All Comments on 'At His Majesty's Pleasure Ch. 04'

Love the interaction between them. My prediction is she will over time turn him around and make him a decent person again. Whether that's true or not I'm sure the journey will be fun. I do love when he is being an arrogant arsehole though.

Great work - this is officially one of my favourite stories of all time on Literotica!

I love the characterization, and the angst/slow build. And I think other commenters have mentioned it, but Alais is particularly great - not acting stupidly, and acting thinking things through before she does them. You both acknowledge the genre tropes - while also playing with them (which is a mark of confident writing).

I'm a creative writer for my day job , so just one small craft note for you both. The story is written in what I'd call close third person - which means even though it's not written as 'I', the reader tends to still read from one character's perspective in a scene. (Most fiction is either close third person, or first person - especially erotica, as it obviously means you empathize with the characters more).

However, there are a couple of times when you break the close third person perspective - and it's very jarring in the story.

One example would be the paragraph about the falcon - it was information that Alexander couldn't possibly have known, and it therefore took me out of the story. There were other examples, but that was one that particularly struck me. It wasn't that the paragraph was badly written - but that we suddenly shifted from his point of view, to a more general point of view.

That said - if you really, really wanted a bit of information in there, but it's impossible for your character to know it, this rule can sometimes be broken - but I would tend to use it sparingly, as it breaks the reader's suspension of disbelief.

Great work again - and keep writing! You're both obviously exceptionally talented.

Your Alexander is a psychopath to be sure. Even psychopaths can feel attachment because that attachment brings something they value and so long as that attachment continues to bring something valuable the attachment remains. But the moment the value stops being valuable, it will be as if the attachment was never there in the first place. So Alexander's friendship with Ethan fits with psychopathy.

I really really like how you have Alais' character sketched out. Pragmatic, intelligent, aware of her vulnerabilities, not b!tchy or bratty. I do hope she finds a way to be a source of frustration for the psychopathic Alexander. He cannot kill or otherwise grossly mistreat her as his Queen, nor as insurance for compliance with her country.

Okay so I have to admit that your version of switching narrative voice worked. Well in fact.

Wonderful chapter and I so look forward to chapter 5. Alexander is a very disconcerting person to be around, I know he's sadist, but I feel like it's sort of a calculating sadist. He switched so easily from sadist to mellow, and the other way around, depends on what he wanted to gain from the situation. Alais again is very practical and realistic, I don't know whether she can change him, even a little bit, but it will be interesting how those two interact with each other. I hope to get more information about the fractions in the court, it does make Obsivia less scary and more like a normal kingdom with its own problems. I also hope Duke Ethan will a be good ally to Alais, but I feel like his friendship with Alexander seems quite fragile, mostly because of Alexander's calculating and unpredictable nature. Keep up the good work :)))

I love this! I just love the humor in your characters! These royals ( both Alexander and Anais family ) are such dark-humored people.

"Does this look like a potato?"

"Here is a potato,

yours truly,

Alexander."

XD

Low key checking every 2 minutes XD you all are marvelous writers! Cannot wait to read more! Thanks for your marvelous contribution to the site!

Where the fuck is chapter five omg! I thought I'd wake up this morning and find it. Holy Crap and look where it ended. Dayum

I'm gonna wait to read the next bit before ranting other than to say yes the close third person thing was apparent to me too with the jolting thing someone said below, secondly I loved the funny bits in here and the letters to and from Al and her bro, and fuck dammit how mental is Alexander. He shows each chapter more and more how dangerous and creepy he is. Just with how calculated he is and he doesn't have much in the way of feelings for Alais (yet!) beyond "she's hot and I want to bang her and she's smart" which on one hand I despair over and on the other hand I go "Oooh that means he'll be more of an asshole which is super hot to me!" I'm sensing this be going down the reluctance path as opposed to noncon which honestly to me is usually something I wouldn't read because it's not my kink only cause I prefer my stuff as rapey as possible, BUT because you guys write sooooo well and your characters are so wonderful and your world so rich and interesting I am nevertheless lapping every sentence up, and so it doesn't really matter to me. I'm sharing that only because it shows how great this story is and how wel you write. This is one of the best stories here. Okay peace out I'm gonna rant more after five. ❤️

Where is chapter 5?!?! I need it.

So good... Waiting patiently

Thanks for the feedback so far! My story panel is telling me Ch. 5 is queued to come out tomorrow - I guess they divided the chapters up, for some reason. Anyway, in my experience, new stories usually get pumped out around 2:30am EST, so about 6 hours from now!

@Masterfuljim

Glad you're continuing to enjoy it! It's indeed going to be a long and bumpy road, and he won't be any less of an arrogant asshole throughout it, haha. Guess we'll see where the journey ends and whether you were right!

@Hungryrabbit

Aw, thank you so much! Happy that you're digging the story, and the characterization of Alais. Tropes aren't necessarily bad, especially when they're played with, but we didn't want to go too blindly into overused ones.

And that's totally valid critique! We actually had a debate about that passage and whether it should be a separate POV, and ultimately it was laziness that prevailed. It's useful to know that it was indeed jarring, and something that we'll bear in mind more going forward. Out of curiosity, what were the other examples you mentioned where we did that? I know we had a line about the Duke of Lourbon in Ch. 1, but other than that, we generally tried to write in a non-omniscient way. We could have totally missed something though, so if there was anything particularly glaring, it'd be great to know for future editing purposes!

@LadyParts

Yay, glad the POV-switching didn't drive you off! You're right in that Alexander definitely has some psychopathic traits, especially in his ability to distance himself. There are also other things that he doesn't share with psychopaths, such as the ability to feel fear/regret/guilt (which he does possess, if only in very specific situations). All in all, probably close to the line!

@Anon "Wonderful chapter"

Thank you! And "disconcerting" is what we were going for, haha. I think your analysis of both characters is pretty on point - although he does veer from extremes, it's generally more calculated than actually chaotic. And yes, Alais will get pulled into court intrigues soon enough! Obsivia has its own problems.

@Anon "Amazing"

Ahaha, we try to throw in a dash of humor here and there to lighten an otherwise fairly dark storyline. Glad you liked the potato commentary - we had lots of fun writing it! (And Radvar did drop a potato allusion in Ch. 1)

@Clare

Ahhhh, you're always so nice!! I'm slightly unsure about the difference between reluctance and noncon, but (without spoiling too much) I have a feeling the story will zigzag as far as their dynamics go, as well as her degree of willingness. Alexander is pretty changeable in his moods, and Alais isn't static either - soooo it will probably dip into both realms depending on the plot. But in any case, we're super flattered that you would enjoy the story, even without your kink!

Yay I can't wait to read the next bit!

With noncon v reluctance I guess whilst this whole story can only really fall within the realms of rape obviously because she's being forced to marry him and so it's well and truly rape, what I mean is the stuff I usually love is the actual chick is getting forced to do dude and there's no reluctant or dubcon agreement you know, just total force. A la TRS, Bloodsong etc. as opposed to the ones where it's like "oh no I have to do this okay I consent even though I don't want it" Or worse still "oh no I don't want it wait your dick is so big oh no wait yes!" (There's nothing wrong with that, it's just not my preference is all) Anyway I do love what you said about that and I'm sure it'll be hot as fuck whatever way it goes, so I can't wait to find out!

An example of being taken out of the characters head other than the Raven thingy:

The contents of the missive were actually quite civil in writing, for all the chaos Gretka's mean and imposing disposition stirred among all the lesser brained ravens that day, and after what had to have been numerous onslaughts of "I told you" and "Old man" and "How could you let this happen" and "I'm taking her back" (begrudgingly curtailed by a "Listen to me, you reckless dolt") from prince to grandfather.

In any case, none of that high-strung emotion bled into the ink.

He doesn't know there was high strung emotion. He can only imagine or suspect. So the first bit is okay with the inclusion of "after what had to have been" although it's treading the line (the begrudgingly curtailed maybe should have said "presumably begrudgingly curtailed, but I'll let it slide cause you had said "after what had to have been") but the next line of high strung emotion can only be what he suspects to have been high strung emotion. Does that make any sense at all? Possibly not. I just drank lots of cocktails and they were the super boozy kind. But it was one that jumped out at me when I read it last night alongside the Raven one already mentioned.

Anyway these stories happen to post at the very respectable time of about 7pm for me where I live, so I will be back here with my obligatory bottle of champagne then and may or may not rant further, drunkenly.

Also I did sign up for an email alert, and never got one???? see that's why I check this thing every day. Can't trust technology!

You are highly intelligent and this is quite palpable in your writing. I am looking forward to reading more!

@Clare

Oh I see, thanks for clarifying! With TRS, I remember Kara was definitely being forced into it, but she also physically enjoyed it too (despite still hating it and him). Does that firmly count as noncon, or is there some reluctance mixed in there too? It seems like it could be murky sometimes, though I could be missing the nuance of something!

And oh yeah, that was the part I was talking about! I was grouping that whole passage together as one thing (raven, letters, brother/grandpa talking, etc.), and would consider it all outside of Alexander's awareness - you guys are totally right about that. I was just wondering if there were other examples outside of that passage or this chapter, because that was the only time we felt iffy when we wrote it (along with the Duke part in ch 1).

No technological problems, I was just waiting until both chapters were out to send an alert, because I didn't want to spam people! Super looking forward to your rambling!! :D

@Anon

Aw, thank you! We'll try to keep it palpable!

I have a different take on Alexander...I think what he told Ethan as far as not caring about her besides being a political move...that was complete BS, lol. He definitely is attracted to her and probably also tells himself lies like that as well, even when he is the one narrating. The author did say they were unreliable narrators. I'm sure he doesn't "love" her as this point, but he has shown a fascination in her that's more than he's willing to admit...at least that's my humble theory.

I don't think Alexander's a psychopath either. Seems like a brutal medieval world they live in, sure he's bad but it's all relative. Alais brother apparently boiled someone alive like it was nothing lol.

Oh, no! You definitely want her to love it. Or at least I do. That's still noncon. It's the best kind of noncon IMO when the chick hates it and hates him but unwillingly enjoys it. Yum! Like. That's so frigging hot. Like you know, there's nothing that shows the evil

Dude's total power, that shows the power imbalance or that is a better way of making the chick forcefully submit than by him getting her off from the sex she most definitely doesn't want? Like its the ultimate submission, him making her come against her will. Like. I'm a chick. So I want the chick to love it. Just you know. To not want it at allllll. Yummmmm and don't even get me started on these notions of "if it's rape the chick can't get off!" which I just think is so untrue and wrong. Like if the dude is trying to get her off because he's a dick and knows she doesn't want it and sex feels amazing because it's sex and it's supposed to then how the heck is she supposed to not feel good. How does one even stop it feeling good. I have no idea. Okay sorry. I have strong views on this subject. I swear I am stopping now. Im too smashed. Sorry.

--Clare

Love, love, love the moments of humor sprinkled through-out, especially the name of her falcon. Plus, her having her own means of communicating with her country should be very handy in the future. I'm sure the Alexander will still attempt to read all correspondence but she'll have an easier time slipping coded messages through.

Thought the back and forth between kingdoms was great. The careful political wording and actions were more engaging for me than the chess match. Not only do I want Alais to get the better of Alexander, I want Vvaria to, too.

As for Alais I thought her reaction to Edmure's death was a little...off. Yes, he was not her beloved but he was a friend and she's just learned that he's been horribly murdered in public. Not to mention how crudely his corpse has been put on display to be jeered and mocked. One moment she seems to be screaming inside and promising not to cry, and the next she's analyzing the situation with a slight detachment. I get that she's pragmatic but the grief and shock would linger longer. Her mind would be too overwhelmed to think logically The transition between the two was a little too abrupt for me.

Oh, Alex...you are a rogue and a madman. No one is fooled by your apologies and promises to be kind in the future. Your actions have already informed your character. The chess scene was just a harbinger of what's to come between him and Alais.

Off to read chapter 5!

@Anon "Alexander"

You're right in a lot of respects - Alexander wasn't be totally upfront with Ethan (he rarely is with people), he's an unreliable narrator sometimes, and he does have something of a fascination with Alais. And yes, psychopathy is pretty relative in a world where murder is all too common!

@Clare

Replied via email! :D

@AEisMe

Awesome! We wanted to have the color of the Vvarian characters come through, even in that short exchange of letters - they're wily too and shouldn't be underestimated. And glad you're digging our humor and silly names. I can promise you that there will be a few more shamelessly silly names down the line!

For the Edmure thing, Clare brought this up in Ch. 5 so I'll paste my response from there, because it's also relevant to what you said: "I only write for Alexander (this is Scarlett), but my understanding is that what Alais is like on the outside is very different from what Alais is like on the inside. That is to say that she's very good at detaching/distancing herself as a coping mechanism, and the horror after horror that's been heaped on her recently has had something of a desensitizing effect. She hasn't forgotten Edmure, but she's sort of compartmentalized it, in order to be able to continue functioning and surviving - though it's probably lingering pretty eerily in the back of her mind. When she first saw him, I think it startled her into crying out, but then other instincts kicked in to repress more fervent responses." I think you're right though in that we could have transitioned better or made it clearer!

And daww, poor Alexander. He just wants to turn over a new leaf, totally. I dunno what you mean, he's nothing but kind.

My comment after the first chapter still holds: what are your intentions with this monster of a King that you have created? I fear credulity will be threatened were you to have the princess reform him into "nice" mate for her. But, may haps your impressive writing skills and imaginations are up to the feat. Curious to see.

I hope taking down Edmure's corpse early is not going to bite Alexander in the rear later. It could be seen as the Queen being a potential weakness opening her up to kidnapping or intrigue. Love this story!!!

The dialect is far too modern and sophisticated for anything but current or near current times. Also, I personally find it too wordy.

Aaaaaaaaaaah! I'm on a cell phone so this review will be brief. I keep checking on this site to see if you have updated, but I keepi keep seeing fourteen chapters only and I want mooooorrreee. Yes, I'm whining, yes, I'm being a needy baby, but you and your partner are so good and I'm in love with your enchanting, consuming, unforgettable story! So, I know you have lives, but I am in dire need of this story's advancement. Please please please please please update soon? I realize that you two are now writing from scratch, so to speak, because you now have posted all pre-written chapters, and fresh writing is a difficult mess, even without a life, or two lives. I want, I need, more of your writing. Okay. Done being whiny and greedy. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so much for writing in the first place. Thank you for braving the online world of erotica. Keep being brave!

I am having a hard yime putting this down. I am glad to have discovered this now so I dpn't have to wait for releases of chapters. ;) The plot and character development are superb. I disagree with the comment about being too wordy. I honestly feel this is so well dpne it is worthy of publication. However, maybe out Anon "critic" is lookong for a quicker way to a sex scene? Lol I have thoroughly enjpyed the chapters leading up to it. I have not read ahead. My thoughts... I am glad he conceded about taking down Edmure. I see the points of it looking "weak", but agree with Ethan wholeheartedly. I like Ethan's charater this far and am kind of hoping he and Alais may end up together in some form. I cannot believe Edmure can be completely "tamed" whether he falls in love or not... There is still that demented side that relishes in torture and gotesque. ... On to the next chapter!

Another great chapter, building up characters and storyline so immaculately penned.

Outstanding story. Intelligent characters vividly written esp. the King and Ethan. The princess is also clever as opposed to being the usual bimbo or sub seen everywhere. Very thoughtfully written dialogues and the explanation behind them. I rarely read the long explanations but yours just cannot be missed. Bravo! Look forward to more of your work. This if turned into a novel is worth publishing, I would definitely buy a copy.

THIS NEEDS TO BE AN AUDIOBOOK OR A PODCAST. MAKE IT HAPPEN. The pacing and development is top tier some of the best i have ever read or heard and this as a book would sell like hotcakes.