All Comments on 'Ashley's Campaign Ch. 03'

Doin' good. Keep it going.

I haven't read this chapter yet, but I will soon. Write your story the way you see fit. Our comments posted here are often times not a reflection of the story, but a reflection of the reader posting the comment. If the story isn't their cup of tea, well, no one forced them to continue reading it after they figured that out. Self appointed grammar police do what they do just so they can criticize and even bully the story and author. Nice way to treat someone posting a fantasy for free for the reader's enjoyment.

Tell your story.

(There's a reason many people in the entertainment industry don't read reviews and public comments.)

Please have Josh be the one to technically take her virginity. They seem to love each other so much. A cool twist would be for her to totally fall for her brother and take him to Homecoming as her king.

You're good as a writer but this story took some bad directions. I personally dislike the addition of the father into the sex line. But the story is really straying away from its origins imo.

She started off as the innocent smart girl, who is now planning on giving head to guys to win a title; ridiculous. - Shes supposedly feeling shitty about her bf's nana possibly dieing and her first thought is to cheer herself up by sucking her brother? Rly? - Then a short time later after hearing about nana, shes thinking its the best week ever. - With nothing to hint at any type of incestuous parental behavior, and even if there was, what teenage guy (brother) is going to hand there father a remote to something there sister is wearing? And as casual as if he were handing him a baseball card or something.- Shes was worried about her bfs opinion of her running for queen, and on a pool party, but seems to give him no consideration when it comes to her 'practicing' on others, or the idea of blowjobs to get votes.....

Chapter one started off great. It seemed to indicate a fairly strong sibling bond that was going to grow and explore. Now it just seems cheap and irrelevant. You made the comment that its literotica and its supposed to be about sex, buts honestly the last thing you should worry about. We already know thats a part of it. Its how you get there that matters. If someone want a cheap sex line then they would watch a porn or something, not read a story. They read a story because they want just that... a story! Stories have character development and emotions that are supposed to capture the attention and heart of whomever is reading it. Thats the main part of a story.

Very good I hope you continue the story.

SAD!

I wasn't a giant fan of bringing the father in, but you've got a great story here. Please write more!

Under ware is underwear and lightning is the phenomen in a thunderstorm and is a noun, lightening is the present participle of the verb lighten

I have to say, I initially was worried I would get bored with this story, but so far I have enjoyed all of it. And don't worry about those fools who spend their time not enjoying stories about sex but instead looking for mistakes. They know what you meant, but I suppose its their only way to feel superior. I look forward to reading the rest of the series.