Back at the Beach

Inez described her two adulterous outings with Jimmy, making sure his identity and occupation remained her secret.

"God, nothing like that ever happens to me."

Inez said a little wearily, "For things to happen Becky, you have to mostly make them happen or else simply be in the right place at the right time."

Becky agreed with that and said, "My problem with my breasts hanging like they do now is no guy would want to look at me; my husband hasn't noticed the slump over the years so accepts them like they are when I'm out of my bra."

"There are guys out there Becky who just love to bang a woman with what they call heavy hangers being held around their ears."

Becky's shrieking laughter brought all other conversations in the hair salon to a halt and she was asked to share the joke, but refused.

When conversations around them were back to normal, Inez said with an air of responsibility, "My advice Becky is not to venture beyond your comfort zone unless you feel confident you can deal with the risks and perhaps unpleasant outcomes, but that said, there is the chance that unexpectedly lovely things just might come to you if taking a little risk."

* * *

Lockie sat with his father Seth drinking beer and his mother Lily had a Bloody Mary in her hand. Following an explosive marital bust-up, with divorce proceedings under way but with divorce financial settlement negotiations not yet underway, Lockie was nevertheless in a confident mood.

He turned the sound of the TV up and said quietly, "Get ready to meet your new daughter-in-law."

"What, to the woman who saved you from drowning or near drowning?"

"Yes mum."

"I don't want you heading recklessly into an affair you'll regret. You are probably experiencing some kind of worship syndrome because she came to you in your darkest hour in the sea."

"Wait until you see and hear her before making judgment mum."

"Yeah Lily, give the boy a break."

Wordlessly they watched the ads roll and then the news reader said, 'We now cross to Studio B for the interview of a homecoming Kiwi who is making quite a name for herself."

<i> "Good evening New Zealand, this is Karen Wilson. With me is noted international romance writer Inez Macdonald, whom only recently it was more widely learned that she is a New Zealander."

"Inez was born and raised at Katikati, a servicing town on the East Coast not far north-east of the city of Tauranga where her family lived on their kiwifruit orchard."

Karen: Welcome home Inez. Why did you choose to hide your nationality when you went to England on a three-year writing scholarship?

Inez: Hi Karen, lovely dress. My only reason was to try to build my reputation internationally as an author and I believed I could achieve that best without the tag of New Zealander. But now that I'm back home writing, I've sent an updated CV to my publishers and the piece about me on the dust cover of my next book will identify me as being a New Zealander.

Karen: Is your new book about New Zealand?

Inez: Yes, it's set in 1863 at the beach where I live."

Karen: Oh, how romantic. It's a romance between a young Maori warrior and a female British aristocrat married to an older and titled man.

Inez: As I told you before coming on screen, that's all I can reveal until the book is being marketed.

Karen (looking slightly rattled): And what made you return home and attempt to fade into your background until you made that unfortunate decision to be interviewed by your town's East Bays News? Was it because of relentless questions about your husband's decision to abandoned you?

Inez: Actually, I initiated the divorce partly because of my husband's desire to bring his mistress into our home. Sex outside of marriage is not uncommon among some married couples but pushing to bring one's lover into the marital home is rather over the top. However, I feel the time has come to reveal I was not a lily-white wife.

Karen (leaning forward): Go on -- we do have a bleep button.

Inez: Nothing has ever been published about this but I believe this is the opportunity to unload publicly and reveal the type of woman I am and by that, I mean I'm flawed."

Karen: This really is a frank revelation.

Inez: Like any young over-sexed woman. I just had to have the occasional man and this continued even after my marriage. I'd grown up being a naughty child and never seemed to grow out of it. If you can believe this, as a young adult I became addicted to affairs and I'm absolutely sure of this that it grew me as a writer. Prior to my marriage, I'd had a long and intense relationship with a high-placed public service official in England and then I fell into the arms of a playboy nobleman and that caused his wife to end their marriage

Karen: That latter lover was Ewan Macdonald, oldest son of an Earl and Ewan carried the title of Viscount. By virtue of that title, you became a Viscountess and assumed the courtesy title of Lady Macdonald, but you discourage the use of that title when reference to you and preferred not to use it yourself.

Inez: You are well-informed Karen, but on I go. Shortly after my divorce took effect legally, I began seeing someone, an older married man who became addicted to me. Then one night two men accosted me as I was about to enter my residence. They identified who they were and took me to a place that I know not where; I was seated facing the rear of the compartment in the limo and the windows where darkened. It could have been anywhere in London. I was taken to front two serious-faced men. I was informed that my liaison with Mr X, a married man, could bring down the Government following an avalanche of hugely negative press.

Karen, showing signs of panic clutched her audio ear-plug and nodded: P-please continue Inez. We are giving you more time, remember this is a live interview. We'll first take an ad break. </i>

Lily was clutching between her breasts and panted "Omigod."

Without saying a word, Lockie ducked out and grabbed two more beers and handed one to his father with a cheesy grin. Seth managed a pale imitation of a hearty return grin and his wife, bursting with the need to talk but not wanting to break the tension, took her gin and water with a nod of thanks.

Meanwhile, in the west coast town of Wainui North, or Wainui-by-the-Sea as it had been called until 1921, many townspeople and folk in the hinterland were watching the interview, including Peter and Wendy. During that brief slowdown in tempo of the interview, Wendy shuffled her chair forward to get closer to the big screen muttering, "Omigod, omigod -- she won't be famous, she'll be fucking infamous following revelation of this extreme notoriety."

<i>The program resumed with Karen asking Inez was she okay and dabbed her own brow with her handkerchief.

Inez: Yes, but I'm sweating. I didn't realize publicly confessing being a bad girl could be so gruelling. Perhaps that's why authors who have flamboyant sexual experiences write flamboyantly about sex.

Karen: But hopefully crime writers don't murder to be injected with realism?

Inez: I love it Karen, a great comment. The truth is one can only go so far down that road to realism.

Karen: About these guys, who were from the M16 or whatever, assumedly you were meeting with top brass at Whitehall?

Inez: Those are your assumptions Karen; I've given no such information. Well the upshot was I was offered twenty-five thousand pounds to leave the country and not to return for two years as by then, according to poll trends, there would have been a change of Government as determined by voters and not led by a scandalized media.

Karen (confidently): You told them heroically to stick, um, to keep their money and you were led off to prison?

Inez: No Karen. My whole instinct told me to instantly capitulate but I remembered my mum's last words when I was leaving New Zealand. 'Now Inez, when in England do nothing to disgrace yourself, your family and your country.' I refused the money, signed papers tied to the Official Secret Act binding me to non-disclosure and was granted five days to leave the country. I tied up my affairs, err my financial affairs, and left with hours to spare, flying home on Air New Zealand."

Karen: Oh, you heroine.

Inez: Don't be silly Karen. I slunk home with my tail between my legs knowing I'd been such a bad, bad girl. If you people wish to verify what I have told you, here is the business card of a Mr Blakely at our Department of Internal Affairs. My understanding is he'll simply tell you I was unfortunately involved with someone of significance within the British Government and in the interests of national political stability, I was invited to leave the UK.

Karen: Invited?

Inez: Yes. After I refused to accept the money, the attitude of the officials changed and I was given coffee and told they would bend the rules and allow me to call me solicitor before I signed the papers. But I said no solicitor and no coffee, but could I please have a stiff whisky and while waiting for that I was filmed signing the papers that were witnessed by high-ranking officials.

Karen: Don't you feel by talking to me about being such a bad, bad girl you may have violated the agreement and will be extradited to England to be tried in court in secret and jailed?"

Inez: No, I don't think so. I have said just enough to show two important branches of the British Government's public service in very good light and they will be pleased with me. However, put that question to Mr Blakely when you contact him. Oh, he told me all enquiries must be put in writing. I assume an email will meet that requirement with an electronic copy of a scanned genuine signature. Now, what about discussing any of my twenty-plus books?

Karen: I'm sorry, but we're already running late with the 6:30 weather report due. Thank you very much the hugely popular novelist Inez Macdonald who has just giving viewers a brief description of the life of a very, very naughty New Zealand girl loose in England.</i>

The female newsreader came on-screen and smiled, "Well I had three years living in London during my OE (overseas experience) and have to say my affairs with guys were far too ordinary. Way to go Inez. Here's our overdue weather report."

Inez was accosted by a New Zealand reporter as she left the studio and taken in a taxi to the newspaper's offices to be interviewed.

* * *

Lockie arrived by taxi to take Inez to the Aotea Centre for the concert. They kissed and he squeezed her gently and smiled saying, "I watched the whole thing. Are you okay?"

"Yes thanks. Three whiskies have helped. I feel so relieved. People can now take me for what they think of me rather than having some notion I'm pedestal material. You know I won't mind if we skip the concert. Some people there will have seen the interview. Being seen with me could be crushing on your reputation."

"Inez, for goodness sake. You are now a double heroine to me. I was beside myself in pride as I listened to you. Don't you see -- most Kiwis will love you for telling them how it is with you. In a freakish way, I feel you have given a confession that will turn you into an honourable icon, although much to the horror of some critics."

"Oh Lockie, how sweet and how utterly preposterous of you. After my TV appearance, the NZ Herald snaffled me and interviewed me extensively. I handed them a copy of a photo of Ewan and me outside the cathedral after our marriage to prove at least that part of my claims was truthful. They asked could they publish it and I said yes."

"The assistant editor said my account of being hauled in by officialdom and grilled and being pressured to sign no-disclosure undertakings sounded credible because he was aware of two other New Zealanders who'd been put through that process. I said I was an experienced researcher and could have made that up."

"Heavens, what did he say to that."

"He said if I'd lied and made false claims like that, then when exposed I'd really wreck my reputation."

"I just smiled and said media people could be such bastards and bitches at times and he laughed and said, quote, "You are adorable, Inez."

As they entered the taxi Lockie said, "You can forget the word 'wrecked'. Today you created the bones of a wonderful reputation and it's up to you to build on it."

They entered the Aotea Centre and people everywhere began smiling at Inez and when Lockie went off to get her a gin and tonic, women crowded around her, chatting together like puppies, err all talking at the same time.

World spread and soon everything holding a gin, beer or sparking wine -- perhaps all three -- must had heard there was a celebrity in the room named Lady Inez Macdonald in their midst.

At one stage a guy in a tux came up to Inez and said pompously, "Ma'am management invites you and partner to follow me and occupy one of our VIP boxes and receive complimentary canapés and champagne."

"No thank you kind man," Inez said, in a cultured English accent with perhaps just the slightest Scottish burr.

Lockie, suppressing laughter, almost wet himself. He walked Inez proudly into the auditorium.

Later, in the cab outside Inez's cousin's home, Lockie kissed and cupped a breast softly, with Inez thinking that was quite unlike the possessive manner most men use, the real jerks even attempting to ping a nipple with a thumb, not realizing women regard such behaviour as contemptible even if they are hoping to be fucked.

Lockie had earlier apologized for not feeling comfortable about inviting Inez back to his hotel as following her revelations in that TV interview, any speculation about them being at a hotel for sex could damage their reputations.

As Lockie pulled away, Inez aware of pledging to herself to take it slowly with him, murmured sexily, "Oh Lockie, just one more of those sweet kisses please."

The kiss was delivered without the little grope but she couldn't complain; the second kiss lasted longest.

He stepped out and said, "Oh, I almost forgot. Peter and Wendy have invited us to dinner on Thursday with an invitation to stay. I will be taking Friday off to work on something locally."

"You mean Wendy has invited us to dinner?"

"Well yes but it was polite to include Peter."

"Oh, how charming, I love it and must work that into one of my books. Thank you, I've had such a wonderful evening and apologize for my notoriety drawing people to us all night."

"No problem, I enjoyed watch you with the bit between your teeth. You appear to be inspired to rise higher in manner, tone and the depth of what you say when surrounded by people interested in you."

"That happens to be true. You are very observant and analytical."

"Wow and good night to you, awesome lady."

The taxi whisked him away, leaving Inez with a slightly downturned mouth.

Awesome?

Lady?

Those complimentary words were expressed genuinely with his grey eyes locked on her almost violet ones. He liked her, perhaps more than liked her. She left the cab and practically skipped along the path to her cousin's townhouse.

* * *

Cousin Kate pulled open the bedroom curtains in the morning, allowing sun to stream in.

"Oh, hi Kate. I had a wonderful evening thank you."

"Dah, da, dilly-dilly dee," Kate sang tunelessly and held up the front page of that morning's Herald newspaper.

"Omigod," Inez gasped.

Under the lead story about the report of carnage after yet another despicable bomb blast in the Middle East. was a big, bold heading, 'I've Been a Very, Very Naughty Girl.'

Inez was handed the newspaper and told breakfast could wait.

The story about her was based on her newspaper interview but incorporated the naught girl bit from the TV interview. The text was fair enough, although making her out to be a complete slut with edges of guilt showing through. Perhaps she could hide down in Antarctica. Then she thought what, with those horny guys cooped up down there on research or servicing and grinned -- perhaps Antarctica wouldn't be so bad.

The story continued over on to page 3. Beneath the picture of her wedding were five of the worst possible newspaper reports, obviously sourced from Britain overnight, of her outrageous exploits that made it to print, exaggerated of course.

She cringed re-reading the account of her opening her shirt and untying the front bow on her cute French bra to expose her breasts when speaking to the Press Club and claiming that her contentious closest rival novelist Rebb Coleman, had been a lying bitch alleging in a Sunday newspaper the only exercising Inez did was attempting to push up her tits when walking to stop them banging against her abdomen.

The report stated: 'Never in the history of the club, used to being addressed by some of the world's greatest boring farts, including presidents of countries, had so many members fallen out of their seats during uncontrollable laughter. She was a ring-in as speaker when the Irish President was a no-show as all Irish airports were closed by fog. Inez walked into a closed door as she left, turning to wave in acknowledgement of the prolonged standing ovation. Either that was a genuine accident or else she was pissed.'

Inez really cringed she saw the photo of her and Rebb Coleman caught at a Literary Awards Dinner having a hair-pulling fight while soup was being served.

'Security guards had to pull them apart,' the newspaper report stated. "Lady Macdonald was hurling abuser at her tormenter. The choicest bit, and we quote, was, 'That f......defaming slut with tits the size of lipstick caps is a jealous, lying foul-mouth bitch who is probably going through a change of sex crisis.'

The article added that both writers duly went on-stage to receive their awards, the 10^th in her writing career for Rebb but the 21^st for Lady Macdonald.

Oh god, perhaps readers will think that it's some other Lady Macdonald, Inez thought desperately. She read on and with satisfaction read a bold panel headed 'Conformation'.

It stated: 'Just before midnight the Herald received as statement from Whitehall in London in response to our urgent inquiries seeking confirmation to Inez Macdonald's claim on TV last night that she'd been thrown out of Britain, muzzled and told not to return for two years. The official announcement reads:

<i>In the interest of political stability in the UK, all we can say is Mrs Inez Macdonald who calls herself Inez Macdonald, author, was involved in a matter of State of unspeakable concern and with official assistance, cooperated fully to leave the country after signing documents guaranteeing non-disclosure of relevant facts pertaining to her involvement in this unspeakable concern. It is confirmed Inez Macdonald, prior to her divorce Lady Inez Macdonald, refused an offer of compensation in return for her two-year period in exile.'<i>

"Oh, here I am coming up smelling of roses. The question is will anyone read this boring little panel?"

During breakfast, Inez took a call from Lockie. "The Herald spread on you was great."

"Oh good. Did you read the panel headed 'Confirmation'?"

"Oh no, I knew people would jump over that; it looked boring."

"Nah, just kidding. I read about Whitehall confirming you going into exile. You are going shopping with Kate today, right?"

"Yes, and returning home after lunch."

"I suggest you use a wig and wear Kate's gardening clothes."

"No, I'm now feeling a little prouder of myself. If I'm abused in shops. then so be it."

* * *

Before returning home, wearing the same black dress she'd worn on TV, Inez called in at the newspaper and handed Kitty the statement and Kitty called Jake to take Inez's photo wearing black.

Next morning Annie let herself in and handed Inez the EC News. "I think this will gather you more kudos than even optimistic you expect.