As I Lay - Dying?

"Do you want to give it another try? I haven't given notice; we could try to make it work."

Jane looked up at me and smiled. "Damn it J.R., that's just like you. I know you would try; but do you really want to live like this for the next twelve years until Kristy graduates from high school; then we break her heart anyway? In the meantime, we both are missing what we know is out there."

Jane and I talked for another hour. She admitted to recently considering a separation to join the Peace Corps; but hesitated because of how it would affect Kristy. Jane may not be the nurturing mother type, but she does love her daughter in her own way and didn't know how to resolve the conflict she was feeling; my news settled it.

I don't want to place too much blame on Jane for the failure of our marriage; but here's another thought I've never shared with anyone, especially Jane - that her adultery all those years ago probably made it difficult, if not impossible, for our marriage to succeed. There was always that little empty spot in the relationship, a little bit of distrust, a little bit of anger, that never fully vanished. Those women I fucked during our separation didn't help because it's true - two wrongs don't make a right.

I know there are some couples who have gotten past the deceit of adultery, but they probably have more going for them than we did. And I bet those couples always feel at least a small piece of their love was permanently damaged.

I also realized that if I ever married again, I'd like my wife to be my best friend.

Kristy did take it hard. I think it was a good thing Jane changed her mind about the Peace Corps. For the first six months after our move to Spokane I would fly with Kristy back to Chicago once a month to visit her mom and the grandparents. The first summer she stayed at each of their homes for at least a week. I spent those weeks missing her and working my butt off in my new position. Jane flew back to Spokane with Kristy, Kristy wanted to show her mom her new house and bedroom.

I was reluctant to allow Jane to bring Kristy to Spokane; but the divorce would be final soon and so far, Jane hadn't put up any road blocks to what was becoming a model for friendly divorces.

I had the guest room fixed up for Jane; she'd be staying with us for two days and three nights. After we sang to Kristy and had her settled down, Jane and I went into the living room to chat. It didn't take Jane long to get to the point.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Jane was smiling as she asked.

"No; been working too hard and been concentrating on Kristy. It's a bitch being both parents."

Jane laughed. "When's the last time you got laid?"

"The night before our discussion at the kitchen table; what, six months ago?"

"Me, too. Let's fuck, J.R."

In less than a minute we were both naked on my bed and in a sixty-nine. Jane was on top trying to swallow my entire cock, I was nibbling on her clit in between licking those beautiful nether lips. We sucked, then we fucked: missionary, doggy, lap dance, cowgirl; making up for lost time. For the first time in years I came three times in one night; each orgasm better than the last. Completely exhausted, we spoke for the first time since Jane said, "Let's fuck" two hours ago.

"I assumed you'd have all kinds of swinging dicks hanging around you. You still look ten years younger than you are and you're still a babe."

Jane laughed. "I got a big scare and it kept my legs crossed. Sally Reynolds is still single and still playing the field. She ended up with some kind of STD that's incurable; some kind of genital herpes virus. It sounds awful. Sally has to take meds just to control the outbreaks. Just hearing about it scared the shit out of me enough to keep me away from sex. I needed this."

"We both did."

Jane and I fucked once more. We set the alarm for six am, allowing Jane time to get into her own bed before Kristy woke up. For the next two days we played it cool around Kristy so we wouldn't confuse her. No hand holding, kisses or hugs in front of her. But as soon as she went down for the night, Jane and I were back at it.

When the alarm went off at six the last morning of Jane's visit, we made love one more time; it would be the last time.

*******************************

With Jane's return to Chicago, it became apparent how much I missed the emotional and physical aspects of a relationship. For the first time since moving to Spokane, I took a good, hard look around. There were plenty of nice looking woman working at the bank and few restrictions on co-workers dating or being married.

The rules forbade the dating/married couple to be employed in the same branch or department, one partner could not have any authority over the other, no matter how many levels between the two. The bank realized that in the current environment, many relationships started in the workplace, merely because that's where people spend a majority of their waking hours; so the bank did its best to accommodate; when two co-workers started to date, one of the couple was given a transfer. The policy seemed to work.

That's why it wasn't a problem when I found myself attracted to one of the branch tellers. Katelyn was a beautiful twenty-four-year old that had the personality to light up a room just by walking into it. She had a sensitivity towards others that I found especially appealing. She loved children, dogs, her family and Jesus; not especially in that order. We'd been dating for a few weeks when I was scheduled to race one weekend in Portland. Katelyn asked if she could join me. She surprised me when she said we could share a room; but requested it have two beds.

I dropped Kristy off with her nanny, Mrs. Hansen, and picked up Katelyn at her apartment. Katelyn spent a few moments looking over my motorcycle strapped down on the pickup's bed. I held the door open as she climbed into the cab; she caught me staring at her long tan legs and blushed. Katelyn was wearing a very pretty sundress that obviously didn't allow for a bra.

The drive to Portland was relaxed and fun; Katelyn spent the first half hour asking questions about my bike; she'd never ridden on one because her parents were very anti-motorcycle. When I convinced her that very few bikers were members of a criminal motorcycle gangs, she seemed to relax a little. She admitted to withholding our real destination from her parents; telling them we were visiting Portland; but saying nothing about attending a motorcycle race.

Friday night in the hotel room was chaste; some kissing, but nothing more. We both slept in PJ's in our respective beds. Saturday was spent at the track. I did all right; with a third-place finish which got me on the podium. Unfortunately, the race was marred by a bad crash; Kevin Sawyer and Ted Colton got busted up when Ted high sided coming out of a turn. Both had to be taken to the hospital and from what I heard, Ted probably will never race again. The incident really effected Katelyn. She asked me on the way home Sunday how I could possibly take such chances.

It's hard to explain why dangerous activities appeal to some people. Hobbies such as motorcycle racing, sky diving or rock climbing are important to the individual participant. I think it's in their DNA; some people need the thrill, others are horrified by any danger. Katelyn belonged in the second category. I found out how much when I called her on Tuesday to ask her for another date. Katelyn turned me down; told me she was falling for me; but couldn't allow herself to get involved with a man who took such chances.

I wasn't ready to quit racing, nor was I ready to spend my life with someone who feared my lifestyle. It was early in our relationship and a good time to cut the cord before we went any further down the road. Pity though; she really was a very sweet lady.

*******************************

I was playing in a mixed doubles tennis tournament when I saw the beautiful blonde sitting in the stands. She was watching the match and smiling. I tried not to stare; but failed because the next serve went right past me.

"Damn it, J.R.! Get your head out of your ass!"

Tess Young, my doubles partner, is the most competitive person I've ever met. She's five foot ten and built like Elle MacPherson, only with arms like Linda Hamilton. She catches the eye of every man she meets and laughs all the way to her bed; which she shares with her girlfriend. Did I mention she's gay?

"Sorry, Tess."

Tess looked into the stands and smiled back at me with one of those, "I know what you're looking at" smiles.

Tess returned the next serve between our two opponents. I rallied and broke their serve to win the set. I looked back into the stands to see the tall blonde stand up clapping.

We won the second set and the match. After shaking hands with our opponents at the net, Tess whispered in my ear, "Would you like to be introduced?"

I looked at Tess and she read my mind. "No, she's not gay. I work with her and she wants to join the club. I invited her here to show her around. C'mon, I'll introduce you."

Tess knew my situation; divorced for almost a full year. Although not celibate, I wasn't some pussy-hound trying to bang every woman I dated. After Katelyn, I met a few other nice women; but nothing ever clicked, many were put off by the thought of becoming an instant mother to my six-year-old daughter. One had the gall to suggest I ship Kristy back to her mother so we'd have time to get to know each other. My reply? "No thanks, you've just told me everything I need to know about you."

So, I was more than willing to let Tess introduce me to this beautiful woman with the smile that lit the court.

"Denise, this is J.R.; my tennis partner and an all-around good guy. J.R., this is my co-worker and good friend, Denise."

I tried to keep my composure. "Tess tells me you're thinking of joining the club. Do you enjoy tennis?" Yea, stupid, but it's all I could think to ask at the moment and it was a better opening line than the thought swirling around in my noggin, so I bit my tongue before I said, "You're beautiful, marry me."

Denise ignored the triviality of my question, "Yes, I love tennis. I played varsity tennis at the U."

Well, that explained the great pair of legs and the athletic stature.

"Since you're thinking of joining the club, would you like to be my guest tomorrow and play a match? Maybe I can convince you to join."

Denise agreed to meet me the next afternoon and I made my excuses to leave her with Tess before I made a fool of myself. I gave Tess a call later that evening and found out a bit about Denise. Tess told me Denise was in a marital state of limbo; her husband had abandoned her and their four-year-old son over eight months ago. Denise filed papers to divorce him and contacted the church to have the marriage annulled. It would be a few more months before the divorce papers could be accepted by the court for abandonment.

"She's a very nice woman, a bit conservative when it comes to her ideas relating to marriage, men, and sex. I've never heard her say a bad word toward anyone, even the dip-shit that left her.

"She was quite devastated when he walked out; claims she doesn't know why he left. We have lunch together at the office and I really like her. She hasn't been out socially with any man since he left; I thought you'd be a perfect person to help get her out of her shell; start with tennis and maybe ask her out to dinner some time. I know you think she's cute, I saw the look you gave her."

Denise and I met the next day and she trounced me in tennis. I barely held my own and managed to win the second set. Then she got serious and beat me 6-2 in the third. The short tennis skirt and the sleeveless top didn't help my concentration. Wow; it was a pleasure just watching her move around the court. She was kind enough to agree to a rematch soon.

The following week we spent a few minutes chatting immediately after our match before Denise excused herself to go pick up her son from the sitter's. Just as she turned to leave I asked her to have dinner with me that weekend. Denise gave me a smile and accepted.

Dinner was great. Denise and I exchanged life histories and current situations; especially the trials and tribulations of raising a child as a single parent. We had a few other dates after that dinner and I finally decided to introduce Kristy to Denise and her son, Mike.

The two kids got along, Kristy liked Denise, so the romance continued to build. I was in love with Denise by this point and was fairly certain she felt the same about me. We took a slow approach to the physical aspects of our relationship (except for the tennis) over the first two months when Denise surprised me by suggesting an overnight at Coeur d'Alene. We arranged sitters for the kids and I found myself in a hotel room overlooking the lake as the moon rose over the horizon. But the real beauty was standing in front of me with the moonlight behind her. The light shone through the sheer negligee Denise was wearing.

I held her in my arms and kissed her. Denise made me close the curtains even though we were on the tenth floor and there wasn't a chance anyone could see in the room. The lights were all turned off and it was nearly pitch black in the room. Surprisingly, this was probably the first time I made love to a woman where I couldn't see her and it was erotic in its own way. I concentrated on my sense of smell and touch in ways I never had before.

I stripped Denise of the negligee as I kissed her. We parted long enough for me to turn back the covers and I laid her down on the bed. This was another reason why the lack of light in the room was advantageous; when Denise grabbed for the top sheet to cover herself; it was easy to convince her it wasn't needed. Since I couldn't really see her, the cover was unnecessary.

There was no oral, anal or any other out-of-the-ordinary sex that night. I did pleasure her nipples with my mouth, Denise seemed to enjoy that; I made love to her in the missionary position the first time. Afterwards, we laid next to one another catching our breath. My recovery time was quicker than normal and as we lay with her back to my chest, my cock hardened. I decided to take a chance and raised her leg and slipped my cock between her thighs. She was still slick, slick enough that I was able to enter her from behind. I thought about raising her on her knees; but decided not to press my luck; we made slow movements with our hips until I came a second time. Denise placed her hand on the back of my head as I kissed her neck. We fell asleep that way.

When I opened my eyes in the morning, there was enough sunlight coming into the room that I could see again. Denise was still asleep; the covers were over us and I couldn't help but lift them. I laughed silently when I looked at Denise; sometime in the night she got up and put on a nightshirt. The negligee was draped over a chair; I laughed because it was going to take some getting used to such modesty. Jane and I always slept in the nude unless it was freezing outside; even then we'd usually just turn the electric blanket up high.

My physical relationship with Denise was very restrained; but very loving. We kept it hidden from her parents because Denise was still married in their eyes and they considered any physical relationship as adulterous. Needless to say, they didn't like me. That's why it was no surprise how they reacted when, a month later, Denise's husband returned to town.

Both her parents and her in-laws were over-joyed at the return of Dillon, the prodigal husband; all four put pressure on Denise to stop the divorce proceedings and try to salvage the marriage. I stopped by her parent's home in an effort to talk some sense into her folks and was greeted at the door by her mother. You could have frozen hell with the look I got from Denise's mother when I asked why they wanted the couple to reconcile. Did they even know where the bastard had been and what he'd been doing? Didn't they care to find out before pushing Denise back together with him?

"That's none of your business and I'd thank you to leave Denise alone from now on." She slammed the door shut.

I was hoping to see Denise alone and couldn't go to her apartment since Dillon moved back in; my best hope would be during the next weekend when we were scheduled to play in a tennis tournament. I shouldn't have been surprised to find out, through the club's scheduler, that Denise had resigned her club membership.

Finally, Tess interceded on my behalf and convinced Denise to call me. Tess informed me that Denise had given her two weeks' notice at work.

Denise did call me that day. She apologized for the way she ended our relationship; telling me she avoided calling me because she didn't know how to explain what was happening. She felt she owed it to her marriage and to their son; she would do her best to forgive Dillon and salvage their marriage.

"Denise, I think you're making a giant mistake; but I'm going to respect your wishes and leave you alone. You know we love each other and you know we were bound to be the best of friends."

I heard Denise sobbing as she whispered, "I know J.R. and I love you." before she hung up the phone.

I was a walking zombie for at least the first week after Denise's phone call. Worse yet was Kristy's reaction when I told her we'd most likely never see Denise and Mike again.

"But Daddy, you told me you loved Denise and you thought she loved you. You seemed so happy when you two were together. Why can't you get her back?" I didn't have an answer; all I could do was hold Kristy until she fell asleep in my arms.

Three weeks later I walked out of my favorite watering hole across from the office. I stood outside taking in a breath of fresh air when I was approached by a strange man. "Hey, aren't you J.R. Douglas?"

I looked at the guy, trying to figure out if I knew him, when he threw a hard right fist straight into my gut. It knocked the wind out of me and before I caught my breath, he followed with a hard left and smashed my nose. I slumped to my knees and caught a foot to the ribs. I blocked the next kick with crossed forearms, trying to get to my feet to fight back when the bar door opened. Two guys I knew saw what was happening and started to yell. My assailant ran off; I blacked out.

I ended up in the emergency room. A broken nose, three broken ribs, a mild concussion. Because of the concussion I spent the night at the hospital. I was surprised when I woke to find Tess standing next to the bed holding Kristy's hand. Kristy was holding mine.

"Good morning, J.R."

"Daddy!" Kristy went to hug me, but was held back by Tess, she leaned over and whispered into Kristy's ear about broken ribs.

"Hi baby." Then I looked up at Tess. "Why are you here?" Tess and I were tennis partners, but I couldn't imagine she'd get a call if I was injured.

"I'm here because I saw Kristy in the waiting room. She was in there with Mrs. Hansen. I sent Mrs. Hansen home; she was dead tired. I told her I'd keep Kristy with me until you were released. The doctor said you can go home this morning if there aren't any complications."

"That doesn't explain why you're at the hospital in the first place."

"I brought Denise and Mike into the emergency room last night. We'll talk about it later." Tess motioned toward Kristy with her eyes. I got the hint; but was anxious to learn why both Denise and Mike were in emergency. I figured it couldn't be too serious if Tess brought them in instead of an ambulance. Tess understood my concern and leaned in to my ear. "They're all right; her folks picked them up. I'll fill you in later."

The doctor and a nurse came in; I noticed how gorgeous the nurse was while she pulled the IV out of my arm. I looked; her nametag read, "Wendy". She smiled when she caught me looking. The doctor gave me the OK to go home and within an hour I was being wheeled out the door and into Tess's car for the drive home.