Bee's Story, My Story Ch. 06

"This is somewhat of a significant post because I contemplated for days whether or not I wanted to share this particular entry. I decided that it's crucial to what has and could still happen with my brother, so it wouldn't have been fair to you all not to include it. As I mulled it over I realized that it's probably significant enough, (and long enough) to warrant its own post, so here it is.

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Friday, May 24th 2019

(If you're someone who finds breast milk disgusting, this might be a good entry to skip because I'm going to talk about it a lot.)

I fucked up so bad. I've been working really hard and putting in extra time at work because we're so close to a big milestone. Last night I got home so late I didn't even see my brother, he was already asleep (I did keep him updated via text, so he wouldn't worry about me though). I pretty much went straight to bed, I was exhausted and passed out as soon as I was horizontal. I almost overslept this morning too! I took a quick shower and wore comfortable clothes to work today just because I didn't have time to coordinate an outfit. Yoga pants and a t-shirt. It was just after lunch time when I realized my mistake; I hadn't milked before bed last night, and my boobs were starting to ache.

Had I realized even 20 minutes earlier, I might have been able to relieve some pressure at the sink and hope no one else came in, maybe enough to tide me over until I got home, but today was especially busy as we tried to make sure everyone would get the full holiday weekend.

Typically, I milk myself before bed, and in extreme cases, I could go two days before I start to get painfully full. Since I don't have anyone to feed, my breasts take a while to produce, and I don't have to milk often. I've only let it get super bad ONCE early when I first started lactating, and that was a mistake I never want to repeat. I'd been careful to never have to milk at work as well, or really anywhere public. HOWEVER, a couple months ago I started birth control, and the only real side effect I've experienced so far has been a bit of an increase in production. I still haven't quite figured out the limits, but sometimes I just have to milk both before and after bed. It's not quite doubled, maybe like 1.5x the production I was used to?

At this point it was just a general ache, but I knew it was going to get worse, I just had to get through work. I had everything I needed to get done, done by around 2:30, and the rest of the day was just meetings, reviews, and notes. I kept thinking, 'thank god my brother's group project is meeting at the dorms this week'. They typically worked until after midnight, so I'd have plenty of time to address this even if my work ran late. I also didn't have to perform for the holiday weekend, since I had stayed to perform for the big New Years event earlier in the year. I just needed to get through the day.

Around 4 though, the aching turned into all around tenderness. My breasts felt heavy and I just wanted to lay down, but I was stuck having to sit for the rest of this meeting. I felt like I couldn't keep still, and I just wished I could be excused and just get the email summary later but I had to show my stuff for review, and it's a big thing that you're supposed to be courteous and stay for everyone's review. Normally not a problem, but today it was becoming torture. Think of a time you've had to pee really badly and had to hold it, it's like that, it's distracting and it's painful and you just imagine you're going to burst at any second.

By the time I was able to leave work it was nearly 7pm, and I was in incredible pain. My breasts were very hot, and I couldn't wait to get home and throw my bra off. I was focused on controlling my breathing on the drive home, and trying not to panic. I was afraid to look at my boobs because I seriously thought I could have mastitis, and I'd done such a good job of avoiding that all this time. When I finally made it home I shut the door behind me and ran to my room, throwing my top off on the way to my bathroom. While facing my mirror, I carefully took my bra off, my boobs were straining against the cups, and I could see veins pushing up against my skin that were not normally visible. I was painfully engorged. I gently held my boobs so they wouldn't settle painfully from the sudden lack of support as I tossed my bra on the sink. My boobs were almost hard, and I sucked in air through my teeth as I ran my fingers over the deep red grooves the bra had left in my skin. I winced as I touched my nipples, my boobs are already incredibly sensitive, and usually that's a very very good thing, but right now it was too much, and it was painful. They were too tender. I was dreading having to milk them but I desperately needed the release.

Since I had the house to myself I decided to just milk in the living room so I could watch tv and sit up more comfortably than on my bed or in the tub. I hadn't been able to do it there since my brother moved in. It was only a little after 8 so I had a couple of hours, which should have been enough. I changed into some little tennis shorts, and grabbed a random t-shirt, some towels to lay out, and a large bowl from my kitchen. My hands were too shaky to bother finding something I wanted to watch so I just had the tv on and let it go to sleep while I started.

Usually I just kind of tease my nipples until they're hard, and then gently apply pressure, massaging the tissue around my nipples to get the milk flowing until my let down is set off. And then I help the flow by continuing to massage the milk from my breasts. But even just the lightest touch on my nipples almost burned with how tender everything was. I powered through until they were hard and then started to work up to massaging the sensitive tissue. It was excruciating, but I had no choice. I whimpered and groaned, and kept massaging my breasts to try and get the flow started, until it felt like it had been way too long. My nipples were achingly hard, and I could feel the milk ready to come, but nothing was happening. I wanted to cry, I needed the release so bad.

Sometimes even when I'm not excessively full, the milk doesn't start flowing until I'm more aroused. Usually I get that way automatically by handling my breasts, but right now the pain was so bad it was the last thing on my mind. I went ahead and grabbed my vibe from my bedroom, I figured the stimulation might help encourage the first few drops. I returned to the couch, pulled down my panties and just left them around my ankles. I leaned back a little and started to tease around my clit with the vibe on its low setting. Trying my best to focus on that sensation over the hot pain in my boobs. Around when I was finally making direct contact on my clit with the vibe, I started to see a little bead of milk form at my left nipple.

"Fucking FINALLY! Thank. Fucking. God!" I breathed to myself. I took the vibe to my mouth and got it slick so I could insert it and hope it would be enough to help more. Leaving it inside, I reached for the bowl, and put it on my lap. With both hands I started to knead my breast tissue, until both nipples had beads of milk. With a little more attention and stimulation I was able to get a few drops from each, and to give my breasts a bit of rest, I got up and took the vibe to my bathroom sink to clean when I was done, I just didn't need that additional distraction. I was still frustrated that I couldn't trigger my let down, and coaxed a few more drops into the bowl.

"Please, please, please, please, please" I just kept repeating. But I couldn't get more than a couple of drops. Tears started rolling down my cheeks from the frustration, and if I hadn't been so concentrated on the task at hand I would have probably broken into sobs I was in so much pain. I licked my finger tips and started to rub my clit a little more, pressing deliberately in a circle around the hood, hoping it would help, and finally I was able to get a full on squirt of milk into the bowl. I licked my fingers clean and started tugging at both breasts, both now releasing more and more milk. My let down still hadn't come into play, but it was at least better than nothing. The release didn't even feel good yet, it actually kind of hurt. But I knew I needed this milk out of me.

I was sitting hunched over the bowl a little, my knees spread, my panties around one ankle, just pulling at my nipples, and occasionally wincing in pain, tears still rolling down my cheeks, when suddenly I heard a key in the front door.

"FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WHAT THE FUCK?!" I sort of shout/whispered in frustration. I scrambled and put the bowl on the coffee table, careful not to spill, until I remembered I never locked the door when I came home. I wanted to shout to prevent the door from being opened but I was so flustered and panicked that I couldn't form the words. The knob started turning and the door cracked and I did the only thing I could. I grabbed a nearby throw pillow and hugged it to my chest desperately as my brother stepped into the apartment, saw me, and stopped in his tracks.

"Um... what-" he stood there with the door open, probably not even for that long but I was on edge and panicked. I probably looked like a mess.

"PLEASE close the door!" I said, trying not to yell, my voice cracking out shakily. He suddenly snapped into action, closed the door and locked it. Before turning to me looking a little bit panicked.

"Are you okay? What's going on?" And then I think he started to take in the scene. I was obviously naked behind the pillow, trying my best to hide my crotch and my tits as I clutched it to me. My panties were on the floor. His eyes darted back to mine. "Were youuu...?" And then he looked at the table and saw the big bowl with the milk in it. He tilted his head in confusion and was about to speak when I felt my tears start coming again. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, and my pulse pounding in my head from the embarrassment and the adrenaline.

In a calm and measured tone, I softly spoke. "Can you please... just go to your room for a second so I can clean up? I'll let you know when I'm done." I couldn't look him in the eye. I fixated on the corner of the coffee table, and he looked like he was about to express some sort of concern for a second before rethinking.

"Of course." He shouldered his laptop bag and quietly walked into his room, gently shutting the door. I waited a second to make sure everything was clear and then buried my face in the pillow for a second to let out a long shuddering sigh, trying not to burst into more tears. I pulled the pillow from my chest and didn't even know how to react to the steaks of milk that had run down the fabric. Figures after all that trouble getting anything out, my boobs would keep going after I stopped. I unzipped the cushion cover and checked to make sure the milk hadn't soaked through the fabric. Only maybe a drop had. I removed the cover and threw it in the wash along with the towel I had sat and semi-masturbated on. I bit my lip to keep the tears under control as I bent down to pick up my panties, and took the bowl with me into my room.

Moving to my bathroom, I sat down in the tub and gently started to massage my aching nipples again. They were still incredibly hard and dripping with milk, so at least I wouldn't have to work as hard now. I had brought the bowl with me but now that I was in the tub, I just didn't care and let the milk spray into my lap and around the tub. I closed my eyes and tried my best to collect myself, gently tugging at my breasts while sniffling constantly from crying earlier. I knew I'd probably be laughing about the situation later, but in that moment I just wanted to disappear.

I was able to milk enough to relieve most of the ache, and the adrenaline left my system, so I decided to stop for the time being and give my boobs a break until the tenderness went away. I took a quick shower, and as I dried off I went to grab my phone so I could text my brother that he could leave his room if he hadn't already. I already had missed texts from him.

[Am I good to leave my room now?]

[It's really quiet in the living room so I'm going to assume all's clear because I need to pee]

I sent him a quick text-

[Sorry, I'll be out in a sec]

I saw the typing bubbles come up for a second, then disappear, reappear again, and then stop altogether.

I felt guilty. I was frustrated that he was home early, that he'd walked in on me. But I knew it wasn't his fault, so mostly I just felt raw and defeated. I put my phone down and finished freshening up. I checked my breasts, they were already feeling a little better. Still painfully sensitive, but not as overfull as they had been. I put on a red The Last of Us shirt, some panties and yoga pants. Really I wanted to put a bra on too, I wanted to cover up, but a bra would have been incredibly uncomfortable. I put my hair up in a loose bun, and decided to go out to the living room.

He was still in his bedroom, I guess he had just gone to the bathroom real quick and went back in. So I went ahead and text him again-

[You can come out now, if you want. I promise I'm decent.]

Nothing. No bubbles, no response. I was tempted to put my ear to his door to check if he was even awake. I picked up my phone to text him again when he finally came out and cautiously made his way to sit on the other end of the couch. I tucked my legs up under me, making myself as small as possible.

"Do you not have a gig tonight?" He asked softly, leaning slightly to try and catch my attention.

"No, it's my free holiday." I answered, taking sudden interest in the little Apple TV remote on the table.

"Ah, okay." He sat quietly.

"I thought you'd be out later." I sort of mumbled.

"Yeah, sorry. We didn't have as much to do and called the meeting early for the long weekend. PMAJ has to drive out of town tonight and stuff."

"Oh."

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry I didn't give you a heads up... and I'm sorry I walked in on you like that."

"No, I know. And it's okay... I... I'm sure you have a lot of questions."

He scratched the back of his head and looked toward the tv. "I mean, doesn't everybody cry when they masturbate?"

"What?" I was so caught off guard by that I didn't even know how to react. I also almost corrected him. Was it more embarrassing for him to know what I was doing, or to assume I was masturbating? "Mmhmm."

"Actually-" he started, after a brief silence. "I just have two questions."

I mentally steeled myself. To be honest, I had a good idea what at least one of those questions was going to be.

"Was that- ... milk? On the table? What was that about?" He seemed genuinely curious, not feigning ignorance in an attempt to make me uncomfortable. I tried to think of a reasonable explanation, but my heart started to pound as my head made the realization my heart was dreading. That it would just be easier to take the opportunity, right here and now, to finally open up about this.

"I- ... well- Yes. Yes, that was milk." And then my mouth went dry and I stopped. Maybe that would be enough, maybe I wouldn't have to explain.

"Did you like, pull a Forgetting Sarah Marshall and just have an entire mixing bowl of Lucky Charms or something?" He asked, earnestly.

I couldn't help smiling weakly at the reference. "Hmm, not quite... it was. I was... well, it was MY milk." And then I felt my face burning, I must have turned incredibly pink, but he didn't react in a way that said he noticed.

"When you say YOUR milk, do you mean like, you have a carton you don't want to share? Or like-" his eyes flicked down to my chest for a second, and I suddenly felt almost as exposed as I did when he came home. ALMOST.

I let out a heavy, labored sigh. Here we go. "Yes, my milk. ... that I made." I cupped my boobs for emphasis, almost forgetting they were still a little tender, and unable to avoid wincing slightly at the sensation. "I'm um- I'm lactating." I glanced quickly at his face and caught his eyes before he glanced back at my chest and I looked away. I couldn't gauge anything from his reaction, and for some reason that was almost scarier than the very strong reactions I've gotten from men in the past.

"Oh." Was all he said, and I could tell he was deep in thought. "So- ... so are you? Uh..."

"Am I what? Pregnant?"

"Yeah-"

"-God no." I almost snapped back. It probably sounds more hostile in text than it actually was.

"Then- whoa.... So is that why your boobs have gotten so big?"

I felt my skin grow hot and tingly, the sensation seemingly converging at the subject of conversation. "Uh, yeah? ... Didn't realize you paid so much attention to my boobs." Any excuse to turn the embarrassment back on him to be honest.

He made a sturgeon face and just sort of mumbled out, "...kinda hard to miss." Which- ...fair.

"Well, I've been lactating since college."

He just kind of looked at me like he was waiting for more information and I was so nervous I actually kept talking.

"Maybe this is TMI, but my boobs are pretty sensitive. To put it plainly, I like having them touched. But I tend to go a little overboard and I made my body think I was trying to feed someone and now- this." I gestured to my chest.

He just kind of nodded his head and seemed a little spaced out. Honestly it was making me anxious.

"Please say something."

"Sorry, just... I know I said I only had two questions but now I have a lot of questions, but it's weird to ask. Is it weird to ask? It's weird right? I feel like... it's weird."

I sighed. "We're already having this conversation, I mean, fuck it, right? Why don't you start with the second question you originally wanted to ask, if you even remember it."

"Okay. Why were you crying when I got home? You looked like you were in pain. I was actually kind of fuckin' worried about you but I didn't know how to react when I'd also walked in on you, well... pleasuring yourself."

"First off... I wasn't masturbating- necessarily. Ugh, let me explain. I usually have to milk every night, otherwise my boobs get too full, and that hurts a fuck ton. I was too tired and passed out last night before I could do it, and I didn't have time before work, so by the time I got home tonight I was in a hell of a lot of pain. I thought I was going to have a few hours to myself, so my intention was to watch tv while I milked, but it hurt so much, and at first I couldn't get anything to come out. I was in pain and frustrated. That's why I was crying. And.... sometimes it helps get things flowing if I'm a little turned on. That's why I was fully naked. So I was way overdue to relieve the pressure and I was TRYING to get that taken care of when you came home."

Throughout my explanation he seemed concerned and kept looking between my chest and my face. "Oh my god, Bee. I'm so sorry... I should have sent you a text or something as a heads up."

"Yeah, that would have been nice... but it's not your fault, you couldn't have known."

"Sooo... are you okay now? Did you get it... taken care of?"

I'm pretty sure I blushed at that for some reason. My face got all hot again. I kind of slumped on the couch, defeated. "Enough that my boobs don't hurt from being overfull anymore. But I still need to be emptied. I just had to stop and give them a break because they were in so much pain."

"Oh. Okay.... well, I can, like, leave or something if you need me to?"

I gave a weak smile. "Nah, it's okay." I turned to face him. "Hey, though. I've never really told anyone about this. So, can you please just... not say anything? Not to your classmates, my friends. Not to mom and dad.... please?"

He met my eyes and nodded sincerely. "For sure. You've really never told anyone? Not even like... boyfriends or your girl friends?"