Ben Loves a Challenge Ch. 14

He shifted Dean's keyboard and found a silvery ball-chain. His heart clenched as he reached for it, so afraid to pull it out and find it was just attached to a pen or something like at the bank. He almost didn't pick it up, he wasn't sure he could handle more self-inferred rejection, but he also couldn't stop himself.

It was his dog tag, the one Dean had gotten him when they'd sorta broken up and sorta made up. He clutched the metal tag in his hand, pissed and in love all at the same time. He'd forgotten about the chain, Dean had taken it off of him once he'd been collared and never given it back. He hadn't thought about it in a while, but here it was hiding under Dean's keyboard.

A noise behind him had him jumping guiltily, shoving his dog tag into his pocket. Someone had dropped something in the hall or something. He practically fled from Dean's desk and out into the hall to find a woman he sort of recognized in the hall picking up a bunch of magazines that had slipped from the overly large stack she was carrying.

He stooped down and helped her pick them up. "Oh, hey, sorry. I didn't wanna take two trips, and we both see where that got me."

He shrugged. "Where are you going? I can help you carry these."

"Just down to the recycling at the end of the hall. Were you looking for someone from IT?"

He made a stack of the ones that had fallen to the floor, then followed her down the hall. "Um, sorta. Where is everyone?"

Her heels clacked loudly in the strangely silent hall. "Oh, they worked like eighty hours straight or something. Everyone went home this morning. They'll be back on Monday if you needed something."

He lifted the lid and dumped his stack into the large green bin. She did the same and he closed the lid. "I'm okay. Thanks."

"No, thank you," she said, smiling warmly before turning and heading back the way she'd come, her heels click-clacking again.

Most of his department was gone by the time he'd made his way back, so he packed up, too, then headed to his car. It was a habit of his, but he couldn't stop himself from looking for Dean's car. He hadn't expected to find it, but it was there, where he almost always parked. Unlike his car, Dean's car wasn't frosted over, and when he touched the hood it was still warm.

Ben turned and ran back into the building and back to his workspace, but Dean wasn't there. His heart dropped, he'd really hoped...

He sighed, then decided to check upstairs one last time. He didn't expect to find Dean, so when he did it startled him. Dean was tearing his desk apart, moving things around and muttering to himself. Ben hesitated in the door, afraid for a million and one reasons.

"Fuck," Dean muttered. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. Just, fucking fuck everything. Fuckity fuckballs." He pulled open one of his drawers and looked it in, then slammed it shut for disappointing him with its contents. "Just, mother fuck all this week."

"Dean?" Ben said, his voice cracking like he was a teenager again.

Dean bolted upright, turning to him so fast he had to catch his balance with a hand on his desk. "Ben? What, um..." He looked down, then turned back to his desk. "Why're you here?"

"Why are you here? I heard all you IT nerds went home this morning."

"Forgot something," Dean muttered. "I'm leaving now."

Ben's anger boiled over. "That's it? That's all you're gonna say to me?"

Dean flinched as if Ben had slapped him. "I, ah... I should go." Face still down to the floor, Dean launched himself towards the door. Ben grabbed his arm as he passed, jerking him around to face him. He looked destroyed, like he had when they made up the last time, but also like he hadn't slept in days.

Ben realized he probably hadn't. "Where're you going?"

"Home," Dean announced. "I'm going home. Let go, Ben." Dean tried to pull his arm away, but couldn't muster enough strength to break Ben's grasp.

"Sure. You look like you're gonna pass out where you stand. I'll drive you," Ben said, angry beyond belief, but unable to let Dean drive himself in the state he was in. Dean looked like he was going to argue, so Ben just dragged him by his arm. "No, no arguments. I'm taking you home, you're not fit to drive. Shut up, Dean."

Dean looked stunned, then allowed himself to be dragged from the building and stuffed into Ben's car. Dean buckled up, acting so nervous Ben was worried he was going to scurry from his car, but he stayed put, actively avoiding eye contact. Ben wanted to say something, but he had no idea what to say. Dean stayed quiet, too, but for a different reason. He'd passed out before Ben even made it a block from work.

Ben thought about the logistics of getting Dean into his third floor apartment and immediately discarded it, making the snap decision to take Dean to his place. If Dean was pissed about it then he would call him an Uber or something. Dean didn't wake up, not even after he'd parked and tried to shake Dean awake in his driveway. He unbuckled his boyfriend and shifted his weight, pulling him from the car. Dean wasn't heavy by any means, but his lankiness made him awkward to shuffle carry up the icy steps and into his house.

"Ben?" Dean muttered as he was deposited onto Ben's bed. "I'm home?"

It wasn't fair how much it hurt after this week to hear Dean say that. "No, you're at my house. I couldn't get you into your apartment, so-"

"Mmm-hmm," Dean said, curling up into a ball at the foot of his bed. "Smells like Ben."

Ben looked up, both irritated and in love with Dean. "Come on, let's get your coat off. And shoes, no shoes in the bed." He undressed a pretty pliant Dean, then half pushed and half pulled him up to the top of the bed.

"Need ta tell ya," he muttered. He smacked his lips, his hand closing on Ben's arm as he pulled up the covers. Dean gasped a little and curled up, clutching Ben's arm to his chest. "Sorry, Ben."

He realized Dean was crying in his sleep, completely unaware of his surroundings. He sighed, then slipped off his own coat and shoes and slid under the covers with Dean, still fully dressed. Dean's body wrapped around him, trapping him. Dean's body hitched occasionally, and whenever it did Dean's arms drew him closer, held him tighter.

He dozed off at some point, and only realized it when Dean woke up. He yawned and curled into Dean's arms. Dean squeezed so hard he nearly pushed the air out of him. "Ben?"

"Dean?"

"Um, why are we in your bed? The last thing I remember, shit, I lost it, fuck."

"You're in my bed because you passed out hard. When's the last time you actually slept? Like in a bed?"

"Tuesday night," Dean said. "I think. What's today?"

"Friday."

"Yeah, Tuesday night. Slept in my car for a few hours Thursday night, and I went home this morning but I..."

"Go back to sleep then," he chided. "We don't have to talk right now."

Dean tensed. "Why'd you bring me here?"

Anger boiled in his stomach. "You don't even wanna come to my house now?"

"I didn't say that!"

"Well, it sure sounds like you did."

"Yeah? Well, I've kinda had a week, Ben." Dean sucked in a deep breath, then blew it out slowly. Ben bit his lower lip. Despite his attitude, Dean hadn't released him yet. He thought about wriggling out of Dean's arms, but he didn't actually want to. Dean's arms trembled as he hugged him tight.

"You coulda talked to me. I wanna be there for you, Dean."

"What could you have done for me?" Dean snapped. "Why'd you even come, I didn't ask for food."

"What the legitimate, full-fledged fuck?" he snapped, so tired and emotionally fragile he didn't care. "You didn't want me to come? I was trying to be a good boyfriend! I was worried about you, and you just throw it in my face, like I'm bothering you by trying to feed you. I wanted to do something nice for you, and you... Jesus Dean, you can be such an asshole."

There was a moment of silence. "Of course you're mad at me," Dean said, too sarcastic for his liking.

He snorted. "Uh, yeah, Captain Obvious hailing from the vessel USS No Duh. You're the one being a dick."

"I was working!" Dean snapped. "You're the one who interrupted me! I knew it. I knew you'd be mad." He exhaled heavily before he continued. "If you're mad at me then why were you at my desk? And why am I here? You coulda just dumped me in my car. I probably deserve it."

Ben rolled his eyes, but Dean couldn't see it. "You really think I'd do that?"

"You probably shoulda! Anyone else would've!" Dean almost shouted.

"I wouldn't just leave you in your car. It's cold outside, and anyway, I freaking love you, so why would I do that?"

"Cause I'm a dick?" Dean answered, but also asked.

He exhaled slowly. "You really are. You ignored me. I brought you dinner and you dismissed me like I was annoying you. Aisha said I was annoying, and you confirmed it."

"Aisha said you annoyed me? After the dinner thing?"

"No, we didn't talk about it. It was after, ah, nevermind when that was." Dean tensed and it gave him a small amount of satisfaction that it bothered him. "Would it have been so hard to just text me back? I hate it when you treat me like I'm bothering you. I don't know how to be a good boyfriend, apparently I keep doing it wrong."

"You aren't," Dean started, but his voice sounded brittle. He took a few deep breaths before he spoke again. "You're not doing it wrong. I, ah. I'm sorry. It's... I dunno."

"I'm not?" he snapped. "So, when I brought you food because I knew you'd be working late and you were really really cold to me, that wasn't me doing it wrong?"

"It was really sweet of you," Dean whispered. "I'm sorry."

"So what'd I do wrong then?!"

"Nothing! I already said it, you didn't do anything wrong!"

"That's not how it feels!" Ben wriggled and Dean released him reluctantly. He sat up, turning to face Dean. "You're sending real mixed messages. I don't get you."

Dean rolled so that his back was to him.

"What the hell, Dean? Talk to me," Ben growled, clenching the sheets in his hands so he didn't just push Dean out of bed. "You ignored me, were annoyed with me, then avoided me. You sent Melinda to talk to me instead of coming yourself!"

"Melinda?"

"She came to my department today, this morning, thanking me for the food," he tried not to yell. "Instead of you!" Dean flinched. "I wanted it to be you!"

"I didn't send her, she went on her own."

"You know that isn't even remotely the point! Why'd you ignore me? You coulda sent me a text. Or called me. Or whatever. But you didn't."

Dean's back hitched. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "It's so hard for me. I'm trying to, like, I'm broken, Ben. I'm sorry I do the same shit over and over. I'm trying, I really am."

"I understand that, and I'm trying to factor that into the equation, but every time we make progress then I do something and it all-"

"It wasn't you! Thank you, for the dinner," Dean said, voice hoarse. "I couldn't let myself get distracted. I didn't wanna be there. I didn't wanna work all that overtime, but if I didn't shit woulda been really fucked. You're the biggest distraction of them all, Ben. I wanna just throw everything away to be with you, and I couldn't afford to do that."

"Why not? Was the virus, no, sorry, the malware, I mean, was it so bad that you couldn't even say hi?" Dean looked at him over his shoulder, a smirk on his face. It made Ben feel a little better, to see Dean looking a little better. "What?"

"You said malware," Dean noted. "Melinda really did talk to you. She corrected you, didn't she? Did she go into detail about the differences?"

He shook his head. "Nah, she looked dead tired. I'll remember that for next time." Dean let silence fill the void between them, but he wasn't done with this conversation. "So you were mean to me?"

Dean sighed. "I didn't mean to be, but I was so focused on what I was doing that I was annoyed. You're not annoying, don't take it that way. I was annoyed that I lost my train of thought. I locked my phone up, cause I couldn't stand it if you called or texted, I knew I'd cave in and lose time. I was in the middle of some intense code, and you came in and there was sooo much to do, and a time limit. And, like, you distracted me and I lost my train of thought and I suddenly knew I had to start it all over and I was just losing time and needed to finish it, I worked so hard, tried so hard to get it fixed before our date. And, of course Matt is off on vacation for the rest of the year when we have a major incident."

"Your supervisor? You think he woulda been any help?" he asked, skeptical.

"Yeah, you're right, probably not, he woulda just been in the way or something. But still, it's not my job, and an extra set of eyes woulda been nice. And, I don't make the kind of money he makes, like, this is what he's supposed to be there to stop, yea? I guess the OT will be nice at least."

"How much OT did you get?" Ben asked, curious.

"Twenty nine and a half hours in three days. Fuck Matt. He shoulda been there. Asshole. I don't wanna talk about him right now anyway."

"Fair enough," Ben said. "So, you were trying to finish this all before our date?"

"Yeah, but then you cancelled it, and I thought you were maybe thinking about breaking it off with me."

"Do you even hear yourself? I'm gonna give you a break, because you're more tired than dead tired, whatever that's called, but you think I'm gonna walk away from this with you just because you ignored me and gave me the cold shoulder?" He sniffed. "If that was all it was gonna take, we would never have gotten together in the first place."

Dean sucked in a breath, then laughed, but it sounded thin. "Yea, that's true, can confirm."

"What do I need to do to get you to trust me?"

Dean rolled over and locked eyes with him. "I do trust you, Ben."

"Then start acting like it! You wanna know why I was at your desk? I was looking for you, I saw your car was still in the parking lot. Or, actually back in the parking lot, the engine was still hot."

Dean sat up, looking sheepish. "Oh. I'm glad you found me. Thanks, Ben. For not hating me."

"It's fuck that shit o'clock, Dean. Approximately. If you were wondering, you know, what time it was."

"Huh?" Dean asked.

"I opposite of hate you, Dean." Ben rolled his eyes as hard as he could, then leaned forward and kissed Dean's sharp nose. "I'm sure you'll make it up to me. Oh, what were you looking for? You seemed pretty upset."

"Nothing, it's not important," Dean dismissed, looking away again.

"Sure, sure," Ben noted, rolling his way out of bed. He stood up and decided he was done with slacks for the day when he spotted his plaid pajama pants just hanging out on top of the dirty laundry. They'd be good for one more day.

He slid his pants off, caught Dean watching him, then turned so his ass was facing his boyfriend as he lowered his underwear, too. He pulled his polo over his head and slowly made his way, completely naked, to the closet, showing off for Dean.

A quick peek over his shoulder let him know that Dean was appreciating the show. "You're so sexy," Dean whispered when he saw Ben had caught him.

"Thanks," Ben said, slipping his pajama pants on. He picked up his dirty clothes and went to throw them in the closet, then stopped when he felt something in his pocket. He pulled out his dog tag. "Oh."

"Oh what?" Dean asked, sounding nervous again.

"Was this maybe what you were looking for?" He turned around and held his dog tag out towards Dean, the tag hanging under his fist.

"You had it?" Dean asked, jumping up to grab it. He hesitated just before taking it, pulling his hand back.

"I found it, then got caught snooping in your department earlier," he admitted. "I panicked, shoved it in my pocket."

Dean sighed, his whole body sagging with relief. "I thought I'd lost it. I was so... Can I have it back?"

"I thought it was mine," Ben teased.

Dean's face fell. "Yea, it is. Sorry, yea. Sorry."

Ben rolled his eyes again. "I was teasing, Dean." He leaned in, opening the clasp on the ball chain, then wrapped it around Dean's neck. He clicked it together, but left his hands around Dean's neck. "Looks good on you."

Dean flushed hard, then pulled Ben into his lap. "I'm sorry," he said, shifting until Ben was comfortably seated on his lap. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just needed to get done. I can't get distracted when I'm working on something like that, cause all I wanted to do the whole time was see you already. I needed to get done, yea? So I could go on our date. Which is cancelled, because of me."

Ben shrugged, then kissed Dean's nose again. "Did you fix the entire internet?"

"Not even close, not sure if anything short than an apocalypse could fix that cesspool, but I did stop ransomware from stealing all of our personnel records. I mean, me, Melinda, and Bryan."

"Well, I think that means I can forgive you. This time." He kissed Dean's nose again to make sure he understood he was just teasing.

Dean rested his forehead on Ben's and they sat there like that for long enough that he started getting worried Dean had fallen asleep sitting up. He pulled back and Dean looked up at him in a way that showed him exactly how much he meant to Dean.

"Thanks, for forgiving me. I really didn't mean to be mean, and I knew you were mad. But, I had to-"

"I get it," Ben said, stopping Dean with a quick kiss. "You wanna lay back down for a while?"

Dean shook his head. "Nah, I'm actually pretty awake right now. And hungry. I promise not to be an asshole if you get me food this time."

Ben snorted. "What do you want?"

Dean started drooping halfway through their Chinese take-out, so Ben put him back to bed despite his protests. He was asleep again within minutes of curling up under the blankets. Ben killed time cleaning and reading before he went to bed for the night.

Dean in his bed felt amazing. He hadn't realized how lonely it had been, sleeping alone for all those months after Laura left. He snuggled next to Dean, breathing his scent. Dean needed a shower, but he wasn't gonna wake him up and make him take one. Besides, he kind of liked how strong Dean's smell was tonight. He drifted to sleep with one hand stretched out to touch Dean's back.

Ben woke up first. He took a shower and found Dean sitting up in bed when he'd come back in just a towel. "Good morning," Dean said, running his hand through his hair sheepishly.

"Morning," he agreed. "You wanna shower?"

"God yes," Dean agreed, standing up. Ben's eyes caught on Dean's pants, or more accurately, the bulge in them. Dean flushed when he realized where Ben was looking, hiding his erection behind his hands. "Sorry, morning wood."

Ben sniffed. "You know, that's a good thing about being gay. I totally understand, though I kinda wish it was the other kind of wood."

Dean blinked a few times, then laughed. "True, true. Give me time to take a shower and we can see about it being the other kind of wood."

"What are you waiting for, then?" Ben said, ushering him towards the bathroom door.

Dean chuckled and allowed himself to be escorted into the bathroom. Ben shut the door behind them, watching Dean intently. "Um, were you gonna just-"

"Yup," Ben said. "I wanna watch you shower. Is that okay?"

"Um, yeah, okay?" Dean's rosy cheeks made him wanna kiss him hard, but he hadn't brushed his teeth yet.

"Oh, hey, I'll get an extra toothbrush out for you. We need to get you a few personal items here so if you spend the night you'll have stuff." He pulled out an extra brush and put it in the cup. "Yours is green, mine is orange." He took his own out and started brushing.

Dean started the water, then undressed shyly by the edge of the shower curtain. He opened his mouth to say something, then shook his head and stepped into the shower. Ben listened to the sound of Dean's shower splashing as he finished brushing, then sat on the toilet to wait for Dean to finish.