Beautiful Gifts, Small Packages Ch. 07

"Yeah maybe," he muttered, while looking down at his shoes.

My blood went cold. Had I totally fucked everything up? Had I been reading things wrong this whole time? Maybe he didn't like having to make me orgasm? Maybe he regretted everything that happened or maybe I said the wrong thing?

I reached for his hands and clutched them tightly in mine. "Are we okay?" I asked, all my anxieties front and present once more.

Thomas pulled me in for a kiss and when he pulled back, he was smiling shyly. "Yeah we're good. Hopefully this worked and you're not as worried?" He asked, sounding sort of nervous again. I nodded and he smiled once more. This time he actually looked happy. "I'm glad I made you cum. You deserve to feel good."

"So.. dinner?" I asked again, still concerned.

"Sure," he agreed, kissing me once more before pulling away to leave.

As he walked away, I couldn't help the unease that settled in the pit of my stomach.

*******

Thomas's Pov:

I was avoiding Riley.

Ever since I'd gotten down on my knees for him I'd felt a mixture of shy, uncomfortable, ashamed, and oh so tempted. I hadn't fucked around with a Dom in a while and I hadn't dated one in even longer. Not that Riley was a Dom exactly... but he could be if he tried.

Riley was surprisingly good at making my brain melt and I really hadn't expected it, given all the hang ups he normally had around the bedroom. I mean, yes, I had been given a taste of how he could be at the Halloween party when he took control of our kiss. However, he hadn't acted aggressively again, so I thought it was just a sort of in the moment thing. Now I knew there was more to it and I didn't know how to feel about that.

The problem was, being handcuffed had seriously fucked with my head. Honestly, I really didn't think Riley saw handcuffing me as asking me to submit to him, not at first anyways, but I definitely did and I dived in like an idiot. I began to see myself as Riley's little sex toy who would give him anything and everything, spoiling him and protecting him to the fullest extent, just because I liked him happy, safe and satisfied. I also wanted him to control me and if I was being honest, he was right. I did always need his attention and I'd give him anything to get it. To me, the role I took felt natural and I hoped for more.

The best part of my submission was when I served his cute, little dick. I'd dropped in and out of subspace the entire time! Which, wasn't exactly common for me. Usually, I needed to be drunk, high or both while playing to get that feeling but this time all I'd needed was Riley's adorable cock. The moment between us hadn't even lasted more than twenty minutes but I already missed the disconnected, dreamy high that I'd gotten from it. Experiencing subspace was a weakness of mine. It was easily addicting. It was also one of the reasons a couple of bad Dom's had gotten away with abusing their power over me in the past.

The worst Dom I ever had, also happened to be the only one I ever dated long term. He'd hurt me and taken advantage of me and my boundaries often while I was subdued and that ended up killing the romance. I often wondered if that relationship would have turned out better, had I never played with the idea of submission but I knew that wasn't the real reason for its failure. However, what if I told Riley how deep this could go for me and it fucked our whole relationship? A small part of me was scared that Riley would become just like him. My ex, Fred, had nearly destroyed all of my self-esteem with one cruel act so I knew how dangerous it could be to fully include power exchange to a dating relationship.

The thing that scared me the most was that Riley would end up losing respect for me if I turned into his obedient little bitch. Right now I was his hero and he couldn't believe I liked him. He had me on this high pedestal and I knew submitting to dirtier things.. debasing myself at his feet..might shatter his image of me. If he realized how whipped I really was, maybe he would seek out someone else to date instead, or even in front of me, while I remained his pathetic, little plaything. It had happened before. It was soul a crushing experience and yet I could see myself repeating past mistakes, if that's how Riley wanted to play this. He had so much more power than he knew. We had barely even scratched the surface.

My fear was irrational, I knew that. My boyfriend was kind, sweet and sensitive. Even my mom had said that she liked him and she rarely liked anyone I dated, whether she met them or not. I was already in love with him and occasionally even prayed that we'd have a long future together. I think that made me even more afraid but I tried to be reasonable. If Riley was like the other three, I'd probably be hiding in my room feeling miserable and small right about now but I didn't feel miserable.. no. What I felt was the desire for more and more. I had just a taste of new possibilities and I was already loosing my shit but the vulnerability that it took to get what I wanted scared the crap out of me. So, when I realized how easy it was for me to fall to my knees, without so much as a conversation about limits and rules, I'd freaked out and forced myself to create some space between us, even though it killed me. I genuinely hated being away from Riley but I wasn't ready to face him either.

I groaned as my phone buzzed again. I knew it was either Riley or Heather. After my house meeting I'd blown her off again and then told Riley I was still out with Heather when he asked. In reality, I was going back and forth between writing a list of limits, in case Riley wanted to take things further, and having mini panic attacks over even acknowledging that this could be a part of our relationship. The next few days were busy, what with the new semester starting and all and that made it easy for me to come up with excuses for why we couldn't get together.

I glanced at my phone and read the message.

Heather: Do I have to kidnap you?

I grinned a little.

Me: Nah. I'm good.

Heather: Good, let's hang out

I sighed, knowing she would just show up and have half my brothers help her drag me out if she had to.

Me: When and where

Heather: Now. I'm at mom's but she won't mind. She misses her "extra" son

Me: Fine.. I guess I can make an appearance. I'll see you in thirty.

*******

I got to Heather's in record time and her mom was the first to greet me. She told me that Heather had decided to hop in the shower at the last minute and then asked if would I like something to eat, to which I whole heartedly accepted, as always. Mrs. Franklin is like another mother to me. It makes sense since she's close friends with my mom, leading Heather and I to grow up as close as siblings. The best part about visiting the Franklin's was the fact that that it always smelled like cookies, and for good reason. Ever since I was a little kid Mrs. Franklin made cookies every time I came over because my mom would only allow my siblings and I to have veggies for snacks. Today was no exception. I smiled warmly as she offered me both chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin cookies with a tall glass of milk and sat at the table to talk about how I was doing in school and such. She gushed happily when I told her I had a new boyfriend and said she'd love to meet him the next time they had a neighborhood bbq, which I loved, because that meant she was expecting for the relationship to last, at least through the summer.

Finally Heather came down to steal the rest of my cookies and Mrs. Franklin only laughed at us both when I complained. We sat at the table a little longer, playing cards and talking about anything and everything until Mrs. Franklin decided she needed to start dinner, leaving Heather and I alone to talk about my mental crisis.

*******

"So, what I'm hearing is that you had some wildly hot sex with your adorable new boyfriend and you're.. upset?" Heather ask incredulously before taking a sip of her piping hot tea. "Do go on and complain more about your problems Thomas. It's not like your dream guy is finally in your life or anything."

I blushed a little and rolled my eyes. "Ok.. you can't just say things like that. Riley and I have only been dating for a month-"

"And you've been half in love with him since you laid eyes on him at the coffee shop and fell even more from there," she quipped before taking another sip of tea.

"You know, this isn't exactly what I came to talk to you about," I mumbled.

She sighed, "I know Tom.. and I am listening, I promise. I'm just trying to remind you that you finally got the guy you've been wanting since the school year started and it sounds to me like you're already trying to sabotage it. Which is crazy because I can see how much you care about him. And, I'd like to put my own two sense in to say that I don't feel like dealing with your miserable ass if you fuck this up. You were insufferable when Riley wasn't talking to you and it wasn't that long ago. Like, what the hell are you even doing, avoiding him like this? It's childish."

"Some friend you are," I sniffed, glaring a little while she smiled at me.

"I'm trying to be a good friend," she protested. "Ever since freshman year you've done this babe. You find someone you like, usually an aggressive Dom that loves to slap you around. You try to get serious with them and then you get triggered and fuck it up before it can turn into anything longer than a month long relationship, even if you're starting to develop deep feelings for them.

In the past, I sort of always let things run their course. I mean, you barely listen to me anyways. But Riley is different. You didn't start crushing on him because he could make you feel small. You just wanted to know him and now it sorta sounds like he's both parts of what you always say that you want. That boy is so into you that I'm surprised it took as long as it did for you two to get together. I mean, I was literally getting nauseous from the way you both would stare at each other when you thought the other wasn't looking. Now you're telling me he might have the same kinks as you.. sounds like a positive to me. I think it's time to fully let yourself heal so you can be happy. I know that's what you really want and I think that Riley is a safe person to be yourself with."

"But what about my ex-"

"Are you seriously going to compare timid, sweet, little Riley to Fred?"

I scowled a little. "I'd rather you just call him my ex, considering what we're talking about."

She shook her head a little in disbelief, "I think you're psyching yourself out. Riley is nothing like him and you know that. You need to stop comparing people babe. It's not healthy. Riley is his own person and you should let things play out, like you want him to do for you. Besides, you don't even know what kind of Dom he would be or if that's what he wants to be. You haven't even talked about it! You should. It would probably help you more than hiding would."

I gave her a noncommittal shrug even though I knew she was right.

She sighed, sounding annoyed with me. "So, he told me not to tell but Riley called me you about you earlier today. He's really worried but since you won't make time for him," she glared at me for that. "He asked me if I knew how you were. Since, apparently, you and I have been hanging out a lot these last few days." Her glare became even more menacing.

I winced. "What did you say?" I asked, feeling like a shit boyfriend.

"That I was seeing you later today and I'd get back to him. But I think we'd both like it a lot more if you got back to him instead."

I sighed, "What if.. what if your wrong? What if things get really bad again? You know how lost I can get when the lines are blurred like this and I already have feelings for Riley.. maybe I should just tell him I didn't like it and we should be more of a vanilla couple."

Even as I said the words I knew I wouldn't even attempt to pull things back. No. When I saw Riley again I'd probably ask for more. Beg even, if he made me. I was already that gone for it. The only complication was my heart being involved. I didn't want to go to a dark place again but I also sort of loved that submission was even a possibility, with someone like Riley, at the same time.

"I can't answer the "what if's" but that's life Thomas. All you can do is make a choice and see how it plays out but I think talking about it with your actual boyfriend is the right way to go. He really seems to care about you and blowing him off is sort of mean. I get it, trust me, but it's still mean. And so is blowing off your best friend but I digress."

I grimaced. "Sorry. I've been trying to get my head together but I think that's been making my anxiety over the whole thing even worse. And with Riley.. I'm just really nervous in an excited kind of way but also extremely apprehensive. I guess I never expected to have this come up in our relationship.. he seemed so soft and vulnerable and... naturally like a bottom. I was okay with that. I haven't dated a bottom since high school. It was really nice but a little boring and that was fine with me. Now I know Riley's got a lot more fire in him than I gave him credit for and I don't know how to talk to him about it, even though I love it. Part of me has been dying to throw myself at his feet for whatever whim he has.. that scares me. The fact that I don't think I can just ease into this with him scares me. I already want to abandon common sense and it's even worse, in a good way, with feelings being involved. Before I fell in love as everything happened but now.. it's sorta the opposite and I don't want to lose someone I love over something I like." Just then my phone buzzed. "Speak of the devil," I muttered as I read the text message.

Riley: Come over baby. It's been days and Scott's out right now. I miss you.

I felt a little warm as I read the text. It wasn't an order. Not really.. but in my head it was and fuck did that make me hard for him.

"I need to go," I informed Heather as I bit my lip and read the message again before replying with a simple, "ok" even though I was tempted to write "yes sir". That would have to wait. I really needed to talk this out first.

"I hate that I know what that face means," Heather grumbled, causing me to look up from my phone.

I quickly composed myself, "What face?"

"The one that basically announces shenanigans are about to go down."

I felt myself blush, "I'm just going to go talk Riley, like you suggested," I protested.

"Mmhmm," she replied as she took another sip of tea.

I rolled my eyes, "Whatever, tell 'mom too' bye for me, okay?" I asked as I pulled on my coat and took out my keys.

"Sure thing," she answered with a thumbs up and I nodded in acknowledgment as I practically raced out the front door.

*******

I tried to be quick about getting to back to Riley but I had a few things to do first. Heather was right, it was kind of mean to not see my boyfriend for days after what had happened. I'd probably stressed him out and I wanted to make up for it. So, I stopped by a grocery store near campus and picked out a bouquet of pink roses and wrote a little apology note to go with it. Then I stopped by the house to change into a nice pair of dark wash jeans and a black button up shirt, leaving a few buttons undone to show off my chest. I knew how much Riley liked when I did that for he never could take his eyes off the little spot of exposed skin. I also grabbed the list I'd been working on for him to read. I was still a bundle of nervous energy and would have preferred to walk to Riley's dorm but I didn't want Scott to return before me and I had already taken long enough. Driving would be much faster.

*******

I arrived in front of Riley's door in a matter of minutes and, after knocking a few times, I heard the room grow a little quieter before the door unlocked and swung open. My tiny boyfriend stood in the doorway looking rather disheveled with his shirt partially tucked into his pants, of which the waistband was crooked, his cheeks were pink and he was slightly out of breath.

"Oh it's you," he said, looking genuinely surprised.

I frowned, "You told me to come over."

"Yeah, an hour ago. I thought you blew me off again.. like with dinner." Riley sounded a little angry about this and, had I talked to him earlier, I would have used this situation as a reason for him to punish me but.. we weren't there yet.

"I'm really sorry Ry. I know I've been an ass but let me make it up to you. Are you hungry? We could do dinner now," I offered, wanting to please him.

"I.. guess," he said hesitantly, still not allowing me to enter the room.

"Can I come in.. I feel kinda silly standing in the hallway like this."

"Oh.. um.. sure," Riley answered, slowly opening the door.

Now.. I'll admit my heart was racing a little. I'd fucked of and then come back to find my boyfriend acting sort of suspicious and disheveled but when the door opened, no one else was in the room. Of course there wasn't. My brain was just playing tricks on me because of everything else going on.

"Let me just-" Riley started as he darted to the bed to grab his laptop and a few wadded tissues.

"Oh," I smirked, now I saw what was going on and that he was probably embarrassed for getting caught. "Did you finish?" I asked, nodding towards the laptop. I smiled, watching the pink flush on my adorable boyfriend's cheeks deepen as he nodded his head.

"Eventually," he muttered with a cough. "No don't-" Riley protested as I grabbed the laptop, curious to see what turned him on and was surprised by the image of a small twink on a leash for a much bigger guy before Riley yanked the laptop out of my hands, halfway closing it and putting it on the dresser instead.

O...kay? I thought-

"Real nice how you don't see me for days, then you take my things from me the moment you do and you haven't even kissed me yet," he scowled, folding his arms across his chest.

I quickly pecked his lips and offered him the flowers, "I'm sorry babe. Really. I was serious when I said I wanted to make it up to you. What would you like?"

Riley blushed again but this time he smiled. "They're beautiful," he told me as he held the roses close enough to smell. "So.. you're not mad at me?" He asked, ignoring my other question.

"Mad at you? No! Ry, I was never mad.. I was.. um.. the handcuff thing sorta messed with my head," I finally admitted.

He nodded thoughtfully, "Yeah.. I guessed maybe it caused a problem. I thought for a minute that maybe you were more on the submissive side but boy was I wrong. I probably sounded like an idiot to you last time huh?" He opened his laptop to fully show me the image, looking disappointed as he did so. "Is this what you really want?" He asked, cringing a little. "I know you said you've tried a lot of things before and I took a stab in the dark. I know this is more.. expected.. especially because my cock is so... um.. so, I could try-"

"I want to be the one wearing a leash," I interrupted before I chickened out. "You.. uh.. had it right before and I definitely did not think you sounded like an idiot.. you were so hot."

His eyes widened in surprise. "So.. does that mean you actually want to do more things like that in the future?" He asked, as if he thought I was fucking with him.

"Yes Sir," I whispered, finally dropping down to my knees like I'd been wanting to do since I arrived. "I really am sorry Sir. Do you want to punish me?" I asked as I leaned forward to kiss his feet in apology.

Riley stiffened for a moment, "Hey.. I think we should talk first baby," he told me as he softly raked his fingers through my hair, before tightening his grip to stop me. "I'm a little confused as to what's going on and I don't want you to disappear on me again."