As You Wish

I figured out what was going on slightly before Noreen did, which meant I was already trying not to laugh uncomfortably when the realization hit her that Ethan had never seen the movie. Or, more accurately I guess, that Ethan wasn't aware his dad had plagiarized his bedtime story from the greatest love story of all time. Thankfully, I had my beard to cover my expression; Noreen wasn't so lucky. I felt bad for thinking it, but the way her eyes flashed while she tried to subtly chew on her lip as she tried to do damage control was... well.

It was kinda cute. Just a little.

But Jim was a superstar. He clocked the whole situation the moment Ethan didn't recognize him because, as he explained to my mom later, "this is one of the best Miracle Max costumes that exists. Any kid who had seen the movie would've recognized me instantly."

Guy was a pretty big fan, apparently. I didn't know for sure if his costume was really that good, but since it all worked out, it didn't really matter.

"I knew it!" Jim had shouted when Ethan was staring at Mrs. Collip with confusion. "The King's stinking son got his hands on another one! Not to worry, sonny, I've got just da thing for ya!"

From his camera bag, he withdrew a huge-ass chocolate truffle that was only slightly larger than the size of Ethan's eyes when he saw it.

"What's that?" he asked.

"That, sonny, is a miracle pill to help you get your memory back." He crouched and leaned in close to Ethan. "You see, ever since I humiliated that coward Prince Humperdinck by bringing Buttercup's true love back from being mostly dead--oh now, what was that boy's name, it was something like Warren or Walter or... ah, that was it, Westley! He used to be the Dread Pirate--"

"Spike!" gasped Ethan. "He was the Dread Pirate Spike?"

Jim didn't miss a beat. "That's the one! Well, Humperdinck was so humiliated after Westley--ah, Spike, you know--got his true love Buttercup back, he tried to wipe the memory of anyone who might've heard of it. But the joke's on him, ya know, because the best stories are never forgotten." He clapped suddenly, making Ethan jump. "Never! And if I have it my way, they're gonna make a whole movie about it!"

And that was that. He might have been the photographer, but I don't know how many photos he got; instead, he kept Ethan enthralled as his bedtime story came to life.

Noreen had said they'd be providing breakfast and lunch--a nice MLT, of course, where the M thankfully stood for the much more general "meat" instead of "mutton"--which was great, but I'd worried about how long Ethan would last. Horseback riding was pretty involved and even though we weren't directly surrounding a treatment day, his energy levels could vary. So despite having absolutely no desire whatsoever to put myself on top of an animal capable of bucking me off the top of it, I'd resigned myself to joining them so I could keep an eye on Ethan and how he was feeling.

But of course, it wasn't the first rodeo for the staff Noreen had brought--dad joke entirely intended. I hadn't seen Ethan so damn excited in...

In at least...

Huh.

I might not have ever seen Ethan so damn excited.

There was some guilt in that thought, but I pushed it down somewhere beneath the anxious worry about Ethan being on a horse. But they weren't taking him out for long, at least at first, and he was pretty secure on the horse. Not to mention that It was also being led by an experienced rider who was completely in control. If it hadn't been for that, I probably would have been firmer when Dad came up to me as I was eyeing a horse that was looking at me funny.

"Ask your mom to go instead," he said in a low voice.

"I need to be there in case Ethan--"

"She can handle it," he said. "You'll be able to see him almost the entire time anyway--they're taking him around the fields and maybe through the trees over there, the one guy said--and they'll be coming back here regularly to get water and stuff just in case. They know what they're doing."

"Dad, I--"

"Jere." He folded his arms. "You're fucking terrified."

"Am not."

"You've never liked horses."

"Yeah, but for Ethan--"

"You need a break," he said bluntly. "You don't want your mom and me to keep him for a sleepover, fine. But let her at least try to show you that you could trust her to do it."

I sighed. "It's not that I don't trust her."

"Doesn't matter. That's how it's coming across. It's eating her up that you won't let her help." He looked at me pointedly. "You're a parent. You understand now how a parent's mind works. So think of how your mom feels right now."

He walked away. I stared at that bug-eyed horse for a moment longer, then turned around and caught sight of my mom chatting with Mrs. Collip nearby.

"Hey, Mom?" I asked as I approached.

"Yeah, hon?"

"D'you wanna ride instead? With Ethan?"

I assumed she was touched by my request, but I didn't know for sure. She was on that horse so fast, I barely heard her say yes. It was probably because she thought I might change my mind, which was entirely reasonable because almost as soon as the group of riders started taking off and Ethan waved at me excitedly, I had some serious regrets.

But it was too late, and a few minutes later they were riding across the field towards the wooded area in the distance. Moments after that, a dusty sort of silence seemed to fall over the ranch.

It wasn't entirely silent, of course. Dad had stayed behind since he was having a blast chatting with Mr. Collip. The two of them were deep in conversation about the weather, which was a very serious topic, apparently. I stood with them for a while, half listening and half watching the group of horses carefully trot along the grass, before I noticed someone doing the same thing I was.

Dad and Mr. Collip didn't even blink as I walked away, though Noreen turned her head as I walked up beside her.

"Looks like they're having fun," she said as I joined her at the fence.

"Looks like," I agreed, leaning against the fence and sighing as I looked across the field.

"There were enough horses. You didn't want to go?"

I shook my head.

"Scared?"

"'Course not," I scoffed.

"Oh, I didn't mean--"

"I'm fucking terrified of horses."

She laughed in surprise. "Sorry. I didn't know."

"Probably because I didn't tell you. Ethan wanted horses, so I'm gonna pretend I'm not terrified of them."

She didn't respond to that, but the silence wasn't awkward. Well, I didn't think it was awkward, at least. Noreen was a normal person who probably had normal social relationships and shit, so maybe she felt awkward.

But if she did, she didn't say anything about it. Instead, we both watched as the group of riders stopped. Even from a distance, I could see Miracle Jim taking photos; from what I could tell, Mom was riding on Ethan's right-hand side and the guide was slightly in front of him to the left. I couldn't make out their faces, but somehow, I knew my mom was grinning from ear to ear.

"Jeremy, I'm sorry," Noreen said suddenly.

I frowned, thrown off by how... well, how real she sounded. Every time I'd seen her, there had been some kind of mask forcing her into politeness, like she was just going through the motions. But as I turned to look at her, I could see the tension on her face. There was a lot of it; pretty as she was, there was no mistaking the tired look beneath her eyes. It was a look I was very familiar with, since I usually wore the same one.

"For what?" I asked.

She didn't respond right away, shaking her head slowly as she gazed out at the riders.

"There are some things you just can't screw up," she said. "A wish is one of them. My kids--my clients--they..." She sighed heavily. "This entire thing started out wrong. I was so determined to make up for it I somehow missed the fact that Ethan's never even seen The Princess Bride."

"It was a miscommunication," I said. "Both times. It happens."

"It shouldn't," she said. "You and Ethan deserved better than that. He's supposed to get whatever he wishes for and instead I'm giving him a lacklustre experience."

I gaped at her, but she was focused on the group in the distance.

"Lacklustre?" I finally repeated. "You think this is--"

"You said it yourself that you could take him horseback riding." She finally glanced at me. "I thought at least I'd be able to dress the experience up a bit but--"

"Noreen. He's having a blast."

"You don't have to say that to make me feel better."

I tried not to glare at people because apparently it made me look kind of scary when I did, but I couldn't help furrowing my eyebrows at her words.

"I'm not," I replied. "I don't bullshit people. He's seven, he's on a horse, he's got some dude acting like Miracle Max and making him laugh. I haven't seen him laugh like that in... Jesus, I can't even tell you. And I couldn't've done this myself. I..."

She raised an eyebrow as I trailed off, though her expression was more a warm look of concern than of skepticism.

Which fucking sucked, because instead of keeping my mouth shut and holding on to even the slightest hint of dignity, I felt comfortable enough to talk to her.

"I couldn't've afforded this," I admitted. "Any of it. I would've had to take him back to the mall, to the purple horse on the kiddie rides. Yeah, he deserves the world, but I couldn't have given him even one horse to sit on, let alone..."

I gestured half-heartedly around us as the words I'd just said finally seemed to reach the place in my brain that was supposed to contain a filter. Face burning, I looked away from Noreen and back out at the group of riders, who had started moving towards the trees again. Her eyes lingered on me a moment longer--at least, I thought they did, since my skin prickled in that uncomfortable sort of way that it does when someone was watching me while I didn't want to be watched--before she turned her head and made me feel comfortable all over again.

"You sure know how to make a girl feel good at her job," she said.

"You are good at your job," I said. "Miscommunications happen. You give a shit about him and that's... I know you think we needed the whole Princess Bride experience, but sometimes giving a shit is enough, you know?"

"Thank you," she said softly.

I shook my head. "Thank you. Signing up for this was tough. You've made it easier."

"Why was it tough?"

In the distance, the horses stopped again. Miracle Jim was taking photos and I could just make out his arm flailing in the air. Man, was that dude dedicated to his character.

"It's two-fold," I finally said. "Admitting I couldn't do shit like this for him was part of it. But mostly it was that wishes are supposed to be for kids who are really sick. And--"

I didn't choose to stop speaking. My throat just seemed to close.

"--you didn't want Ethan to be sick enough to 'need' a wish," she finished.

"Something like that. My mom tried to tell me it wasn't always for kids who were that sick."

"But that's not exactly helpful, because even not 'that' sick is still not 'normal.'"

I had to laugh, shaking my head gently. "You get it. I guess you're probably used to dealing with situations like this."

"You never really get used to it," she said. "Not fully. But I understand what you mean."

Something in her voice stopped me. It took a moment for me to figure out why, but when I did, I was torn between feeling like I'd put my foot in my mouth and like my stomach had dropped.

Of course she was used to dealing with situations like this. Her job was to deal with kids like Ethan and parents like me, with people who were sick. And if parents who had kids who weren't 'that' sick didn't use services like this, that meant... well.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"For what?"

I didn't know how to say it out loud, so I didn't, but she seemed to understand all the same.

We watched the group of riders silently for a while longer until Jim seemed to decide he had enough photos and they started moving again. Dryness filled my mouth as the horses disappeared into a gap in the trees for the next part of the trail ride. I swallowed, trying to rid myself of the anxious nausea that had just jumped into my throat.

Once the last horse had stepped into the woods and there was absolutely nothing left for me to do except stare at that exact spot until the group returned and I could verify that my son was okay, Noreen touched my arm.

"Jim and both of the staff members have cell phones and my number on speed dial," she said. "Everyone except Ethan and your mom have full first-aid training. The trail they're on is flat and wide and takes about twenty minutes before they're back in viewing distance."

"Cool," I said. "Good."

"It's probably a good time for us to grab a cup of coffee and maybe snag one of those nice MLTs."

I followed her to the table, though I didn't help myself to a sandwich since we'd just finished breakfast. It had nothing to do with the nerves at not having Ethan within my direct field of vision, obviously. But I did grab a cup of tea to sip on while Noreen blatantly tried to keep my mind off things with a guided tour of the ranch, which mostly consisted of us strolling casually as she pointed toward various fields.

As much as I hated to admit it, it was kind of... nice. To talk with someone like that, I mean. To spend time and just... smile. Laugh. I don't know. Noreen was damn good at her job, obviously, because there weren't many people I could imagine myself being that comfortable around, and by the time we reached our spot near the fence again, I'd almost forgotten how worried I was about Ethan.

Almost. Not entirely. But enough that I was starting to recognize that holy shit, I was holding down a conversation with a pretty woman and not feeling weird about it.

"...and down past that is a gorgeous lake," she finished, gesturing to the left.

"It's a nice place," I said.

"It is," she agreed. "And the Collips are some of the kindest people you'll ever meet."

I nodded slowly, watching Mrs. Collip tidy up the food on the table despite one of the Wish Mission staff insisting that they would handle it.

"I know you probably don't know yet, but is there any word on when the stuff to do with Spain will be approved?"

Noreen shook her head. "Not yet, I'm afraid."

"Don't be afraid, it's just some paperwork."

She laughed, surprisingly, considering how bad that joke was. "I'll let you know as soon as I know."

"You don't figure it'll be in the next couple of weeks, though?"

"Very, very unlikely," she said. "Why, is there--"

"Just his treatments," I said hurriedly. "He just finished the last one in this cycle and his oncologist has him on a break for a while, so that would've--but it's fine, it's totally fine. It's probably good, since I can, you know. Pick up some odd jobs or something on the side since things are a bit more stable when he's not actually in treatments."

"Who watches him when you can't?" she asked.

The correct answer to that was "no one," since I watched him all the time, but I couldn't bring myself to say that.

"My parents probably will," I said. "If they can. It's probably not worth putting him back in school yet."

"Just your parents or is there other family who can help?"

"Just my parents," I said. "My sister doesn't live nearby and she's in school, anyway, so not a great option."

"Right. But there's no one from his mom's side?"

She didn't know, I told myself. She wasn't trying to be rude or pushy. It wasn't judgemental. She wasn't fishing for information. She was just asking a general, normal, genuinely interested question about--

"Don't ever bring up his mother again," I said.

Shock flitted across her face before professionalism hid it away.

"Of course. My apologies."

I nodded stiffly. "Accepted." I cleared my throat, feeling my face burn. "It's just that it's a--"

"--touchy subject. Clearly."

I swallowed. "Sorry."

But I'd ruined it, of course. Whatever little moments we'd been having, whatever comfort I'd felt, that was all gone. And that shouldn't have mattered because she was just some lady I was dealing with because of this whole wish thing, but it did.

Which... fuck.

The awkwardness didn't last long but only because just a few minutes later, I caught sight of movement near the trees. My heart jumped into my throat as unreasonable thoughts poured through my head, trying to convince me they were returning because Ethan was hurt or gotten ill or something horrible had happened.

But the horses reappeared slowly and Miracle Jim stopped for one more photo op before they trotted back towards us. Before I knew it, the group was close enough that I could see Ethan radiating pure joy. He caught my eye, excitement filling his face as he lifted an arm and waved frantically.

"Dad!" I heard him shout distantly. "We went to the Fire Swamp and we survived!"

"It's just a regular swamp with a fog machine," Noreen said quietly from beside me.

"Too bad," I replied. "I was impressed."

"With the concept or with the fact that they survived?"

"Yeah."

She snorted and I felt a bit better about things.

Ethan babbled endlessly as the staff helped him off his horse. His legs wobbled a bit as he rushed towards me, though less than Mom's did, since she ended up leaning heavily against Dad as they made their way to the table for lunch. Ethan barely seemed to notice as he rambled about everything he'd seen and what his horse's name was and how his name was now Fezzik.

"... because he's a giant and he's super strong and he's so cool," he explained as I tried to get him to eat part of an MLT. "Except I wanted to be Inigo Montoya because he's Spanish and a sword fighter and he's like, the best sword fighter except for Westley but Spike's already Westley. But I also don't want to be Inigo because his dad got killed by the Six Finger Man--and he wasn't a llama like you said, Dad--and I'd like you to not be killed please."

"I'm very glad to hear that, bud," I said. "And I'm glad you had fun."

"I did." He finally took a huge bite of his sandwich. "Why wouldn't I?"

I shrugged.

"Is it 'cause you don't like horses?"

I laughed. "No."

Ethan grinned, chewed up bits of sandwich in his teeth. "Dad. Were you worried?"

"I wasn't worried," I scoffed.

"I think you were worried."

"Maybe I was a little bit concerned, but that's not the same thing."

From across the table, Noreen laughed, but apparently Jim hadn't told Ethan that part of the story because he didn't get the joke.

"Can I go again?" he asked when he finished eating.

"Uh, I think the trail guy left." I glanced at Noreen, who grimaced and nodded. "Maybe another day?"

"The staff are still here," Mom said unhelpfully. "He was riding really well, Jere. He doesn't need someone holding onto him."

"I'd prefer it," I said.

"Dad, please?" Ethan asked. "Just for a bit? I'll be really careful."

"I dunno, bud," I said. "The Collips have to get back to their, uh, farming."

"Oh, hush about that," Mrs. Collip said. "If King Ethan wants to go for another ride, by all means!"

Gritting my teeth, I glanced at Mom. "You're going to hold on to him?"

She grimaced. "Um, well... maybe you could take him out, hon. I don't know if I can even walk back to the horses."

Shit. I drew in a steady breath.

"If you don't want to go, Mr. Whitlock, why doesn't Noreen take him?" Mrs. Collip asked.

"Just Jeremy, please," I said automatically. "And, uh... what?"

"Noreen rode for years!" She smiled sweetly at Noreen, who looked like she'd been caught under a spotlight. "You can be King Ethan's Guinevere, dear."

"Who's Guinevere?" Ethan asked.

"The princess," Mom said.