Autumn Wind: Valentine Interlude

Curled up in a ball on the seat with her hands between her legs, her shirt, bra and pants gone ages ago, Autumn trembled as the last orgasm came over her. Her throat was raw and her lungs were on fire, but the sleepy grin plastered on her face told Samantha all she needed to know about how Autumn felt. She quickly wiped her fingers off on a moist towlette from the backseat and started the car again, cracking the windows to let the fog clear out.

"Good girl." Samantha said as she reached over and stroked Autumn's hair, chuckling when she moaned in pleasure. It was her favorite sound in the world.

"Samantha?" Autumn's tired voice was a whisper.

"Yes, Autumn?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Get some sleep, you horny mess. We'll be at the cabin, soon."

"Mmkay." Autumn yawned. "Samantha?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Happy Valentine's Day."

Samantha smiled and began to respond, stopping when she heard a tired snore from the woman next to her. Happy Valentine's Day.

-

The "cabin" wasn't much of a cabin at all, at least in Autumn's eyes. The multi-story building was indeed made up of logs, but the word "cabin" felt like it should belong to something much smaller. This was more like a lodge.

She finished getting dressed, having changed into a fresh pair of panties when they'd parked, and opened the car door. Her first step felt a little woozy, but after a moment the crisp air woke her up a little more and she was able to walk in a straight line.

"Come on, Love." Samantha called from the back of the car. There was a click as the trunk closed and soon after Samantha walked around dragging two suitcases. "It's freezing out here."

Autumn blinked. What was happening? "Why do you have suitcases? Is this not a day trip?"

"A day trip to a cabin?" Samantha raised an eyebrow and set the suitcases down.

"I mean..." Autumn trailed off. She looked for the right words. "I only heard about the cabin when we were halfway up the mountain."

"Ah, right." Samantha nodded. "Sorry. Well," she took a breath, "I wanted to surprise you for Valentine's Day with our own little retreat." She stepped forward and held her hands out. Autumn took them. "We've been cooped up forever, and I knew you wanted to do something special for Valentine's Day. I planned to surprise you with this tomorrow after your surprise plans for today, but since the weather made your plans impossible..." she shrugged. "Is this okay?"

Autumn looked up at the lodge, moreso to hide the tears that were flowing freely down her cheeks than to study the building. "It's—" she began before her voice broke and she felt that pain in the back of her throat that comes with crying. So instead of speaking, she just nodded. She quickly wiped at her cheeks and turned back to Samantha, nodding again.

Samantha smiled and pulled her in tightly. They stood there for a moment, holding each other against the wind. The world down below may be lost in flames, but here on this mountaintop, surrounded by snowy pines and the silence that comes with fresh powder, they could have peace.

"Come on," Samantha said, letting go of the shorter girl. "You need a shower."

"And who's fault is that?" Autumn accused, but Samantha just laughed.

"I'm not even talking about that—though you can bet that won't be the last time that happens. You need a shower," she said with a wink, "because there's a jacuzzi."

"A... ooh!" Autumn perked up, grabbing both suitcases and running ahead. "I hope you packed swimsuits!"

But Samantha just laughed, watching the girl ahead of her jog awkwardly through the snow. What was she thinking? Of course she hadn't brought swimsuits.

-

"Oh, God..." Autumn moaned. "Yes, just like that..."

The water was steaming hot, opening up her pores as she dipped her toes before taking the first steps into the bubbling bath. "Hot tub" wasn't the right term for this pool in much the same way "cabin" hadn't encapsulated the size of the lodge.

The first floor of the lodge was made up of three areas. The foyer was small with cubbies for shoes and a rod to hang wet clothing on. The living room was larger, with coffee tables, a wood fireplace, a projector and projector screen that rolled down along the wall, and a comfortable couch overtop a large polyester rug that felt like walking on clouds. But the pride of the ground floor was the pool.

It was circular with a small island in the middle. On the island was a small bar filled with plastic bottles of alcohol and mixers alongside clear, plastic cocktail glasses. The one wall that divided the pool area from the rest of the house was made of wooden logs, but each of the other three walls was transparent glass that provided a view of the surrounding mountainside. The pool even jutted out a little bit from the rest of the house and a glass sunroof provided access to view the stars. The pool carried with it a small current that flowed in a circle like a lazy river and Samantha had already expressed her plans to spend an entire day sometime that week floating in a circle, drinking wine and listening to episodes of Critical Role or The Adventure Zone while watching the snow fall.

Autumn, for her part, was just trying to stay sane while wearing a bikini. When Samantha told her she hadn't packed bathing suits, expecting it to be sexy, Autumn had thrown a tiny fit. Of course it didn't make sense, and swimming nude would be fine, and there was no one else up here on the mountain but them, but still. It was the propriety of the matter, or some bullshit like that that kept Autumn mentally from feeling okay swimming and lounging in the nude in front of three windowed walls. And besides, she'd never gotten the chance to wear a bikini before. She'd never felt comfortable wearing one in public since becoming Autumn and so hadn't spent much time thinking about it before, but now was the perfect time to try one out, so she had Samantha use the CHANGE app on her to give her some choices. They'd had fun picking them out for her, as every change had filled her with pleasure that she'd had to fight down, but eventually she'd settled on a one-piece with an open back and sides. Of course that meant that Samantha had given her a triangle top colored a dark violet the color of twilight with a matching pair of hipster-styled bottoms. Well, first they had been Brazilian-styled bottoms, but while Autumn was usually fine letting Samantha have her fun this was something she needed to get used to on her own. So she'd settled for the triangle top and hipster bottoms. The color suited her dark hair and her cool skin tone.

And now she was getting into the water, one step at a time. She held her arms tight around her chest, self-conscious of the large amount of cleavage she was showing. She was fine with a little cleavage now and then, but this was different. It wasn't even like wearing underwear around the house. Underwear was something she could use to make her feel sexy, or to look sexy for Samantha. Bikinis were designed to make her look sexy to everyone. It was just... different. The same way nobody would wear a bra and panties to a pool party. When in intimate situations she was fine showing skin. It was just her being comfortable at home. But this was something different, and for a brief second she had a flashback to her first day as Autumn when Samantha had taken her to the mall in a pretty pink dress that had showed off all of her curves and skin. She'd had a panic attack then, but she'd grown since then. This was her. This is who I am. I am Autumn.

So she took a deep breath, lowered her arms to her sides, and stepped the rest of the way into the pool. She closed her eyes, trying to imagine what she looked like and how she wanted to look for Samantha. She knew her hips and ass were her best feature, so she put just a little extra sway into her step. The water only came up to mid-thigh on her here, so she hung around a bit to give herself time to adjust to the temperature.

Outside the snow continued to fall. She'd hoped it would let up, or at least let up in a day or so, but the forecast said it was supposed to snow for the rest of the week. She sighed again, putting her hands on her wide hips and glaring at the weather.

This isn't how it was supposed to happen. She thought. This Valentine's Day was supposed to be different. It was supposed to be special, because it was supposed to be the day she wasn't helpless. It was supposed to be the day when she could offer something to Samantha, instead of constantly being needy and mooching off of her.

She'd had a life, but Samantha had given her a new one. She'd lost her job, but Samantha had provided for her. She'd gotten sick, but Samantha had taken care of her. She woke up at night in cold sweats and panic attacks she didn't tell Samantha about, but even then she'd wake up in Samantha's arms before leaving to dry herself off and get some water. Everything she had and everything she valued came from Samantha, and she wanted to do something for her. Something monumental. Something that could pay her back and show her her thanks for everything. She was the happiest she'd ever been, and it was all because of the tall, annoying blonde who strutted into the room wearing a white one-piece bathing suit.

"How come you get the one-piece?" Autumn asked, glad her hands were already on her hips.

"Because I like it." Samantha smiled. "And I can tell you do, too. But don't worry, I can take it off later if you'd like." She offered a playful wink.

Autumn scowled before rolling her eyes. Samantha was right, she did like it. Its shape emphasized Samantha's length, complimenting her legs and bust. Plus the color was perfect for her, contrasting the warmth in her skin tone. Somehow, despite living and working indoors for a year, she still managed to have some sort of a tan. "How do you make everything you wear look so good?" Autumn grumbled before taking another few steps toward the deeper part of the pool.

"Excuse me?" Samantha scoffed. "Are you kidding me right now, Girlfriend?"

Autumn smiled. Samantha hadn't called her that for a while. "No, I'm not." Autumn kept up her pouty attitude, turning and rolling her eyes at the other girl. "You walk in here like a fucking goddess, with golden locks and legs for days, daring us mere mortals to look at you with any other thought than of pure sex. Whereas I stand here," she motioned at her partially-submerged body, "all ass and thighs and five feet of baggage."

"Oh my God," Samantha groaned. "You can't be serious."

"I'm not. Truth is I'm actually five-foot-three." She smiled at her joke then turned to see Samantha looking at her with an expression she hadn't seen before. "What?"

Samantha didn't move. She just stood there, holding a pair of towels for them with that strange expression on her face. Then she said, "Really, honestly. You're not kidding, are you?"

Autumn blinked. "Huh?"

Samantha put the towels down. "Do you really think of us like that? Of me? Of yourself?"

Autumn backtracked. What had she said? "No. I mean, I don't think so. What did I say?"

Samantha set her shoulders and walked into the water, hardly flinching at the heat. "Do you really think of yourself that way? Just 'ass and thighs and baggage'?"

"I was joking, dude."

"No, you weren't." Samantha said before coming to a stop a few feet away from her.

Autumn looked away for a second, but there was nothing else to look at. Samantha had that presence about her that she only had when she was carrying a whip and some fuzzy handcuffs or some important piece of truth. The sort of presence a person had to confront. So she caught her gaze and held it as best she could. "Fine. Maybe I wasn't entirely joking, but what does it matter?"

"What does it—?" Samantha shook her head, the tips of her locks throwing around water like a tiny storm. "Do you remember when you made me watch that show with you? What was it called?"

Autumn frowned, trying to stay on track with Samantha's unconventional reasoning. "What? Supernatural?"

"No, the other one."

"Game of Thrones?"

"No, the other—" she sighed. "Dammit, you make me watch so much TV. The ginger who played chess?"

"Oh. Queen's Gambit?"

"Yeah, that one. You remember that fight?"

How could she forget? Autumn had argued with her for days to get her to watch the show. "But checkers is boring," Samantha had said, which had started its own fight. In the end Autumn had to wage a weekend-long change of Samantha's choice in order to get her to watch it. It had quickly become her favorite show. "Yeah, I remember it."

"How did you know that I'd like it so much?" Samantha demanded.

Autumn was confused. "I just did."

"No, that's not what you said." She crossed her arms and glared when she caught Autumn looking at her breasts. "You said the show was 'objectively good', right?"

"I guess so. Yeah." Where was this going?

"You didn't get mad at me because I ignored your suggestion. I do that all the time with food or drinks or music or whatever." She took a step toward Autumn, the slope of the pool making her seem taller than she already was. "You didn't get mad at me because I said 'checkers'."

"I actually did—"

"You got mad at me," Samantha continued, "because the show was objectively amazing, and I disregarded it." She took another step forward. "You got mad at me for acting flippantly about something you cared about. Something that you knew I'd love, too. Not because I have an interest in chess or Anya Taylor-Joy, cute as she is, but because I was ignoring a masterpiece."

Then she took a final step closer and held her hands out. Autumn looked at them, but turned her head away. She knew where this was going, and she wasn't ready to hear it.

But Samantha didn't lower her hands. So eventually she took them, even if she didn't meet her eyes.

"Autumn," Samantha said in a quiet voice that seemed all the louder for it, "you are an objective masterpiece. When I look at you I see perfection. I see love. I see a future." Her voice broke, and when Autumn finally looked up she saw they were both in tears. "You are objectively amazing," Samantha said, her throat clenching and her lips pursed against emotions that threatened to overwhelm her, "and I know things have been hard for you. I know you've lost so much this last year, and that it's hard to say 'just one more thing' after months and months of things." She spat out the last word like a curse. "But you are amazing. And I know, I know it's hard to see the forest through the trees, but I'm here, and I can see it, Autumn."

"And what do you see?" The question came out like a shout. Months of suppressed anger and bitterness overflowing like the bubbling heat of the pool. "Because I can't see shit, Samantha." She tasted salt at the crease of her lips. "I don't see anything." She said, then stopped. The tears were too much.

"I see you." Samantha said, crouching until she was level with Autumn's eyes. "I see us." She poked Autumn in the sternum. "I see you in an amazing position doing something you care about, surrounded by people who appreciate you for who you are and what you can do and what you care about." She closed the distance between them, tucking a few strands of stray hair behind Autumn's ear. "I see you, right next to me every morning, with that crazy bedhead you get." She ruffled Autumn's hair, mussing it up.

"Stop!" Autumn said, but she found herself laughing all the same.

"I see you on the couch," Samantha continued with a smile, "forcing me to watch another show you know I'm going to get obsessed over when I'm already so busy." She rolled her eyes, making Autumn laugh again. "And I see myself right beside you," she whispered, leaning in and grabbing Autumn in a tight embrace. "I'm always going to be there for you, girl. Always and all ways."

Autumn stood there, sweating from the heat that begged her to relax while simultaneously as cold and stiff as one of the frosted pines visible through the windows.

"Just one more thing" had helped at first. It had been a joke at the expense of the struggles of 2020, something to help keep them sane as their worlds seemingly fell in around them. But then it changed for Autumn. "Just one more thing" no longer meant, "we've got this". Now it meant, "it's just one thing in the scope of all of everything else". Now it meant, "it's not important".

And maybe that had been fine. Maybe "it's not important" was an okay way to deal with loss sometimes. But not for Autumn, suddenly finding herself with an abundance of free time while Samantha worked from home. Not for Autumn, who could no longer enjoy Samantha's new cooking skills, or practice her own. Not for Autumn, who felt such shame at losing her job because she simply existed. Going back to work as Autumn had set her apart. Nobody knew she had been Ethan—she was just "the new girl", or "the girl". And when the ax fell nobody batted an eye at her getting cut away. After all, she'd only worked there a year or so, right?

But that was "just one more thing". Unimportant in the grand scheme of bullshittery in the world.

But everything to her.

Could she admit it? To Samantha? To herself, even? Could she admit that while she was who she was meant to be, that maybe it had cost her too much?

In the end of that small moment, Autumn realized that all the little things had become something more. Something dark. Something heavy. But something she didn't want anymore. Didn't need anymore. Maybe the only "little thing" that was actually unimportant was the pride that kept her from admitting her pain. Maybe she could get rid of that one little thing?

She wasn't sure if she could, but when she closed her eyes she felt something different. Not the frosty cold or the damp heat. She just felt... right. She felt Samantha's shoulder blades, the curve of her back, the subtle press of their breasts against each other, and she felt right. And that was enough.

"It just hurts so much." She said, the words almost drowning in the sound of the pool around them. But Samantha didn't use words. Instead, she held Autumn tighter, and that said more than words ever could.

-

They talked for hours there by the pool, cycling between resting on a floaty together, Samantha sitting under Autumn and holding her by the waist as they floated in circles, admiring each other and the landscape, or resting on the island by the temptation of the liquor, though Samantha insisted they talk before either one of them drank anything but water.

Autumn confessed her pains and her worries. She confessed her frustration at feeling small, having nothing to offer. She confessed that she hated that the thing that brought her the most joy in life had been the thing that had hurt her the most when it cost her respect and eventually her job. She confessed that she sometimes didn't like the way she looked, but confessed it was because she looked up to Samantha so much that it was hard to feel perfect. She confessed that the fear she felt when she caught covid had kept her up for nights. She confessed her night sweats and her hidden panic attacks. She confessed that the last year had all but beaten her, and that if it hadn't been for Samantha she didn't think she would have made it. And then she confessed her love.

"I love you, Samantha." Autumn said as the last of the sun went down over the trees.

"I love you, Autumn." Samantha said, her first words in hours. "And I'm sorry."

And then they watched the sky turn from blue to orange to violet, lying in each other's arms as if they were the only thing holding them together.

After a while Autumn shivered, then shifted and sank back down into the water. "Make me a drink?"