Astonishing

As I assume is the case for most average heterosexual males, when I daydreamed of fucking some famous movie star or singer it was normally someone really buxom and beautiful, like Christian Hendricks, Salma Hayek, Beyoncé, or Denise Richards (or in their day Raquel Welch or Sophia Loren); or if I was not masturbating to thoughts of one of them then it was to someone beautiful, sleek, and athletic, such as Gal Gadot, Jennifer Lopez, Shakira, Gabrielle Union, or Jessica Alba; or -- my personal favorite -- Elizabeth Hurley. Not once before this story did I ever fantasize about a five foot tall skinny seemingly flat chested funny faced woman like Kate Micucci.

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At 30 years old I, Brad Kruger, and my latest beautiful buxom girlfriend (a younger, poor man's, Christian Hendricks) had mutually terminated our relationship a few weeks earlier, and my job as a renewable energy engineer troubleshooter had a lull so I thought that I'd do something I had wanted to do for years. I signed up with an organization called Way Out -- like Outward Bound, but a little more "spicy" -- for a fifteen day adventure in the Montana wilderness. I notified all of my usual clients that I was out-of-pocket for the next seventeen days (one day travel each way), had my mail stopped, shipped off my pet ferrets to a friend, packed my knapsack with what I was told to bring, closed up my condo, and took off.

The adventurers mostly arrived by train in Essex, Montana and met at the Izaak Walton Inn for the start of our venture. There were six women -- counting the female guy -- and four men. Gretchen, the female guide, was a big strong woman with a German accent who although friendly was also no-nonsense. At six foot three, 225 pounds naked, I was the biggest participant and the smallest was a women named Kate, who alleged that she was five feet two and 105 pounds. She might have been that when clothed -- including with her boots on -- but nude I'm sure she couldn't have been bigger than five feet, 98 pounds. As it turned out Kate also had the least wilderness experience of the adventurers.

As the literature we had all been sent when we signed up for the trip made clear, and that we had to sign a contract agreeing to, even though we were paying Way Out we were abiding by their strict rules; if we didn't we could be sent home.

Gretchen had a number of quirks. One was that she carried with her a Husqvarna 28 inch long steel axe with a fiberglass handle -- which weighed about five pounds. She used it as part of a procedure to keep people in line. Anyone who violated the rules would have to carry it for anywhere between an hour and a day. It doesn't sound like a big deal -- until you try it because it becomes both heavy and unwieldy as you're trekking through uneven terrain. We also did use it for splitting wood for campfires.

Fortunately, the adventurers were all easy to get along with and though a task master, Gretchen had a good sense of humor, a thick skin, and a sense of mercy, so we could all concentrate on getting what we wanted out of the experience rather than worrying about interacting with people with poor personalities.

On the first day at lunch Kate removed the hat that she often wore and I got a good look at her face and hair. I could swear that I had seen her before, but couldn't place her. It was only when we were at dinner that I remembered; I had never met her but The Big Bang Theory was one of my favorite TV shows and I remember her distinctive funny-like face and skinny body from some episodes where she played Raj's first pseudo-girlfriend. After dinner as she was returning from a latrine visit and alone so I approached her; I had already introduced myself earlier.

"All through the day, Kate, I was wondering where I'd seen you before," I opened. She seemed about half my size when I stood next to her.

"I have a common face, Brad," she laughed.

"In fact you have a unique face; that's why I was finally able to place you. You were Raj's girlfriend on a few episodes of The Big Bang Theory," I proudly proclaimed.

"Shhh...don't tell anyone," she giggled. She had the most peculiar timid little voice and laugh; somehow it made me feel good inside. "I had one of the leads, rather than a bit part, in Garfunkel and Oates but I guess you never saw that."

"Were you Garfunkel or Oates?" I asked with a smile.

"Garfunkel of course -- funny name for funny looking chick," she giggled again.

"So why don't you want anyone to know that you're famous?" I asked.

"They'll expect me to be funny, since I'm ostensibly a comedian, and I don't want to disappoint."

"OK -- your secret is safe with me. So tell me what's your last name so that I can tell my grandchildren I met a famous actress," I chuckled.

"Micucci -- but I'm surprised that you have grandchildren -- you don't look a day over fifty," she said with a straight face.

Since I pride myself at looking good for thirty I was stunned, until a few seconds later she chuckled "gotcha" as she poked me in the ribs and then scampered off as I pretended to chase her to do her bodily harm. As we ran past Gretchen she yelled out -- "Don't hurt him, Kate -- he's too fat to carry out if he's injured."

That caused me to stop fake running, grab Gretchen, and despite the fact that she had to weigh a good 160 pounds, turned her upside down.

"What did you say?" I asked, almost laughing too hard to get the words out.

"I said that you're the sleekest adventurer Way Out has ever had," she laughed, allowing me to turn her back right-side-up.

Of course all of the other adventurers saw everything, which given many sore feet and backs after a hard day of trekking gave everyone a good laugh and I do believe brought us all closer together.

************

After that first night it seemed that Kate and I were interacting more than any other two people on the adventure. I'm sure that was amusing to the others since when we were next to each other we almost looked like different species; I really did look twice as big as she was.

Since I've been known my entire life for having a weak mind and a strong back -- qualities many women find desirable -- after the first two days I took pity on Kate and put half of the stuff in her backpack into mine. She had brought too much, and he skinny legs couldn't support the weight of her backpack so she was struggling. However, that was against the rules and Gretchen caught us. Our punishment -- although she didn't make me put the stuff back into Kate's backpack -- was for one of us to carry the axe every other hour for the rest of the day. That was no problem for me, but Kate really struggled, so I carried it fifty minutes of every one of the hours she was supposed to. Gretchen realized how difficult it was for Kate so Gretchen pretended not to notice that I was carrying the axe 90% of the time and we helped her maintain that supposed unawareness by having Kate carry it just before we stopped for every break.

By the fifth day I, and everyone else, realized that Kate had as good a sense of humor as anyone we had ever met before in our lives. Not only were her little quips -- like telling me she was surprised that I was a grandfather -- sharp, but she had an endless supply of jokes, plus she delivered them in such a seemingly clueless manner that even less-than-funny jokes seemed hilarious. Two, of hundreds of examples, of her jokes are:

--Walter (first name -- in fact I never knew any last names except for Kate's -- and never Walt) somehow let it be known that he drove a BMW i8 Coupe (for those of you unfamiliar with cars, starting price $147,500). "I have a story about a BMW," Kate shyly grinned, making everyone assume that it was a touching emotional narrative. In her quirky timid voice she continued:

"A mouse and an elephant are friends. Unfortunately, one day the elephant falls into a hole that he can't get out of. His friend the mouse is determined to rescue him. The mouse puts a chain around the elephant, hooks it up to the mouse's BMW -- I think it was an i8 -- and easily pulls the elephant out of the hole, cementing their friendship even more. As luck would have it a month later the mouse falls into a hole he can't get out of, and he calls for his friend the elephant. The elephant walks over to the hole, squats slightly, and lowers his dick into the hole. The mouse climbs up it and is rescued by his friend."

Then Kate stopped and got this perplexed look on her face; no one knew quite what to say. After she had everyone hanging she continued:

"The moral of the story is that if you have a big dick you don't need a BMW."

I do believe that half of the adventurers -- including myself -- fell off the logs we were sitting on laughing hysterically, while those who didn't fall off were ceaselessly guffawing. Walter turned red -- but eventually took it in good humor.

--In the second example a young woman named Bethany was talking at dinner about how she was taking up golf for the first time and enjoying it. In a defeated voice Kate mumbled "Yeah, I tried golf once and it didn't go so well."

By that time I was Kate's straight man so pretending that I was concerned I asked "Why, what was wrong?"

"Well," Kate continued, "I had been taking golf lessons and had just started playing my first round of golf when I was stung by a bee. My pain was so intense that I decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw me heading back and said, 'You are back early, what's wrong?' 'I was stung by a bee!' I moaned. 'Where?' he asked. 'Between the first and second hole' I replied. He nodded and said, 'Your stance is far too wide.'"

After a pause where Kate's face morphed into a totally forlorn expression the laughter started and didn't abate for a good three minutes.

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At certain times during our wilderness experience we became grubby enough that we couldn't stand our own smell. We would take time when we got to a creek or pond to bathe; sometimes the men would be in groups, sometimes the women, and sometimes people would go off on their own.

I had been "doing my business" in the woods when we were at a stopping point near a creek so I didn't hear Gretchen's instructions about bathing. Feeling that I was too ripe I grabbed a bar of soap and a hand towel and headed off toward the creek. As I turned to my right when I got to the bank I saw Kate standing about twenty yards away naked, obviously getting ready to bathe herself.

"Eek" she squealed, putting her hands over her almost bare pussy with some bristly hair indicating a few days since shaving -- not that I was looking there -- leaving her breasts uncovered. I had always assumed from her size and the tops that she wore that Kate's chest was as flat as a flounder. Not so; she had proud turgid delectable tits. They would never be mistaken for Christina Hendricks', but very nice. I was like a deer in the headlights looking at her, but after her second "eek" I snapped out of my stupor, blushed, mumbled an apology, and scampered back to the camp.

When Kate arrived back fifteen minutes later she teased me mercilessly about being a voyeur, pervert, and scopophiliac (she had to define that last term for me since I had never heard it before) despite my numerous apologies. Finally she let up and with an evil smile said "What's good for the gander is good for the goose," and then demanded a back rub, which I gave her until she literally went limp, so I helped her to her sleeping bag.

My relationship with Kate changed after that -- while it was still as friendly and fun-filled as any relationship I had ever had in my life I couldn't get the image of those perky little tits out of my head, and I do believe that she actually started flirting with me.

Two days later I was soaking in a small pond, having washed myself with soap and now rinsing and cooling off, with my clothes on the shore. I had my eyes closed enjoying the moment. When I opened them I decided that it was time to get dressed so I started for the shore. There was Kate; sitting in her normal attire of sleeved top, shorts, and boots, next to my clothes, smiling.

Before my cock was exposed I said "Uh...Kate...would you mind leaving so that I can get dressed."

"Not before I have a look," she giggled, "just like you had."

I tried to negotiate for a good five minutes, even promising her another back rub if she left. She was having none of it. Unfortunately, for some reason my cock was turned on by this and decided to get ¾ hard. I finally resigned myself -- I've never been an exhibitionist but I wasn't a prude either -- and walked out of the water to my clothes, picking up and quickly putting on my boxers."

Of course Kate had to comment with a big grin on her face. "You're uncut -- I've never seen an uncut one before; can I nave another look at it?"

"Not a chance sweetie," I shot back as I pulled on my shorts.

"Why was it sticking out -- was it happy to see me?" she asked with an even bigger and more diabolical grin.

"That's how it always is when I bathe," I responded.

"Oh you play with yourself in the water?" she "innocently" inquired.

I knew that I'd lose this exchange so I just called her the same names that she called me, quickly completed getting dress, and then ran away from her as she laughed like a hyena.

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While most of my conversations with Kate were light-hearted, we did discuss some serious things. At one point -- when everyone else had snuggled into their sleeping bags -- in low voices we complained about our love lives. I complained about the end of my last relationship. She complained that she and her husband were taking a "time out" with the provisions of a legal separation although none had been filed in court. She complained that few guys ever wanted a relationship with her because she was so funny looking. I tried to dispel that notion -- which she thanked me for -- and much to my surprise I was genuine when I did that.

I realized that I was being genuine with Kate when instead of fucking sex goddess Elizabeth Hurley in my mind as I drifted off to sleep I was fucking skinny funny-looking little Kate.

One other serious thing that I did -- obviously an invasion of privacy but I was too curious to pass it up -- was one afternoon when all the women had left to bathe I looked in her wallet and found her driver's license. Kate looked like she was eighteen years old she had such a young face and body and such smooth skin, although I was certain that she had to be in her late twenties. I was shocked when I looked at the birth date on her driver's license that she had turned forty just before our trip!

**************

This trip ended up having more "excitement" than any other trip in Way Out's experience.

It was early afternoon of the third to last day of our sojourn. We had been camped for lunch and the other three men had gone to bathe in a nearby creek and two of the women were probably off to the latrine while Kate, Gretchen, and Bethany were at our rest stop with me getting things ready for lunch. Suddenly we heard a scream from the direction of the creek and Walter and another half-naked guy came dashing into the campsite. Following them was a grizzly bear. Walter stumbled and the bear attacked him.

I grabbed Gretchen's axe and ran toward the bear and hit it in the side with the blunt end of the axe head as hard as I could. The bear let out a horrendous shriek and then turned toward me. I backpedaled to where Kate, Gretchen and Bethany were and told them to get behind me in single file "and do not run!" I yelled.

The air was punctuated by the screams of several people -- I didn't know who -- and the shrieks and growls of the bear. It started lumbering toward me. I kept the axe in front of me occasionally jabbing in the direction of the bear. When the bear -- who appeared to be average size for a grizzly -- rose on its hind legs I'm sure that it was around seven feet tall. As it did I took a chance and rushed it and jabbed at its nose with the front end of the axe. I was lucky and hit it flush on.

I don't think that I ever heard a sound as loud or agonizing as what left the bear's mouth. I prepared for an attack once it was on all four legs, but apparently its pain was too great and the bear took off running into the woods.

Once we were sure it wasn't coming back Gretchen took charge and we surveyed the damage.

Walter needed serious medical assistance; the other guy running with Walter had badly sprained his ankle and would not likely be able to walk on it. While Gretchen attended to Walter Kate, Bethany and I went looking for the two other guys. We found them near the creek both injured although not as badly as Walter, and needed our help in getting back to the campsite. One of the other women had also fallen down a ravine getting away from the bear obviously breaking at least one rib, and the other woman had fallen and hit her head on a rock and was groggy.

It was almost like a battlefield.

Once Gretchen stopped Walter's bleeding and got him reasonably comfortable she got on her radio and called for help. Luckily we had passed a clearly about 100 meters before we stopped and she went there, got the GPS coordinates, and directed a chopper to that location.

We marshalled all of the wounded together and somehow got everyone to the chopper location by the time the first chopper got there. It took off with the most seriously injured, and returned a couple of hours later for most of the rest of us. Since Kate, Bethany and I were the only ones besides Gretchen not injured -- and Gretchen needed to go on the second copter -- and it had room for only one of the three of us and could not return once it got dark and also because they could not justify the expense of sending a copter for healthy people, Kate grabbed my arm, pulled my head close to her and whispered into my ear "If you and I stay behind I'll suck your cock."

I thought that it very well might be a joke -- but either way I would rather be stranded with Kate than Bethany -- so I insisted that Bethany take the last spot on the copter. She didn't put up any resistance.

Gretchen gave us her GPS and general directions for the way back. She told us what coordinates to meet her at in two days and she'd then lead us back the rest of the way.

As soon as the copter left I stared at Kate. She got a mischievous grin and said "I can't wait to suck my first uncircumcised cock."

"If you do I'm going to suck your clit and fuck your pussy," I growled.

"Don't throw me into the briar patch Brer Fox," she chuckled.

I grabbed her, lifted her up, and planted as passionate a kiss as I ever have in my life on her lips. She reacted by putting her scrawny arms around my neck and her skinny legs around my waist just like a little monkey holding on to its mother. When we came up for air she moaned "Let's do this right; let's clean up and then get into a sleeping bag and tent."

I didn't have a better idea so despite the fact that my cock had saluted as soon as she made the "suck your cock" comment I decided to put long term satisfaction over lust.

We brought all of our equipment to the creek -- the others' equipment had been removed by the copter -- and had fun as we washed each other off in the creek with plenty of fondling and kissing. Naked we dried off the best we could as we quickly pitched a tent and put our air mattress and one of our sleeping bags inside -- we didn't need two sleeping bags.

The little bitch was fascinated by my uncut cock, and I by her shaved (with some stubble) tiny pussy with protruding clit. We got in a sixty-nine with her on top and got to work getting each other off. Since Kate spent as much time and effort playing with my foreskin as she did in sucking I got her off first. She shuddered like she had stuck a finger into an electrical socket. Obviously she had to stop sucking my cock when she climaxed, and since I was more interested in burying my hog in her snug pussy than discharging in her mouth I quickly turned her on her back and started to insert my cock into her tiny slit.