Best Served Cold

Kelly is so much fun to write about, even though readers don't always like her. I devised her a long time ago, and I've always intended to get back to her... so here she is, some four years later. You can read about some of her past misadventures in my story "On The List," though you needn't: this story stands completely on its own. This is not a sequel, just a new story with some old friends.

I'm entering this in Lit's annual April Fools contest thanks to a devious piece of trickery that shows up a bit later. I'll leave it to you to decide how well that goes over. In any case, read all the contest entries and vote up your favorites!

Enjoy!

* * *

I frowned into my phone. "Wait. What?"

Fucking Audrey. Like I had nothing better to do than meet her at Samurai's. "I said," she replied patiently, "come get a coffee with me and Craig, bitch."

I wondered whether she could see my eyes roll from clear across campus. I could get to Samurai's Teahouse, and making her buy me a coffee would be a great pick-me-up: all that was true. But it was also true I'd be late for my Cultural Anthropology class, and the TA who kept the attendance had been mad at me ever since I'd done a fuck-and-run. "Give me an idea what it'll be about, whore. I've got class in like an hour."

"We need a favor," she replied sweetly, "but it's a favor you'll enjoy. Plus? Free cappuccino. Come on. Meet us, Kelly."

She knew I'd say yes. I almost never said no, to anything. "Okay. See you there, cunt. Order me a large frozen." I cackled as I thumbed my phone off; it was the most expensive item on the menu, and would take the barista longest to make.

I planned to complain about it, maybe even send it back.

I drew glances as I chopped quickly across the campus, but the truth is that I no longer really noticed anymore. I was a senior, a captain on the cheer team, meaning I'd been drawing glances for a long time now. Hell, even longer: I'd been a year older than everyone in high school too, so I'd been drawing glances since I'd been a junior.

More than just glances, too, and I liked it.

So I put that mock-unconscious sway into my walk as I passed the South Gate heading for Samurai's, striding disdainfully among the cars in the full lot. I spied Audrey's little Kia there, shining in the back corner like an orange jewel. It sported a busted headlight now, the careless little bitch. They'd gotten a table, miraculously, and the waiter was just leaving as I got there.

I avoided eye contact with the waiter. I'd let him fuck me once, but I'd been drunk and I was aware I'd been a disappointment. "Hi, whore!" I smiled cheerfully as I slid into the seat across from Audrey. "How's it going?"

"Not bad." She had some sort of overflavored, oversweetened cup of diarrhea on the table before her. Craig, I was pleased to see, was at least drinking something that looked like real coffee. "Got a problem, though, and we'll cut right to the chase. It's the Pixboox channel."

I didn't bother hiding my eye-roll. I'd been telling Aud for years that their channel was unsustainable. "People finally getting sick of you two?" I crowed. Audrey and Craig made amateur porn... to a fairly high standard, true, but still. At the end of the day, it was still just the same two people fucking. "Last month's anal trick wasn't enough to suit demand?" I laughed, and Craig blushed cutely as he looked out the window.

"Fuck you," Aud hissed. She'd been unable to get him all the way into her winky little butthole before his bored erection had softened after several long minutes of futile jabbing. And all her friends had been watching live as part of the Pixboox Plus intro package. "Actually, that got great views. And really good comments, too, so you can blow it out your ass."

"Better out than in, as you two proved," I snickered. It was fun watching them squirm.

"Yeah, yeah." She waved a dainty hand, a hand that looked like it was made of china. That was Aud's big thing, porn-wise: she looked like a delicate little doll, but she wasn't. She could really take a dick, something I'd always respected her for. A certain segment of the Pixboox-watching amateur porn crowd was apparently really into a girl like that, especially with a rack as impressive as hers. "Look. Let's get down to business here. Craig's late for class."

"Me too." He smiled blandly over at me. That was the word I always associated with Craig: bland. Not my type at all, though he did have a very nice penis. I liked edgier guys. I sucked up a suspenseful sip of my drink, and it disappointed me when I liked it. "What's up?"

They traded an odd glance. "Well. So we tried again," she ventured, as Craig looked out the window once more. I cocked my head, uncomprehending, then broke into a slow grin.

"Buttfucking?"

"Yeah." She shrugged with that air of defiance she sometimes got. "I just... it just wouldn't go in."

"Not convincingly." Craig had a higher voice than you'd think. He slurped at his coffee. "Just the tip."

"Well, seems to me like you need to do a little stretchy-wetchy," I gloated, taking another sip. "Because from what I've seen on your channel before, Craig's not the problem here."

He smiled, the devious smile of a guy who knows a compliment when he hears one, and the smile I gave back to him was the same kind. Audrey would hate that, I knew. I'd stolen two boyfriends off her back in the day, and those were only the ones she knew about.

"We tried," she bleated, "and now we're in trouble, because we have to have new content posted by the first of the month. And we need time for editing and shit, and... well." She shrugged. "We're fucked."

"If we don't post by April 1st," he added helpfully, "we violate our contract with the distribution company." I nodded, hoping it looked like I understood what the fuck they were talking about. Aud had explained their arrangement with some sort of local porn company, a seedy group of pervs called Loading Dock Productions, Inc. The idea was that they had some sort of deal with Pixboox allowing them to generate porn without violating the TOS somehow, but I wasn't clear on the ins and outs and, honestly, neither was Aud.

They'd been posting for like eight months now, and it had never been a problem. "So you need me for... what, exactly?" It couldn't be anything wholesome, that was for sure. Audrey Cimino knew me better than anyone else in the world, and she knew what kinds of favors I was good for. I doubted it was even anything as innocent as holding the camera.

They looked at each other again, and Craig started cautiously. "We need a big, splashy video this month, because we promised a special event. It was supposed to be the ass thing, but... well."

"We were thinking, like, a guest event?" Audrey was looking at me with her head down, her gorgeous lashes lowered, and it took a beat before I caught her meaning.

I burst out laughing. "You want your boyfriend to fuck me?" I said it loudly enough that a few heads turned. "On camera?"

He shrugged, and Audrey gave a defensive little scowl. "What I want is for the Candi and Kane empire to produce first-rate erotic content that will attract viewers," she grunted, "and right now, you're our best idea." She tossed her long hair. "Trust me, whore, you weren't our first idea."

I bit my tongue before I smashed out my usual sarcastic retort. Empire? She was barely a village, a faint blip in the vast universe that was modern internet porn. Calling themselves Candi and Kane had been his idea, mostly because they'd posted their first content as a Christmas theme. In fucking July, the idiots Made sense not to use their real names though, obviously, and Audrey and Craig Fuck Each Other's Brains Out didn't have quite the same marketing ring as Candi Sucks Kane. "I'm not doing porn," I told them flatly.

"We even came up with a name and a backstory!" whined Aud.

"Which you should have asked me about first," I shrugged. "Sorry, but I'm not going to show up on the internet getting laid by some rando." I glanced at Craig. "No offense. Nothing personal. I'm sure I'd enjoy it and all, but I have no desire to screw anyone on a camera." Well, that wasn't quite true: I'd done plenty of sketchy things on peoples' cameras. But it had always been personal-use kind of stuff, and as far as I was concerned it always would be. "I mean, my dad's got a Pixboox account. I'm sure he watches the porn there. I don't need him to see me getting railed."

"Your dad watches internet porn?" Audrey blinked.

I shrugged. "Everyone's dad watches internet porn. What, it never occurred to you that your parents would see your little online adventures?" They swapped another of those odd glances, and I sighed. "Clearly it didn't."

"That's gross."

I shrugged. "It's why I don't do porn, like I said." I winked at Craig. "It's definitely not for lack of opportunity," I leered, which was true enough. Guys were not exactly falling all over themselves to fuck me, but I'd never had any trouble getting dick. Something prodded at the back of my mind as I sucked down more of my cappuccino. "Out of curiosity, slut," I breezed, "what were you planning to offer me in return for this incredibly invasive favor you wanted me to do for you?"

She arched an eyebrow, calculating. I knew she had an answer already, but I also knew there'd be some probing before she told me what it was. Audrey could be a very transactional person. "Craig's big cock isn't enough?" she smirked.

I glanced over to find Craig looking at my chest. "I think you know," I told her evenly, "that I could have Craig's big cock anytime I want it. Can't I, Craig?" I winked, arching my back. I wondered if Audrey knew how many of her boyfriends I'd actually fucked.

He stirred. "What?"

I laughed. "See?" Audrey was not amused as I shifted my gaze back to her. "Do better than that, hoe. What are you offering?"

Her fingertips drummed her plastic cup. "I was thinking," she went on unwillingly, gnawing on her lower lip, "that I'd give you part of Loading Dock's proceeds from the video."

My eyes widened. "How much we talking about?"

She transparently wanted to lie and let me believe she was making money hand over fist, but in the end she looked away and told the truth. "We only get about five hundred a month, so it'd be a third of that."

I laughed again. "For a hundred-fifty or so, I'm supposed to let your man plug me on camera?" This was getting interesting, though. "What if I wanted more? How high were you prepared to go?"

She fidgeted, clearly uncomfortable. "Not that it matters, since you're not helping us," she muttered, "but what would you have in mind?"

I looked at Craig, pondering. I'd watched all their early efforts, mostly out of curiosity to see how Audrey fucked, and he was not bad-looking at all. She was wrong that his cock was all that big, but it was a nice one, intriguingly formed and with nice, swingy balls. I was getting an idea, a dark and freaky one, but I needed to see what she'd be thinking. "I'd have helped you," I told her slowly, "if you'd have given me a crack at your brother."

She cocked her head, her eyes going wary. "He's barely nineteen. I think he's still a virgin. Why would you want him?"

I let my grin build slowly. "No. Not that brother. Not Tommy." I waited for her to figure it out, which didn't take long.

That one threw her. She rocked back in the booth, her eyebrows trying to claw their way all the way up her forehead. "Dave?" She blinked. "That brother?" I just nodded slowly, greedily, watching her with rapidly dampening panties: fucking Dave. What an absolute killer he'd be in bed. I'd flicked my clit a thousand times to the thought of him tearing me apart. "My brother Dave?" she demanded.

I smiled, in spasm. "He's living at home with your parents, right?"

Craig finally put two and two together, then looked at me in mild amazement. "Dave just got out of jail," he said uncertainly.

"Yup." Just the thought of doing him, hell, just mentioning that I wanted to, had already gotten me going. I gestured toward Audrey. "I've wanted to fuck him for years, but little miss bitch here would never let me."

"I don't want you fucking my brother. Either of them," she snapped flatly. "Besides. He's gross."

"He's an animal," I countered, "a fucking beast. You know what kinds of guys I like," I pressed. Why not? It was on the table now. Might as well see how far I could push it. "I'm serious, Aud. If you let me take him, I'll help you guys out. Do you still have those weird pubes?"

She just gaped at me, so Craig stepped up. "Yes. She still has those weird pubes."

I smiled. "Then I think I can maybe help."

"You'll show up on camera?" she asked hopefully.

I sucked at my drink, planning this as I went. "No, not my face," I sighed, making my decision, "but I've got something else in mind that'll work. I'm sure of it. Come on, Aud," I wheedled, my pussy on fire, "it's just Dave..."

"He's on parole," she grated, "for aggravated assault," but her gaze had shifted to Craig. She was thinking, at least. "What... I mean, if you're not going to want to be on cam, well, what do you have in mind?"

I wiped my mouth and fixed my gaze on her. "When you decide to give me that delicious badass brother of yours? Let me know." I was feeling exultant. Little bitch was going to have to let me sleep with Dave, whether her whore-ass liked it or not. "Just hurry, kids. You've only got the rest of the week to decide if you want my help." I swept grandly to my feet. "I'm off to class. Ciao, bitch!" I purred, feeling my power as I looked hotly at Craig. "And you? I think I'll be seeing you later, dude, but maybe not the way Aud was thinking." I cackled my way out of there, my mind racing. "That frozen cappuccino was shit," I squawked to the barista as I passed.

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" the girl squawked, but by that time I was already winking at the waiter I'd fucked.

"Let me know if you want another crack at me, Sean," I cooed quietly as I left. I was guessing that's what his name was, as if it mattered. If he didn't want to try me again?

I had my hook in the water already, and bad-boy Dave Cimino was swimming shallower and shallower. I smirked to myself as I headed over to Anthro.

* * *

It didn't take Audrey long to call me back; in fact, I was already over at her apartment that same night, breaking a date with my current cock in order to do so. Not that I minded much: he was kind of an idiot, and not very vaginally imaginative. There was only so much smash-and-grab that a sexual sophisticate like me could take.

"This is weird," Craig decided as he stood at the bathroom doorway in their little apartment on Crick Street.

"Definitely weird," Audrey agreed, her face bent low over my nude hips. She was close enough that I could feel her breath on my pussy. "There's no way it'll work," she added, but I had the definite impression she was still just trying to convince herself.

Because she'd already gone far enough that I knew she thought it just might work.

"Relax, slut." I was texting one of the guys from my physics class, amused at the thought that he was discussing homework with a girl who was getting her pubes trimmed back. For a moment, I toyed with the idea of sending him a taunting pic of what Aud was doing to my bush, but it would be tough to take the shot without Audrey being in it. And I didn't need my lab partner seeing Audrey's boobs. "This'll be fine."

One of the things that Aud had done to make her Candi persona distinctive was to trim her pubes carefully into the shape of a candycane, really just an inverted J with the razored suggestion of some diagonal stripes. The comments on their Pixboox channel suggested that there was a substantial subset of pervs out there who really loved "Candi's Stripe," as she called it, and a key part of my plan was to get myself trimmed the same way. "I can't believe we're doing this," she sighed.

"Wild shit," Craig agreed. He sounded hopeful, as well he should: he was about to poke his wily, intoxicating prick deep into my asshole with the camera close enough that the entire internet, hopefully, would think it was Audrey's. The plan was to make a Candi/Kane video with the two of them simulating buttsex, with my own lovely anus standing in as the stunt-ass for closeups. On the whole, though it probably wasn't the absolute wildest idea I'd ever had, it was close.

Worth it for a chance to get my willing body worked over by Dave and his convict-meat, though.

Craig was shaking his head. "I can't believe you agreed to help us," he told me in frank admiration.

I shrugged and began playing with my tits. "If Aud didn't tell you about the kind of chick I am, I guess you're sure finding out now," I gloated.

She pursed her lips, frowning over her razor. "Tell him what? How you treat your body like a toy? How you love getting railed by bad boys? How you'll take just about any dick around?"

I laughed. "Yeah," I drawled, staring at Craig, "all that." I stuck my tongue out and ran it slowly along my lower lip, holding his eyes the whole time. Which could not have made Aud happy.

"We already did most of our shots," Audrey explained, shaping my pubic tuft into a very close approximation of her own. It felt weird letting her do it, which probably sounds odd: I'd once let her lick me out, on a lark, but that hadn't felt nearly as intimate as letting her groom me. "All you have to do is bend over and let him deep-dick your bunghole." We giggled; once she'd convinced herself this might all work, Aud had begun to see the fun in it.

"Easy-peasy." I didn't particularly like anal, really, but I can't say I was all that inexperienced in it. I knew there was a pretty big proportion of the kind of guys I was attracted to who liked smashing chicks in the shithole, and that was the part that got me off: the savagery, the sheer badness of it. I wasn't expecting to enjoy it that way with Craig, but a hundred-fifty and David Cimino's prison-dick would go a long way toward making the whole thing work tonight.

"I've got it all planned out," she went on. She'd be working the camera; their usual assistant had not been invited to tonight's little soiree. "He kisses down your mound, works his way underneath, and tongues your asshole. The camera never gets anything but your pubes, your pussy, and your butt."

"Got it." I put my phone aside. "They won't know it's me? From the different pussy?" We both glanced up at the watching Craig, who shrugged.

"Close enough," he judged. "You don't look all that different from her."

"Hair's pretty close, too." She was studying her handiwork now, nodding. "Then he flips you over, does your ass, and that's all we need. The rest will all just be edited together."

"All the way in, Craig." I was telling, not asking. "I don't do things halfway. Just work that hog of yours in there and let 'er rip."

We all laughed, a little tensely.

"He'll pull out right before he cums, then I'll pause the recording, take your place, and you can film him shooting all over my ass." She shrugged. "It should be pretty hot, and we can mess with the gradient later if the skin tone is way, way off."

"Whatever." That wasn't my problem. "You done playing with my bush, whore? Can we do this shit?" I was keyed up, maybe a little nervous, but I really wanted to do this, in a weird way. It always makes me feel good to deliver on the things I promise, especially when I can show up one of my best friends. To rub it in, my eye found Craig's. "How about it, dude? Ready to fuck a real woman's ass?" I brayed out a laugh, counting on Craig to be polite enough to join in while Audrey just stood there and fumed.