Backshot Kings

"Fuck that noise, let's bounce."

"What about the money; don't you need to pay them bills or are you good with living down at the homeless shelter?"

"I'll work it out!" Willie was fit to be tied, but still pulled up to the curb giving me a view of the job from hell.

"But I need the money, or my girl's gonna put me out on the curb." Marvin reasoned.

"Good for you then, stop simping and you won't end up in these situations." Willie sounded resolute, but Marvin knew he was full of it having been evicted in the past by several former lovers and one unadmitted FWB. The only reason he knew that was because the certified but-her-face put him on blast at a backyard party which resulted in a raucous brawl involving several people that had to be broken up by the cops.

"Stop, look at least the client know we're refusing the job."

"You do it."

"You're the one refusing, so you go tell the client; I'm not touching that shit and we're on the hook for a truck we can't cover. You wanna scrap this shit, you step to the front and man up, Willie."

"You don't think I'll do it?"

"Nigga, I'm from Missouri; you gotta show me something, bruh."

"ALRIGHT!" Willie threw up his hands walking opening the picket fence letting himself into the cluttered yard which was doubling as a junkyard this morning. The short slightly stout man tugged at the coverall, which was tight about his barrel chest, clearing his throat in preparation for what he thought might be an impending shouting match with the client, one Shaila Robinson.

"Hey bruh, I'm gonna try to get somebody over here to help; Willie, do you think it's possible to go back and trade this truck in for a bigger model?"

"Man, come on!"

"Hey, if you don't wanna do the job, more mad money for me! Well, do you mind staying here while I go back and get another truck?"

"You're trying to trick me into doing the job, ain't you? You think you slick, but I ain't having it. I'll take the fucking truck back."

"Man, if you drive off, I'll never see your ass again!" Willie bristled at his assessment, but still felt like he was being tricked by his younger counterpart.

"Fine, but I ain't doing shit until you get back."

"Fine! Gimme the keys!" It felt like a standoff making the fortysomething bristle underneath; in earlier days he would've put Marvin on his ass for less but knew he would catch hell trying to get his partner to drive him home in lieu of using a midday bus service on the wane due to heavy crime in the area.

"I mean it!"

"GIMME-THE-KEYS!!" Marvin shouted, resulting in the keys flying over the white picket fence towards his head. He had to use both hands cupping them straight out in front of his face like a mitt to catch them before they collided with his face.

"Ahm, gonna go talk to that client, okay?!" The look on Willie's narrow football shaped head told Marvin he overestimated his strength and didn't want a street fight with the taller muscular twentysomething. Willie shuffled off not waiting for his response walking with that pronounced limp, the result of him being at the wrong place at the wrong time in his youth.

"Yeah, whatever." Marvin mumbled getting behind the wheel looking at the overly cluttered yard again, before driving off down the block. He already knew he'd be doing the work by himself because most of his unemployed friends and associates weren't about to do a job for pennies on the dollar. Martha sure as hell wasn't paying him extra, but there was no way he could drop the job secured for him by his girlfriend Niecy. Part of him wondered if this was an elaborate grift worked out by his frustrated woman and "Big Boss" Martha. There was no way she didn't know how shitty this job was beforehand.

He turned up the tunes driving off to strains of "Take It Easy" by Mad Lion.

Willie watched him go from the edge of the yard partially hidden from view by an upturned couch that persons unknow had taken great care to sit up vertically. A few feet away the stench of rotting food drew his attention to a large deep freezer placed on its side with the top door facing outward. It was slightly gaped revealing that it was full of spoiled food, mostly meat products although a pool of what looked like melted vanilla ice cream was running into the frayed unkempt grass.

"What-the hell?" Willie surveyed the front yard taking it all in as he noticed a disembodied kitchen sink full of smashed unwashed dishes. He took a few steps before glancing down noticing the yard was sprinkled with discarded women's clothing, mostly underwear. There was a lot of lingerie all over the place. He noticed a sheer camisole top which led his gaze to shreds of clothing, and some balled up silky clothing. Willie snatched up the balled-up clothing using both hands to hold it up in front of his face.

"Da' Fuck?" Willie found himself holding a pair of giant satin panties between his fists, as large as his torso with an insult written on the material in lipstick.

"Slut?" He was suddenly distracted by some muted girlish laughter and chatter. It was coming from the side of the house as he noticed a concrete walkway leading to the far side bordered by a large brush and additional clutter. The littered clothing turned out to be a path leading into that narrow side which he unconsciously followed, finding several bins full of clothing spilling out. He took a few steps glancing down at his immediate right to find a large stuffed teddy bear that had been mutilated. It was a Care Bear, and it was missing its head. Willie clutched his hand to his heart looking back cursing himself for letting Marvin drive off without him. More girlish chatter and muted conversation drew him further.

"Huh?" There was light music emanating from the house. He recognized Snoop Dawg's "Sensual Seduction" as he inched closer past a series of windows to one near the back of the home.

"Yeah well, fuck that nonsense because that nigga knew what it was; huh, are you smoking that shit again, Deana?" No, seriously; of course, not...Why would I tell him that shit? He should've been happy being in rotation. Well, you know these niggas be out here on these streets, dusty as fuck. Why're you bringing that up, huh? That wasn't my fault, and I let you fuck my nigga Gerald, so get off that noise!"

Willie found himself underneath the back window looking up at it as he listened to the conversation glancing into the adjacent backyard cluttered with even more furniture and a stove that had been apparently ripped from the wall and deformed with a baseball bat.

The offending item was on the sparse yellowed grass, broken in half. Something caught his eye adjacent to the garage. Willie took a step further, noticing a jacked-up Lexus with busted out window and multiple dents in it. He could see that the seats were covered in some sort of powder. It had been viciously keyed. He inched closer into the backyard, suddenly shocked when he found the disembodied care bear head mounted on a broomstick. His heart nearly leapt out of his throat as he stumbled backwards reaching into his coverall pocket for his phone. More girlish laughter drew his attention.

"Girl, you know that thirsty ass nigga blowing up my phone; he already called me fifty times and hit my cash app with five racks! Yeah uhm, well that's the limit he can send in one day; I'll call him back Sunday night right before midnight if he cash app another five hundred. Huh? Fuck no, that nigga on pussy probation for uh, well ninety days. Well yeah, he's so performative and whiny; sometimes I wish a nigga would just slap me up, grab me by the neck and bust up my cheeks! Damn I miss the good old days before all this Meetoo shit. Yeah right; you had more wiggle room with these simps back then."

"Bitch." He mumbled under his breath still holding hid phone as the unseen woman continued.

"Huh; Gerald off the grid for now but I know he'll be back sooner or later. Remember when we first started dating and that nigga thought I was this uptight virgin, huh? [Laughter from both women.] Yeah, I never said that shit; niggas be so stupid when they fucking nose open, right Sista girl? I used to get off on teasing that fat motherfucker. Oh yeah Deana, he bought took the pussy after a few months of being on the bench in the fucking friend zone. Damn right... that nigga cleaned the fuck out of my pipes, just right! [Audible laughter from both women.] Well now you know why we got married! I used to fuck with him for no reason, but he never caught on until I got busted cheating with my personal trainer."

"Fucking bitch." Willie mumbled under his breath.

"Yeah, I think that's why I "Got-Got" that night; yeah, just ran up in me while I was passed out! Huh, how the hell should I know? Hey, think Gerald would've hit the switches on this pussy if he knew it was sloppy seconds, that night? Fuck you, big titty bitch. Ain't nobody jealous, hoe! Well yeah, I cosigned that shit because I didn't know who the baby daddy was. Man, that was serious, wasn't it? I had to get weird; thanks for going with it instead of what we originally planned for the divorce. That fat fuck thought you were into him? Huh?! Yeah, he still doesn't know I was trying to frame him for cheating so he couldn't use my shit in court. Well, he made me cum so many times in that hallway that I tabled that shit. Lucky, I lost the baby because all of them niggas would've asked for a fucking paternity test."

Wille exchanged glances with the disembodied care bear head mounted on the broom. That stuffed animal head felt like a warning left behind for clueless simps. He turned content that he'd made the right decision right off the bat. His own tumultuous divorce years earlier left this man bristling with righteous indignation at the unseen hubris of this woman. He took three steps towards the front yard.

"RIGHT?!! CHEEKS ALWAYS WIN WITH THESE THIRSTY ASS NIGGAS!! RIGHT?!! NIGGAS AINT SHIT!!"

"Excuse me?" Willie mouthed under his breath now indignantly curious about the owner of the voice.

He glanced down, finding a few cinderblocks in the concrete path on the side of the home. A few were shattered with telltale signs on the battered aluminum siding which left dents and chalky residue. Willie glanced at the blocks considering things for a moment, then planted the brick solidly underneath the window climbing up onto it finding that he needed to stand on his toes to peer inside the home.

"Don't get no BBL, girl...why? That shit looked fucked up half the time and you end up with some shit that look like garbage bags on two sticks. Huh, because they ain't got no thigh implants, D! No bitch, just go with them big ass titties of yours; play to your strengths with these dusties. You know I do, girlfriend! [More Laughter.] The cheeks got them simps biting their tongues; yeah, you know how it do, baby girl!"

Willie got a look just over the edge of the windowsill.

"Aw, sheet." His eyes went saucer wide.

A literal mountain of ass filled his gaze, making his thirteen pipe bent inches inflate in seconds. Dual mountains of honey dipped cake were stuffed in a skintight pair of white fullback cotton panties. The ass was so enormous, the elastic waistband dipped in the middle creating a ridiculous meaty stuffed rear cleavage at the top while the rest bulged out at the bottom. Each of those portions of rear cheekage could've been a full ass on two smaller women; this was a kaiju sized heart shaped derriere made even more show stopping by the cinched small waist at the top of it. This was no small woman by any means.

"Deana, I could open my fucking window and yell "Kiss My Ass" and there would be a line outside it down and around the motherfucking block." Willie could hear both women laughing their asses off as he lost his footing stumbling down. He cut out back to the edge of the vandalized front yard, then stopped.

"Nobody will believe it without proof." His mind was afire with the gossip he was going to engage in after seeing something from his bucket list made flesh. His heart was thumping, his cock so hard that it hurt. Willie glanced down at his phone fumbling with it because of his trembling hands, opening his camera. He knew he had to get proof slowly drifting back to the side of the home, huffing.

"Yeah, I'm bout it; playing the role so one of my boys will fill the bag, D. Maybe I'll call your husband, ha-ha! What, I was kidding...but he does have a nice dick, for a nerd. Maybe I'll give him a handjob. RELAX HOE!! I'M JUST FUCKING WITH YOU! Wanna hit that three-way action on him? Well, you kinda owe him since you keep cheating. BITCH!! I let Gerald plow the fuck out of you because I wanted him to get his after I got mine; but he was my sneaky link after that for a minute. Liked me weight loss, I guess."

Willie got up on the cinderblock peering into the window facing the phone towards that massive baked tan derriere. The woman was reclining on her side facing away from him in the resting buddha position. He got a good look finding a bottom-heavy pear-shaped woman probably in her thirties. She was wearing a sherbert orange t-shirt that looked like a crop top on her zaftig proportions. This redbone had a big shock of curly brown, black highlighted hair affixed to her noggin like a flowy tumbleweed afro.

"Yeah well, maybe if that nigga didn't divorce me out of spite..." She continued the conversation with a breezy sigh reminiscing as she rolled onto her tummy looking at her own reflection in the mirrored sliding closet doors facing her. Willie got his first look at her face finding that her countenance reminded him of Raven Symone. She wasn't unattractive as her conversation game, rather fetching ultimately alluring as he got a shot of her in profile, followed by a shock.

It looked as if this woman was observing him in the mirror, but she kept talking as she arched up creating this insane dip in her lower back which made her huge ass, look even bigger. She reached back tugging on a persistent one cheek wedgie as the incessant chatter from the other side of the phone continued. Willie found himself unable to look away transfixed by the sight of this living fertility goddess.

"Hold on for a minute, Sista girl." He didn't register the subtle movements of this pear-shaped woman until an aluminum bat came into view.

"SHIT!!" The of her body hitting the floor like a meteorite filled Willie's ears causing him to topple off the vertically placed cinderblock headfirst onto the concrete path. The noise continued accompanied by the sounds of boxes and bumping inside the home as he cupped his temple, momentarily addled. Before he knew it, Willie found himself looking at two feet standing there in front of him. He looked up, anxious.

"HEY LADY!!" The aluminum bat just missed his head swung so hard; he felt the motion accompanied by a slight breeze as it swished in front of his face. A second lesser blow was delivered to his bicep.

"WHO SENT YOU?!!" The aluminum bat swished by again grazing his shoulder as he found himself looking at this woman up close and personal.

"NOBODY!!"

"RECORDING ME WITHOUT CONSENT IS NOT ADMISABLE IN A COURT OF LAW!! YOU CAN'T USE THAT SHIT AGAINST ME!! IS THIS ABOUT THAT FIFTEEN GRAND?!! THAT WAS A LOAN BUDDY, OKAY?!!"

"NO!!"

"OH, IS LAMEL'S WIFE PAYING YOU TO SPY ON ME?!! I DUMPED THAT NIGGA LAST MONTH CAUSE HIS FUNDS WAS LOW!! TELL DAT BITCH MELONIE SHE CAN HAVE THAT BROKE ASS LAME BACK!!" Willie was obliged to roll out of the way of another incoming swing of the bat getting more information than he bargained for while getting an eyeful of this redbone's lush curves. She didn't seem to care that she was outside on the side of the house in a badly fitted T-shirt and panties.

"TELL RICHIE, I AIN'T SIGN NO FUCKING NOTARY, SO I AIN'T PAYING THAT FIVE RACKS BACK!! THESE MY FUCKING TITTIES NOW AND AIN'T NO JUDGE GONNA REPO MY TITS!! TELL HIM TO STOP CALLING ME!!"

"Shit lady, ain't nobody sent me over here for nothing; I was...."

"OH YEAH, EMPTY YOUR POCKETS IF YOU AIN'T SPYING ON ME!!" She sounded like your classic run of the mill street thot or hood booger, but he couldn't deny what was in front of his eyes noticing the perky nature of her obviously fake breasts, which looked like a large C-cup. This woman wasn't wearing a bra and had no fear whatsoever standing at a good five eleven. Willie emptied his pockets letting loose change, a few bills and some nicknacks spill out onto the cracked pavement. She had to be late thirties, early forties with an arrested juvenile mindset of full display along with a pronounced camel toe.

"There, you happy lady?" He gestured both arms spread out like propellors on a plane.

"WHAT'S THAT?"

"What's what, lady?" Willie raised a brow, indignant as she nudged him in the temple with the ball bat.

"What's that down there, huh nigga?" He glanced down finding an embarrassing tent in his mover's coveralls, tucking his chin still finding it hard not to look at her crotch. It was level with his face.

"That's me."

"BULLSHIT!!" She thumped him with the end of the bat in the temple.

"THAT'S MY SHIT LADY, MY DICK!!" Willie shouted, flinching as she kept motioning as if she were about to swing for the fences.

"Take it out."

"What?"

"I said take it out motherfucker; if you don't take it out, I'm fence your fucking head right over that fence, nigga!"

"It's my dick, lady."

"Show it to me or you gone take your short, niggled ass to the emergency room, stat!! I fuck you the fuck up, creeping round my crib on that shit!! Who you think you messing with, little peanut head bitch! Take it out; you know that ain't your fucking dick, nigga! I KNOW PEOPLE MAN!! Want that noise, HUH FOOL?!!...wanna get shot out here in this bitch? You a stupid ass private investigator... OH!! OH FUCK!!"

Willie heard enough unzipping the front of his coveralls exposing his hairy chest and kept going until his legendary thirteen inches of street fame flopped out over his boxers happy to be seen. His thick cock possessed the girth of a water bottle with a visible vein or two on its uncircumcised surface.

It got quiet immediately as the middle-aged redbone flushed on the bridge of her button nose and cheeks. Her jaw dropped followed by these little huffing noises, then a nervous self-chuckle.

"Uhm, fuck nigga... that's you, huh?" She was chortling nervously dropping the business end of the aluminum bat to the concrete. Willie's eyes followed the bat as she flattened a palm against her chest, eyes widened with this awkward smile on her face. All he could think in the moment was that she really did favor Raven Symone in the face, but that body was built for power on another level.

"Yeah "THAT'S ME" do you mind, lady?" He reached down handling his thick manhood cupping the shaft from underneath. The tip of his swollen crown was touching the pavement.

"Wait, uh...name's...oh yeah, name's Shaila." She seemed lost in her head for a few moments, unconsciously motioning towards his meat, not wanting him to put it away.

"Willie...Willie Pete; can I get up now?" Shaila bit her lower lip as he tucked himself away zipping up his mover's coveralls.

"Uhm yeah, sure I guess." She chuckled again, still looking at the bulge in his pants making things even more awkward. Both looked away, but he couldn't help taking in her curves focusing on her cinched waist wondering if it was the result of cosmetic surgery like her bust.

"Look, I'm one of the movers; the other guy went to get a bigger truck and some more guys to pack up your stuff."

"Why?" Shaila rested the bat against her shoulder regaining her composure for a second.

"You hired movers, that's what we do lady!"

"Uhm well, yeah I hired you guys; but I just want the shit put back inside the house."

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah, all you gotta do is put my furniture and stuff back inside this house, that's all." She revealed with this stupidly innocent expression on her face that made Willie, facepalm. He raised a brow noticing Shaila's light hazel eyes were still on his prominent bulge at the moment she noticed him looking. The middle-aged redbone chuckled nervously again, picking at her shock of light brown and brunette curls. Her expression changed seconds later as she did this sort of ricking motion glancing back at her window.