Becoming A Girl! But At A Cost! Ch. 01

[Story features: Transgender, Gender bender, demon, non-con, No sexual content in part 1.]

Today was a good day so far. It was around noon and me and Mike hadn't had to do anything really difficult today. I was idly making sure all of the needles and equipment were in the right place and sanitized. I had no idea what Mike was up to but probably working on a piece of art for a customer later in the day or week if I had to guess.

"Hey Garett, come over here for a second."

Mike was calling me. We didn't have a customer and it had been a pretty slow day, so I could already feel part of my stomach tightening up. I really hoped we weren't going to have that talk again.

"We're gonna have that talk again."

"Come on Mike!"

"Garett, your apprenticeship is almost over and I'll hire you on full time, you know that. You've got the skills. But a tattoo artist without any tattoos is suspicious as hell. It'll be hard to deal with that. Customers will leave, people will get more pissed at you, etc etc."

I shuffled my feet. I always found it hard to look Mike in the eyes when he made those kind of points.

"I'm just, thinking about it Mike."

"You've been thinking about it and if you look at me and say you don't want any tattoos, end of story. But you keep just putting it off. I doubt it's pain and I don't take you for a fear of needles. You could just be indecisive about it but we both know tattoos aren't fully permanent, just expensive to remove. So, here's the talk again. Make a decision. If you want to go untatted, go for it, but you need to really think about how hard that's going to make your job."

I grimaced. I knew Mike was right. These past two years hadn't been all sunshine and rainbows. More than a few people had seen me and not been too happy until they realized I was just the apprentice and mostly going to watch and learn. I wouldn't have blamed Mike if he said it'd be too much of a hassle and just let me go but he was willing to stick with me. It wasn't that I had anything against getting a tattoo per se, it just...

It just would make me look, I don't know, farther away I guess? I don't know from what, I couldn't describe it, but it made me really not want to get a tattoo myself.

"Well Garett, there we go. Talk had. And we'll probably have it again later till you decide to wait, do it, not do it, or run out the clock and end up being hit over the head with the consequences with no preparation. Now, it's noon. Let's go get some food."

Glad that was over. And Mike had waited for lunch for it too, which he usually did. Mike was a pretty alright guy all in all. I had always had a passion for art but being a tattoo artist has always been amazing to me. You pick up a tool and just, change people, permanently forever. Sure, there were ways to remove tattoos but it's not like most people could afford those or would go out of their way for it. The idea was just amazing to me, to alter people in the ways they wanted, trying your best to meet their vision. Seeing them leave, a smile on their face as their body was now a literal work of art. It was my passion and my career. Which always made the talk hard for me. Mike was just looking out for me but being told that because I didn't want to do something my career and passion would suffer was, hard. Really hard to hear.

We went to a nice Mexican restaurant like we normally did and ordered some burritos. Mike had worn me down over the years to the point I almost didn't even offer to pay. He always covered both our meals. It had been long enough that it had worn into a groove.

"I can pay."

"Nope."

And that was that. I always got the same thing, which was a light meal. I had to watch my figure after all, didn't want to get too fat or bulk up or anything. So it was mostly a salad and some nachos.

We sat down and I was midway through eating my salad when Mike spoke up.

"Hey Garett, tell me about that story you're writing."

'Humph?' I swallowed my mouthful of lettuce.

"My story?"

"Yeah kid, tell me about it."

Didn't much care for being called kid but I was 23 and Mike was like 40 something so I always let it go.

"Well in the most recent chapter Bellamy was dealing with the marriage to the prince. She was against it but the prince wanted her and it was spiraling into a whole political situation. Alliances, betrayals, that sort of thing. And she's still hiding her biggest secret from them all and is worried that she'll have to reveal it in order to resist the prince's advances."

"That she use to be a guy right?"

Mike said that a bit weird but I guess the idea was a bit weird.

"Well yeah."

Mike looked at me for a second and then went back to eating his burrito quietly. Bit weird, Mike doesn't usually have that much interest in my stories. I couldn't even tell him about half a dozen events because he had no patience learning about the different factions and ties and stuff. It was a good story that I was making. I wasn't much of a writer in my opinion but I could draw and it was becoming a decent webcomic. After I finished it I could probably go back and redraw it, maybe even change the story a little bit, make it a more official thing.

These were the thoughts filling my head, thinking about how I'd do that and when I would actually end the story, and how, when Mike spoke up again.

"Hey, kid. Gender change, that reminds me of all that trans stuff."

My entire body went a bit rigid. Mike was old school and you never knew if you were dealing with a 'racist grampa' type of situation. If he came out hating trans people... I had no idea what I was going to do. I was a big supporter and involved in the community, not that I was trans myself. I mean I had thought about being a girl but, what guy didn't? Wearing outfits and being treated like a woman, that was something everyone did.

"Yeah?"

"I don't know much about it. Isn't really part of my world. Know anything about all that?"

I smiled. This was probably the best case scenario. I spent the entire rest of lunch telling Mike all about transgender stuff and what it meant and explaining as much as I could to him. He listened quietly and asked questions when he didn't understand something. It was honestly a pretty great lunch.

Eventually we were done and both headed back to the shop. We still had half a day left and we'd probably get at least a few walk-ins. Along the way, Mike pulled me back to the conversation we had been having.

"Thanks Garett, always better to talk to people than just read whatever the internet throws at you these days. Mind explaining more later? Still don't think I get what 'non-binary' means."

"Sure! I'd love to talk about it."

It was a slow day afterwards with only a few customers but that was fine. Being a tattoo artist really is the perfect job because if you're not working with someone, you have a perfect excuse to work on your art. I spent the time in between actually working sketching out the next few pages of my comic. I was still thinking about how I wanted the ending to go. I didn't really want the main character to end up with the prince, he was kind of an asshole, but some sort of romance would be nice.

"Closing time Garett. Come on, time to clean up."

"Sure thing Mike. One second."

I didn't always think about it but it was interesting that Mike was mostly solo. He didn't have any employees and his business was slow at that. I didn't realize how he even managed to support himself at first but while tattoos aren't that expensive, some people really go crazy with the amount of them. Arm sleeves aren't uncommon and I once saw a man walk in and ask for half his chest, his arm, and both entire legs to be tattooed. That whole process took a lot of sessions over months and was in the 10k+ price range. Mike did alright for himself.

On my walk home I spent some time browsing TikTok and the internet in general. Lots of fun cosplay outfits on my main feed. Some guys could really look feminine. Getting some female clothing and doing cosplay would be fun. It'd be pretty funny to see myself in a skirt, haha.

When I got home from a pretty easy day of work, I immediately did the harder thing, which was sit down and work on the comic. Making stuff took time and drawing and coloring high quality art takes a lot of hours. Getting better, I sadly figured out, doesn't actually make you much faster. Just what you can do in that time better.

I decided to go ahead and give Bellamy a new outfit. Change things up a little bit. People don't wear the same clothes every day usually after all. A nice dress, maybe a skirt, would look good on them. I ate, I played some games, I managed to finish up a new page of the comic, and finally went to bed.

Life was good, if a tad slow. But it was one of those calm periods. Soon my apprenticeship would end, my comic would start new arcs, my friends would have drama, etc etc. That's just how life was, at least for me. Calm, and then hectic as hell.

"Morning Garett."

Mike looked especially tired today for some reason.

"Hey Mike. How's it going? We got anything interesting lined up for today?"

"Nah. Same people coming in that said they would. Might have a walk in but you know that. And I'm doing the same as always. Hey, what's the name of your comic again?"

"My comic? The False Princess, why?"

"Right. I was trying to find it last night and couldn't remember the name."

Well, that was, weird. Mike hadn't ever seemed interested in my comic much before. But hey, if he wants to read about it, that's great. Mike may be nearly twice my age but it feels great to have your mentor check out your work. He might even have some advice or ideas on my artwork.

"Thanks. If you do decide to check it out I hope you like the art."

And with that the day started. It was fairly boring. Not everyone wants massive or crazy tattoos, most people want small and delicate things more often than not. A bluebird on a wrist, some puzzle pieces on an arm, a balloon, someone's name, etc. It just sucked that today seemed to be nothing but those things. I always liked the bigger changes myself.

We went to the same Mexican place from before, saying hi to the crew. We came by damn near every day so they knew us by now. Almost immediately when we sat down Mike started asking more questions about Gender and that sort of stuff. He wasn't joking when he said he really didn't understand what Non-binary was at all.

"I thought cis was some kinda, weird slur or something? Heard it a few times but never in a good way."

"No no, well, I mean I could see how some people might try and use it like one but actually..."

It was a nice lunch, up until near the end when we were cleaning up and heading back out.

"Garett, question for you."

"Sure Mike."

"You ever thought about changing genders like your main character?"

I felt like I had been slapped for some reason. That question had come out of nowhere. It felt kinda weird to talk about with Mike but he was clearly more curious of a person than I had ever given him credit for.

"Uh, I mean, kinda? But, everyone does that right? Think about what it would be like to be female?"

Mike was quiet for a few seconds.

"I'm sure lots of people think about it."

"Yeah, exactly!"

That felt, good. I don't know why but I had felt nervous for some reason. Like Mike might, I don't know, get hostile or something? It wasn't common but some people at first had really hated my comic because of the genderbending so maybe that was why...

Things slowed to a crawl but that was expected. People always liked to get tattoos early in the day, at least at Mike's shop for some reason. I was browsing on my phone when Mike came up from behind me.

"Hey Garett, I'm-"

I looked back up at him. He was looking at my phone.

"Is that a guy?"

I blinked and looked back. I had been browsing randomly and was currently looking at more cosplay. It was an expensive hobby I hadn't had the chance to get into yet but the more I looked the more amusing it seemed if I actually dressed up. On my screen currently was a guy cosplaying as Aqua from Konosuba.

"Uh, yeah. It's uh, cosplay. People like to dress up as characters from shows and stuff."

He looked at me like I was stupid.

"I run a tattoo shop, you've seen me make anime characters, I know what cosplay is."

Right, stupid. I was just feeling really nervous. No one likes someone to see what they're browsing.

"Just surprised it was a guy. I could barely tell. You thinking of getting into cosplay or just a fan of it?"

"I've been considering it but I don't quite make enough as an apprentice for some of the more expensive stuff."

"What characters you been thinking of? I may not watch the shows but we get enough fans in here that I might know the characters."

"Oh, well, I hadn't really thought of specific characters. I guess, uh, 2B from Nier Automata if you know that game? That one would be pretty funny."

Mike scrunched up and thought for a second. He was older and not as plugged in with the world but he wasn't a dead fossil. I watched as the realization came across his face and he blinked a little.

"The female robot?"

"Yeah! That's the one."

"With the female clothing?"

"Well, uh, yeah? It'd be funny, you know?"

"Funny?"

This conversation was starting to feel a bit weird. I didn't usually talk about these kind of hobbies or interests. I mean, of course it's funny.

"I mean, yeah. A guy in female clothes, that's pretty funny."

"I know I'm old but laughing at what people like to wear seems pretty rude."

"What? No, no! Not funny like, that. More just, amusing? Wait, no. Uh, I'm really not explaining it well."

I felt like I was panicking a little. I had no idea how to explain what I meant and looking back I could see how I could sound like an asshole to people.

"It's all good, I think I get it. Funny like if you just randomly became female for a day right?"

"Yeah! Exactly like that!"

Mike seemed to mulling my answer over for some reason while I was just inwardly relieved I wasn't coming across as some kind of dick.

"Anyway, about what I was coming over here to say. I'm gonna be in the back doing some finance reports and..."

A slow day but finally, it was time to close. I liked working with Mike and I'd like working with him after my apprenticeship and was hired on full time. He gave me a hell of a chance and he was a pretty good teacher and friend by this point. It was a spring day, closing at five PM and normally I'd walk home while he'd get into his car and drive home.

"Bye Mike, have a good night!"

"Hold on a minute Garett."

I turned around, wondering what Mike needed. My stomach clenched a little, hoping this wasn't another talk about getting a tattoo already. It hadn't even been two full days yet.

"Yeah?"

He looked, hesitant. He didn't say anything, just stood there for a while. I was starting to get worried. Whatever he wanted to talk about didn't seem like the normal kind of stuff.

"Look, you know I'm a blunt guy. And I got no problems with anyone that doesn't cause problems with me. So I figure I'll just go ahead and ask."

"Uhhh, sure?"

"Are you trans Garett?"

My mouth was hanging open, speechless. Where on earth did Mike get that idea from? I knew we had been talking about it a lot but, why would he think I'm trans? How on earth did he get that impression?

"W-What? No! I'm a guy. I'm not a woman in a man's body."

"Are you sure?"

My stomach felt like it fell out of me.

"O-of course I'm sure! How would I not be sure of that?! I'm a guy, a man. I, this is weird, I'm going home. See you on Monday Mike."

Mike just watched me go but he said one final thing as I started walking away.

"It's okay if you are Garett! I don't got no problems with it!"

I started walking away faster.

I didn't even pay attention to my walk, just speed walking in a general haze of confusion.

'Are you sure?'

Of course I was! I had been a guy all my life. I just, everyone thinks about being female! That's normal! It's completely different than anything you'd normally experience and you meet people of the other gender all of the time. Who wouldn't think about it? It's something everyone does. Like, like, I don't know! Like getting superpowers or something, everyone thinks about it.

I made it home and flopped onto my bed, barely taking my shoes off.

'Are you sure?'

Why would he think that? Because I know a lot about transgender people? I was a supporter, everyone should be, it wasn't that weird. I knew more than most people but, everyone got involved into different communities over time. I was in a few artist and cosplay servers. I didn't even do any cosplay. You just, end up in places sometimes.

'Are you sure?'

And cosplay! Was that why he thought that? He didn't think I was a dick, he thought I was a woman? Guys and girls can wear whatever they want. It's not that weird. Girls dress up as male characters all the time. I just see a lot of guys wearing female clothes because of TikTok. That's not on me.

'Are you sure?'

I laid there on my bed, thinking, thoughts swirling from that interaction, about all the reasons he might think that was the case, about why it felt like such an attack, about why I was panicking and felt so anxious, and felt like I was going crazy.

I saw my computer, still on from yesterday, with my main character on the screen, and I felt something crack.

"I don't know."

My voice sounded more like a sob and I noticed only now there were tears in my eyes. I was not okay.

I hadn't ever thought about it. I'd thought about being a woman but I'd never, I'd never considered I might actually be trans. There's nothing wrong with it but, but I always thought that was just something, other people were. Like how some people had black hair and others had brown. I didn't think it applied to me.

I had never thought about it. But now I was.

Was I trans? I don't know. What does it even mean really? That I'm a woman? I, I feel like a guy, I think? I don't know. I just feel like me. I've always just felt like me, kinda.

'Kinda.'

That was the keyword wasn't it? Kinda. Kinda felt like me. Was something, missing?

I took a deep breathe and let it out.

No, everything was simple. Simple. Right? If I wanted to be a woman, permanently and forever, that meant I was trans and if not, I wasn't. Right? Well... no but, shut up brain. So it's easy. I just have to think about being a woman, for real. Forever. Having everyone see me and call me she and her and wearing feminine clothes and never being a guy again and-

I was smiling. I could feel myself smiling.

You apparently can feel both elation and pure horror and shock at the same time.

"Holy shit."

But it didn't stop, it was like a wave I had been ignoring swept in and cracked me into pieces. Being a woman, fully, really. That would, that would be amazing. I want that. I can't believe how much I want that. It's almost, physically painful how much I want it.

I sat up and just stared off into the distance blankly, letting my thoughts and feeling settle, letting the shock really wash through me. I, was I, a woman? Was that even the right thing to say? Did really really wanting to be a woman make me trans? I didn't feel like my body was wrong or as if I had been born wrong. Am I just a fake? Just some person with a fetish? But it didn't feel sexual at all. I just, really really wanted to be female.

And I couldn't be that.

My thoughts were in turmoil, rolling, spiraling negatively. I didn't know who I was anymore. All I knew was what I wanted and so what? So what if I wanted it? It takes years of HRT and if my career was going to be hard without tattoos (holy shit, that's why tattoos made me uncomfortable), noticeably transitioning was going to make me a public enemy to a lot of people. What would that do to poor Mike? He, he was so supportive of me. My heart lurched at that. I couldn't transition and bring all that hell onto his doorstep. What would my family say? People would talk, everyone would know. They wouldn't call me a woman or a girl or anything like that. They'd take one look at me and say "oh, there's that guy who thinks he's a girl." or "That guy is... weird. Better stay away from him. I mean, just look at him."