Ashes to Ashes Ch. 04

"I was drugged," she said. "I didn't even know what was going on until after it happened. Then Jenkins blackmailed me." John shook his head.

"Bullshit! I saw those videos. You didn't look like you were drugged to me. You looked like you enjoyed the hell out of it. The truth is, you should've come to me in the beginning," he said. "I'm no idiot. We could've dealt with this together. But no, you didn't even respect me enough to give me a chance." April looked down at the floor.

"Was I really that bad to you?" she asked.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" John asked. "I came this close to smacking you up side the head so many times it isn't even funny," he said, putting his thumb and forefinger close together. "You basically redefined the word, 'bitch.' I couldn't stand to be around you half the time."

"I'm sorry," she cried. "Please believe me, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Yeah, well, you did," John said. "I've got to get back to the ship now," he added, standing up. April stood in front of him and reached out to him.

"John, please," she begged. "I love you. I need you. I'm sorry I did all that to you. Can't you find it in your heart to forgive me?" John shook his head.

"I don't know," he said. "Maybe after I get back from this cruise and maybe if you take care of this Cramer asshole, maybe we can talk." She nodded her head. "What would you have done if the roles were reversed? Hmmm? What if it was you looking at videos of me having sex with a bunch of women?"

"I would've cut your balls off and tossed you into that grave myself," she said.

"Yeah," John said.

"So, have you slept with that FBI lady?" she asked.

"Yeah, I did," John said. April looked as though she had been slapped when he said that. "And I may do it again." April shrunk even further, tears falling down her cheeks. "Doesn't feel good, does it? Humiliating as hell, isn't it?" John asked. April nodded her head.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"Yeah, me too," he said, opening the door. "But now you know how I felt the last year or so." Ryan and Cheryl came back into the room. Ryan took his seat before speaking.

"John, Agent Masters will remain on the cruise with you, just in case Cramer shows back up," he said. "We'll be in touch." John nodded his head and turned, taking Cheryl's hand in his. April stood and ran to John before he left.

"Please, John," she said. "Remember that I love you. Can you at least forgive me for what I've done?" He looked at her hard before speaking.

"I'll think about it," he said. "We'll talk when I get back." With that, he walked Cheryl out of the office and headed back to the ship.

Suddenly, the scene changed and a wave of déjà vu washed over John as he found himself once again at the top of the gangplank in New York City. In his "dream" mind, he "knew" that he had spend weeks traveling around the world with Cheryl. He also "knew" that he had developed a relationship with the FBI agent. He wasn't sure that he was ready to take the plunge with her or anyone else, though. Not after what April had done to him.

In his dream mind, he remembered hearing that Ryan's agents had recently caught up with Robert and had taken him out in a hail of gunfire. That was a bit of good news. Now he could breathe easy.

He looked down and knew what had happened the last time he stepped off this gangplank. But Cramer was dead, so he should be alright, he thought. He hesitated for a moment until Cheryl pushed him along.

"C'mon," she said, smiling. "Let's get a move on." He nodded his head and walked slowly down the gangplank. As he stepped off the gangplank, nothing happened. He breathed a sigh of relief. Ryan came up to him and Cheryl as they got off the ship.

"About time you guys showed back up," he said, taking their luggage. "Hop in," he said, opening the back door of the SUV. As they drove off, Ryan spoke to John.

"Well, John, as you know, we got Cramer about 10 days ago," he said.

"I heard," John said. "That is good news."

"Don't celebrate just yet," Ryan added. "We lost contact with April a few days before we nailed Cramer."

"I thought you had agents on the house," John said.

"We did, but they got pulled off my detail," Ryan said. "Don't worry, we have agents scouring your property and the area around your house."

The next thing John knew, he was in an airplane flying home, sitting next to Cheryl.

"God, I hope nothing bad happened to her," he said. She patted his leg and tried to reassure him. Just as suddenly, the scene changed again, but now, they were in another SUV going through his gates. John and Ryan both saw people standing around the marker where he had buried his marriage so many months ago. Something was on the ground at their feet but John couldn't make it out. They got out of the SUV and made their way to the marker.

As John got closer, he saw several men with shovels and a pile of dirt next to the hole he had dug for the coffin. There, next to the dirt, was a long black bag. One man was kneeling next to the bag as the others looked on. The kneeling man looked up as Ryan came around. As soon as Ryan looked at the contents of the bag, he motioned for Cheryl to keep John back.

"What have you got?" Ryan asked.

"Caucasian female, aged roughly 45 - 50 years. Decomp suggests she's been buried about two weeks, maybe a little less. Body's covered with lye."

"Cause of death?" Ryan asked.

"There appears to be two gunshot wounds to the chest, and the body has been decapitated," the kneeling man said. "I'll have to get her back to the lab before I know for certain." Ryan nodded his head and turned to John.

"I'm sorry, John," he said. "Truly, I am." He turned and walked away. John was in shock. He hated what his wife had done to him, to their marriage, but he never wanted this. He never even got a chance to tell her that he forgave her. Hot tears fell down his face as he sobbed on the ground.

"No, no, no, please God, no," he cried. He heard a soft feminine voice call out to him.

"John? John," the voice said. Slowly, the dream dissipated and John found himself in bed, his body soaked with sweat, his face full of tears. The voice he heard in the dream was that of his wife. He turned to her and wrapped her in his arms as tight as he could.

"Thank God you're alive," he said through his tears. She held him tight and rocked him gently.

"Of course I'm alive," she said. "Another nightmare?" He nodded his head. "That's the second one this week," she added.

"It was so... real," he said.

"Maybe we should go talk to a counselor," she suggested softly. "You're having these nightmares all too often." He nodded his head.

"Maybe you're right," he said. She had suggested counseling before, when the nightmares began, but he dismissed her concerns.

"I'll be with you every step of the way," she said. "You're stuck with me whether you like it or not, mister." He smiled as he looked at her. He kissed her face and snuggled back into bed with her.

"I love you so much," he said. She smiled and kissed him back.

"And I love you, too," she said. "Now, let's get some sleep. And think happy thoughts, okay?" she said as they snuggled closer together.

"Happy thoughts," John said. "Got it." He thought about the line from Hamlet: "To sleep, perchance to dream..." He understood the meaning and the context, but didn't dwell on it. There had been enough death lately. Now is a time to live and celebrate, he thought. And with April in his arms, that's exactly what he would do.

The end...