All Comments on 'Being Jim Ch. 01: Snowbound'

Your paragraphs run on and on. Just one example:

You start with: "The drive from my apartment to the Danny's restaurant was tedious but uneventful" ( I think you forgot a period)

It end with: "Despite knowing better and all I still felt a twinge of guilt talking to him and he thanking me, but I let it go, thinking . "Who am I to judge?""

The general rule for paragraphs: One thought per paragraph. A simple progression of a few short sentences is fine.

With print this is bad. On a computer screen, it's mind numbing.

I didn't rate this as I didn't finish.

Good luck

Maybe it wasn’t the same storm, but I was living in Lexington In the late ‘90s and they said it was the most snow in recorded history. Snow was falling so fast that when I went to clear off my truck that morning, by the time I got back around, there was already a half inch on where I had started.

I75 was shut down as the county and state couldn’t agree who was responsible for clearing it so neither one did, and people were stuck out there overnight. I64 was a mess, as they decided to just keep one lane clear, so they had to shut down traffic to try to pull tractor trailers out of snowdrifts that were blocking the lane

But I was never in the BBS scene out there. I had been before I moved to Kentucky, but it was that whole transition period to ISPs and such

It's hard to read anything when the text just goes on and on without any white space in between. Put your sentences into proper paragraphs.

I really liked Jim. You did an excellent job with him. I look forward to reading the rest of the series.

THANKS

I really enjoyed reading your story. The character buildup was believable and adorable. The sex was well-written and hot.

This is a tough one. Fun story, terrible writing.

Grammar, spelling, punctuation, incorrect words, etc. An editor is greatly needed.

I did not rate your story. I give it an incomplete.

I sincerely hope that you get some editing help. Your stories have promise.