All Comments on 'Bad Girl Pt. 01'

for me, the story doesn't read right. there are many different points of view from many different characters, but all of them use first person. like i said, it does not read right to me.

Love it! 5 BIG FAT STARS for this chapter. Can't wait for the next one!

I didn't think I would like this story but I gave it a chance because I like the vast majority of your stories but I found out that I really liked what you did with this story.

This is one of the most “im a badass” stories ive ever read. So over the top and it seems like the MC is your self insertion, it’s pathetic and weird…

yeah right, he is a real superman in all ways, just another dumb story that should be posted in the humor section, one star

Jeez, is this meant to be a serious story? It looks and reads like something a 17 year old, immature, teenager would write. Bad dialogue, poor spelling, descriptions of people that are of comic book level cliched descriptions. eg A guy in his 30's, an Ex Navy Seal, (FFS), 6ft 6in tall, "beast like with scars all over his body, who is mentally retarded and speaks like a teenager, who is so stupid he can't work out what is happening... and so on.

He has a girlfriend who is a nympho who has slept with over a thousand people and he has no idea... I mean, at this stage I'm vomiting into my computer it's so bad.

Nice story. Don't know why he cries so much. Maybe in the next chapter he takes Vickie back as a sex slave and breeds her and his sister

Your dialogue ruined the story for me. The characters sound like they're reading from cute cards written by someone trying too hard to sound adult. Is that how you talk? I've spent enough years in the south to think you might. If you don't talk like that, why do your characters?

Love the start. Can't wait for more

Your writing style is hard to read at times. Your obviously not a native English speaker. However, your imagination and storytelling always make for a fun read regardless. Thanks for sharing. I hope you release part two soon.

As a side note, the whole thing where the sister gets stabbed didn't make a lot of sense. The fact that the doctor said she shouldn't have sex for a week and yet she has sex the very next day, didn't make sense either.

I generously granted this piece two stars.

Wrong category. This should be in SciFi. These stories should have a believable thread to help the reader feel a connection to the characters, especially the main character. This piece rates a zero in that regard.

I enjoyed this story. In reading the comments for this as well as other stories I don't understand the criticisms readers leave, like any of us other readers really care about their opinions.

Or one of your better stories. Very hard to follow. Could have done without the police and FBI

The beginning of this story doesn't really mesh with the latter parts. It kind of feels like the author started writing and then decided to go in a different direction. We are told that Vickie deliberately lied to him, set him up, and put him in a situation he would find untenable. Plus that she had been cheating on him. When he confronts her afterwards, she is hostile and violent toward him. But then latter we are told of how much they really love one another and must be together.

Also, come on man, a two hundred million dollar reward? Might as well have made it two billion with how over the top the rest of the story is.

Ignore the haters who were looking for a stroke story. Great story with interesting characters, as is my preference. 5 stars.

As crazy and over the top as always and I loved it. I can't wait for part two and I'm glad you're back.

Never mind "Bad Girl" this is a BAD STORY

One problem, someone who gets stabbed in the side like the sister did, would have a hemothorax. Treatment for this requires the insertion of a chest tube to drain out the blood, and then it would be hooked up to vacuum to reinflate the lung, and hold it in place while the hole heals. She would not go home the next day. Try a week later.

Odd story, interesting BUT ‘I don’t want any woman dominating me ‘ but they all do. He may be a giant, lethal ex seal but he’s totally pussywioed, whines about his girlfriends behaviour but has no morals and fucks anything possible if it’s offered. Even helps women betray their husbands. There’s not a single, sane, half decent person in this whole tale

Talk about scatterbrained! Your dialog is all over the place. Virtually nothing in this story is believable. My 2* was way too generous.

Very nice start and well written. Looking forward to part 2.

Great story. Different but great. Thanks

The hero is being painted as no better than Vickie that is his girl friend. If the scene he had seen at Auction house was gross enough to piss this tough(like in Sci Fi movies) "gentleman" so much, then the scene at office with his "Boss" and "all female staff" is no better making his mother and sister joining it making it worse.

Should this man also be called nympho like Vickey.

The story should not be developed as orgy around this male. The incest can be infused as a simulant for soft recovery from trauma, that too very subtly rather than the Greek god being "raped" every where he goes. If that was the case, he could have achieved that at the auction house without getting auctioned as the owner suggested.

He should not become male version of Vickie. If possible, sanitize it and repost it.

I tried to like this, some of your older stuff is better. I just haven't been able to read the stuff you've put out. Won't vote on it but won't read anymore either

Awesome story. Thanks

The story was ok but what irked me was how egotistical the main character is in describing himself. There seems to be not even an ounce of modesty. Big dicks are fairly common in these type of stories and that fine to degree but tone done the egotistical descriptions it nearly prevented me from reading the story. If you want to portray him is a badass fine do through the story and character development. He seems to toot his horn a bit too much and is not very becoming.

i liked the story. it had all the great story-telling that your readers love you for. 5 stars from me. You may want to think about your editor however!

I am hooked

As a former Marine, and contract employee at "The Farm" in York Co. Va, I have met members of Seal Team 6, and not one of them would act like this jerk. I will not waste any more of my time reading this BS.

i loved the story as i do all ur stuff tbh pay no attention to some of these asshats saying wat u can and cant do they dont write they read and trash things keep up the good work cant wait to read more again all ur stuff is amazing keep up the great work

This story was painfully horrible.

For someone who has written so many stories you would think properly tagging stories is important, but obviously is beyond this author. If you don't like MALE SUBMISSIVE'S you have been warned.

What would you do if your girlfriend, that u are sleeping with, springs on to you that she’s a high ranking member of a sex club and it’s her job to find new members. Would that be a red flag for you???

I think it would be a red flag for any guy, and you’d be out her door so fast your feet wouldn’t hit the ground. She’s a dirty slut, not the sort to introduce to your family and friends

What a horrible story, it’s like it is being told by a small child.

Scores 2/5 for being so badly written.

This story is total crap. I don't know who is worse in this story of the four women introduced.

The girlfriend is self-explanatory and the mother of the girlfriend i understand to a degree. But his mother and sister seem to care more about his ex-bitch than him.

He literally saves his sister from being killed and as a thank you she screams at him for being an ass because he shit talks about his cheating ex because she is a nymphomaniac, her friend was one too so it doesn't count.

O she has nymphomania so she can't be at fault for anything she does. Psychopaths aren't at fault either they can't help going on a murdering spree and killing half the town. It's not their fault because they have a friend in school.

Then the Mother scheming with the mother of the ex to get them back together. What kind of bitch is that mother, manipulating and gilt tripping him, telling him how he is still in love with her. Instead off getting him as far as possible away from her.

And then there is him. You are telling me an ex navy seal, literally a giant man with the combat skills to murder that entire sex club couldn't figure out what was happening to him until they strung him up in chains in a slave auction, not to mention that he was found on a farm stealing food from the fridge.

Every time he gets blamed for something he goes "O yes I'm a horrible person for not being psychic and a good cuckold and not fucking my mother and sister because they were lonely.". Guy is a total "yes man". I'm starting to wonder is this supposed to be some kind of BDSM story about humiliation where he is the submissive and if it is, put some tags on it so that people know beforehand. Me personally I don't know who I hate more of the characters.

I read a lot of your stories, and some are among my favorites, but this crap is just that "CRAP".

This story is so full of incoherences that I don't know what to think about it and its MC. Is it a parody? His girlfriend invites him to an adult club where sexual activities are held, telling him that she goes there habitually and then he is puzzled because she watches her in an orgy. What did he think she was doing there? Talk about Engish literature? And he is supposed to be a badass but let others strip and humilate him. Now is a badass guy and then a pathetic guy. He is supposed to get a career on his own and when he comes back to his previous job and finds out that the company is owned by his mom, he doesn't renounce. There are so many incoherences... But the main one is that sometime he is depicted as a tough, irresistible guy and sometimes as a pathetic guy.

The story is full of contradictions.

Of course, all the characters have huge cockroaches in their heads.

But the biggest one is Vicky's nymphomania.

She's a member of a sex club with a gold card. She fucked 1,000 men to get it. At her rate, 10 to 12 per session, twice a week, that's a year's worth of achievement. She's 25-26 years old. How many men have been in her cunt? Five or six thousand? Statistically, she should have gotten pregnant at least 10 times in that time. No pregnancy medication is 100% guaranteed.

Next. Clubs aren't cheap. Vicky herself comes from a wealthy family. So her social circle is limited. Even in New York. She's probably been fucked by all the men interested. What's her reputation? At any event there will be ten or thirty men who will say hello to Bill, or any of her other men, and say they fucked her. Does he need it? Does she need it? Their families?

The author's imagination has no limits and no brakes.

good story too drawn out. stop bragging about our military abilities, we just do it. also your repeating it over and over. as a military person that has been oversea several time, would not be that shy acting..

I'm really disappointed in the author. While I admit that ther are probably quite a few people who are into this stuff I am not one of them. HEY AUTHOR, if you properly Tag your stories I bet you wouldn't catch so much crap. I stopped reading when the woman said he will be her submissive. That is a No Go for me and probably allot of other people too. So do use a favor and properly tag your stories as well as not repeating information.

So stupid I quit at the 200 million reward

Pussy by day, killer by night… scratch that I think he’s still a pussy

This story is rather unnecessarily complicated. He spends multiple pages setting up the search for Bill and it seems rather excessive and tedious. You blitz through all these high profile people running around without really understanding why everyone is in a tizzy. And then all of a sudden Bill is having sex with this mother and sister. It comes out of complete left field, and given the build up of the man hunt you'd think the author could have taken the time to delve into Bill's feelings about his family. But no. Just random sex and then back to really high powered society without any real understanding of who these people are.

Such a lot happing in a short time frame. Didn't expect the story lines, twists and turns. Surprised he was up for office sex, stripping at parties etc so soon after total humiliation and subsequent split from girlfriend.

Interesting reading and will keep going. Thanks for your writing.

OOOHHH...MY...GOODNESS!! ALL the negativity about a story that is FANTASY!! I have read a few of the first comments here, before starting my own.

I DO agree that there are inconsistencies and contradictions here, with some grammatical problems...

STILL, I find this whole thing humorous, at times, and heart-breaking at a few!! What Vicky did at the start shows she has NO sense of propriety in regard to Bill and his feelings or potential reaction to ANYTHING that he experienced or saw at the NSA!! Then, her being passed out like she was, and the over-reaction that BILL might have done all that...too funny!!

The time with the farming couple, and Bill being able to decompress like that, was so good for him...I liked this also.

Company harem lined up for him...turds flushed at the meeting...party at Ann's house and all that happened there...then Mom and Sister claim him!! The adventure has a few more chapters, I AM looking forward to the reading!!

The rest of you...please, NO MORE of the negativity...do not read any more or comment. If it is SSSSOOOOOO BAD, find other stories to read!!

From me...Five**5**Stars...may not be perfect, and if anyone has seen my ratings for other stories, you know I am able to comment even if I do not like what I have read. That someone rated this a (2)...okay, that is you. (?????)

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥✨✨✨✨✨🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌋💯

That play with Bill fucking Ann’s mother, cucking the father whilst he’s there was just off, as was Bill cucking Sandy’s husband on her say so, off.

Ruined the story and makes the MC an asshole.

I originally gave this OTT story 2/5, on review I now score it 1/5, too muck

H cucking going on.