All Comments on 'Awake'

the blind stumble back to reality TK U MLJ LV NV

Liked it. You might be tempted to write another chapter. Don't. It's perfect just as it is.

An excellent story that hit home having lost my wife less than two years ago. He is helping someone while not being unfaithful to his late wife.

One of your best. A few errors but a GREAT story.

This is just the beginning, we need to hear much more about Janet.

You never know when your life will take an unexpected turn, as you've pointed out in your story. Your characters made the best of the trials fate handed them. Thanks for posting, and good luck in the contest.

...told with subtlety and sophistication. Thanks for sharing it.

A really poignant story, showing the recovery from a devastating accident to the realisation that life does go on, that things change, and do get better. Thanks for a good read.

Well written, I'll grant that much.

But I don't get the rationale of the story, it strikes me as too flimsy. The whole banter and pretext of skinny dipping might be OK for the usual flirt story. However, in the context of a situation of intense grieving, it just doesn't ring true to me. You need more to get out of the grief that comes not only from a 20 year relationship ended, but ended with the brutal form of a traffic accident. You don't just set this aside with a flirt with the woman next door with a paraplegic husband.

...is a shining example of some great buildup and development: You begin the story with murky sadness and poignancy, introduce your players, and have your main protagonist gradually recover from tragic loss and get back into the world before you throw him a bone at the end. I was seriously rooting for this guy and in this case I was glad he got a genuinely happy ending instead of a bittersweet one. I'm glad Rob gave Jim permission to have an affair rather than the whole thing falling into something deceptive behind a disabled guy's back. There's a time for dark and a time for light; in this case you chased away Jim's darkness with rays of blissful sunshine.

My only criticism is with a few comma splices cropping up. Beyond that your prose is excellent. 5 for "Awake!"

Well Done. Thanks for a very good read.

What is there to get? A partner dies, the other has intense remorse - but for how long? 6 weeks? 6 months? 6 years? At what point in time do others start telling him it's time to get on with his life? Fortunately in this story, I gave you the option, with this:

~

indicating a passage of time. Put in your own moral judgement as to what period of time that stands for.

But life eventually goes on. Good story.

Unreal coincidence. My only lover & wife died suddenly a few months ago. Time heals somewhat; memories will last forever. But I can't imagine the mental anguish of a quadraplegic like 'Rob' being robbed of his own sexual needs and his wife's. My thoughts go directly to the young men and women of the military who volunteer for senseless missions to "protect America" and they come back missing body parts and mental capacity, which is when their war starts. Many like Rob will never savor sex again and memories and porn can't replace the physical act. I know! Think about it.

Thank 'H' I don't have those problems but your story said it so well.

Very nice, if you cleaned up the small details a bit, this would be great RMC chapter.

Not the normal co-operative neighbour tale and all the better for that.

Thank You

HP

Very well written and an enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing.

Good story, but I do have one small concern. Why exactly was Rob bedridden? I know several quadriplegics who are able to get around fine with a mechanized wheelchair. One that I know, who broke his neck playing football, was actually able to father a pair of twins. The author never really explained why Rob couldn't have gotten out with help. That was the one thing that was missing in what was otherwise a sweet little story.

Thanks for the comment. All spinal injuries are not created equally. The injured person described is fictional, although based upon some real life experiences. One, a cousin of mine who never lost his sense of humor, was as you described - able to use a motorized wheel chair and even drove with the addition of hand controls (paraplegic), however the other was as I described - bedridden.

Quoting from Wikipedia:

quadriplegia, is paralysis caused by illness or injury that results in the partial or total loss of use of all four limbs and torso; paraplegia is similar but does not affect the arms. The loss is usually sensory and motor, which means that both sensation and control are lost. Severity depends on both the level at which the spinal cord is injured and the extent of the injury.

An individual with an injury at C1 (the highest cervical vertebra, at the base of the skull), will probably lose function from the neck down and be ventilator-dependent. An individual with a C7 injury may lose function from the chest down but still retain use of the arms and much of the hands.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetraplegia

And you are correct; some quadriplegics may be able to have sex, but some are not: Although spinal cord injury (SCI) often causes sexual dysfunction, many people with SCI are able to have satisfying sex lives. People with SCI employ a variety of adaptations to help carry on their sex lives healthily, by focusing on different areas of the body and types of sexual acts. Neural plasticity may account for increases in sensitivity in parts of the body that have not lost sensation, so people often find newly sensitive erotic areas of the skin in erogenous zones or near borders between areas of preserved and lost sensation. Drugs, devices, surgery, and other interventions exist to help men achieve erection and ejaculation. Although male fertility is reduced, many men with SCI can still father children, particularly with medical interventions.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexuality_after_spinal_cord_injury

This is my first dip into your pool of stories, and I enjoyed it a lot. You are an excellent writer and storyteller, and I felt that the emotional content in this one was pretty much spot on, except for Janet's character.

We got some good insights into our protagonist, Jim's, mind, as well as Rob's thoughts and feelings, but not so much into Janet's (except that she was determined to remain faithful to her spouse). I would have enjoyed knowing more about her feelings about Rob and their loving relationship, and perhaps witnessed some of the discussion with her about his desire for her to seek physical satisfaction with Jim. Ah, yes, those scribblings will be featured in my own internal epilogue.

Thanks for this one, "I'll be back!"

I could have been Rob *or* Deb, thankfully got away with relatively minor brain injuries and some lingering neuro pain. Unfortunately that was shortly after my partner of 11 years completely flipped personality to the point she murdered her old self & blew up both our lives, so really I'm more in Jim's spot. Poignant piece for me, what was and might have been - unfortunately no Janet here, or pool or Samson, but at least I still have a completely functional imagination.

-RD

I was impressed with the empathy so well conveyed. Losing a love is always difficult; portraying it well even more so. *****

Or it could be. I know a true to life story similar to this. It was every bit as painful.

Very well written depiction of a tragic situation.

Steve Hawking was a real life example.

Excellent story I loved it.

First of yours I’ve read, really liked it, thanks

Lovely. Poignant and sexy.

Excellent story. I am sure there are many people in a situation like Janet and Rob. Hopefully they have an understanding and agreeable neighbor like Jim to develop that kind of relationship.

Charming premise.

But pretty much all back story.

The sex scene is really MEH.

For two people who haven't had sex in a long time -- with anyone -- there needed to be a lot more exploration. More getting-to-know the other's body.

Needed some serious invilvement of her breasts. And her ass. And her pussy.

Needed extensive involvement of mouths -- both ways.

Needed diaog during it to confirm it's what each wanted.

What about birth control?

And you wrote: "...The moon, just beginning to peak over the hill,..." You meant PEEK, not PEAK

Three stars.

Well, anon - I guess I'm glad this is the latest comment received, not one of the first 10 years ago. Although you're welcome to your opinion, you seem to have missed the point. This story wasn't about the sex, about describing her pussy, ass or breasts. This story was about emotions and the heartache of losing our most precious relation, the love of our life. When our gut is wrenched out and suddenly we wonder if "WE" can go on, over time we find that yes, we can. Surely it will change, but will it go on, and will our life be alone? Will we find another to fill and un-fillable void?