Before It Ends

We reach an age, at our own pace, when retrospection, current events, and our personal timelines begin to clash. This is a difficult time to live through, for regrets and sorrow come out of hiding like destructive tsunami waves. Charting a steady course now is difficult. Yet we, I, got here as a traveler on the wrong road; and I am through with drowning. The right path exists. I have a duty, to myself, to find it.

"Fuck age. It's just a number. It really is." Nathan sounds supportive; I like that.

"That's how I feel, Nathan; but I had some deep reservations about how someone else would react...or no one." It's our first phone conversation. He asked for this right after responding to my gay singles dating profile. Said he did not want to waste time in waiting to hear my voice. Now time is ticking as I wait for his response.

"I bit. One's enough, right?!" I let out an uncontrolled chuckle. "The only reservation I have with you is for dinner on me this Saturday at seven. Good?" Smiling translates into the voice. I hope he notices in my reply.

"Yes. Good. Text me the details, please. Thank you, Nathan."

"For what?

"For being real."

After a few more sentences, we break off the chat. I am euphoric. Settle down, Michael. Although I have only made failed attempts at connection along the way...this may or may not be different, right? But it sure is nice to feel wanted! I have three days to think about all of this before our first face-to-face meeting. Let's get busy!

"It looks good on you." Salesmen. To trust or not to trust, that is the question. I should have brought my friend Linda with me.

"Thanks. I'll be back this afternoon."

"It sounds promising, Michael. how old is he?" Linda knows I am gay. We had been friends forever before she started to make suggestive advances a few months ago. I finally knew it was time to come out to her, for her sake and for mine. She took it well - told me she assumed...but did not want to pry. Linda is a good egg; old fashioned with a modern twist. I trust her friendship completely.

"Sixty eight. Six years younger than me. Am I robbing the cradle, Lin?" Laughter.

"Absolutely. Go for it." Billy Joel sang about Linda in 'Only The Good Die Young'. I mean that in a good way. She was married once. A real progressive lady.

"I wish I had your confidence."

"You do. You just need to believe it."

Part 2 -

Linda helped me pick out an outfit for Saturday. Her own 'look' is conservative. I valued that. No way did I want to look like I was trying too hard. So the slacks are tight in all the right places - I do have a nicely rounded ass - but no stretch fabric, or skin-tight legs. We chose a window pane dress shirt, my favorite, in a tailored cut. Traditional cuts are just too sloppy looking for my build.

"Michael. I would be glowing if you were my date dressed like this."

"Thanks, Lin." We share a 'hug of friendship', and I'm off to work on...other things.

Self-confidence left me completely, at too young an age. It was crushed by a PTSD type experience that I could not correctly process at the time. My ability to feel accepted, loved, and 'good-enough' never had a chance to develop properly. I do not want that to come across when I meet Nathan. I did not lie about my age in my online profile, but I also did not include everything about my mental state...my life-long disabilities. We'll see how this goes.

"Real leather dress shoes. He must be something." David is my go-to guy for shoes. I'm usually in Sketchers.

"Don't know yet, D. First date." He puts on a faux astonished grin.

"Oh...Okay. Details. Remember everything." I nod.

The mirror does not lie. I (think I) look good. My young-at-heart attitude, at least around others, has gifted me with a rather ageless, for my age, physical appearance - if that makes any sense to you. My face is without major wrinkles. My body has its issues...but my posture, gait, muscle tone and overall appearance is that of a much younger man. No judgements.

"Michael. You look great! We have a table in the corner." Nathan and I just shared a bro hug, which we had earlier agreed to, so as not to feel awkward about what to do at first meet. Observations: he has a mustache, which I adore on a man. He does not color it or his hair, which is salt and pepper alluring. (My hair keeps its 'natural' color with the help of a monthly box from Garnier) He is just a tad shorter than me - an inch or so. Good. I am most comfortable around men who are either my height or shorter. He and I both fill out our look nicely - no overhanging bellies (no judgements). I have lusted for quite a few 'large' men in my day... unfortunately never had the opportunity to be bedded by one. I have only been bedded by - one man - ever.

"Really? Sorry." We agreed to talk openly. His hand is on mine. Here come my issues. "So I'm dating a...near virgin?" He is laughing, politely." I am with him - not feeling rejected, or humiliated in any way.

"I know where things go, Nathan. And I have my preferences."

"Tell me."

"You, for starters. You tick off all my boxes. Polite, cheerful, hot to look at..."

"You too." Well. THAT'S a confidence builder. I just need someone to believe in me, so I can push past my tendency to not believe in myself. It's called confirmation. I have yet to give that to myself. I still need it from others.

"You don't believe me?" Oh, God. This is perceptive one.

"I do. Please say it often." And so the rest of our first date was very pleasant. Nathan held nothing back. Neither did I. All questions were answered in good faith. Neither one of us was uncomfortable in any way. It is very true that it is easy to be open and truthful with a relative stranger...a new friend...a potential lover.

"Tomorrow night at my place." He looks confident. It's not a command. More like a done deal request.

"Absolutely."

PART 3 -

"Linda. It's me. I'm going to his place tomorrow night. What should I wear?"

"As little as possible, sweetie." Laughter from both of us.

I do take her advice. I've got on my skimpiest bikini briefs - white ones to show what I've got to best effect. Jeans and a light pullover. And I tossed an overnight bag into my car - just in case. Nathan and I touched on 'timing' for new daters. We both agreed that when it's right it will happen, and we should let it. BTW...I have not eaten all day. I did shower. I douched. I am ready for 'it's right, right now!'

"Come on in. I have everything ready...almost."

"Can I help?" His place is really nice. Like really, as in lots of money nice.

"Sure. Pour the wine you brought. Glasses are on the table." Nathan has on a kitchen apron. Under that, he is dressed pretty much as I am. Did he talk with Linda?

"There. Now we won't starve."

"It all looks wonderful, Nathan. I'm dating a chef!" He has that look in his eyes. There is heat at this table; and it is not coming only from the food. We clink glasses and take a sip. He is on his feet; with his hand outstretched to mine.

"Let's have an appetizer, Michael."

I would love for you to feel this kiss. With his hands cupping my head in a gentle embrace, I feel supported; and not a bit controlled. His lips are lightly grazing mine. Sometimes I like to imagine myself being devoured by a lover; helplessly accepting each and every manifestation of his ravenous desire. I suppose that could be fun. But this, this is real and it is wonderful beyond belief.

"I've hoped to find my very own life partner, Michael. You are by far the best candidate yet. No one has even come close." Life partner? Has the Universe heard my cries and pleas? Is this really the man for me?

"Oh, Nathan. How I've longed..." With his tongue slowly moving onto mine, it seems we have done enough talking for a while. I can taste his tastes of dinner in his mouth; and for a brief second wonder when we will eat. What a thing to think of at a time like this!

"Dinner can wait?" I nod. Confirmation of our connections on so many levels is already certain. There is one important one remaining. We both know it is time.

Part 4 -

Like he is politely unwrapping a present, Nathan has pulled my shirt over my upstretched arms, sighed at my hairy pits, and has begun kissing my neck. He is starting to make love to me, and I am all in.

"ohhh." The barest whisper escapes my throat and he responds.

"Can I fuck you?" I nod. During the flurry of undressing that is going on, we manage to lock lips three more times. At each stage I marvel to myself at the beauty of the man who will soon make me his. Nathan has the gracefully aged body of an athlete. Every part of him excites me completely. The visuals are combining with a scent that is unimaginably powerful on my senses. I feel flooded with him in a way that cries out for more.

"Your body excites me, Nathan." He is pulling down my white bikini briefs.

"And yours is a feast for my eyes...the one I will feast on tonight!" Dropping to his knees, Nathan has me at his lips. Oh! This first touch of him to my flesh sends a massive shiver down my spine. I call this my 'sex messenger'. It is what happens when my mind and body reach a certain tipping point during masturbation. It feels amazing; and primes me for what is to come. "Are you ready?"

"Completely."

He is running his fingers over me - everywhere - with a light touch usually reserved for a newborn. It kind of tickles. I can't help moving a bit; and my breathing is ragged. "I love touching you like this, Michael. Your body is...do you have a picture in one of your closets?" I know the reference, and we both laugh. My arms are reaching for him, and I pull him close as we kiss with the kind of passion I almost gave up on.

"Yes I do. And I have fangs to pierce you and make you cave to my will." Nathan is stronger than me. He still has the dense work muscle of his youth. I am now hoisted in a seated position, my arms around his shoulders.

"That is my job tonight, lover." With that I am placed on his bed, covered by his warm body, and I am feeling his teeth and mouth mark me on the neck. How many times can I swoon in one night?

"Let me go down on you." He wriggles onto his back and spreads his legs for good access. I am a lick-kisser. With his neck and nipples sufficiently licked and kissed, I am headed south in kind of a hurry. I have seven and a half inches of beautiful manhood to play with. He is perfectly cut, perfectly hard, and perfectly delicious!

"OH. Oh, yes. Don't stop." Why would I stop? He is going to get edged until he begs me to let him cum. "Mi...Michael...I..." I know he is close. I can tell, so let the edging begin! Just enough so he has time to penetrate, please and plaster my insides with his cream.

"God, Michael, where did you..." It's been twenty minutes, and Nathan has leaked a little four times; yet I have managed to squelch each rise of his impending orgasm. He has to beg me to stop before I will do so.

"Porn. Now you be sure and tell me when you can't take anymore. I still want you inside of me tonight, Nath....."

"Now!" I just got flipped onto my back. Good thing his erection is very much wet at this point, because he is pushing at my entrance without added lube. Missionary is my favorite. I love seeing my man as he takes my body; as he moves closer and I feel the heat of his cock press against me. I memorize every determined muscular contraction, every grunt, every balletic move he is making. He is sliding into me with ease.

"Fuck me good. Make me scream your name." With this first bottoming out inside of my chute, Nathan is breathing with an open mouth. He has a dazed look on his face. He is holding still inside of me...and I love the fullness that he brings. I may have taken him too far, because he looks as if one thrust will cause him to nut.

"I am sorry, Michael." He is breathless. "I can...I can't..."

"It's GOOD!. Oh, God it's GOOD. Cum inside me, Nathan. Please. Cum inside me...NOW!!!

"AAHHHH. AAHHHH. AAHHHH." Oh the beautiful tortured look of a hunk in heat blowing his load. "UUHHNNN. UUHHNNN. UUHHNNN." And now for the collapse.

Fully flattened onto my torso, yet still deep inside of me, Nathan and I are sticking together like two boards with glue in between us. The glue is the super big load that I shot while he was filling my rectum with his hot seed.

"You okay, lover?" He gives me a grunt. I love this time of sex play. Nathan has taken my body as his, and given up his body to me in the bargain. He really is a keeper.

"We should clean up before dinner." But he hasn't moved a muscle yet. He is savoring this moment as much as I am. "You are a keeper, Mr. Michael - a real fucking hot keeper!" Thank you, Universe.

Part 5 -

Our shower together is wonderful. As we go about soaping each other, the massaging feels great. Now that we have been intimate, I just want his hands to own me...and he seems to feel the same about me. No area is off limits. His finger has been probing my hole for a few minutes now.

"Your hole is so tight, Michael. I will have a hard time thinking of anything else for the next week."

"Get it nice and clean for me, lover. It's yours now, and I'll make sure it stays at the ready for you." He is behind me with my back leaning onto his chest; and his other hand is holding me at my waist. I get the feeling he has recovered.

"Round two?" He silently slips his soap covered phallus inside of me.

"Yes. Oh, yes. Take me again, Nathan. Please." This time Nathan is able to last a lot longer inside of me. I luxuriate at the sensations his cock provides to my channel and to my prostate. He is sliding in and out with a slow piston tempo. Oh how hard my own cock is becoming. He is slowly fisting me in time with his thrusts. I am feeling what cum remains in me start to move and gurgle through my plumbing. "Fuck this is nice. This is....Oh, Nathan. This is...FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" My second load is splattering on the tiles of his shower walls. My ass muscles are involuntarily spasming around the thick cock inside of me.

"Yeah. That's it. Oh, yeah, cum for me. I want to be the one to make you cum. To make you...to give you...to..." His grip on me is suddenly like a vise. "ANGH." The sound is shrill and high pitched. "OUAHHH. OH. AAAAANGH!"

"You took the words right out of my mouth. You done cum-dumping into me yet?"

His face is nuzzling my shoulder and neck. It must be too soon for words.

"Mm hm." Confirmation.

"Let's eat!"

Our dinner is cold. We do not care. We sit together on the couch, and feed each other bits and pieces a what was once a meticulously prepared meal. It still tastes amazing to us. We talk about our lives. We talk about our possibilities together. We drink our wine, slide crème brulee into our bellies, and sleep the night away spooning each other. I have waited all my life to find a man like Nathan to spend my life with. He feels the same way about me. Now we are together. What more could we ask for? We will not ask again.