All Comments on 'Back Around Again'

Vanessa or Veronica????

Make up your mind.

An embarrassing error like that wouldn’t happen if you took the time to proofread your own story, which obviously you didn’t. The faux pas sticks out like dogs balls.

If you have an editor, sack’em, if not get one.

3/5

Tremendously funny! Best catfight story on Lit. The dialogues going on in their heads were spot on and kept me laughing all the way through. 5 star writing. Hope to see more from you.

Thank you for your work and sharing this story. I’d like to share some thoughts.

1. I enjoyed the multiple points of view that each person’s diary shows. It would be very helpful in understanding what information they know and how they are responding to it. It also shows how they may misinterpret what information they know and then the rationale for their actions and behavior thereafter.

2. Something to consider: start with the diary entry and then when you’re describing a scene, fade into it as a normal story does. Then you can return to the diary entry for that character’s understanding and planning the next move.

3. This type of story telling kinda limited the dialogue, which was expected. But that also limited other outside catalysts that could have propelled the story. This isn’t a criticism, just a difficult thing to do in this type of story telling. And yet you were able to use Ross as a catalyst very well. If you tried to inject him any more though, it might get more complicated to script it out in diary entries because the reader would not be able to understand his thinking like with these characters.

4. One of my favorite parts was the descriptions during the narrative parts between characters and the point of view of the diary entry. Basic Bitch, Thieving twat, etc. that was hilarious and I had to write down a few names for future reference.

5. Do you plan to add on to this story at some point? And if so, would you continue with the current narrative structure or something else? I’d be interested to see what happens next considering that Ross is pining for Veronica/Venessa. But also what the response to this new dynamic would be to the friend groups of both Cindy (whose friends don’t know anything about him/them) and Trevor’s friends who think that he is breaking up with Veronica/Venessa.

Thanks for your work and sharing this story with us.

Great story. Enjoyed it immensely. 5stars

Ok this story really made me laugh. The two women's names for each other while competing were very funny.

However not a lot of actual personality came through for Trevor. He seemed a bit weak. A supposed "perfect guy" but why is he?

Keep Vanessa or Veronica? as Trevors girlfriend and use Cindy as a whore. Maybe even whore her out to his friends so she knows her place and real purpose... cum dump.

Trevor really had no personality show through. Why! Because he is EVERYMAN!!! The story allows a male reader to insert himself into Trevor's mind/place. And let the games begin!

I will never let my wife read this comment, but I would very much like to be in Trevor's shoes.

This was well done and would have been a 5, except for one thing. He chose one over the other.