Becoming a Wife and Mother Pt. 02

"I can't stand my therapist," Rachel confided to her boss over lunch. Rachel was young, fit, driven. Her boss, Hilary, was ten years older and a little bit of a hippie and a free spirit. She often acted as a confidante for Rachel.

Rachel continued, pursing her full lips and squinting her large blue eyes. "I mean, she's constantly talking about my parents, my exes. How can I move forward with my life if all we talk about is the past?" she exclaimed. "I just want to be able to deal with the present or even plan for my future." She swept her straight brown hair back. She was 24, ambitious, and a hard worker. She appreciated having the mentorship of other women at the office.

Hilary nodded sympathetically. "I know how you feel. Have you thought about maybe trying some different types? Maybe a life coach or something. You know," she looked thoughtful, "I used to belong to this energy healer's circle for a while. You might be into some of that."

Rachel looked uncertain. "What do you mean? Like chakras and stuff?"

Hilary bit her lip. "Well...it's like about working with your energy, and using visualizations and things. I guess it's kind of New Age. Kind of mystical, really. But this one woman in our group was doing a lot of female mentorship, and she seemed to have a following. Like when I last saw her, she was starting her own clinic and everything!"

"Wow!" Rachel said. "That sounds pretty legit. Where's her office?"

Hilary began to pack up her salad. "That's the thing...it's right downtown! I can't imagine how much her rent is. I figure she must have a rich husband or a trust fund to have helped start her off, because most of us could barely book a regular Reiki client much less support an entire office. She's kind of a character."

They were now walking back to the fundraising office. Rachel stopped by a mirrored office window to adjust her tailored suit, her neatly trimmed hair falling straight just below her shoulders. Hilary smiled to herself. The younger woman was very officious, eager to follow rules and fulfill expectations. A textbook Type A personality.

"I need the Calder budget to get adjusted so we can submit the grant agreement," Rachel groaned dramatically as she returned to her desk. Hilary leaned against her door. "I know. We need a lot of things adjusted! Well, look--" she hesitated for a moment. "If you want the name of that woman I was telling you about, it might be worth trying. Might help you tap into your woman power!"

Rachel grinned. "Yes! I need that. Text it to me, I think I wanna give her a shot."

***

Rachel approached the understated building, tucked between a small grocery store and a shoe shop. The facade looked like a medical clinic of some kind, but there was no specialty or practice listed.

"Dr. V. Clara, Integrated Therapy and Healing" said a small brass plaque by the front door. Rachel rang the buzzer. It had taken her months to get an appointment. She was oddly excited to learn what this was going to be all about. She had had it up to here with her current therapist harping on childhood trauma -- she was ready for something different, whether it was chakras, third eyes or past life regressions!

The lobby of the office was a soothing pink, a soft pastel color. It reminded Rachel of a warm hug - the ultimate girly pink, she thought. Like the pink you might have on a pink bow for the birth of a baby girl. The thought struck her as odd.

A small sign instructed her to take a seat until the doctor could see her, so she made herself comfortable, smoothing her slacks. Her tailored work clothes fit perfectly on her thin, sculpted body. She was headed to the gym after this to run and do squats. If she had a philosophy of life, it might have been "work hard, play hard" and yet she knew there was something missing. When would she be able to simply relax and enjoy?

"Hi Rachel, I'm Dr. Clara," a soft voice intruded on her thoughts. She looked up into the eyes of a sultry South American woman, a real bombshell, elegantly attired in a cream and pink silk dress with her long curly hair gracefully arranged over her shoulder. "I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting. Please have a seat."

She gestured to an oval purple armchair, which Rachel sank into. The colors of the office relaxed her. Gentle pink and purple. Bouquets of flowers decorated each room. There was soft music playing, too soft to make out words but Rachel could hear light, Enya-like vocalisations. Rachel had the impulse to lie back, close her eyes, relax for a while. She struggled to address Dr. Clara's questions.

"I'm here because I'm not making much progress with my current therapist. Honestly, I've been seeing her for years and it feels like all we talk about is the past. We're never working on who I am right now, or who I want to become. I feel stuck," Rachel admitted.

"And who do you want to become?" asked Dr. Clara. She had sat down at a small table right across from Rachel, and she had her notebook and some files open. A small crystal dangled from her right hand, and she seemed to be considering it as it spun idly.

"I mean- I'm not sure. I'm ambitious, but I grew up rough. I learned how hard I have to work to deserve anything, and I feel like all I do is work. I feel like a machine, or even- I don't know. I just don't even enjoy my life very much." Rachel felt a little emotional, making this admission to a stranger. It was like admitting she was a failure.

"Don't worry, little one," Dr. Clara said soothingly. "We are here to find your passion. I am here to help you receive what you deserve and become the powerful person you crave to be. Let us begin. Please join me in taking a deep...calm...breath."

The session began with breathing exercises, and a visualization of Rachel's future. A guided meditation followed. Rachel wasn't sure if she had fallen asleep, she felt so calm and centered. Suddenly it was the end of the hour.

"Now, when I see you next week, I want you to have done these steps for me," Dr. Clara was saying authoritatively. Rachel snapped to attention. "Wait I -- I didn't catch all that," she began, but Dr. Clara was rushing her towards the door. "See you this time next week, my darling!" And the door closed solidly behind her.

Rachel was on the street, and not even sure what she was supposed to do for her new therapist. "Dammit," she said. She looked at her watch. She knew there was something -- something - she had been planning to do after the session. She couldn't remember what it was. Her head felt fuzzy. She felt an abrupt craving for ice cream.

She started walking toward the park, and stopped at a cute little ice cream parlor on a side street. Feeling decadent and a little childish, she ordered a strawberry sundae with sprinkles and fudge.

As she sat down with her treat, she noticed a mother with two children. The mother was modestly breastfeeding a baby, and the little girl- perhaps three years old- was approaching Rachel with curiosity and friendliness.

"What's your name?" Rachel cooed. The little girl smiled shyly. She held up her ice cream cone and danced around. Her blonde curls were tied up in cute little bows. She was so adorable, she was good enough to eat! Rachel thought. She had never been one for children, but this little one stole her heart.

"That's Melanie," the mother said. She was smiling, her long chestnut hair waving around her face glamorously. She seemed a vision of peaceful contentedness as she breastfed her baby, and then Rachel noticed that the woman's waistline was swollen with a third child on the way. The woman followed Rachel's eye and patted her belly contentedly, even rubbing it a little. "I like the looks of what you're eating there. In my condition, I'm a regular here."

Rachel smiled. She liked the woman's candor. "I just had a craving myself. Hey, do you ever need a babysitter?"

(I don't have time to babysit, she said to herself. What am I thinking?!).

The woman was nodding enthusiastically. "Oh my, yes, my husband runs a construction company and we don't get enough time alone AT ALL if you know what I mean. I've actually been looking for a part-time nanny. Are you free on nights and weekends?"

Rachel spoke carefully. "Well I work full-time, but I'm far away from my own family and I would love to spend more time with children."

(Where had that come from?? She thought).

"I need some practice for when I have my own." (What?!)

"I would love to help out any time," Rachel finished, beaming.

The woman smiled and nodded. "I know just how you feel, being around children is like a whole different energy. Well, let me get your number! I hope we can see you again. Maybe even later this week!" She casually moved her baby from one breast to the other, and Rachel watched in fascination as the spent nipple dribbled a little, the large fat breast exposed for a brief moment before the baby's head was in place.

It's so beautiful, Rachel thought. (What am I thinking?! I'm staring at a stranger's breast!)

"Yes, hope to see you soon! And you too, little Melly!" She smiled to the little girl.

***

That night Rachel got home and her boyfriend Ben came over. He threw his keys on the table. "How'd it go today at the gym babe? Did you beat your previous time?"

Rachel looked up thoughtfully. She had been leafing through a recipe book for what to make for dinner. "My time? Oh...oh, I actually didn't go to the gym. You're right, I lost track of time." She returned to the page, flipping past rich sauces and casseroles.

"Huh, no gym? Wow! That's a change." He flopped down on the couch next to her.

His hand groped her lean thigh suggestively. "Hey baby you want to get a little sweaty and go get a grain bowl? A new place around the corner just opened." He watched her, waiting for her to reply.

"Hmm? Ben, I want to cook tonight. Doesn't this just feel like a perfect night for chicken and dumplings or maybe some chili and cornbread?" She looked up at him smiling. He was frozen, staring at her.

"Whoa, who are you and what have you done with Rachel!!" He exclaimed. "Babe, are you feeling ok?" He put a hand to her forehead theatrically. "You hate to cook!"

Rachel nodded. "I know, but I just got inspired today. And I realized I need to start practicing, you know, for when I have a family of my own." She said it brightly, without embarrassment. Ben turned pale.

"Mm hmm. Yeah, ok." He looked very uncomfortable. He looked at the door. "Well, I think I'm gonna just go get the grain bowl on my own, maybe go home and work out on the Peloton. Just text me when you want to get together again, ok?"

Rachel watched him close the door and leave. She felt disappointed for him to go, but it left her in more peace to start her recipe. She felt so inspired to cook! And now she could make something mouth-watering to bring in for lunch tomorrow.

***

Hilary was late the next day, and she expected to get a stern look from Rachel as she entered. Rachel was one who liked to "lead up" and she often acted more like the boss than Hilary. It made things a little stressful.

She was surprised, therefore, when she walked by and Rachel wasn't at her desk. She sighed in relief and was just turning the handle to her her office door when a bright voice greeted her.

"Morning, Hils! How are you doing today?" Rachel came in, wearing a loose pink floral print dress -- a little short for the office, Hilary thought-- and holding a crystal jar of chocolate candy, which she placed carefully on her desk.

"Hey, Rache!" Hilary said warily. "What's that you've got there? Bribery to get those budgets you need?"

Rachel laughed. "Oh no, you know, I just - I just thought we need to start rewarding ourselves a little more every day. A little something sweet every now and then, you know? And I want people to feel welcome here in our office -- its something in the way of hospitality, like making other people feel happy and welcome here." She looked contented as she spoke.

Hilary looked bewildered. "Is this my favorite gym rat speaking?? You feeling ok, Rachel? You normally look at chocolate like it's a biohazard." She raised her eyebrows. "Fine by me, though! I'm sure I'll be the one to eat most of it!" She chuckled.

Late that afternoon, as she gathered her overloaded tote bag, Hilary remembered the new candy jar and decided to make a raid to give her a little sugar boost for the way home. She was surprised to see Rachel had left on time for once, the lights darkened and her files neatly arranged. As she opened the candy jar, Hilary gasped to see it was nearly empty. "What!"

She couldn't believe Rachel might eat them all, but she backed up and glanced in the wastebasket anyway. Sure enough, a pile of silvery candy wrappers nearly filled the wastebasket. "Houston, we have a problem," Hilary thought. What on earth could have gotten into her favorite little gym rat and workaholic?

***

Weeks passed, and Rachel continued to see Dr. Clara. As always, the sessions ended with Rachel in a slight daze, unable to remember the instructions for what to focus on before next week-- but each time, the doctor greeted her with joy and congratulations, assuring her that she had done exactly what she asked.

It was disconcerting, but Rachel found herself strangely unbothered by many things that would have previously upset her.

For one thing, Ben had broken up with her. He simply stopped calling and Rachel never bothered to find out why. She never thought of him at all.

For another, she had quickly gained 20 lbs and seemed to still be growing. All her tailored suits were suddenly too tight to wear, the pants not buttoning and the jacket buttons straining around her now lush bosom. Rachel found herself choosing soft pastel, loose fitting floral dresses - feminine, low cut and short but forgiving in places she knew she might continue to gain weight. She felt only relief to be free of her old clothes, and enjoyed picking out pretty new frocks online.

Finally, she had almost no free time anymore. She had been babysitting at the Hernandez' home two or three nights a week. She had fallen in love with the two children, and was watching the mother Tanya's pregnancy unfold with fascination. She was a voluptuous woman, and her advanced pregnancy made her waddle and jiggle appealingly. Rachel felt attracted to her somehow, or perhaps-- jealous of her? She looked for any excuse to come babysit the children.

Hilary at work had watched Rachel's changes with concern. She felt on some level that these might be because of her recommendation to see Dr. Clara, but she couldn't prove it. When she asked, Rachel said only that the doctor had her work on relaxation exercises...

And Rachel seemed so happy! Even as her hips spread and her cleavage got deeper, Rachel was gentler and milder than she had ever been before. She greeted her coworkers with real interest. The candy jar was a hit, constantly in need of refills and attracting people from all departments. Rachel's grants were pulling in more money than ever. She seemed to have captured a real human appeal, and to be connecting more with her reader.

It's just too fishy, Hilary thought. But she wasn't going to knock a good thing. She preferred this Rachel to the old one by a long shot.

***

The letter came by mail the next day. Something had gone wrong with the budget adjustments to the grant, and the funds were being reallocated. They had just lost the $2 million award the governor had signed off on.

Richard Jenkins, the CFO, looked over at his chief executive, Bill.

"Whoever dropped this ball, Bill, we need to hold accountable. We can't risk losing another grant like this. The board is going to be out for blood when they find out, and we need to show we've done our due diligence."

Bill sighed. He liked the girls in the fundraising department. He knew Hilary was a little slack, but they had relied on Rachel as a young go-getter who kept her files in apple pie order. Now lately it seemed like things were slipping. This lapse was a huge setback for their campaign. It was inexcusable.

"Ok, Rich, I think we both know who was the point person on this. Do what you have to do."

***

Later that day, Rich called Rachel into his office. He had been friendly with the girl since her hiring, and he was not insensible to her charms. Now she seemed to fill the austere finance office with fresh femininity, her ripe bosom overspilling her lavender dress. He could faintly smell her floral perfume as she shifted her long brown hair.

Rich cleared his throat. Because she was so appealing, it was even more awkward when he asked for her resignation. Rachel turned pale. She had been at the organization for almost two years, and she became quite emotional.

"I thought I was part of the family here," she sniffled.

Rich took a hard line. She was a pretty little thing but if this girl didn't get cut, either he or one of the other officers would be under fire for losing the grant.

"This isn't a family, Rachel. This is a business. Please collect your things and leave by the end of the day."

***

The mood around the office was bleak following Rachel's termination. The head of programs confronted Rich directly and shouted about how much more paperwork would fall to his team without Rachel to handle it.

"We'll get a temp, Charlotte! Relax," Rich dismissed her.

"No temp can handle that job! You've just cost us millions more by firing Rachel! She was an incredible asset to this organization. Do you know how hard it is to find a good grants administrator!?"

She left, slamming the door. Rich ran his fingers through his dark hair, greying at the temples. He hadn't known the girl had such a following. Everyone around the office was looking at him like the bad guy. At the end of a long day of this, he needed a drink.

He stopped at Charley's on the way home. The bartender nodded recognition and slid a whiskey double across the bar. Rich had been coming here for years, ever since his first marriage.

He thought of his ex-wife distantly, and all the reasons it had collapsed after ten years. Her driven, demanding nature, her perfectionism. He had wanted children. She had wanted a second home, glamorous vacations, fine dining--whereas he loved to cook and spend part of the summer at the lake. They had just been all wrong for each other.

Now at 52, it didn't seem likely he would ever have children. Not that he was trying to meet anybody. His last few internet dates had been so disappointing, he had had to take a break for a while. He was fit and still had a full head of hair. Surely there was someone out there for him. He sighed, drained his glass, and headed out. Another night alone.

The next morning was Saturday, and he woke up early as usual. It was a beautiful, if slightly chilly, day. He decided to put on his muffler and gloves, grab a coffee and go for a stroll in the park. Get his mind off things. The image of that pretty young girl's face when he had fired her still stung him. He couldn't help feeling like he had made a mistake.

He was sitting on his favorite bench overlooking a playground when he noticed a curvy young woman pushing a stroller. He could see her wide hips undulating under her pretty dress, her long brown hair blowing in the breeze. A little blonde girl maybe 4 years old was hanging off the side of the stroller. It was a perfect image of young motherhood. Suddenly, he realized the woman was familiar.

"Rachel, is that you?" Rich called out as she neared.

A small manicured hand pulled her brown hair away from her face, and her large blue eyes looked up to meet his. She smiled broadly. "Oh Rich!! Well hello there! Good morning! Isn't it a beautiful day?"

She pushed the stroller toward him, beaming and introducing the small girl as Melly. Rachel's smile was friendly and sincere. She didn't seem to be dazed by the events of yesterday at all. Water under the bridge. Rich gazed at her with wide eyes.