All Comments on 'Badass Ch. 04'

Your latest chapter was certainly interesting, I keep checking back everyday hoping to see Badass updated and fortunately my hopes were realised, haha. I have to say that the initial change in point of view was startling, the buffalo guy's inner monologue is frighteningly different from his chauvinistic brash personality he had exhibited until now. This change was seriously abrupt and if you were trying to portray him as a psychopathic stalker, you definitely succeeded, if you wanted to show him as a misunderstood romantic, then you might want to rethink things. Anyway psychopathic ramblings aside, the interactions between Dan and the lot is quite interesting, the lighthearted behaviour of the hand comes as a welcome surprise and contrast to Gorilla lady's usual behaviour.

The thing about Dan's personality which I find puzzling is that he comes off as surprisingly extroverted (especially in his dealings with the hand), not that I expected him to be an introvert, but I thought he would be more reserved (with his whole human observation personality). I'm guessing you want to portray him as having a natural Alpha-like effect on the people around him but I was still surprised that he would take charge of the hand and Aegis so abruptly (i.e when he suggested/ordered the new organisation of the gang). Also as a side note, your math seems a bit off in the organisation of the Aegis (10 captains + teams of 10 = 100 members, not 80, assuming the captains are part of the teams).

Also Dan's idea of 40/50 people (per shift) patrolling constantly everyday for 8 hours doesn't seem to be very feasible, I assumed that the members are going to university or have some sort of job so 24 hours in a day just wouldn't be enough, even discounting the fact that patrolling that many hours a day would be dead boring.

Something I was also curious about in this chapter is that you mentioned that the buffalo dude was a lower C rank AE yet he's the alpha of a possibly top 5 power group. With the only lower rank being D, I'm surprised that there isn't more of a gap in ranking between the characters. Extrapolating from this, if Gorilla lady at 40% strength could be beaten by buffalo dude, than she's most likely only a C rank or at most a B rank, meaning there are still at least 3 more ranks above the Alpha of the top 3 power group. So I'm assuming that you want to show that there's still a lot more powerful people in your world and that they are simply big fish in a small pond? (But this brings up the point that they are in Venus, which you mentioned is the biggest city of the most powerful country, so shouldn't they be the elite?)

Lastly, I don't want to be nit-picky but running on rooftops in 15 mins for a shorter route compared to a 45 min walk on the streets doesn't seem supernaturally fast.

Other than a few minor errors here and there, a thoroughly enjoyable read, looking forward to your next chapter.

P.S: Holy crap why do I keep ending up writing so damn much

thanks for the longer chapter, but you didn't unravel any of the mystery that is Zedneck and why we don't see any of them going to classes

I've sucked at maths since I was 6 years old, and 14 years later, I havent improved in the slightest lol

Your comments are almost as long as the chapters :). Derek is a psycho, plain and simple.

I do recall that Derek was a low level C correct? I thought it'd be a given, but maybe I should've explained that if there is low, there should also be mid and high level, not forgetting that these guys are still in uni, so they're young. There powers should improve with age, which so should their classes, and each of the city groups will nuture those they take from the uni group. I'm just giving the main characters room to improve, and grow.

Also, the residential area is not really in the city, it's a residential area. For example, where I live is an upmarket area considered part of the main city, even though I'm a good 15 minute drive away, so Zdenek would have to run along side the roads for a while, before finding more roofs to jump off of.

With regards to the guard situation and shit, Chapter 5 will kind of give you a hint as to what'll happen.

Thanks for reading. :)

keep em coming, great stories

This series is flipping awesome! I like the character development in this chapter. I'm pumped up for the next chapter.

Haha, yes it was long enough. Now, you just need to write more about Titus and Xander. Can't wait till the next installment.

An arrogant bastard became cheerful older brother. Everybody is acknowledging him being a leader without any doubt and follow his commands like puppies. It seems to me that the person, who wrote this chapter is different from the original. I didn't like it much.

Dear Dry Opinion......

Has anyone ever told you that you are 'whet behind the ears?' No? Well, let me be the first.

Oh, and please: Go soak your head.

To the one who complained about the time...

You've obviously never been to a big city before, walking on the street you have to stop at roads, wait for lights, and dodge people, running along the roof means you skip all the stops and waiting.

Great story, can't wait for more, i would rate more if I could.

Continue please. perfect length and character development. Keep up the good work!

To the Anon person who I believe was referring to me (complaining about the time), you clearly did not understand where I was coming from, I was not talking about 45 mins being too long a time to spend walking, of course you can spend 45 mins walking through the streets.

What you are arguing is precisely my point, 15 mins running through the rooftops, thus bypassing traffic lights and probably cutting more of a straight line route through the city, is surprisingly long, especially if one is running at supernatural speed.

As I have read all you other stories and liked them alot, I must say screw the other and keep Badass coming as fast as possible. =) This one is just on a whole different level of awesome.

I love this story! I agree, this is really great (a little better than your other stuff) and I'm really excited to see where it goes. I think it's also really cool that you haven't used the same old boring Were tropes, you're inventing something new and really interesting. I enjoy your writing style as well, it's clear and personal. Can't wait for the next installment!

So much to say here. And im on my phone, so i cant promise ill do a good job. But worth a shot:

First off, this dry opinion guy. Congrats, this might be the first time ive ever agreed with you. Usually i think youre a douchebag, because you title everything dry opinion and because you always seems to be bitchIng. Just make a fucking account if you want us to recognize you.

The rest is at the author. For a start, im trying to figure yo out. Right now im imagining black male from somewhere in the UK who is about 50. Which is weird because there arent many black guys over there and you specify your age. But your usage of modern terms such as yo tends to feel awkward, you spell check and ton as cheque and tonne, and you periodically drop a line that sounds gangsterly. Im even more confused because Zdenek seems to take about 45 minutes to walk everywhere he goes, but people from the UK are generally considered to think travel time of over a half hour is appropriate only for special occasions. So basically, who you are confuses me.

Now onto the story. Lets hope i can remember all my complaints. Usually its great when a story is a more reasonable length, but in this case, i just wanted it to hurry up and end so i could remember my criticisms.

First, numbers. In writing, numbers below 100 are spelled out. Thats a universal rule, and it makes your work look a lot more professional. Every time you say 'the 1st time' or '30 degrees' i cringe. Thats something you should seriously consider changing.

Also, on the topic of numbers, the day he made pancakes was a huge wtf. He woke up at 10:30, went to lunch, came back, put laundry in, checked the time, and it was 8 at night?? There are at least six hours that arent accounted for there. And it wouldnt be a big deal, but you specified the numbers, so it seemed meaningful.

Details....your details need work. You want to use them for a variety of reasons. To paint a picture in the mind of the reader, or to foreshadow, or to explain. You seem to use them because an elementary school teacher told you they were good. "he woke up and there was a string of drool going to the wet spot on the pullow and so he got up and the string snapped" what the fuck? We don't give a shit. Especially since his apparent exhaustion wasn't important at all; he woke up a mere 35 minutes earlier the day before. By the same token, we dont need to know what time it is, what he had for dinner, the ingredients he put in his dinner, HOW MANY FUCKING CLOVES OF GARLIC WENT INTO HIS FUCKING SPECIAL MASHED POTATOES WHICH HE ATE WITH SIX FUCKING PORK MASHERS, or the precise angles of people's elbows when theyre in a position. When you describe someone's stance i feel like i need to follow your information to draw a series of dots, and then connect them, in order to figure out what the hell youre talking about. Thats not good. You should be painting a picture. Instead im deciding its not worth the effort and i dont care about their pose. You need to work on how to get what youre seeing in your head on to paper. And back to the mashed potatoes thing. We simply dont care. That information is worthless. And against all odds we still havent gotten a description of his kitchen. Setting is much more important than the specifics of his meals.

And finally, the plot. This is where i agree with the dry douchebag. What the fuck? Whatsherface, the leader of the hand, is supposed to be a shy and isolated woman as a result of years of fending for herself, and we should sympathize with her plight. Instead im picturing her as a buff gorrilla with no friends, and i dont care about her well being. Meanwhile Z has taken on a paternal role, apparently, and has also taken over Aegis. What? She's this competent, but she cant be trusted to come up with her own distribution of leadership and patrol system? Z has to do it for her? And when he does, shes grateful? Wheres the independence? Wheres the outrage that hes trying to do her job, reinforcing what people have been saying her whole life, that shes not fit to lead? Why isnt the hand upset that their leader has been usurped? Why are the peons so incredibly grateful to have been given jobs? What the fuck were they doing before? For that matter, where did they even come from?

And on that note, whats the story with these powers? You dumped information on us left and right at first, and yet im still confused. Does everyone have these powers? I think so. I think i remember being told that everyone could at least make their animals sound (which has yet to be used). Yet people are in awe of the hand and erykah and dont even look at her. Why? She just got her gang to the top 3, and she still isnt number one. That doesnt sound like god status. Meanwhile derek is a C power level, on a scale from D to S, he has little to no elemental power, and he leads the fifth most powerful gang? How the hell did he pull that off? And for that matter whats with the elements? I thought people had a specialized element? Why does Z have one that shouldnt exist (thats what makes him unique i get it), why does ergkah apparently have two?

And how the hell does Z make money? Apparently all he does is go vigolante mode, sleep, and eat. And are there no cops? Two guys shouldnt be able to roll in and start mugging people just because a gang isnt around.

I feel like theres more but ive forgotten it. This took a lifetime to type out. Deapite my complaints, i think this story has potential and id like to see where it goes. But i think you can do better than you are. Keep with it, take my advice with a grain of salt, but please consider it. I know my way around literature.

I enjoy reading a good story.this is a very good one.I get pissed of when some assholes critisize a story for minor detailes . if they are so damn good let them write something thats deceint. I doubt they can.so shut the fuck and let the writer continue

keep writing! i love ur stories! it makes me wanna b a badass lol!

Was reading this chapter and you completely lost me as to what Z's role is. How is it that a gang that doesn't know him come to follow his every word without thinking or asking their boss what's up? This sounds a lot like something two people role playing would come up with where you have two different opinions of the characters in the story. Out of respect and hope I'm going to keep reading but I hope things get clarified.

If you paid attention to the last chapter when Zdeneck walked into Eryckah's house, his power level was such that it was as if he was already an alpha. Do you understand? or did i not explain it well enough?

That was way to fast.

Its the first poor chapter so far, and it was very very rushed. it's clear that you wanted to make this longer, but the way you did it was the hard way. You skipped chunks of time in 4 or 5 utterances. I mean, they went from started cooking through to moving to the roof in under 80 words!

Keep it slow, let the plot flow and we still enjoy it

JC