All Comments on 'Assassins MC Pt. 11'

As you mentioned within the story "What would they think...". Well I didn't feel that Penny's request to live with Rich was outside what could normally happen in this kind of an abuse situation. It is normal for someone to take an opportunity to remove themselves. I do like the way this story is written and I think the character development is better going forward. I am concerned that as a STORY, the directions of progression are, in my mind, at a turning point. Is this a novel or a sex story? If a novel, does Rich take command and humanize the club? Or, as a sex story do the women become weekend strippers, escorts and sluts? As a non-consensual story, I think it needs to darken down to Rich having the women do ANYTHING to keep him happy. Well done so far...I find myself searching for the next installment.

I wake up each day looking forward to the next one. Keep it up!

As soon as Penny and Julie were clicking in the beginning of this chapter it screamed, here comes number 4. Without an appearance of a new character all this setup had to lead to Rich. I'll guess that most, if not all members have a wife or primary woman so the best Penny could hope for was the situation she's in now.

The moment Roger only warned him and made no physical move to stop Ben's advance on Susan it had to mean she knew how to fight and I was guessing a Black Widow.

I have a feeling everyone who goes through that program "officially" washes out. It's only that passing 20% that may know of the other Widows but even they may not know each other unless they've worked an operation together. Roger, being an OG and Susan's husband/guardian knew. I'll guess knowledge of all of them is only held at the top.

With Susan having known Beth for a long time, tested Nichole and Julie and raised Penny it will be interesting if Rich can hire her to train the ladies. Basic self defense skills shouldn't violate club rules though more advanced stuff could come in handy.

It appears you'll have Julie trying the Black Widow program at some point down the road with Susan saying she was suited for it. I wonder if Penny and Julie's budding sisterhood will go down that path together as well? Rich would end up with a pair of Widows watching his back. He could end up the most protected member short of the command members.

You seem to be indicating strongly that the path for Ben will be a dark one. He's likely to hold a big grudge against Rich now. Took his believed place in the club, new golden boy even to his parents etc. I was thinking it would turn and he'd try to get Roger to kill Rich by telling him about Penny's 'rape' which could have set off some trouble before being straightened out. Thus opening a spot for himself. But that didn't happen of course. If he twists and turns inside very much he could try to make an opening himself with two possible targets I see.

One holiday down, kinky elf outfits for Xmas? 🤓 Big club Xmas party with bondage tree complete with lights, sex toys for bulbs, garland with a rope core, violet wand with tinsel attachment, Tens unit linked to a train circling the tree. As it goes around the train's path activates and deactivates either pleasurable or painful sensations or vibrators. That's probably too light hearted, playful and festive though. If more members are like Ben in their ways, Rich and the girls won't find enjoyment at club functions. He may see some caring but he'll also see more of the actions he is finding objectionable.

Hope this story has a long life or lives if it should end up with multiple books. This has some of the feel of SOA so I'm enjoying it thoroughly.

Thanks for the comments folks. I really appreciate it. To answer a few questions:

This is a novel. I have the plot written, and I'm editing each part, fleshing it out. There are over 150k words in the first novel, which brings me to the second.

This will be at least a 2 novel series. I plan on three, sort of like 3 acts in Rich's life, early, middle, and late. I'm trying to come up with a good third act that will still be compelling. I've started writing the second novel and am about 35k words into it.

The non consensual parts will involve the women we know in difficult situations, and in the second novel expand outward. Don't worry, by the end of the first novel the family (Rich and the women) will be locked in, and we're not done yet. Everything will revolve around them going forward.

I also plan on side stories that cover events hinted at in the novels, like stories about operations with the Ghosts, Ben's actual tapes of Beth, etc. I've left myself plent of room to maneuver in the future.

Keep the feedback coming. I love reading all of them, positive and negative. Your suggestions will only improve my writing and that's my goal here. Thanks again!

sorry, I see that I posted my comment under the wrong chapter, it was meant for this one (if you can delete it from under the previous chapter, that would be great, it mus be confusing there)

by Anonymous

01/07/21

WTF, that escalated quickly! I understand that Ben is pretty much a caricature figure at this point, because some of his moves just seem beyond reason, however, the fact that such a person comes out of being raised in such an environment speaks volumes about what this kind of rampant misogyny does to human beings. But Ben is just a caricature, while the same rampant misogyny is present in all of them - how can they treat their wives, sisters, daughters, mothers like that???????? I think that's one of the key things that keeps bothering me in this story and makes it less believable - from the evolutionary biology perspective, it is instinctual to human beings to give preferential treatment to their kin, even criminal mafioso characters often love and respect their mothers, dote on their daughters, try to please their wives, however, these jerks across the board act like the female members of their families are just like all the other slaves to be abused by any and all. It was laughable when Rich pondered how John can treat his wife with respect and the other women without, because he is not really treating his wife with respect, he is denigrating her by parading a rotation of other women in front of her and having sex with them. It got even more ridiculous that Roger is fine with getting his wife and daughter naked and servicing Rich, but since he didn't even notice how bad his son has gotten speaks volumes about his own calousness and numbness to the absurdity of such behaviour. The fact that Roger just gave Penny to Ben to "discipline" just because he was born male and she was born female is ridiculous, he's an idiot for raising a son who things he's entitled to abusing his sister and apparently his mother, and if Roger doesn't get a crisis of conscience after seeing his son charging at the mother, then he really is a hopeless clueless jerk and needs to be taught a serious lesson, yet all he does is just transfer Penny like a thing to someone else... And Susan is truly a coldhearted whore if she has allowed things to get to this point with her children and hasn't acknowledged the evils of this lifestyle and still thinks it is justifiable and worth it... Man, what a good writer you are to get a reader so worked up :D. I just hope a reckoning is coming for them all...

Poor Rich, a whirlwind of jealousy and hatred is coming his way. Julie and Penny will fall in love and soon enough Rich will become the third wheel in a relationship that just puts up with him.

There will be reactions and Julie will be scorned and get her nose out of joint, not comprehending why Rich is upset. Then Ben will add his anger to the mix.

Explosive!

I like the way that you dealt with Penny and Ben. You showed the true side of a dominant. For an hour or a lifetime, a submissive gives control to a dominant. The Dom must remember that what is given can be taken away.