by PurpleParadise
The story is bland at best, if it was big tits and dicks we wanted, people here would on pornhub instead. Put some heart into it alright? Not just a description, but feeling.
As for the below commet, totally agree thank you :) may not be physically experienced but mentally i'd say more experienced than alot hehe
I think your story was spot on. First time, yea you will most likely go by the book I assume, and even virgins practice. Just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you don't have skills.
Nice build-up. Nice straightforward sex, if a bit "by the numbers" (BJ, eating her to orgasm, multiple positions, etc. etc.)
Write more of the story. The party's still on downstairs: what happened? How did he get so good at sex if he's a virgin? Give Em more dialogue so we get into her head.
For me, I like the women more realistic. Read a few women's stories & get a feel for what they really like.
And watch the too-long sentences. Cut them up (written English has much shorter sentences than spoken). Keep writing!
I like how the sex scene makes a good portion of the story.
Great story! You had good build up, followed by a logical progression. Your first sentence was a run-on, so check that, but in total, good job! You have talent, and I hope you'll keep writing :-)