Audrey Gets Daring

Audrey leafed absent mindedly through the newspaper that the airline had so kindly provided her with. She was bored. Her course on "The place of knickers in modern society" didn't start till the following day. Stuck in yet another hotel, in yet another town with absolutely nothing whatever to do. It was ten o'clock at night. Too late to go out, and at the same time too soon to go to bed. Anyway, she was in Wales, and everywhere was closed in Wales on a Sunday.

Her eyes fell on a strange paragraph; upon an article which at the same time interested her and gave her a funny tingly feeling. She looked at the headline: "Hotel staff get naked training".

It was to say the least intriguing. Why should hotel staff get trained naked? But of course the article wasn't about staff being trained while being naked; it was about staff being trained about how to deal with guests found wandering round the hotel naked.

Audrey's eyes opened wide. Wandering round the hotel naked. In all her years of travelling in Lady's Underwear she had never encountered a guest wandering around a hotel naked. It intrigued her. How did guests get naked in a hotel and start wandering round. It all seemed so funny and so well... exciting. How did they explain their predicament? She read on. Apparently the favourite explanation was sleepwalking!

She began to wonder... what would she do if she were locked out of her hotel room with nothing on. It would be so embarrassing. So, so embarrassing. She put down her newspaper and was horrified to find that her hand had wandered down between her legs and had been gently massaging.

She pulled her dress over her head and looked down at her knickers. They were a little bit damp and she realised that she found the idea of walking round the hotel in the nude rather exciting, rather stimulating.

"Audrey," she said aloud, "get a grip of yourself girl. You're twenty-eight. You're a respectable business woman. You don't get excited by the thoughts of parading around in the altogether. But as she the thought passed through her mind she felt her nipples going hard and rubbing on the inside of her Ladies Special Issue Uplift Brassiere. Absent mindedly she unhooked the Uplift Brassiere and slipped it off. She imagined herself sneaking quietly down the corridor, breathless in case somebody come out of a door, and she was surprised to find that she had been playing with her nipples.

"Audrey!" she admonished herself again, "what are you thinking about!" but no matter how hard she tried, the vision of her naked in the corridor, or even on the stairs came back to her with renewed excitement.

She looked down again and found that without realising it she had slipped her knickers down and was playing with herself once more.

"Audrey!" she stood up, "Stop it at once. About time you were getting to bed young lady," and she stood up letting her knickers drop to the ground. She stepped out of them and made her way over to the bathroom.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and stared at her naked form. She stuck her chest out and pouted. She looked good, even if she said so herself. She was a dark brunette with a pretty, oval face and eyes which were brown speckled with sage green. She was slim, but busty -- the sort of shape that buyers liked to see in representatives who travelled in ladies underwear. She was medium height and well proportioned with long shapely legs that met in a neat triangle of short curly pubic hair. That would never have been allowed if she had modelled underwear, but she didn't and she quite liked the look it gave her.

Her eyes fell on her crowning glory. Her breasts. For Audrey was, even though she said so herself, extremely well endowed.

"Thirty-eight, double D," she said to herself, sticking the magnificent specimens out even further, "Thirty-eight double D and nipples to match."

Despite their impressive size they were firm and jutted out without support like two bumpers topped by her firm and erect cherry nipples. She squeezed the right one.

"Honk honk!" She said giggling, and then the left. "Honk honk!"

She collapsed giggling again.

Despite the nature of her calling, she had always regarded herself as a serious girl, a career woman; people laughed at the idea of selling knickers, but she had never fallen into that trap. Knickers were serious things. There was money in knickers, and her reputation couldn't be spoiled by frivolity.

Frivolity like prancing around in the nude! How strange that the idea kept coming back to her. At the very thought of it she felt herself moisten a little again. She wondered what it would be like -- just to run up and down the corridor with nothing on. It would be a thrill; it would undoubtedly be a thrill.

Audrey looked at the door. Of course naked as she was, she couldn't go running up and down the corridor, but an idea occurred to her. If she just opened the door and peered out. It would be almost like running up and down the corridor but without the risk. Before she knew it she had crept over to the door, opened it up and was peering out. The corridor was deserted. She felt a terrific rush of excitement and in one moment she flung the door open ran across the corridor, touched the opposite wall and ran back into the room. She slammed back the door shut, jumped on the bed and her hand went straight between her legs and pressed her button. Gosh it felt good. With the adrenaline rush and her finger on the spot her body felt totally worked up. She knew at that moment she was going to have to do it. She was going to have to run down to the end of the corridor and back. She couldn't sleep until she'd done it! Heart thumping she made her way to the door, opened it and peered out. She would have to do it, and she would have to do it now before she lost her nerve. She wedged the door open for a quick escape back in and stepped out into the corridor. Her heart was going ten to the dozen, but there was nothing for it. Walk down to the end of the corridor and back, she said to herself, nice and slowly. She set off shaking with nerves but with the rush of excitement that her adventure gave her driving her on. She reached the end of the corridor and touched the wall. So far so good. She turned round and started to walk slowly back to her room thirty yards away. She heard a sudden creak as her door, loosely jammed back, and propelled by its self closing mechanism suddenly broke free and started swinging closed. With a sudden gripping sensation in her chest Audrey realised she was going to have to run and throwing caution to the winds she set off at top speed. She nearly made it. She so, so nearly made it. The door was closed but hadn't clicked shut and she was only a couple of feet away. But then she heard it. The ominous clicking noise as the latch clicked and the lock went home. She grabbed the door knob and twisted and pushed in frustration. But it was no good. It was well and truly locked, and she was locked out. Naked. Completely naked. Not a stitch of clothing on.

She wept in frustration. Whatever was she to do? She couldn't go down to reception. Not with no clothes on. There was only one thing for it. Try and find the room of one of the other girls on the course. Polly! That was it! Polly was on the top floor. Polly was one of the girls on the course. She had checked in at the same time as Audrey and she knew the room number. Room 571. She was sure it was room 571. If only she could get up there! It would be embarrassing. It would be bloody embarrassing. But what else could she do? She ran down the end of the corridor. There was nobody there! Only twenty yards to the stairs and she was running up them. Her heart was thumping away in her chest. She was getting further and further away from her room and she was stark naked. If only she could get up three flights she'd be there. Up one flight. Up two flights. Almost there - and then disaster. There were sounds of voices and footsteps coming down. Her heart leapt into her mouth. She turned to run down and found she was trapped. There were voices coming up the stairs.

There was nothing she could do! She was trapped. Not only was she going to be caught in the nude, she had no explanation of what she was doing there. What on earth was she going to do? Then a brainwave, what had been the excuse of those people in the paper! Sleepwalking! They had pretended to be sleepwalking. That was what she was going to have to do!

She had only the vaguest idea what people looked like sleepwalking. She stuck her arms out in front of her and stared straight ahead. She was sure she'd seen pictures of people sleepwalking who looked like that.

Hiram was in trouble again. It seemed to him that he was always in trouble.

"Well! What do you say to that?"

Hiram looked round panic stricken. He hadn't heard what Wilma had said. Sometimes it was easier to switch off. Sometimes though it was dangerous to switch off.

"Yes Honey," he said, sometimes it seemed to be the easiest thing to say.

"What do you mean 'Yes Honey', what sort of an answer is that supposed to be?"

Hiram didn't know what sort of an answer because he hadn't heard the question.

"No Honey," he ventured in the vain hope that that might suffice.

Wilma however came to his rescue.

"I asked you why you were staring at that girl's tits Dumbo, and all you can say is 'Yes Honey'. No Honey', Dumbo!"

Hiram sighed. There was no answer to that question.

'I was looking at her tits because she had nice tits dear', was not an answer that would have helped him much. Wilma had her high heeled boots on. He had a horrible suspicion where her hard right boot was going to be aimed when they got back to their room. His hand automatically adopted a dangly protecting position.

Audrey listened as the voices got nearer and nearer. Oh no! She thought she was going to faint with fright. Then suddenly they were there. A young couple. Straight in front of her. Him short straight hair and glasses. Her a brassy blonde with a bossy face. Oh my God! They had stopped and were looking at her open mouthed. They were looking at her and she was in the nude. She thought she would day of embarrassment. She felt her face go bright red. She felt her nipples go rock hard. Surely they would notice. Surely they wouldn't believe she was sleepwalking!

She was looking straight ahead trying to look as if she didn't know they were there, but she could feel two pairs of eyes scouring every inch of her naked body and resting for an excessively long time on her little triangular tuft of pubic hair.

Then just when she felt she couldn't bear it any longer the man spoke.

"Say Wilma, do you think she's sleepwalking?"

"Of course she's sleepwalking Dumbo! And you watch where you're putting your eyes. What do you think she's doing - playacting Lady Macbeth?"

Hiram was having great difficulty watching where he put his eyes. There straight in front of them was the most stupendous pair of tits he'd ever seen.

"Yes Honey," he said, "sure."

But his eyes never wandered.

Audrey gasped. They were American!

"I just wondered Wilma. Shouldn't we wake her or something?"

"Don't be stupid Dumbo! It's a well known fact. If you wake somebody who's sleepwalking they have a fit and drop down dead!"

"I didn't know that Wilma. What should we do?" Wilma's injunction regarding the object of Dumbo's gaze didn't seem to have had any effect. Audrey noted with increasing embarrassment that his gaze alternated from her left nipple to her right.

"You go tell that crazy desk clerk downstairs there's an emergency here. I'll look after her here. See if I can't get her back to her room."

Back to her room! That was it! Audrey breathed a sigh of relief. Excruciatingly embarrassing as it was all she needed to do was 'sleepwalk' back to her room, and it would all be over. She turned and walked into the corridor as she heard Dumbo's feet disappearing down the stairs.

Down in reception Owain Jenkins was explaining to Deidre on reception what a wonderful guy he was.

"You see," he said in his sing-song South Walian accent, "the thing about being a policeman is that you are trained, trained see, to act decisively in an emergency. Give me an emergency and I'll show you, girl, what decisive action is."

Deidre looked into his eyes entranced. Owain looked back. I've got her, he thought, you'll be in her knickers before the night's out, just you see Owain boyo, in her knickers before the night's out.

In this assumption he may however have been a little premature as Owain always believed that his line about being a decisive policeman would get him into a girl's knickers, and it never did so, not this millennium anyway; and it was said of Megan, his last conquest, that she was so prone to supine submission that a rusty bicycle would have got into her knickers, and indeed frequently did.

Deirdre looked at him doubtfully. She never settled for a cock less than six inches and she didn't somehow think that the diminutive Owain would quite measure up. And he was still wittering on.

"Our training, see, means that when..." his voice trailed off as Deidre's attention was drawn to the sight of that daft American with the spiky hair and round glasses hurrying towards them across the reception.

"Miss!" He was shouting and gesticulating, "Miss! We have an emergency here on the third floor. We need help."

Deidre looked at her rather alarmed looking companion. Was that a sudden look of fear in his eyes? Surely not!

"Owain!" She said, "An emergency. You'll be able to show me some of that decisive action."

Owain looked back alarmed, "Well you see Deidre love, it's like this see, it's not that I'm like a real policemen, see. I'm like, a Special Constable."

"You're special!" gasped Deidre.

"Well yes, Special Constable, see, the sort of emergencies we are dealing with in the Special Constabulary. They're more like seeing old ladies across the road the road safely. That sort of thing. We're not supposed to be dealing with your actual crimes, see, not you're actual criminal types!"

Deidre turned to the man with the spiky hair.

"What is the emergency Mr... Mr... Er..."

"Baumgarten, Hiram T Baumgarten."

"Mr Bumgarden.."

"Baumgarten."

"That's right. Bumgarden. What's the emergency then?"

"Well you see Miss, there's a lady in.."

"The hotel?"

"Yes, but she's in..."

"Trouble?"

"Yes, but she's in.."

"..sane?"

'No she's in..."

Hiram T Baumgarten seemed to be in some confusion explaining exactly what the problem was.

"Come on Mr Bumgarden, don't keep us in suspense. What is this lady in? Her birthday suit?"

Deirdre seemed to find this suggestion immensely amusing, and burst out laughing. Owain joined in.

"Oh Deirdre," he said, "you're a card you are, a real card."

Oh yes, he was getting in her knickers. No doubt about it. In. Her. Knickers!

Hiram T breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's right Miss," he said, "in her birthday suit."

"What!"

"What!" Echoed Owain.

"How!"

"How!" Deirdre looked at Owain. He was getting to be a bit of a pain.

"She seems to be sleepwalking."

A sleepwalking naked woman! Deirdre looked at Owain.

"Come on Mr Special Policeman," she said, "that can't be harder to deal with than seeing an old lady across the road."

Owain gulped. A sleepwalking naked woman! Being a special constable did have its compensation sometimes!

Back on the stairs the unfortunate Audrey, still starkers and still with her hands held out in front of her was slowly making her way back down the stairs. Her mind was in a turmoil. She wanted to get back to her room but she couldn't for the life of her remember where her room was. She stayed in so many hotels, night after night, that she never memorised the room number, just used the number on the key to lead her back. And now she didn't have the key!

She had reached the third floor and turned to look along the corridor. That looked familiar. She was almost certain that was it. Yes that was it. There was a fire extinguisher next to the stairs that she remembered. Her room was the last on the left.

She froze suddenly. The clatter of feet behind her on the stairs announced that Dumbo was returning with what sounded like the fifth cavalry as reinforcements. She set off at increased pace along the corridor.

Owain was first on the scene. He surveyed the retreating bare bottom with delight. Deirdre and Hiram T came puffing up behind.

"Owain is a policeman. He'll take charge." Explained Deirdre.

Owain looked at her. 'In her knickers!'. Not a doubt of it. He thought to himself. And in his mind Deirdre's knickers were already down to mid thigh.

"Right," said Owain, "first thing we have to do is have a good look... At the problem I mean."

But Audrey had no doubt what he meant. His eyes were all over her, and lingeringly particularly on the protrusion of her neatly erect nipples and her little private garden at the top of her legs.

"I think," he said, when he had taken it all in, "we'd better wake her up."

"You can't do that," said Hiram T, "it's a well known fact that if you wake a sleepwalker they drop down dead on the spot."

"Oh yes," said Owain, "of course. Everyone's knowing that. Just testing. Perhaps we stay with her till we get back to her room. Which is her room Deirdre?"

"How should I know?" said Deirdre, "I don't know every guest in the hotel do I?"

Audrey quickened her pace she was only twenty yards from her room."

She would soon be back and the awful nightmare would be over!

Lying in her bed Norma dozed fitfully. She shouldn't have been reading 'The Vampire Lovers' before going to sleep. She was dreaming that The Naked Vampire Queen was in her room, was coming to get her, just as she had got Ethelberta Gawdelpus in the book. Poor Ethelberta. Her fate had been orgasmically final. Norma was both fascinated and terrified by the supernatural. To have her creamy white breasts serve as the fodder of a vampire was to her both terrifying and extremely exciting. The excitement kept keeping her awake as her hand strayed unconsciously between her legs at the thought of it.

A clicking noise suddenly woke her. Had she imagined it? Had it come from inside the room? She looked round fearfully.

Outside Audrey was trying the handle of the door. She realised she had been a fool. She hadn't got her key. How was she going to get back in! Help however was at hand.

"I have the pass key," whispered Deirdre, and gently opened the door to allow Audrey in.

Norma froze. Her door quietly opened and the Vampire Queen came in. Arms out in front of her as in the book. Stark naked as in the book. She was coming to get her! She was out of bed screaming before she knew what was happening.

There's a funny thing about screaming. Girls find it infectious. In five seconds Deirdre was screaming. In ten seconds Wilma was screaming. Surrounded by screaming girls it was all Audrey could do to keep her composure.

She was after all totally, totally stark naked.

Realising this poor Audrey felt a blush spread, in that delightful way it does in shy girls, from her face down across her bare bosoms, down across her shapely tummy, right down to her pubic mound.

The eyes of the onlookers followed the blush.

"Oh dear!" Said Deirdre first to regain her composure, "I hope that doesn't mean she's going to have a fit!"

"Owain?"

But Owain didn't answer. He was looking at Norma.

Audrey followed his gaze. It was Norma from her company. She was standing there in her little baby doll nightie, her sheer baby doll nightie, and in the bright light of the room it was totally, totally see-through! A fact of which she appeared to be totally unaware and which everyone was too embarrassed to mention.

In the room next door old Mrs Winterbottom awoke with a sudden start. Surely that wasn't screaming! Goodness gracious, she thought, for such a profane expression as 'Oh My God' would never have passed her lips, someone's being murdered. She lay frozen into immobility in the bed until another bloody curdling shriek resounded through the wall, and then another. 'Goodness gracious, we'll all be murdered in our beds!' She picked up her phone and dialled the number engraved into the heart of all elderly English maidens -- 999. The emergency number that would fetch the police!