Audrey Ch. 02

'When did you realise Becky wasn't telling you the truth?'

'I had my doubts when I put down the phone,' she said. 'Although she was very convincing. Becky has this way of making one feel as though you're the one denying the truth.'

Bryan laughed without mirth. Yes, that was Becky all right. Sarah continued.

'But when I was in bed trying to sleep, I remembered that look we exchanged. Do you remember, when I was holding your wife as she was crying?'

'I remember,' said Bryan.

'Well, when I saw that look, I knew. You didn't just want me... I mean, "wanting" is easy. No, you had decided to have me if you could. I felt your decision. And when a man decides that at such a deep level, he doesn't change his mind.'

*************************

Becky worked twenty hours a week, sharing her job with another mother of small children. Her regular days in the office were Tuesday and Wednesday, but she was expected to keep in touch with clients throughout the week via her company laptop. So, on this particular morning, she was sitting at the dining table at home working, her second cup of coffee by her side. She was in the middle of writing an email when her phone went blip-blip.

It was a text message from Bryan. She opened it and read:

'Sarah showed up at my office just now. You and I need to talk. Tonight.'

Becky was on her feet, chair falling backwards with a crash. She immediately called Bryan. It went to voicemail. She scrolled through her address book to find his office landline, then stopped, holding her phone in both hands, her hair hanging over her face in strands.

'Fuck, fuck, fuck!' she said.

She stepped away from the fallen chair, righted it, then headed out to the garden. The phone at her ear was ringing as she slammed the back door and began to pace up and down the patio.

There was a click.

'Rebecca...' said a soft, posh voice.

'What did you tell him?' demanded Becky. 'What did you tell him?!'

'I'm fine, thank you. And how are you?'

'Don't mess with me!'

'Hah! Now there's a case of the kettle calling the pot black!'

Becky stopped and put her fingers and thumb to her temples.

'Look, I'm sorry, okay?' she said. 'I'm sorry!'

'You said that an awful lot the first time around,' said Sarah. 'I'm just not sure it means all that much.'

'You think I don't mean it?'

'That's not what I said.'

Becky heard a deep breath being taken.

'You're like a child who has broken something,' said Sarah. 'And you know that you broke something and you're genuinely sorry. But the problem is that you don't understand what you broke... and because you don't understand that, you will just keep on breaking things.'

Becky stood on her patio and stared up over the houses. She realised that there was a chill in the air and she shivered. There were tears in her eyes. The voice on the phone spoke, softer this time.

'Rebecca, are you still there?'

'Please... call me, Becky.'

'I'm not sure I'm ready to do that.'

'Okay, I understand.'

'Do you? Do you really?'

Becky sighed.

'No, I suppose not,' she said. 'I want to understand, believe me. But... I just don't.'

There was a long silence. It was Sarah who broke it.

'Do you want to meet for a coffee?' she said.

'I'd love to,' said Becky.

'All right. I'll text you the place.'

*************************

Becky had to drive into town and park near the main shopping centre. She followed the directions on her phone to a coffee shop in the front section of a mid-range department store. About half the patrons here were staring at laptops. Looking around, Becky realised that this place was a sort of unofficial workspace for freelancers. Among the rows of small tables was one large table, capable of seating maybe twelve people, although when Becky walked in, she saw only four making the most of the space.

One of them was Sarah.

She sat before her laptop, tapping away, her hair tied back in a ponytail. She wore reading glasses which somehow emphasized how pretty she was, with her dark eyelashes and red lipstick. Becky couldn't understand how this woman was still single.

Sarah saw her and waved to indicate she'd been seen. She took off her glasses, dug a wallet out of a lambswool coat slung over the neighbouring chair, and closed the laptop with a finger before heading over to Becky.

'Hi there,' said Sarah, stopping just before hugging distance. 'Glad you could make it.'

'Is this where you work?' said Becky.

'One of the places. I'd go mad if I had to do everything from home. What can I get you?'

'Oh, I'd like to buy the drinks.'

'I'm sure you would, but that's not going to happen.'

Sarah stood up straight and her dark eyes were determined. Becky realised she was not off the hook after all. She nodded and asked for a cappuccino, then went to the big table while Sarah went to the counter.

Sarah came back with two coffees and the two women settled in, turning their chairs slightly towards each other and crossing their legs like ladies at a tea party. They chatted a bit about the quality of the coffee, the coffee place itself and the clientele, before getting down to business.

'Why did you go to my husband's office?' said Becky.

'Because I wanted to see him.'

'Why?'

'Because I'm in love with him.'

Becky felt like she'd been punched in the chest. Her fingers suddenly had trouble holding the coffee cup and she put cup and saucer onto the table. Sarah meanwhile sipped her coffee with her pinkie finger crooked, watching the other woman struggle to collect her thoughts. Becky finally managed to croak:

'When...?'

'When did I fall in love with him?' said Sarah. 'Or when did I realise I'd fallen in love with him?'

Becky's mouth opened and shut, unable to formulate an answer. Sarah gave a nod and began anyway.

'It was that dinner at your house,' she said. 'Don't get me wrong, I'd always thought Bryan attractive when I'd see him at the school. But I never considered him an option. Not until that dinner...'

Sarah uncrossed her legs and sat forward. She glanced towards the nearest person at the table and lowered her voice so that only Becky could hear.

'The sexual tension around that table was unreal,' she said. 'And it wasn't just coming from Bryan; it was coming from you as well. Rebecca, I have been in many so-called "intimate" situations which didn't have a fraction of that tension. And when we talked the next morning on the phone and you told me that was intentional, that you and Bryan wanted me to be your lover, that I was Audrey...'

Sarah's eyes grew huge with tears. She looked at Becky and there was intense rage in that look.

'And do you remember what I said?' she hissed. 'Do you remember what I told you?'

Becky stared at the other woman in misery, then hung her head. Sarah leaned forwards so that their heads were almost touching.

'I said no, didn't I?' she whispered fiercely. 'I came up with reason after reason why we shouldn't do it! And you stripped all of them away, telling me I was lying to myself, telling me I was afraid to admit the truth, telling me that I was kidding myself about what I truly desired. And the thing was, you were right! When you told me you wanted to strip me naked and hold my wrists while your husband penetrated me, I realised that I wanted it. I wanted it! I didn't want to be a good little girl anymore, poor Sarah Kettleman, so unlucky in love. I wanted to be Audrey. You promised me Audrey!'

Sarah lifted her hand to the level of Becky's ear.

'And then you took it away.'

She snapped her fingers. Becky jumped.

'Just like that,' said Sarah. ' "Whoops! Just kidding! Didn't mean to say that!" Except you didn't even have the guts to do that, did you? You blamed it on Bryan! You tried to make me think -- and you succeeded for a while -- that I had got it all wrong! That I'd completely misjudged his attraction to me! That it was all just wishful thinking!'

'Sarah, I never meant to do that.'

'I know you didn't mean to do that! Pandora didn't mean for everyone to get fucked when she opened the box! But whether she meant it or not, everyone still got fucked!'

Becky was a little shocked at the swearing. It wasn't Sarah's style. Sarah also seemed rattled. She sat back in her chair and let out a sigh.

'Look, I didn't ask you here to beat you up,' she said. 'Believe it or not, despite everything, I still like you.'

Becky looked up. There was such hope in her eyes, such longing, that Sarah felt her heart go out to her. All at once, she was tired of being angry.

'Oh, come here,' she said, opening her arms.

*************************

When Bryan turned his phone back on, he expected to see half a dozen missed calls from his wife. Instead, there was one. Nor had she replied to his text message. Showing restraint was not one of Becky's strong suits and Bryan found it a little unnerving. As he drove home at the end of the working day, he found himself wondering what kind of reception was waiting for him.

When Bryan entered the house, he heard the shouts of children from down the hall behind the kitchen door.

'Six!' cried his daughter, Tara.

'You're so lucky!' complained the voice of a boy the same age.

'Now, now, Max. It's only a game.'

Bryan's heart did flip-flops. That was Sarah. Sarah was here!

'Is it my turn now?' came Becky's voice.

'No, Mummy!' cried Tara. 'Six means I get an extra go!'

'Oh, okay...'

Bryan went down the hall and opened the door. Seated at the dining table were two children and two adults -- Tara and Becky on one side, Max and Sarah on the other. They were all playing ludo from the games compendium Bryan's parents had bought Tara for Christmas. The room was warm and he smelled baking lasagne in the air.

'Daddy!' cried Tara. 'Look, I'm winning!'

'Yeah, because she's lucky...' grumbled Max.

Sarah ruffled his hair and turned to smile at Bryan. Meanwhile, Becky was on her feet and rushing to the doorway to greet him. He noticed her anxious expression and then she was talking, fast and urgent.

'Bryan, I hope you don't mind! I met up with Sarah to talk, but we got so deep into the conversation that it was time to pick up the kids. And then I thought--'

'Becks, slow down.'

Bryan took her in his arms. He held her close and murmured in her ear:

'Of course I don't mind.'

'After your text,' said Becky, 'I had to do something.'

'And you did do something,' said Bryan. 'And I can't wait to hear about it.'

He leaned back and looked at her, his hand on her cheek. Becky looked happy and relieved. Bryan was about to kiss her, when Tara called out:

'Mummy! It's your turn!'

There is something about kids which normalises situations. You have to be practical with kids. Bryan was put in charge of the game, while the women prepared a salad to go with the lasagne -- and took the opportunity to chat in low voices. They served dinner together, with Sarah laying the table and Becky doling out the food. Max seemed to like talking to a man for a change and it was interesting to see Sarah fielding Tara's questions about Max's father.

Bryan was having a lovely evening and he enjoyed watching Becky and Sarah together. He was proud of his wife for having mended the friendship and looked forward to hearing the story after Sarah and Max had left. It was past seven o'clock and he imagined Max's bedtime would be more or less the same as Tara's.

But then Becky turned to Sarah and casually asked her if she and Max would like to stay the night. Sarah could have the spare room and they could set up a mattress on the floor for Max in Tara's bedroom. Tara was excited.

'You mean, like a sleepover?' she said.

Max was unfamiliar with the word, but Tara found sleepovers terribly exciting and her gushing enthusiasm was infectious. Max looked at his mother with pleading eyes.

'Well, it is a Saturday tomorrow,' said Sarah. 'But, of course, you could sleep in the spare room with me.'

'No!' said Max. 'I want a proper sleepover. It sounds cool!'

'Sleepovers are cool!' said Tara adamantly. 'Aren't they, Mummy?'

'I think so,' said Becky. 'What do you think, Bryan?'

Bryan had four pairs of eyes looking at him. Two pairs of those eyes were full of innocent enthusiasm, but the look in the other two pairs of eyes wasn't innocent at all. Bryan looked from one face to another, a smile slowly growing on his face.

'Sounds good to me,' he said.

*************************

At bedtime, the two women took the children upstairs. Becky told her husband that she and Sarah wouldn't be coming down until they were sure the children were fast asleep, so Bryan cleared up the kitchen and then went to the living room to read his novel. But after an hour and a half, he began to find it increasingly difficult to concentrate. He went to the kitchen where they kept their drinks and poured himself a whiskey.

He returned to the living room and tried to resume reading, but couldn't. There was a fluttering in his chest and he realised it was fear. 'Why am I afraid?' he asked himself and the answer surprised him.

Like most men, Bryan was aware that he had a selfish side -- that he was quite capable of 'using a woman for sex', as the feminists would say. He strove to be a good man, of course, but he was always troubled by the fear that maybe -- given the right circumstances -- he would be just as coldly ruthless with a woman as the most sex-driven love rat.

But as Bryan sat and contemplated making love to Sarah, he realised that his fear lay in the exact opposite direction. He was deeply impressed by Sarah's conduct when Becky had made such a mess of their original plans. Her attitude was to speak the truth and let the chips fall where they may, and Bryan respected and admired that. Indeed, he strove to do the same thing himself, whereas Becky would try and control the chips, manipulate the chips, and often deny that the chips had even fallen. Okay, she would eventually come around, but Bryan felt like his marriage was a continual battle to get Becky to see that when chips fall, chips fall.

So as he sipped his whiskey, Bryan realised the fear in his chest was that he would make love to Sarah... and feel afterwards that he had married the wrong woman.

Bryan heard footsteps coming down the stairs. The door opened and Becky crept in. She saw the whiskey in his hand and her face lit up.

'Oh, that's a good idea!' she said.

'The bottle's in the kitchen.'

'Do you think Sarah would like one too?'

'I have no idea.'

Becky turned to go back out, then stopped. She went over to Bryan, putting a knee on the couch so she could look at him face to face.

'Something's bothering you,' she said.

'Yes.'

She put a hand on his cheek.

'Bryan, you shouldn't be ashamed. You're a man. It's normal that you want sex with more than one woman.'

'Becky...'

'Shh.'

She put a finger on his lips.

'I know you love me,' she said. 'And I know you really like Sarah. I like her too. But if we don't do this, it will be because we're scared, not because we don't want to.'

Bryan thought, 'Well, that's true enough.' He gave Becky a nod to show he agreed with her. She smiled and leaned closer, her fingers touching his face.

'I want to see what you're like when you really let go,' she said. 'We've been playing with the Alpha Male in our fantasies. Now I want to experience the real thing.'

Becky was looking him right in the eye. Bryan looked back, wondering if she knew what the hell she was getting herself into. Fuck it, he thought. Maybe she's right and I'm the one underestimating her. And if she's wrong, well... I'm done trying to protect her from her own mistakes. I want this too much.

'Okay,' he said. 'I'll do it.'

Becky smiled and gave him a kiss on the mouth. Then she took the nearly empty glass from his hand and left to get the drinks.

*************************

In the kitchen, Becky finished the whiskey which was in Bryan's glass and put the two glasses down with a clatter. She reached for the half-full whiskey bottle, it slipped in her hands and she only just managed to grab it. Heart racing, she put the bottle onto the kitchen counter and took a moment to catch her breath.

What the hell was she doing? She had put on a brave face for Bryan, but she wasn't feeling very brave right now. Sarah was still upstairs, freshening up in the bathroom, but when she came down, she would be wanting to make love to Becky's husband. Becky stood and stared out the window, past her own reflection and into the garden at night. In the fantasies she and Bryan had cooked up, 'Audrey' was this prim-and-proper Catholic girl who was turned into a sex-crazed nympho by Bryan's majestic cock. Sarah, on the other hand, was too strong to be turned into anything. She may be petite and pretty, but she was a formidable woman in her own way. Part of the reason Becky feared Bryan falling in love with Sarah was because Sarah was easy to fall in love with.

'Hey, there.'

Becky jumped at the sound of the voice behind her. Sarah was barefoot and had silently entered the kitchen.

'Sorry,' she said, going up to her. 'I didn't mean to startle you.'

'It's okay,' said Becky. 'I'm just a little... tense.'

Sarah gave her a look. Becky raised her hands defensively.

'Look, I'm not backing out!' she said. 'I'm just a bit nervous, that's all!'

Sarah regarded her. Then she pulled out a chair from under the dining table and gestured for Becky to sit down. Becky looked uncomfortable.

'Bryan's waiting for his whiskey,' she said.

'Let him wait.'

Sarah pulled out a second chair and sat down. The way the chairs semi-faced each other reminded Becky of their talk at the department store coffee house. She sighed and took the seat Sarah had pulled out. Sarah reached for Becky's hand and looked her in the eye.

'Becky,' she said. 'I have absolutely no intention of taking your husband from you.'

Becky looked away, her expression pained. She hated that it was so obvious. Sarah squeezed her hand to get her attention.

'I have a suggestion,' said Sarah.

'What?'

'Let's give the evening to Bryan. Let's tell him that between now and midnight, he can do whatever he wants with us. That he's the Alpha Male and we're his bitches. What do you think?'

Becky had to admit, she liked the idea. Plus, she felt guilty about not trusting Sarah and both women handing their trust to Bryan sidestepped the whole issue. Becky squeezed Sarah's hands back.

'That's a great idea,' said Becky. 'Let's do that.'

The two women gave each other a quick hug, then got up and headed out of the room. At the last moment, Becky paused at the doorway to look at the whiskey bottle and two empty glasses on the counter. She shrugged, snapped off the light and quietly closed the door.

*************************

Bryan had once seen a television play in which three people who had died met up in a waiting room. The big question on all of their minds was: Are we going to Heaven... or to Hell? Bryan felt a little like that as he sat on the couch, aware of the two women talking in the kitchen and having to resist the temptation to join them. He was dying for that second whiskey.

Finally, he heard the faint yet distinctive sound of the kitchen light snapping off. There were a few moments of footfall and the women entered the living room. The first thing Bryan noticed was that no-one was carrying drinks.

Sarah stopped and asked Becky if they could somehow secure the door. Bryan knew that Tara generally slept through the night, but of course he couldn't speak for Max. The ladies decided to move the armchair so that anyone coming in would immediately bump the door against it. As the door opened towards the other side of the room, it was a good enough solution. Bryan watched the women struggling with the armchair's bulk and wondered if he should help. He decided no. The ladies clearly had plans and he was curious to see what they were.