BDSM as a Practice (akin to Yoga)

Under the umbrella of BDSM there is something for everyone- there is no shortage of opportunity to explore, learn, and grow, if that's what you're into. Those who want to dip a toe into the pool might find a new favourite toy or fetish, while those who dive in may find identity and belonging that was previously elusive. New experiences will shape likes (and perhaps dislikes), and there is a vibrant and diverse community to learn from.

I have practiced BDSM for about six years. I use the word practiced intentionally, because I think of my BDSM journey as akin to a yoga practice. To me BDSM is a journey of discovery that could (and in my case likely will) last a lifetime. There is so much to explore- personal limits to push, new kinks (and partners!) to try, and a good amount of skill to build. BDSM is something that, for me, warrants investment- and pays dividends.

My main area of focus in BDSM is submission; I gain an immense amount of clarity and release from surrendering to my partner. Like yoga, within submission there are many areas to focus and develop. Someone practicing yoga may be working on breath practice, posture, or mastering a particular flow. They may be pushing themselves into trying yoga at different temperatures or in different locations, or maybe comparing restorative with more physically demanding approaches.

There are tons of different specializations or areas of focus in BDSM- there is an opportunity for anyone to learn a new skill, or further their own practice- from shibari to restraints to sadism to humiliation and beyond. Specific to submission, I have found endless opportunities for focus and development. Early in my practice, I focused a great deal on orgasm control. I worked with my partner to learn how to have multiple orgasms, and how to hold myself on the edge without falling over. From there, my focus changed to learning more about the relationship between pleasure and pain (that was a very interesting transition- I will post about it in the future). I worked to increase stamina and tolerance, partnering with a sadist to try various methods and approaches to pain.

In a similar vein, I have worked with various partners whose approaches to Domination differ. Incidentally I learned that different approaches to Domination provide me with different kinds of release. Much like the difference in Bikram, Hatha, and Restorative yoga sessions, I get very different things from specific approaches. Just as someone may go to different yoga classes to achieve their desired outcome, I tailor my BDSM sessions (and therefore sometimes partners) to my needs. For example, the Daddy Dom approach and a more formal protocol-oriented approach are both unique experiences for me as a sub. I find the gentle, caring approach of a Daddy Dom can help me get further in a pain session, whereas I prefer a protocol-heavy session if I am looking for a more push-pull dynamic.

A final similarity I will highlight is in the area of mindfulness. Yoga is a very mindful practice; focusing on breathing, being within your body, meditation- the list goes on. Submission achieves a very similar goal for me. It requires me to be fully present, and I have to constantly work to ground myself and remain aware of my mind and body. For example, in an impact play session I employ many of the same breathing techniques as I would in a yoga class to keep my mind clear and my body grounded- this helps me to absorb the impacts more effectively, and push further into my limits. The physical exertion of the pain coupled with the full occupation of the mind provides a release and a relief to me that I don't get anywhere else.

Currently, I don't find myself with a particular focus. I would say that I am maintaining my practice; I play with three Dominant partners regularly, dynamics that I have been in for years. Within each of those we have goals and continue to explore new things, but for me it is more of a situation/scene-specific conversation than an overall plight. I am interested in being photographed more, and have also begun to dabble in scenes with multiple partners- which is proving to be a lot of fun- more on that later. I am confident that my practice will continue to evolve throughout my lifetime, no doubt shaped by romantic relationships, life factors, priorities, and who knows what else. The beauty of BDSM is that it will always be there, waiting to bring your next dirty thought or impulse to life.

Namaste.