy comment. Also, it doesn't seem like I should call you Arnold anymore these days, so?"

"Um, um, OMG, Victor? Victor from school?"

[Vroom, vroom, vroom]

"Hi."

"Oh, um, it's Arnie lately, so?"

"So, is this your boyfriend's truck then, Arnie?"

[Vroom, vroom, vroom]

"Um, nope, no boyfriend for me, LOL, I'm too pathetic for that, but um, I am the designated fuel runner for Frank and his guys every third Friday night or so, I mean, this is my big "whoop, whoop" Friday night out and all, so, whew, you talk now, Victor."

[Vroom, vroom, vroom]

"(Cough, cough) well, if you want me to leave you alone, Arnie, just say that instead of choking me out with the nasty fumes of this clanky old truck!"

[Vroom, vroom, vroom]

"Oh, um, well, it's a total crap shoot when this thing is going to stop running, so you have to keep after the gas pedal, Victor. Also, Victor, did you actually say the word "date" just now, hmm?"

[Vroom, vroom, vroom]

"(Cough, cough) call me, Arnie and yes, I said "a date down by the river with a malted" or something like that, so (cough, cough)."

[Pull out, grr, clank, grr, clunk, clunk, spew, spew, rumble, clunk, spew, spit, spew, screech to a stop]

"Okay, Victor! But I'm pathetic and a total waste of time!"

Oh, I should have never opened the truck door and stepped outside to say that, but he had already seen me in my questionable moral compass manner of dress anyways when I walked my tailgate inside of the gas station, so, whatever, right?

"[Smooch smack] I'll pick you up at 8pm tomorrow night, Arnie."

"(Gulp) I'll be ready, Victor. Also, you said date, right? A date like sitting next to each other and everything, right, Victor?"

"(Squeak, squawk) sir, please stop making time with my favorite cookie, I mean, my favorite customer (squeak, squawk)."

"LOL, don't flip Henry off, Victor. He's just a little lonely. Also, you just kissed me, in case you weren't aware of that, so."

"[Mwah, smooch, mwah] nope, I wasn't aware of that, Arnie, so?"

"Whew, Victor, I'm pathetic!"

"8pm sharp, Arnie!"

Well, he'll find out for himself soon enough how pathetic I am as well as how much of a waste of time I am, but who turns down a first date, right? Especially when you remember that person and you could do worse!

Or on the other hand, what better way to truly solidify your rep as pathetic and a total waste of time, right?

[Pull out again, grr, clank, grr, clunk, clunk, spew, spew, rumble, clunk, spew, spit, spew, pop, spew, pop]

Also, this is how pathetic I am! I didn't get or take his number from the excitement of being asked out!

[Park, pop, pop, pop, grr, clank, grr, clunk, clunk, spew, spew, rumble, clunk, spew, spit, spew, pop]

Oh, at least Frank's big ass dirty 4-wheel drive is more pathetic than I am, right?

"Well, I must say, Arnie, we were getting a little worried for how long that trip to the filling station took, so?"

"Oh, well, I made a bigger big "whoop, whoop" Friday night of it than I thought I would, so, well, ooh, um."

"Oh, Vic texted me! Here is his phone number and actually, I mean, good luck."

[Snatch that number! Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap]

"Um, um, um, um."

"Oh, here is my advice then, Arnie. Think of literally anyone else on the planet and then be them and not you, so?"

Well, that wasn't very nice of Frank and all to say. I mean, maybe it was true, but still, right?

"And don't let us interfere with any relationship that you will probably ruin in five minutes. I mean, we want to circle jerk your delicate ass, but your blog photo works for us, so, go ahead and go out with Vic then. Just be sure to be someone else."

"What? I never thought about be circled jerked on and I certainly wouldn't blog about it even if I did have such thoughts and I certainly wouldn't post any risqué photo either, so!"

"Oh, well, fine, then some random CD Trap who blogs and added a nice sideways naked selfie while wearing a mask and with one leg perfectly extended just the right amount has captured our attention then. I mean, it's wild as hell how the random CD Trap forgot to raise the phone camera up just a little higher to cover what the mask didn't cover up, but hey, my bad, Arnie, right? I mean, those man-made freckles must be so popular with all Tranny's, right?"

Argh! Stupid 3 dot triangle freckle tattoo on the upper bridge of my nose! But tee he, just as I figured, right? But I never saw them jacking off over me, so my fantasy was still valid. I think.

"Well, this just got awkward then, Frank, so?"

"Duh, you think, Arnie? I just confirmed that we pull over you! Also, it feels like I should shut it now, so."

Well, I still never saw it, so.

Also, by the way, for an official date, I brought the moral compass back to respectable. Small and tight, but much more respectable.

"(Slurp) this is my first real time cruising the Strip, Victor. And what was with that lady, Mildred, at the Malt Shop, huh?"

"LOL, Mildred has her ways about her, that's all. Scoot over a bit."

"Scoot over?"

"Come on, Arnie."

Well, life on the Strip sure seems to be very non pathetic! Even if his SUV only allowed me to scoot so far.

"LOL, that Mildred lady whispered to me that she expects a report back sometime, LOL."

Oh, which apparently was code to take the swing off from the Strip down towards the river! Or it was a coincidence because that's about where we were on the Strip.

[Vroom]

"Tee, he and that Mildred lady gave me this extra cup of the left over malted for the after taste!"

[Vroom, vroom]

"And I definitely want a second date, so there is definitely going to be an after taste, Victor!"

[Vroom, vroom, vroom]

"And I saw her give you a, well, she gave me a smirk after she checked your date status, so."

[Screech, brake, park]

And see there, folks? Read back above. I spied so many vehicles that I knew by the person who drove them. I mean, when you sit pathetically in shadows and spy and waste time, that's the type of info you come up with!

"So, down by the river is a class reunion then, Victor?"

"Seriously, Arnie? Have you ever been out of your house other than the gas station? Now, be my little bitch boy and start earning your second date!"

Oh, that felt like a tad angry question, so. Which maybe a more experience person could have handled, but it turned me completely! So, I did what I had no idea how to do! I exited his SUV with a little anger and started walking! Right to Brad's car!

Even, argh, with Brad's girlfriend, Sally sitting right there! So, stupid sometimes goes with pathetic, I guess. But I knew Brad from helping him with homework way back in the day, so, what else was I supposed to do, right?

"Brad, I need a ride home! And Sally, I don't mean anything other than a ride home, so?"

And praise be to the heavens, they let me into the rear seat!

"Tough night, kiddo?"

"Well, Sally, I was on the right page, but being talked to in a certain manner isn't in my book, so?"

"Drive, Brad. We'll be his hero tonight."

Code for Sally already sucked him off, right? I mean, most of vehicles only had one person visible and even I know that nobody goes down to river alone much, so.

"Fess up, Arnie, how long?"

"Oh, maybe 17 minutes, well, probably 14 minutes, but 17 minutes. Pretty pathetic, right, Sally?"

"LOL, pretty much, but it's you, so, hey, put it in the record book. Um, should we keep our eyes open while driving down the Strip then, Arnie?"

Hmm, code for do you want better company, right? And a person with more experience may have said yes, but I too pathetic to even notice that were like 100 guys on the Strip!

"Oh, and by the way, Arnie, Brad has whacked off over your blog photo before, so?"

"Sally!"

"Babe!"

"Oh, please, Brad, all guys jack off, like all the damn time and as long as you clearly know that I'm the only garage that you can park it in, well, I mean, who am I to tell you how fast to wash it, hmm? With, LOL, baby oil!"