Ballerina

"Is the fact that she's closer to my age than yours your concern?"

"Without doing the math, and even that would be impossible since I don't know her age, the answer to your question is 'yes'."

"Do you want to have more children, Jake?" his father asked point blank.

"What? No. Well, I'm not really sure. Why?"

"Because if she's closer to 50 than 40, she won't be able to. In fact, even is she's, say...40...she may not want any more kids. But if that's not an issue, then all that matters is how you feel about each other. Beyond that, it's not my place to tell you how to live your life, son."

"I guess I was looking for some perspective more than advice."

"That I have plenty of," his dad told him.

"You were very young when your mother passed away. I've never gotten over her. I'm 57 years old, and there have been plenty of...opportunities over the years, but I've never stopped loving your mom. I know that's hard to understand. Hell, most people who lose a husband or wife hold out a couple of years. Some make it five. But who holds onto a memory for...life?"

"I barely remember her," Jake said. "And it's definitely not my place to tell you what to do."

"No it's not. But my point is, love has a mind of its own, Jake. You could meet some girl who's say...19...and fall in love with her. Things could last for life or maybe just a few months. The same is true with a woman Morgan's age. As far as the 'math' is concerned, you can add. So you don't need me to tell you how old she'll be when you turn 40 or 50. And only you can decide if that matters, and if so, how much."

"I know Becca needs a mom. Kayla's great, but she's her aunt. And since Leanne died, I haven't been on five dates total. But the funny thing is, I haven't really wanted to date anyone."

"But with Morgan it's different, huh?" his father correctly observed.

"Yeah. It doesn't make any sense, but I...I really like her, Dad."

"Well, if she really likes you, I'd say you've just answered your own question."

Jake smiled then asked his dad how he got so much smarter than back when Jake was 14 or 15.

"It's funny how that works, isn't it? Right now, Becca thinks the sun rises and sets with you. But in ten more years, you'll be dumber than a post. And then, when she turns 20 or 25, you'll be almost as smart as you are now," his dad said with a laugh.

"I just can't do anything that would hurt Becca."

"No. No you can't. But you have to care of yourself, Jake. It may seem like Becca is your whole life, but I promise you she's not. She has to be the most important thing in it, but you only have one life yourself. Your mom and Leanne would have never guessed theirs would end so soon, but life has no guarantees. Well, with one exception."

"I thought it was two; death and taxes."

His dad laughed then said, "With the way technology is going, the only certainty down the road might be taxes."

Jake laughed, too, then said, "Thanks, Dad."

"I hope that helped. Sometimes all you need to do is say out loud what you're thinking to someone else."

"Yeah. And in this case, that would be true."

"So...what did you decide?" his father asked.

"I'm gonna call her right now. Well, I'll be texting her, but same thing, right?"

"For your generation, maybe. If that works for you, give 'er a go."

Jake got up then said, "Dad? Are you really never going to try and find someone else?"

"For now, I've got you, your sister, that little ballerina of yours, and the best job a man could have. So for me, the thought of sharing all my quirks and whatnot with some new woman, and having to put up with hers, just doesn't seem very appealing to me."

Jake thought about replying but couldn't think of anything to say other than, "Maybe Morgan will come to her senses about dating some...kid...and this will be over before it starts."

"I don't know. I just read where Heidi Klum, who's 45, married some 'kid' who's 29."

"Wait. You read that kind of stuff?" Jake said, nearly stunned.

"That's one of the things I don't want to have tell any woman, okay?" his dad said with a laugh.

"Did you know Kate Beckinsale, who looks a lot like Morgan, by the way, is 'cavorting' with a 29-year old herself?" Jake asked, thinking he'd just one-upped his father.

"I uh, I kinda knew that, too," his father replied, wincing as he did.

Jake laughed a hearty laugh, shook his head, then said, "Your secret's safe with me, Dad."

"Goodnight, son. And best of luck."

"Thanks, Dad. And...I love you."

"Oh, geez. There you go ruinin' an otherwise really nice talk," his father snarled before winking at his son and saying, "Back atcha, Junior."

It wasn't that his dad was incapable of saying those three words. It was more that he was a man's man whose father never said them, either. And Kayla had only heard them a handful of times, so it wasn't a big deal. But Jake made it a point to tell Becca he loved her every day, and were he ever to find someone else to love, he'd tell her every day, too.

As Jake sat there trying to think of where to take Morgan he realized he didn't even know what to say. It had been so long since he'd had anything close to a relationship with a girl—or in this case—a woman...that he had no real idea where to even begin.

All he could do was be honest and say what was in his heart. The rest would be up to her. So with that in mind, he sat down and starting texting.

"Hi, Morgan. I wanted to let you know what a great time I had with you today and thank you for joining us. I was sitting trying to think of how long it's been since I had such a nice time, and I'm drawing a blank. So thank you for that.

As to getting together again, I know you said you're easy to please, but I'd like to do something we both enjoy."

He thought for a moment, smiled then decided to say, "I honestly think I'd enjoy anything you and I did together, but could you maybe let me know what interests you? I'd hate to take you skeet shooting only to find out you enjoy art galleries. Or that you are strongly opposed to guns of any kind."

Now feeling like he was starting to run all over the map, Jake finished with, "I guess I'm trying to say you really made an impression on me today, and if possible, I'd like to make one on you."

He reread it, didn't think he could improve on it without making it worse, and hit 'send'.

Morgan was on the phone with her daughter when her phone let her know she'd received a text.

"Oh, speaking of Jake, guess who just texted me?" she told Anna.

Her daughter laughed and couldn't resist saying, "Oh, gee. Could it be your BOY friend?"

Morgan laughed knowing it was all in good fun. Anna had been just as devastated when her father died as her mother was at the loss of her husband. She wasn't wealthy so there was no need to be concerned about some younger man worming his way into her life to take her money. Anna also knew what kind of experiences her mother had had dating men 'her own age'.

At 45, Morgan still looked beautiful. She had a body that matched her face, and her face was youthful looking. No, she didn't look 25 anymore, but virtually no one would guess her to be over 40 and many mistook her for a woman who was 35-ish. And it had happened enough that Anna knew it wasn't just people being polite. Her mom looked young, fit, and pretty, so to some degree, at least, she understood how she felt.

"I just look at most of the men who are single and 50-ish and find myself asking how this happened," her mom had tried explaining a few months earlier.

She obviously knew how it had 'happened'. People age with time. It was simple. What she really meant was, "How could I not have noticed the dramatic changes over time?"

The answer to that was she and her husband had grown older together, and because she'd never once looked at another man 'like that', it really caught her by surprise to learn that men who were 'her age', meaning from 45-50 or so, looked the way they looked. It was more an indictment on her than them, but she couldn't change how she felt. At least not yet, anyway.

Anna remembered laughing when her mom apologized for feeling that way as though she should be different than other people and be able to control every thought she had and change those that caused her concern.

"Mom. I get it," Anna had said. "You have to be at least moderately attracted to the other person. But that doesn't mean there aren't men out there your age you'll find attractive. You just have to keep looking."

The truth was, Morgan hadn't even been able to look for the first two years after losing her husband. She was 43 by the time she could look, and even then, her heart wasn't in it. It was really only the last 6-8 months that she'd started looking in earnest, and now she found herself wondering if being alone was really all that bad.

And then she'd met Jake.

"So...what's in the text?" Anna asked, as both of them thought about the things they'd shared about dating since her father passed away as they talked.

"Well, it's...very sweet," her mom answered. "He almost seems a little nervous, but I think that may be due to his not having dated much since Becca was born."

"Speaking of sweet, she sounds adorable!"

"Oh, my goodness. You have no idea. She is such a little doll!"

Morgan laughed then corrected herself.

"I meant to say 'ballerina'."

She'd told Anna about that, and her daughter had laughed.

"At that age, getting the term right is a really big deal, huh?" she told her mom.

"I suppose so, but the funny thing is, it made me really think about maybe dancing again."

There was a fairly long pause before Anna said, "Is that something you're seriously considering or are you just sort of thinking out loud?"

"I'm not sure, honey. But I'm going to track down Connie Martin, and if she still has the studio, I'm definitely go to go talk to her and maybe explore the idea."

"Is the idea for you dance or to maybe teach?"

"Oh, gosh. I couldn't possibly teach ballet. It's been so long, I'd have to be retaught myself. I'm sure it would come back pretty quickly, but I'd have to learn how to teach before I could risk trying it."

"Well, I think it's a wonderful idea, Mom. Just the exercise value alone would be fantastic, and it would be something for you to do, as well."

"I am going to have to find a job, you know. Even after selling the house in Spokane, it'll only buy a much smaller place anyway in King county. So while I won't have a mortgage, I will have to pay the bills."

"Now you're making me feel guilty for asking you to move out here," Anna replied.

"No. Not at all. I wanted to move back here. I've missed the green, and I really love the area. But the cost of living is so much higher than it is in eastern Washington. I wasn't complaining, I was just stating a fact."

"Well, I'm thrilled you're over here, and I can't wait until you find a place. Speaking of which...do you think you'll buy in the development you looked at today?"

"I'm giving it some very serious thought. Staying in a furnished apartment is very expensive, and that's money I'll never get back. So while I don't want to rush a decision, I do need to find a place. I took some brochures today, and I could easily afford their smallest floor plan which is 1,550 square feet. I might even be able to handle one a little larger. But yes, so far that's my favorite place."

"Okay, so...let me ask you this. Are you going to see this Jake guy again?" her daughter finally asked straight out.

"I think I am," Morgan told her. "Why? Do you think I'm making a mistake or maybe lost my mind?"

Anna laughed then said, "No. Neither one. You and Dad had a wonderful marriage, and that's something I want somewhere down the road. So as long as someone makes you happy, and assuming he's not a 'Dirty John', what else matters?"

The TV series, Dirty John, was all the rage. It explored the life of a master manipulator named John Meehan who married a wealthy woman named Debra Newell in Southern California. Meehan wasn't just manipulative, he was evil. He was a drug addict, a pathological liar, psychologically abusive, and according to every definition of the word—a true psychopath.

Morgan laughed again then reminded her daughter she didn't have that kind of money.

"No, but that doesn't mean you couldn't get hurt," Anna told her very carefully.

"True, but that's the case no matter who I date. Or who you date, for that matter."

Anna sighed then said, "I know, I know. Reality sucks, huh? I mean, you learn all these fairytale things growing up then, one by one, you find out that's not how the real world works."

Her mom smiled but didn't laugh as she replied.

"The good news is that you're learning hard truths the easy way. I pity those who have to find out how unfair life really is the hard way. Like Debra Newell."

"And on the pleasant note, I guess I'll let you go," Anna said, knowing her mom was, as usual, right about everything she said.

"I'll call you tomorrow then, okay?"

"Sounds good, Mom. Love you!"

"I love you, too, sweetie. Bye!"

As she hung up with her daughter, Morgan's heart fluttered as she reread Jake's text, and the fact that did confused her as she'd already decided he was going to be a friend but not a boyfriend.

Besides, she'd already decided to see him again, so it wasn't some strikingly new revelation. And now that Anna knew what she was doing and approved—or at least didn't strongly disapprove—she felt even more confidence in the decision she'd made. So why did this flutter thing happen?

In the end, Morgan decided it was nothing more than having an attractive man, age aside, interested in spending time with her. So whether they went out just one more time or maybe even a few times, she realized it wasn't a big deal the way it could be were he say...40 or so.

She thought about what to say then tapped out her reply.

"Hi, there! I'm so glad you texted me. I'm starting to like this new way of communicating!" she began.

"As to what I enjoy, I would be equally happy shooting skeet or walking around an art gallery. I'm as okay with McDonalds as I am with a swanky restaurant. In fact, I tend to prefer the less expensive things, so I really will be happy almost anywhere you take me.

Please just let me know in advance so I don't wear a cocktail dress to the skeet range or camouflage pants to the art gallery. Beyond that—you choose and I'll be happy to tag along!"

Satisfied with what she'd written, Morgan sent it and smiled again.

A few minutes later, she got a reply which made her smile yet again as she read it. Actually, she smiled all the way through.

"I was sitting here trying to envision you in camouflage pants, and I just can't see it. Kayla said you were not only beautiful but classy, and I have to agree with her. So while you might surprise me, I'm not buying the camouflage thing just yet."

There were smiley faces then more text.

"I haven't been to the Seattle Science Center since I went on a field trip back in the 5th grade. I'm not sure Becca's old enough to appreciate it, but I know she'd love spending time anywhere with me, and the truth is, I'd enjoy spending time anywhere with—you. So if that sounds okay, then my only full day off (normally, anyway) is Sunday. Will that work for you?"

Morgan was still smiling when she typed, "Yes. That sounds positively lovely. And I promise I won't wear camouflage—this time. And Jake? I wanted to tell you again I also had a really nice time today. Lastly, please tell Kayla 'thank you' for the compliment. I'm not sure I'm all that 'classy' (or beautiful), but it was very nice to hear."

She didn't set the phone down this time, and just seconds later, Jake's next reply came.

"I'll let her know, but I beg to differ. On both counts. I think those words are very fitting. Both of them. And you can wear anything you like as I have no doubt you'll look great in whatever it might be. I was thinking we could leave around 9:30 Sunday morning, get there a little after ten then look around until we get hungry enough to eat lunch. After that we can play it by ear. Sound good?"

"Yes. That sounds...perfect," Morgan typed. "Have a wonderful week, Jake!"

"You, too...beautiful," he replied seconds later.

"I really do like this texting thing," she said out loud to herself once she read his final reply, unaware she hadn't stopped smiling.

As she got ready for bed that night, in spite of everything she'd told herself, Morgan couldn't help wondering what it would be like were she to really fall for someone as young as Jake Wheeler. She knew it wasn't something she needed to worry about, but it was still interesting to contemplate. Of course, her contemplations never took into account disagreements, gaps in Jake's experience base when it came to things she lived through before he was born, or anything else couple's deal with that aren't always fun.

For now, she was content to see where this might go, enjoy whatever time they had together, and since that included the sweet little ballerina, it seemed like a reasonably pleasant thing to contemplate.

It was Tuesday before Morgan was able to track down the new location of her friend's dance studio, and that was because the name, as well as the location, had changed. It was now on the opposite end of town, and the name was nothing like what it had been called before. Lastly, Connie Martin was now Connie Gilmore, but Morgan did find her, and the two of them agreed to meet for lunch that afternoon at one o'clock.

The two women hadn't seen one another in close to 15 years, and the last time had been during a trip back to the Seattle area when Morgan's father passed away.

Morgan recognized her longtime friend immediately, and she wondered if Connie saw the same changes in her that she was seeing in her friend. Fifteen years ago the changes had seemed minimal, and maybe somehow, even better as they had matured into beautiful women by then. But now, Connie no longer looked young, and Morgan again felt guilty for even noticing such things.

"Morgan! Oh, my goodness! Look at you!" Connie squealed as they embraced just outside the restaurant where they'd agreed to meet. "You...you make me sick!"

As they pulled away from one another, Connie looked at her again and said, "That is just SO not fair!"

"You look great yourself!" Morgan said supportively. It wasn't exactly true, but Connie was still petite and quite likely still a very good dancer.

"The divorce took a heavy toll me," Connie said as they sat down. "And having three kids will do that to you, too."

Morgan was deeply saddened to learn her friend's former husband had had an affair. In fact, it was a series of affairs; the last one with a much-younger woman for whom he left his wife.

"But you're remarried now, so that's gotta be pretty great, right?" Morgan said.

Connie sighed then said, "It's...okay."

She was no longer smiling, and that made Morgan stop smiling, too.

"Oh. I...I'm sorry," Morgan said, not knowing what else to say.

"No. Don't be sorry. I mean, when you get married again and you're over 40, you can't expect Prince Charming, right?" Connie said as cheerfully as she could.

As they talked Morgan learned that her friend's second husband was someone with whom Connie felt comfortable. He was 49 years old, more than a few pounds overweight, his hair was thin, and worst of all, he wasn't what one would call 'attentive'.

Connie didn't need to be fawned over. She'd just wanted someone she could share her life with. Initially, that's how things with her new beau had seemed. But not long after they married, he stopped showing much interest in the things that were important to her, and their...love life...had deteriorated into once or twice a month, and even then, it wasn't exactly fulfilling. It was more...obligatory or maybe just going through the motions.