All Comments on 'As I Lay - Dying?'

I understand errors happen in one’s writing, but please, not in the title. You lay an object down. You lie on the bed. I know I’m being picky, but if you can’t get the title and blurb correct, it tells me the story will be just as bad.

Anonymous, I just don’t know how to respond to you. The author mentioned paraphrasing Faukner’s title - one of the great American novels, BTW - at the very beginning, and I must say it was cleverly done. Obviously you haven’t heard of it or the metal band of the same name. Go ahead, wow me with more of your amazing command of English.

This is one of those times I think anonymity must be a fantastic gift. If it weren’t for that, you probably wouldn’t have the balls to so ignorantly display your ignorance, and I don’t get the opportunity to disparage you personally. Just say thank you and quit posting.

This was a great read.

Well ! Amateur writing all the way but it was heartfelt and harmless. Those qualities alone put it on tier above median effort submitted here. Reminded me a bit of woodmanone's style where the narrator is so earnest and straightforward that it starts to take on camp ⛺ overtones .

Bottom line : Harley motorcycle and bathing suit -optional outings kept main character from Charlie Brown-esque / average Matt Moreau chronic chronicler travails. Barely.

The title of Faulkner's novel, "As I Lay Dying," is grammatically correct, since, in the case of the novel, 'lay' is the past tense of 'lie' A sentence from the novel: "As I lay dying, I wondered [past tense] if she would come back for me."

There are a number of websites that point out the grammatical correctness of Faulkner's use of 'lay' in this case. You can look it up!

You developed your characters and told a good story. I enjoyed it very much. Thank you.

This very good story arises a question: Why can't a stories like this one be posted in more than one category? That would give a chance of a lot more people to read it...4*

the last line brought tears to my eyes.

You have done it again, I have enjoyed many of your stories. My fav will always be 'What Was I Thinking'. Your stories are written to make the reader think and feel the emotion's of the characters. Keep them coming.

I was comatose while trying to read this. "As I Lied - Crying" would be a better title. Jesus, make something happen in the first page or two! Five pages to bore the reader to death? You can do that in two just as effectively. 5 *s and 😃👍!

AMerryman

Fairly well written. But you covered SO much ground in just a few pages I felt you could have picked one area and expanded it instead of trying to cover a lifetime of events. Maybe next time - "The Novel"?

One of my favorite story tellers tells another great story!!! 5* <hand clapping in the background>

Outstanding great story, teared up a bit.

The part where the CEO gets the bucket dropped on him was reminiscent of a scene in The Maltese Falcon.

I mean in a good way! Decent 3* atoey along the way, but that kast piece was very powerful!

but 1 question,,,,,if there is no Pubes,,,do we still call them Beaver Shots, TK U MLJ LV NV

Tears in my eyes...enjoyed it immensely!

As an old guy who has seen a lot of the surprises life can dish up (like cheating spouses, terminal cancer, and - fortunately - a loving partner to grow old with), this story bounced around many different rooms in my memories. Thanks for plenty of food for thought.

On a side note, herpes was indeed a fearsome STD back in the 70s and 80s. I know it well - I've had it since 1973 - and the outbreaks were something else! Painful itching, oozing sores, fever and killer headaches, and so on. It could even be passed on to an infant during birth if there were active lesions in the birth canal at the time. Imagine gifting that to your newborn!

The drug (Valtrex) that finally made it a non-issue came out around 1995, and was only used to treat outbreaks in the early days. Thanks to good drug coverage, my wife and I were able to start taking it daily around 2003, and we've been outbreak-free ever since.

Thanks again for a fine story - looking forward to the next one....

A nice tale.

As for the shave beaver not counting for beaver shots; if a Naked Mole Rat is still a Mole Rat, I figure a shaved or even naked beaver (electrolysis, you pervs) is still a beaver...

You have a way of spinning a story that I love. I may even be able to guess at the ending but I still can not wait to see how you put it out there! Just another great job!

I didn't like him dying at the age of 70.

I used to think 70 was old.

Now I'm 80 I don't.

BillandKate can tell a good tale. I really enjoyed J.R.'s journey. He survived a lot of heartache on the way to happiness. Just be good solid story, with no over the top histrionics to spoil the trip. Just a good read.

This one did.

You have no idea how much I wish my life would have turned out like JR's.

Oh well, someone has to lose. I just wish it hadn't been me.

You write extremely well btw.

At 75 I feel pretty lucky, three kids 6 grandkids and three great grandkids and a wonderful wife of 53 years. I am having surgery in 6 weeks and it could all end there.

but no worries, it has been a great ride . I wish I could write as good a story as this one.

For the most part it's a good story. Unfortunately, Wendy rubbed me the wrong way and I found it hard to like her. It probably how she ambushed him with nudist folks at the hot spring. Her pushy behavior wasn't very endearing either.

With this in mind, I decided it was best for me to not score this story.

Great piece of writing. With a happy life and wonderful wife and children,after a few hard relationships he got the right one.

I don't know how you managed to make each woman progressively worse when the first flat out cheated on him, but you did. Jane, the thot. Denise, the moron. Then Wendy came across as thoughtless, overbearing and just plain obnoxious. It's a shame that, being a man, he had no chance with Tess. She was the only cool one. I had to stop reading after Wendy's "good, no great" point about how she had sex with twelve men but had never made love with anyone so she should be jealous of his past relationships. If he thought that was a great point, he truly belonged with Denise.

By the way, what kind of computer did he own in the early 80s that could play video off of a disc, and how did the doctor get it on that disc to begin with?

I'm being too hard on the story. I will go back and finish it another day. I was honestly enjoying it. It's just that the Wendy character was really starting to annoy me, which wouldn't matter except that's who he's ending up with. I appreciate the time and effort you spend writing for us.

Thanks for the story.

Cog

Probably could have done without the tear jerk ending!

You guys are getting better and better. Loved your story. So many ups and downs, so much life, so few regrets. Just awesome.

Wish you had stopped at graduation. I prefer a happier ending. Look forward to your next story . 5 [would give it 10 if possible]

Full of "life" and family.

Best thing you guys have ever written.

he married a total slut, then a crazy bitch with more baggage than Samsonite and then a nudist who had fucked a dozen men she didn't love? Perfect.

Well all's well that ends well and sometimes you can hit an inside straight draw. Instead, maximize your chances boys.

I loved it! Thanks for writing about a real loving wife!

of his dead ex wife. She fucked more guys that a Asian whore house on a Saturday with the fleet in town.

This is a well written story with twists and turns , passion and heartbreak, but anchored by two people that fortunately found True Love ! I believe it takes true love to make great sex last as long as the Love is There.

Great Job !

A memoir of a life well lived that maybe falls short of the mark. This covers 50 years of ground at a pretty frenetic pace. The drama with wife 1 is a different kind of RAAC attack and it works. The next 2 relationships do little to advance the story and Tess is here why? There was some great potential for some action with his racing that even JR acknowledges toward the end. I know how lucky he must have felt to dodge the dreadecd hair piece. I came close a couple times to having a toupee myself in the 80s.

Love Spokane's Riverwalk and the big red wagon. Just visited there last month. Couer d' Alane is beautiful as well. What kind of square goes to a hot spring in the middle of nowhere with their clothes on? Enjoyed this tale immensely. 5*

I loved it. I thought the balance was great the flow thru reasonable and the detail felt

Like it covered the important pieces of a lifetime. Very believable

Well written. Great story

even when its gone they knew and are greatful. TK U MLJ LV NV

Great story line, but I love the last two paragraphs.

The plot line was very complicated and I had to re-read parts in order to fully understand it.

Billy Lines

I am putting this story on the back burner for a re-read. I would like to have seen this story made into a 3 or 4 chapter series, but that's just my preference. The writing, as usual is exceptional. Keep up the good work and 5 stars.

5 stars

5☆

It's nice take a break from the Strum and Drang usually found here. It's just a nice feel good story about a truly loving wife. Too bad he had to go tits up bit he seem happy and fulfilled. Not a lot of that here. He was a happy man who truly succeeded in life. Who can begrudge the man for that? And he paid his dues, he was no slacker

Good for you billnkate. I've always liked you stuff.

I enjoyed the whole story but the end really put it in the 5+ category. Thanks for a wonderful story.

I know these characters - they all seem like old friends some of whom I miss, other I am just as happy are no longer part of my life - great story - thanks to author for a great read - suspect time spent reading this saved me half a million brain cells I might have otherwise lost watching some stupid sitcom on the tube

Even better the 2nd time...B&K, keep up the good writing

5 stars. Loved it.

"There were plenty of nice looking woman working at the bank"

So there was only 1? not plenty of womEn? so many of you writers, who think you're great have no idea about the use of words.

Woman = 1

Women = multiple.

You found a typo. Congratulations. Yes, we know the difference between woman (singular) and women (plural). Thanks for pointing out our mistake.

I LOVED IT BUT HATED TO SEE JR DIE. DAMN IT! I'VE SEEN SO MUCH DEATH IN MY LIFETIME.

a man´s vasectomy is a negligible procedure in comparison to a woman having her ¨tubes tied¨ . if they both agreed to have no more children, the answer is easy: vasectomy. guess author has no knowledge of anatomy - but he should!

otherwise, not a bad story. gave it a reluctant 5. might not be so lenient next time.

This is a very nicely done story.

Re: flipped a coin anony. Men get vasectomies, women also get their tubes tied.

It was their choice to go either way, and left it to chance. That's because they were equal partners and respected each other enough to go the way they did. Get over it.

As far as I'm concerned, as a couple, they are the very model of what to aspire to. They saw their relationship through to the end, and the reward was in seeing a happy, balanced and growing family flourish, and the love they had for each and every one in the family was the reward they deserved.

Anony, at least you gave it the right number of stars. Here's another 5.

Of the best. Your stories (along with your writing ability) are among the top on this site...just added you to my favorite authors list. For some reason I had skipped you, in the past. Glad I found your page again.

Or maybe the third time I've read this story and it still makes my eyes all leaky.

Would have liked to know what Denise's prudish parents ,thought about her marrying an ex priest.

No BTB, no Raac just beyond excellent story of a life well lived. Thankyou for sharing this one with us.

even for us english...who writes this shit??

sorry for reading it as well.

What a sad, miserable life you must lead. This is the third of our stories you've commented on today. Have you ever heard Einstein's definition of idiocy?

You've left disparaging remarks on: our punctuation (which, by the way - conforms with the American Strunk & White's 'Elements of Style'), the fact you've found a few typos out of thousands of words ("The horror! The horror!"), our nationality (yes - we're Americans - you English didn't seem to mind that when my father and father-in-law spent their youth helping your country fight the Axis), and now 'this shit'.

I have a suggestion for you, go back down into your mother's basement, read someone else's story, and have a good wank.

Denise was the biggest loser in this tale. The super -Christians who “know” god’s will twisted the poor woman and basically ruined her life. I watched my mother live the single life from the time she was mid-30’s till she died at 83. Wouldn’t have her marriage to my dad annulled due to her religious beliefs and was a bitter woman, a man hater for the rest of her life. My dad moved on, re-married and was a happy, generous man until his death.

Great story.. loving wives at its best. Keep writing.

I can’t imagine “anonymous” could be so rude and dismiss this work with such disdain. It was excellent, and quite poignant.

Thank you again for writing for the others of us that really appreciate your work!

Wayne

There's a simple solution - go away and don't read stories here since you have no appreciation for them - classic "sour grapes"...

Great story, just found your page yesterday, have read 3 stories, all very good. Thanks for the good reads!

Best LW story I have read in years. From beginning to end. Thank you

This was a well-written story. No real logic or reality gaps that sometimes sink otherwise good stories.

Congratulation ...I love this story !!

Doesn't have Time for real relationship

What an asshole as you wrote him

3 stars for writing none for content

johntwheels lost passwords slowly redoing all

And a great story.

Well at least Fredoberto is a nice guy, and he's English too, just wondering what happened to you? As Quigley said to Major Ashley-Pitt: "Major. We already run the misfits outta our country. We sent them back to England.” The point I'm making is your pissant comments aren't welcome. When I read a story that I think is really poor my general rule is I read a total of three. If I don't like any of the three, I'm gone. So, following my rule, why are you still here?

I laugh when I spot the one and only typo that I find in a B&K story, it shows how perfect it really is. Without a tiny bit of less than perfect how can you appreciate excellence?

The one person who lost out in this story was Denise, but if there is anyone to blame it's Denise herself. She was an adult, free to make her own decisions and she choose...poorly.

Signed: BTW

BillandKate

Anon 03/08/20

Sorry to say we have assholes this side of the pond just as you do there.

In my opinion, someone who won't put their name to a negative/abusive comment is just a waste of space and breath.

Great story please keep them coming.

By the way, we were damn glad that your dad and FIL turned up to the party, maybe a little late but never the less very welcome.

It's amazing how we sometimes suffer for the sins of others. An ex-wife and a girlfriend too easily influenced made it difficult for him to trust someone new. This was a lovely story about growth and redemption. I wish we had more like this. Thanks for sharing.

Know this was something I needed until I read it

Thank you.

Beautiful story you two - made me anxious to hug my wife of 35 years when she gets home tonight! I'm an avid reader of several genres. Some books I like the story and others not so much, same here. This site is LITERotica, not just erotica. I do know is good writing and you two do well and are quickly becoming one of my "must read" authors.

Great story. 5 🌟

What an awesomely beautiful story. I love how the story progresses through JR's life to culminate in a sad but fulfilling ending. 5 Stars!!! Best story I've read on this site. Your writing is wonderful and flows easily. I was there with character through the ups and downs. Again truly beautiful! You are now my favorite authors!

I read a number of very good stories on this site. This was one that brought (happy) tears.

A Good Read, Thank You.

What a great story of love and family. Just enough drama with such great characters. BillandKate you two never disappoint. Well done 5 stars

Wonderful! A beautiful story on beautiful life 👏

A really good story of a man’s perseverance and strength of character leading him to a happy life. Bill&Kate at their best.

Thank You! My wife and I have been together for 45 years and still going.

Nice story.

Loved the ending.

This was a touching story. 5 stars

Beautifully written story. Heartache at the start, lost loves, and in the end, he found his true love, his soulmate. It goes to show that communication in a relationship is essential. They were able to talk things through and come up with solutions. It's sad that he died but that is life and with her telling the end of the story makes it all the better. This story is going to my favorite section. 5/5 stars for a wonderfully written tale.

Loved it, well done

AWESOME

I love it when divorced spouses act like real human beings & civilized people in these stories.

Really good but I didn't understand the Denise character. She had lived alone at college but couldn't decide for herself what she wanted. Her abusive husband was deranged but she went back to him and still stayed away after her sons arm being broken and her being beaten up. 5 stars for a great story.

Beautifully written

The divorce was maturely handled.

Just a great read. Would have made a great Nicholas Sparks novel

I lost 2 friends, brothers, to brain tumors: glioblastoma multiforme. The older was lucky. He had 2 surgeries + radiation and survived 4 1/2 years. He had a limited driving permit part of the time and tried to play golf. He died in his own bed 5 days after he fell and couldn't get up. The younger brother wasn't lucky. His tumor was deeper; they could only get 75% of it during surgery w/o killing him. He died 15 weeks to the day from the first symptom, a grand mal seizure. He never walked or set foot in his house again.

Darn. "There's no crying in baseball."

I loved it. Now that's really a loving wives story if I ever read one. A real gem. While neither my wife and I ever had that many divorces, as we've been together for over 40 years, we do know others who have had their issues over the years.

Would give it a 10 if I could! Wonderful and satisfying story.

Beautiful romantic and lovely story 💕😍💕😍. Definitely a 5 star ⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟

One of the better love stories I have been fortunate to come across. Outstanding job. Perfect pacing, believable logic train, great foreshadowing, dialogue is nice....just lovely all around.

5 stars and a big thanks for providing a enjoyable read.

I did like it but when Wendy explains that she fucked over a dozen men she didn't love and he had loved three women (or two?) that threw me. Is she admitting she does one night stands or takes the intimacy of sex lightly? To me that would turn me off as it really shows she is a slut. I don't mean that to sound so harsh. I mean she is too easy for my liking.

I am pretty rough sometimes on stories but that is mostly to try and get people to think. I am always honest regardless and I am fount to he honest now.

I have read most of your stories and they really well conceived with tight plots and consistent characters. You two really are quite talented. This was lovely. The afterward was perfect and fit so well. There is a "touch" to your stories that always leaves me impressed. Thanks for this.