Be Mine

Donna remembered dozing off at some point, once she was in a bed, and waking up to feel her hand in his. The sight of her tiny pink fingertips laced through the gaps of the tanned, hairy bear paw made her smile. He had his eyes closed, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest indicating he too was resting, but that he wouldn't let her go.

The trouble started in December. Martin needed a hernia surgery and would be off work for a while. One afternoon, she bumped into Sharon out front and they chatted for a bit. Donna mentioned being happy for Martin to finally be getting hernia fixed. Sharon got upset and was lamenting that Martin would be laying around the house, just like her brother (who worked from home), her parents, Bob (who was retired) and that it would be nice if she didn't have to go to work every day. Donna felt rage for Martin, and after thinking about it for a while realized that the situation wasn't all that different from the one she was in with her mother. She wondered why Martin put up with Sharon's shit day in, day out and seemingly didn't let it eat him up. He got outside when he could, sang when he could and generally had learned to let it go. Donna envied him.

Not long after Martin's operation, Donna had her biggest kidney stone broken up. The next few days were the worst pain she had ever experienced. Martin was still off work post op and checked in with her every day to drop off food or ask if she needed anything. It came to a head one evening when she heard them arguing through the floor. Donna usually couldn't hear Martin's side of the disagreements because he kept his cool. This night, it was worse than most, and the front door slammed downstairs. She pulled the curtain aside and saw Martin heading down the front walk. The door opened again and Sharon yelled, "Go ahead walk away! Better yet, go crying to that tramp upstairs! She's the only fuckin one you pay attention to anyway!" before slamming the door hard enough to knock books off a shelf.

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Donna didn't notice her G&T was finished until she took a dry sip. She debated making another one. It was only seven ten on a Wednesday night. Tomorrow was work from home, so she would get an extra hour of sleep. She got up and went to the kitchen for a refill. While testing the potency of the drink, she spied the mail she had dropped on the dining table. Bank statement. Doctors Without Borders looking for money. Slip for a registered letter. Must be the rent renewal. She was already looking at places, trying to find something a little cheaper.

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The day she signed for this place she was a mess. Two days after hearing Sharon call her a tramp. On Tuesday, Valentine's Day, she saw three apartments. All of them were east side, closer to parents. She wanted to be around more for her Dad. If she was busy she wouldn't let the what ifs eat her from the inside. The first two were one bedrooms with comparable rents to what she was paying Sharon. Both were absolute dumps. This place was a two bedroom, but $400 dollars more a month and had a parking lot. Donna was just exhausted and signed, wanting the ordeal over.

She didn't see or hear Martin around much that week. She emailed Sharon to let her know that she would not be renewing the lease. She got a curt reply asking for the moving date as quick as possible as they would probably renovate the kitchen and bathroom to attract a couple willing to pay a bit more in rent. Bob later told Donna they did a good job and that she upped the rent by $350 to an even grand.

Martin did eventually return but things were much quieter downstairs. Donna kept busy with packing, as she wanted to be fully ready to go nice and early. Interactions with Martin were awkward after that. The easy flow of their conversations was gone, both holding back more unsaid than spoken. Martin did offer to help her move, or help setting up furniture. Whatever she needed. That was when he asked if Donna needed him to switch the showerhead. It made her smile, remembering back to the day after she moved in when Martin showed up at the door with his plumbing kit, awkward and apologizing about not knowing how short Donna was, and wanting to know if he could install the handheld shower head. She had noted at the time that he looked older than he was. He was wearing a tank top, and she found it odd that the stubble on his head was dark, but that his beard, his chest hair, even the thick hair on his shoulders and arms was white. He couldn't be fifty. Donna recalled his six foot two wide frame filling the narrow hallway back to the kitchen and bathroom. He was super sweet and reminded her three times that if she needed anything done or if something wasn't working, to just let him know.

Moving day had gone smooth. Martin was working that day, but he messaged Donna to wish her luck and to say that he and Bob would miss her immensely. Most of the summer Donna was in a daze as she wavered between hoping Martin wouldn't contact her again and checking her phone every couple of hours to see if he had. They were weekly check-ins, at first, then as Donna's responses got shorter, bi weekly. After Fritz passed away and the phone call, there were only a message at Christmas.

Donna had invited Bob to visit her during the holidays. When she enquired about the new neighbors and how everything was going at the building, Bob professed to be keeping to himself and keeping his head down. She wanted to ask about Martin, but checked herself. After dinner as Bob was getting ready to leave, he handed her two envelopes. One was a Christmas card from Bob. The other was a Holiday greeting card from Martin (obviously not signed by Sharon). Inside was a handwritten message 'Wishing you a Happy Holidays and a healthy and productive 2024. We all need to leave 2023 behind us. New Year, new goals Dodo. M'

Donna put her fingertips to her lips, willing herself not to cry. Bob put a hand on her upper arm and said, "He's a ghost Donna. It's like he's in mourning. Call him."

She did tear up now. "I can't Bob. I fucked this up so bad. What am I gonna say? Sorry for having a crush on you and causing so much trouble for you with your wife. Is she there now? Does she have any new nicknames for me?"

Bob sighed. "Maybe just try telling him you miss him as much as he misses you. You are both broken. Sometimes the best way to fix yourself is by helping to fix someone else." Bob hugged Donna and left for the forty-minute drive home.

When she avoided his call just before midnight on New Year's Eve and he didn't leave a voice mail, she cried, but knew this was the way it had to be. Pull the Band Aid off, and let the wounds dry out and get crusty. There were going to be scars anyway. That was six weeks ago. No contact since then. No messages, no texts, nothing. He didn't even seem to ever be on Messenger. Donna felt like she just had to get through another couple of months, another cleaning blitz or two and she would be ready to move on, as she hoped Martin had. She was even starting to think about getting another four-pawed familiar. Did she want to rescue another year-old, closer to adulthood? Or a kitten? A kitten would be fun, but also a lot of energy, a lot of sleep loss, woken up by things being knocked over...

Knock...knock...knock.

Donna looked at the door, not sure if the sound had been in her head or...

Knock... Knock.

She got up and walked to the door, double checking the deadbolt. The East side was always the cheapest place to live for a reason. The rest of the residents of the building were either sketchy, or ancient. It had to be a neighbor, the building door hadn't buzzed.

Donna swallowed the lump in her throat. "Yes?" She could feel her pulse where the lump had just been.

"Donna? It's me."

Martin. Shit! A dozen things went through her mind at the same time. 'Why is he here? Oh my God, I look like a wreck! Wtf am I wearing? How did he get in? Why would he show up today of all days? Do I smell like Vim?' Of all the thoughts that entered her mind, the most obvious one escaped her.

"Donna? Can I come in?" She dug underneath her scarf and jacket, found a zip up hoodie and pulled it on. She unlocked the door and opened it slowly, only looking up and making eye contact after crossing the front of her sweater and folding her arms over it. Jesus. She thought she looked bad. Martin looked tired. No, he looked weary, like someone who doesn't have a good relationship with sleep. His usually short beard had grown out, long but trimmed. It suited him, framed his tight smile perfectly.

As slightly shocked as she was at his appearance, the look in his eyes and the barely audible sigh, told her he didn't see the things she had in the mirror earlier. The way he looked at Donna made her glad she had covered up, feeling the heat of red flush creep up her chest and neck. She needed to break the hold his eyes held on her. Clearing her throat, she asked "So, am I right to assume that Bob will be missing at least one finger the next time I see him?"

Martin smirked. "Nope. He gave up your address pretty easily. Little bit of Kraken goes a long way."

Donna smiled. "Well you might as well come in," she said opening the door wider and motioning him through. He stopped to pick up a large gift bag from beside the door. Once he stepped through, he handed it to her, so he could take his Jacket and boots off. "What's this?"

"Well, part of it is a house warming gift, since this is my first time here," he said taking the bag back from her and reaching into the bag, and produced a beautifully blooming purple African violet. "And this is for Valentines Day. I, uh, figured instead of cut flowers it would last a lot longer and I made sure to get something cat safe, uh, in case..."

Donna looked up at him, shocked and frozen as he stood holding out the pot to her. He actually had to feign it being heavy for her to snap out of it and take the plant from him. "I'm sorry Martin, did you say Valentine's Day gift?"

"Uh, yeah, February fourteenth, today. Just like every year."

"Sorry. Yeah. I just haven't received anything for Valentine's Day since like, middle school. And that guy was so jacked on Clearasil he was unclear on the concept and handed out like twenty cards. He might as well of printed 'Will you please fuck me!' business cards."

They both laughed, but Martin continued, "Well that actually sounds like a genius idea, but if I tried that at fifty three I'm sure I would go on a watch list somewhere. The plant Lady and I have an understanding. I don't judge her for talking to the plants she doesn't make fun of me for trying to find a dwarf Lilac in February."

"Awww Martin, I love Lilacs."

"I know, but the smallest ones are still three and a half feet tall, I didn't know your sun situation..."

Donna took the plant through to the kitchen as Martin followed her. She set it on the counter for now and asked him if he would like some water, coffee or a drink? He said coffee sounded great and she filled the Keurig before finishing her second G&T. Blushing, she said "I had a couple of drinks tonight. Wasn't expecting company."

"I'm sorry if showing up here was a bit impulsive of me, but I really, really miss you a lot. I was getting the feeling an invitation might not have been coming."

Donna looked at her feet and chewed on her lip a bit. "You hadn't messaged in a while, so I thought maybe you were moving on."

"Moving on?" Martin stared at her in disbelief. "Just a sec. Have I done something...anything to offend you Donna? Because, I thought we were friends. Good friends. But in the almost eight months since you left, I realized that I had established contact first every time. I was beginning to feel like a stalker or some old creep infatuated with a woman ten years younger than him. I was waiting to see how long it would take you to reach out. Then Bob told me why you wouldn't."

Donna shook her head and flared her nostrils. "What did he tell you?"

"That you said you had a crush on me. Did you mean it?"

Donna buried her face in her hands, wishing she could disappear. 'Fuck it, this is happening,' she thought to herself. "Yeah I did mean it. And it was wrong. And it hurt. And it was the thing that just amplified the pain of everything else that happened in my shitty life over the last year! And I'm not over it. But showing up here with a Valentine's gift takes the cake!"

"Would you have taken my call? Or ghosted me like New Year's Eve?"

Donna lashed out in exasperation. She charged at him, tears falling now and poked his chest with her index finger. "YOU. ARE. SOMEBODY. ELSE'S. HUSBAND!"

He caught her by the wrist before the final poke. "Was," he said firmly.

Donna was shaking as she looked up into his eyes. "What?"

"Was somebody's husband. I was tired of being treated second class in my own life. I left Sharon the afternoon of New Year's Eve. That's why I called you. I was looking for somewhere to crash until I could get an apartment after the Holiday. I ended up in a hotel for three days. Bob helped me move the last of my stuff the other day. That's when I pumped him for your address."

Donna had the dazed look of someone who had just received a slap. "I...I..." she stammered as she tried to grasp what Martin had said.

Martin laughed. Almost doubling over.

"What's so funny?"

"I didn't know if you were going to finish that sentence or if you had turned into a pirate!"

Donna punched him on the arm. When he bent over in mock pain' she slipped her hands around his neck and pulled his lips to hers. It wasn't a movie first kiss. She was mashing her lips to his, banging her nose against his and trying to pull him down to her while he was wide eyed and protesting. When he got his balance and could pull away, he sputtered "Time out!"

Donna pulled back, all the surety of her actions a minute ago gone. She'd fucked up again. Martin pushed the hoodie back off her shoulders and reached for her waist, picking her up and setting her ass down on the counter with ease. "I'm an old man. I can't have you sending me to the chiropractor every time you want to make out."

As their lips met again, the nervous was dialed down, and they moved with more purpose. When he took her face in his hands and moved closer, standing between her thighs, she felt his arousal and she half moaned, half hummed into Martin's mouth. As she exhaled she let go of all the weight she had been carrying inside herself for the past two years. It was Valentine's Day. And she was making out with the man she loved. Not somebody else's man. Her man.

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"Is Bob gone?" Donna called out, moving boxes to get to the flat one against the wall.

"Yeah. Did he forget something?" Martin said as he entered what would be their master bedroom. Rental properties sold fast in this market, and his former home sold before Easter. He had sunk his share of the profits from the sale of the triplex into the down payment on an old war house from the 1950s. It was updated, had a backyard, but was small. Since it was just the two of them, it was perfect.

"Oh, he wouldn't forget this!" Donna was wearing the same ratty sweat pants and almost see through t-shirt she had been wearing on Valentine's Day, but she had her hands up one sleeve pulling her bra off. Martin walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, offering to help smooth down her hiked up t-shirt front. He kissed her on the spot where her neck, jaw and ear occupied a small space. "You found it!"

"Mm-hmm. I want this to go up first. I've been waiting for five months." She pulled open the box and slid the frame out. Donna had refused to put it up in that apartment. It's walls weren't deserving. The previous owner had conveniently left a screw in an anchor centered on the wall here. Donna hung the wooden frame and admired the painting. It was a painting of a Tarot card, with Strength written across the bottom depicting a ravishing, raven-haired Greek beauty in a toga holding a lion in a headlock. Strength was the card traditionally associated with Leo, her astrological sign.

"It's perfect. Like you," Martin whispered into her ear.

"It is," Donna said, leaning her head back onto Martin's chest and noticing the way the afternoon sun lit up the wall. "And it's staying here. I'm not moving again for a while."