All Comments on 'Bang Baby Bang'

Proof read for grammar and typos. It will help to keep distractions away.

Great story, I can only suggest a proof reader to clean up mistakes. Can't wait to read more abuot their adventures

y not a second part.. and the way she suggested.. let her to some of his friends also... hi hi...

I loved it. Very well written.

But like the other says, get the text checked. Too many errors can spoil a story which in your case would be a shame.

Good luck with future exploits.

Very hot and erotic and having the mother want to be her son's slut is fantastic.

I would love to read how she will be able to keep both of the men in her life satisfied.

Will she confess to her husband that he has lost her to his son, who is now the master of her body now?

Hell, that might turn her husband on, getting second hand pussy that is all stretched out and full of his son's cum.

Thanks for the good fantasy.

I find it hard to believe that this was the author's first outing on the writing stage. The word pictures were set up vividly, the characters were coherently "drawn", the plot proceeded logically. If, and I said if, I had any criticism, it would be that the 8 pages length was just a tad long for what was trying to be expressed. 8 pages is very short for a novel but it 4x the average length of pieces here, which is about 2 pages.

I love this story.

It's perfect, slutty mother, lewd father and big size son. Rest the 4 inch high heel, hot lingerie and extravagance sex and whore mother it's perfect.

Insert in my best story. ;-)

but I did manage to read this story. Misspelled words and omitted words was also a turn off.

The story overall was good but the ending sucked.

Better luck next time.

There's a couple of mixed up words in places, and some stumbles, but for the most part, a great story. Keep writing.

(that's him from the Guillaume Tell Ouverture). You want to write, not just to speak your mind. And keep up the good work. Thrilling first encounter!

But I would suggest that next time you get your story checked.

I have read all the feedback and the overwhelming majority of you seemed to like the story, so I will continue. I have also listened to those critical of the work and enlisted the help of an Editor. GaleWillow has graciously agreed to edit my work and her first challenge was to go over the existing story you see before you. She has done an incredible job I must say. I will be submitting the new revised version shortly and continue from there. My future work will if I am lucky also be edited by GaleWillow.

Very lucky to be an editor for Syd. His work is absolutely brilliant! This is not a normal genre for me but I adore this story!

I have earmarked this story for my wife to read! You really hit my "hot" button with your story.

Keep writing.....please.

Great job :)

THAT IS THE BEST STORY i HAVE READ. lOVE THE BUILD UP. NOW WE NEED THE CONTINUATION . GET DAD INVOLVED AND MAYBE BRING IN THE GIRL FRIEND. MOSTLY KEEP IT HAPPY. BRYAN

that was an excellent story & thanks for writing it. hope there will be lots more of this soon

I enjoyed your labor on this one. I've read many, but this one was special! ....you have the "gift"

THANKS

I just came across your stories today and surprisingly they are pretty good for a writer who has only four stories to his name.....i can't understand what made you to stop writing.I hope you again satrt writing and do justice to your potential

Great story. I'm looking forward to the other chapters. Thanks for posting.

Extremely hot and well written story. It was great reading how mom and son went down the slippery slope together. Now heading to read the next chapter. Nice work and 5 stars! ^__^

man that was all most to hot I had trouble just getting through the for play if you know what I mean. LoL

When a slut finds her real MASTER it's such a beautiful thing! Let's have more stories as they move forward in their relationship. She needs to be pierced, ringed, tat'd and USED, USED, USED and A B U S E D!!!!! Michael might as well turn daddy into a true cuck and add him to the family fuck fest; maybe even turn him out as a cock sucking cum slut

This is a quite extra-ordinary piece of work, truly, truly breath-takingly good! I came across this by pure accident, I'm so glad that I did!

I can't wait to read more of this family fuck saga.

5 stars is not enough to award this fantastic work.

DAMN!!!!! That was so damn hot I have read all 4 parts wow I loved it..

I love the very slow build up of this story, looking forward to reading the rest of the chapters!

Loved it!! So fucking hot!

We loved reading this story

Melissa xx

If this is the beginning, i wonder what all is in store, and the thought of it makes me hard..

I like your descriptions of physical movement but you made me work too hard to stay with it by not breaking the action into smaller paragraphs. The words began to run together and I would lose interest.

Your story is hot; the sexual punch loses power when it is included in one big paragraph. Remember, the reader has to form a mental picture in order to become attached to the characters and their motivations. Breaking up different actions focuses the mind on those movements. The reader absorbs the mental picture then continues to the next stage of involvement.

Here is how I would break down the first few sentences of this paragraph near the beginning of Chapter 2:

[ "Oh god you are a horny devil." She wailed as dove face first into her sex, his face splitting her open and his tongue penetrating the folds of her sex. He roared and groaned loudly as his body shuddered. He ate her with a vengeance, sucking and licking her center. At first he stuck his tongue in her as deep as he could get licking and suck the remnants of their love. The he move up and found her clit poking out of its hood hard and proud. He began swirling his tongue in a clockwise motion around and over the hard nub of flesh.

Rachel's nerve endings went wild. Her hips thrust up into his face without so much as a thought or consideration from her; she was completely instinctual in that moment. She attempted grind his face into her body rubbing herself up and down his face from his chin to his forehead. He was covered with her juice and he loved it. Rachel's body began to spasm and shake, her orgasm beginning to take hold.

At that point Tony pulled his face out of her and replaced his tongue with his cock. He was a wild man. He grabbed and squeezed her breasts, twisting her nipples and then bringing his mouth down on each nipple which voraciously sucked and then bit. Soon his mouth came to hers. He grabbed her chin with his right hand placing two fingers in her mouth to hold her jaw open as he kissed and suck her tongue. They shared a powerful kiss and the taste and smell of pussy and semen permeated their senses. ]

Don't worry about making the story "too long" by breaking up your action this way. You don't have to place your story under 1 title. Find a natural break and place the next section in another file labeled "Bang Baby Bang, Chapter 2" etc.

Ask your editor his/her opinion of this approach. I think you could give the story a lot more heat this way.

Maybe Syd does need to polish this gem , tidy it up a bit . But i gotta say I didn't even notice . I have a low tolerance for spelling and grammatical errors , however the eroticism and lewdness of the story demanded my total attention . First class smut .

The Best I've read so far.

I agree on the paragraphs and spell/grammar check. I use Microsoft Word to write so that words are spelled correctly and verbs match. One thing I've found in my writing is to keep the sentences shorter than 15 words.

I try to keep my paragraphs 3 or 4 lines long. It teases and it is easier to read in a world dominated by 140 characters.

That way you build the mental picture that Mr. Anonymous wrote about earlier. If you want to be more prosaic then build independent clauses in the sentences and separate them by a semi-colon.

One of these days I will have enough nerve to publish here on Literotica. I have much to learn about character and dialogue development. But, Syd, great effort! Keep at it. It's encouraging to me. :) :x

If it was possible, I would score this story that well. So, yes, I really enjoyed it. You might want to use some more commas in order to prevent sentences, though. Looking forward to your future works.

"All your sex talk has made me hard again, lay down for your Master." "Besides, if I wear you out enough, you'll just be a dead fuck for dad," he laughed.

But please get an editor!!!!!!!! Your sex scenes make me horny because you write them so well! Can't wait to read the rest.....

OMG I came so intensely and re-read your sex scenes and came even harder. I love your story and your words and I must read more about Michael and his slut and his dad too! Most excellent story I have read!

Except for a disdain for punctuation (which I’m almost embarassed to bring up) this was written in a thoughtful and psychologically motivated style that lifts it above the usual fare here.

He needs to grow some balls I don't like how his mom reacted to the question about the butt plug and how he responded to her reaction.

Truly exceptional! Fucking hot!

Well written and believable. Hopefully, the son has more backbone than the father. Subconsciously, I believe the mother wants to be submissive and truly desires a dominant lover/pseudo husband. Looking forward to reading the remaining chapters.

Wonderfully hot 🔥

(11/15/2021) Well now, I've read quite a few Mommy stories that have been very romantic and erotic; but this was believably scary. I'd like to feel bad for the hubby, but if you're into humiliation then you're going to be humiliated. Be careful what you wish for because you may get it or in this case lose it. I've never understood why a man would want some other man doing his significant other. The act of eating out pussy with another man's load is, IMO quite nasty, and not in a good way. Why not cut out the middle woman and just suck the bull's dick. I hope mommy doesn’t turn into a gang bang slut and turn her baby boy into a sadistic loon and leaves hubby in some low rent apartment nursing a cheap bottle of whisky. I read your bio; I need to say that you need a proofreader. Punctuations are one thing but when you miss letters, words and use the wrong words it just takes away so much from the story. It’s frustrating to need to go back and reread sentences in a good story to figure out what an author meant to write, and this was a good well thought out story.

Need one where the Son says not to Mom ever fucking Dad again. After all this was all his idea. Let him reap the benefits of that request.

Please continue this story

You lost it with the degrading of the mother and using the term master and so forth I hope part 2 changes this and you don't degrade the mom and continue to destroy the bond between the mom and son cause no son would degrade his mom and a mom will not degrade herself it's a self respect thing that and your editor needs to a better job

Made Mom a disgusting slut at the end. Didn't really feel any romance or affection, just kind of a sad story.

hopefully he doesn't end up sharing her with friends

Mutually consensual incestuous love is probably the deepest, most sincere type of love possibe. Both partes are will to give up everything for each other. Hopefully, the son is mature enough to learn everything his mother has to teach him. Once he has learned, he can improve/strengthen his role as his mother's "husband", lover and in this story her master.

Not a bad story. But would have been better if the Son had said "No Dad or anyone else is ever allowed to even touch your again. Muck less fuck you. You are MY BITCH and ONLY MINE." After all that is what you built up in the story that mom wants is to be completely Dominated and controlled.