Astrid in Love Ch. 05

Chapter 5: Aftermath

Note: Thanks everyone who has read this so far! I hope you're enjoying this story. All feedback is welcome - I am always trying to improve so any comments are appreciated!

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Caius spent the week after The Heat, trying to process exactly what the fuck had gone on. There were so many things to think on. Primarily, Vanessa had tried to use pack magic on him for sex. The secondary issue: he had then spread it to Astrid.

God, poor Astrid.

As soon as she's come down from The Heat, she'd utterly freaked out. She wouldn't speak to him at the time, and actually had refused to speak to him since. He felt guilty for what had happened, furious with himself and his inability to control the pack's magic.

If only he hadn't seen her.

The moment he had spied her walk down that hallway, he knew exactly what was going to happen with her. Caius had told her to go to her room and lock the door. But that wouldn't have mattered. As soon as Astrid even turned to leave he probably would have tried to mount her.

What a fucking mess.

He knew he should be angry with himself and furious with Vanessa. But there was a pressing truth, a darker fact on the edge of it all, he knew he had wanted it, wanted Astrid. Didn't care that it had been forced with sex magic.

And the way she'd felt in his hands? Her beautiful breasts, tipped off with the sweetest, large nipples- they'd felt wonderful in his mouth, against his tongue. Her pussy had been so wet, aching for him, he'd wanted to nut just touching her slick entrance. And then her mouth...

Christ, her mouth.

When she's sucked his cock between those full lips? Perfect. Utterly divine. All of it. Even if it had happened in imperfect circumstances.

The cruel thing about it all, really, was that it confirmed to Caius that the witch was exactly what he wanted, no, needed. He needed Astrid like he needed water or food or sleep.

His wolf had been yipping, hysterical over her. The beast had been livid when Caius had cum on her, rather than inside of her.

'Pups' his wolf had said to him accusingly, as if Caius had just done the most unforgivable thing.

All of it aside? He'd hurt Astrid. Scared her. Involved her in his weird rape-magic situation. He should have been stronger. He should have protected her.

Instead he failed her and he'd no idea how to make it up to her.

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Astrid hid away in her room for the next few weeks, only coming out to eat, go to work or occasionally, so as not to raise suspicion, for coven meetings. She felt like she was living life on autopilot, refusing to engage in anything or anyone around her.

Mostly she was trying to make sense of everything that had happened, the fact that she had been essentially metaphysically drugged and partook in sexual activities in what was definitely not her right frame of mind.

She hated herself, she hated Caius and most of all she hated what had happened between them, neither of them consenting.

How could they? Muddled by the magic of The Heat. Just when she was beginning to kind of not hate him, this had to happen.

There was something else unnerving which kept niggling away at her. She couldn't understand why Vanessa would bring on such a magic in Caius, because magic like that was essentially akin to date rape drugs. It made her beyond furious to think about what Vanessa might have done to Caius if he hadn't run into that hallway.

A disgusting, infuriating, small part of her had thought, thank the goddess he was with her and not Vanessa. She tried to ignore that painful little thought, because that was down a pathway she didn't feel she was even remotely prepared to explore.

It was all so confusing and devastating. Because she couldn't even talk to him. Or anyone. And she so wished she could talk to him, find out how he was going, because she imagined he was probably as shaken up as she was.

Of course, more than anything she wanted to touch him again, kiss him again, have sex, except properly this time, minus the underwear and audience. It was as wonderful as it was frustrating. But she was barely prepared to admit that to herself, let alone anyone else.

Astrid wished in a way that the experience had been unpleasant, bitter and painful. Because then at least she wouldn't have been so damn confused, and she'd know exactly how she could hate him. But in reality Caius had been so gentle, tender and loving in his touches, and then passionate and vigorous towards the end, but it had been entirely perfect. Astrid found herself pondering just how glorious it would have been if he had actually been inside of her.

When she came across these thoughts. She tended to become angry with Vanessa again. Repeating in her head over and over the words Vanessa had said; 'don't fuck her...'

Spiteful bitch.

If she was going to be metaphysically ambushed by sex magic, she was at least going to do it on her terms. She wondered if Caius had the same thoughts as her, she had no idea what his opinions were on the whole situation, and couldn't bare to think about it. Because she found herself wondering whether he hated her.

The thoughts, the doubt, the grief, it was all so exhausting and Astrid knew she was shutting herself off, barely living. But there wasn't any other way she could deal with it.

She needed time.

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It had been four weeks since 'the incident', and Astrid had finished another seemingly never-ending work shift. It didn't seem important any more, and she knew she was barely doing her job, but no one seemed to comment, they all seemed too scared. Which was so ridiculous, she wanted to laugh.

Why did they feel scared? She was the one who was scared, she was the one who didn't feel safe anymore. But they treated her like she had some kind of horribly infectious disease.

Like every night, Astrid came back straight to her room, not even bothering to get any food. She hadn't been eating well and knew she had lost weight, looked tired and just down-right terrible. As she always did, she flopped on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Something she seemed to be doing a lot of.

Her phone kept buzzing; messages from her sisters, the coven, Lachlan. She ignored them all. Her sisters and coven she couldn't face properly, not in this state. They would know something had happened and she couldn't bare to tell them.

She looked to her plants, still on her dresser. Except they were pretty much dead now, and she didn't even care. Everything inside her felt dead, so it just made sense the that the plants would be too.

Kitty came to sit on her chest and pawed at her face, meowing and nudging her. Her familiar had known something was wrong the moment she had come back that dreaded day and collapsed on the floor in tears. She could see it was impacting the little cat too, clumps of fur missing, evidently licked off in distress. She knew it wasn't fair to Kitty, but she didn't know what else to do. Despite the cat's attempts to cajole her and make her feel better, it just wasn't working, and Astrid didn't know if she had the words to even tell the cat what had happened.

There was a soft knock on the door, startling Astrid out of her reverie. She felt herself freeze, eyes locked on the door handle.

She couldn't answer.

There was a pause and another knock, followed by a voice.

"It's me," came the deep, soft voice, muffled slightly by the door, "It's Caius."

She didn't need him to say that, she knew exactly who it was. Astrid couldn't move her mouth, couldn't utter a thing, she was so terrified, unsure of what she should do or say. She had been wondering when and if he might ever speak to her again.

The door knob started turning, and Astrid realised too late that 1) she hadn't locked the door, and 2) she really wished she could hide, but that would just be preposterous. There was only one choice, lay on the bed and continue staring mutely.

Caius entered slowly, peeking in at first and when he spotted her, walked in slowly a bag of what appeared to be doughnuts held out in front of him like a shield. It was almost comical watching him. He looked slightly scared, as if worried she was going to attack him.

"I come baring gifts," Caius walked tentatively in, "I just want to talk."

Astrid tilted her head to the side, staring up at him from the bed, "I don't want to see you," she managed, surprised to hear her own voice.

When had been the last time she had said anything out loud?

"I know," he said softly, stopped to kneel by the bed, "I was worried, I haven't seen you for weeks. I just wanted to see if you were ok."

That was kind of sweet really. He'd been worried about her? After everything that'd happened to himself?

"I'm not ok," Astrid bit out, turning to face the other direction, staring at the wall, "So you can leave."

She felt the mattress dip, and his warm large body neared her. As soon as his scent hit her nose, she yearned to reach out and touch him. Astrid kept her hands tucked firmly at her sides, refusing to acknowledge the ridiculous urge. She felt herself shiver as he placed a large, warm hand on her shoulder. Astrid did her best to ignore him and the joyful tremor his touch gave her body.

"Please, I need you to talk to me," Caius breathed out, "I know you're hurting, but I'm struggling with this too and there's no one else who will understand."

She knew they needed to talk, wanted to, but the words just wouldn't come out.

"I can't do this right now," Astrid could feel tears beginning to trail down her face, "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I need time."

"Ok," he nodded, squeezing her shoulder gently, "How about we just sit here, eat doughnuts and watch some Real Housewives of Hobart?"

That sounded perfect. Beyond perfect. She didn't realise how much she had missed contact in the last few weeks. And though she was loath to admit it, she wanted him to stay with her, even if she couldn't really talk.

"That sounds ok," she mumbled. She could feel his whole body deflate.

"Ok," he moved to lean back against the headboard, waiting for her to move, giving her the space to move back.

"I didn't pick you as someone who watches Real Housewives." Astrid said, trying to make the situation less awkward. She turned to sit up and look at him properly.

She should have known looking at his perfect face would have had a devastating impact on her resolve. Having ignored him for weeks, she had forgotten how breathless he made her feel, forgotten about the electricity which seemed to always flow between them. But here it was, full force, strong as ever.

Astrid took a moment to realise how hurt and sad he was. And maybe that was what she had been avoiding; the reflection of her own pain in his eyes. She knew then how true his words were, how the incident had impacted him too, she knew he would need support from their altercation just as much as she had. She felt so selfish denying him. But she just couldn't have such a serious conversation yet.

"It's terrible, but I can't stop watching it," Caius smiled gently, shifting across the bed, giving her more room to lean back and sit against the headboard.

"Ok," Astrid nodded, eyeing the delicious smelling doughnuts, "Let's put it on then." Nodding towards the TV remote.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. As long as we don't have to talk about what happened. I just can't right now."

"Of course."

"Now are you going to pass me the doughnuts or are you going to let me waste away just looking at them?"

That made him smile, almost like his usual self, except instead of the usual snark in his eyes, there was a tenderness instead. Astrid tried to ignore the feeling of joy that seemed to pop out at her from the little look, stuffing a large warm doughnut in her mouth and focusing her attention on the TV.

They sat there in silence, the glow of the TV screen taking over the room.

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"So Chantrese and Milaniana were both married to Freddie," Caius said, "And the one with the fish lips and crazy eyes-"

"Porsha," Astrid interjected, eyes glued to the screen.

Caius shifted his gaze to inspect Astrid's face, amused at her rapt expression.

"Right, Porsha. Porsha is starting up a chain of cat grooming salons which specifically shave human vaginas into cats' fur,"

Astrid smiled, enjoying herself, "She's calling it pussies for pussies. Maybe I should do that to Kitty."

The cat took a moment to hiss at her, returning to grooming itself on a few moments later. Astrid laughed, turning to grab another doughnut.

"What a time to be alive," Caius sighed.

She felt her eyes start to close sleepily, and leant into the wolf's body heat. It was impossible not to, like her body had a mind of its own. As if a reflex, he wrapped an arm around Astrid's shoulders, and she snuggled into his chest sleepily.

It was surprising at how natural and normal it felt, but then Lycans seemed to just naturally enjoy and seek out touch. It probably would have felt just as normal with Lachlan.

"And it's upset her best friend, Leona, who is convinced Porsha stole her idea, based off of a idea she had five years ago to open a bag store which sells bags also shaped like vaginas." Astrid added, trying to keep her eyes open, but failing miserably.

"Right, which she called Designer Baginas."

"Mhm," She said, eyes closing and opening in an attempt to not fall asleep.

She ultimately lost the battle, eye shutting for a final time.

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Caius watched the witch sleeping against him, taking in the brief moment to properly look at her for the first time in weeks.

He felt his heart pang in pain as he took in the dark circles under her eyes, the limp hair, the paler-than-usual complexion. She had been in so much pain these last few weeks, and he couldn't do anything but sit by helplessly. And here she was, allowing him to sit with her and have a laugh and try to be comfortable after everything that had happened and he felt his heart swell for her. He knew he would spend the rest of his life making everything up to her if she would let him.

Although for now, all he wanted to do was join her in her slumber. He hadn't been sleeping much since that night with her in the hallway.

Of course he hadn't, because every waking and sleeping moment he was thinking about her, how she felt, how she had touched him, her pain and fear afterwards.

He couldn't bare it because he had known as soon as he had spotted her what was going to happen, even before she had touched him. He had been too weak, a stronger man would have kept running away, locked himself in a safe room and shifted out. But he couldn't, didn't want to. Focused on her sweet smell and perfect breasts, the touch of her skin and her lush mouth...

Caius shook his head, trying to push back the feelings. He was not going to work anything out tonight.

After a moment, he turned the TV off, laying them both down on the pillows, closed his eyes and slept properly for the first time in weeks.

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The light hit her eyes and Astrid snuggled deeper into the heat of her bed, basking in the warmth. She had just had the best sleep in weeks; restful, safe and warm. She felt her bed shift. Astrid's eyes popped open, and she turned to see Caius next to her, lightly snoring.

He looked so gorgeous asleep, his face slack. She took the opportunity to briefly look at him while he was unaware, admiring his gorgeous form, the way he breathed, they way his hair was all mussed...

She remembered she needed to focus and tapped the werewolf on the chest, "Caius," She pushed him gently.

"Mhm," he murmured, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her against his body tightly, she could feel a very large and very hard organ pressing against her stomach and wanted to groan in disgust at the instant flush of arousal between her thighs.

"Caius," Astrid said more loudly, "Get up."

"I am," his voice deep and sleepy, holding her even tighter against him.

She couldn't stop the whole body shiver rolling throughout her body and prayed that Caius was too asleep to notice. She wasn't sure how she felt about this new development, all she knew was that she desperately wanted to close the gap between their mouths and kiss him.

"You need to stop pressing your junk against me and get up," Astrid said annoyed.

"But I don't want to," he murmured rubbing his face into her neck and inhaling.

"Its nine," Astrid said, head turning to try and look at the clock "I thought you started your shift at six".

"Nine!" he shouted quickly pulling himself up, "Fuck, I'm late, why didn't my alarm go off?" he groaned, getting himself untangled from the sheets.

Caius ran out of the room quicker than she could comprehend, leaving her in the room by herself.

Astrid couldn't help but smile at him. She got up, amazed that things had felt so natural with him even after everything had happened. She felt so content, it almost unsettling.

Stripping her clothes off, Astrid headed to the bathroom for a shower.

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Astrid basked under the heat of the faucet enjoying it on her sore muscles. The downside to sleeping in the same bed as a hulking werewolf was that he took up most of the bed, resulting her sleeping in some odd angles.

She had barely starting washing when she heard the bathroom door open slightly. She had been so lost in her thoughts, she jumped.

"Hey, it's me," She heard Caius' voice, "I'm not coming in, don't worry."

Hm. That shouldn't have made her feel disappointed.

Caius continued, "It's Sunday. I don't have a shift today."

"I'll see you later then."

"Do you want to go out and get some breakfast? Lachlan told me there was a great breakfast place around the corner, above ground," his voice echoed into the bathroom.

Astrid turned off the tap, stepping out. She didn't know what possessed her, but she didn't bother grabbing a towel, just opened the door, stark naked and dripping wet.

Evidently he didn't expect to see a naked witch standing in front of him as Caius stepped back and averted his gaze. Not quite the reaction she was expecting. But then she was also standing naked in front of a man she often claimed to hate. So...

So, you're all over the place you crazy witch.

"Or you could join me in the shower?" she found herself asking.

She didn't know what possessed her, maybe it had been the doughnuts last night, or how handsome he looked when he was asleep, or that fact that he was being so sweet.

All she knew was that she wanted to have him near her, in the shower, naked and maybe they could touch each other. Except this time it would be because she had decided, rather than some wolf sex magic.

Caius had frozen, his enlarged eyes now trailing over her naked form. Astrid felt awkward, deciding to take the power here and moved to him, standing on her tip toes and wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her body into his.

He faced her, flushed, and she could see his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he spoke, "What are you doing, Astrid?"

He sounded distressed.

That wasn't the reaction she was expecting. A terrible thought overcame her, what if he really did not at all want her, what if he, in fact, found her disgusting, repugnant.

But he had wanted her this morning, hadn't he? She had definitely felt his erection against her stomach when she had tried to wake him up. Although maybe not, because sometimes guys just woke up like that. It was all so confusing.

"I'm talking about you and me in the shower, where you and I would be naked together," Astrid clarified, she snaked one of her hands down, smoothing it against the front of his pants.