All Comments on 'Beth and Jenny share a Bed'

Great possibilities!!

This...had to have been written by a man

boring as shit

Maybe it's written by a man.... But very cleverly done

I was a little thrown off with the lack of narrative because in real sexual instances, there usually isn't that much conversation/dialogue.

it is an interesting premise but the conversation is execrable. No two humans, women or men, talk to each other like that.

WTF was that!

Way too much dialogue, and the dialogue itself is so out of the realm of realistic. Couldn't finish it. Try writing a real situation and not the script from a carbon-copy porno.

No. Sorry missed the mark, Two long term friends having to share a bed. Obviously open-minded women up for a bit of fun, the story could have been fun and cheeky and very hot, instead it fell flat with long winded waffle.

Try again.

Wordy!

A bit heavy on the dialogue. Additionally, fisting between two mothers on first time lesbian sex is a bit far reaching!

Loved it, loved how build the connection between the two.

This is fun, cute and sweet.

It's also hot, and funny. There's a clever thing here that pokes a bit of fun at homophobia, where it points out that we are all just a little bit queer, at least for the right person under the right circumstances -- by then showing how far two people who go to great lengths to de-sexify it will actually go, sexually.

There's not to much dialogue. As the author says, it's deliberately written in all dialogue. It might have been more clear if it were written in script format, which would have cleaned up the punctuation and also made the medium clearer to people who didn't quite get with the program.

I don't mean actual screenplay, just script. Taking out the quotations and simply identifying each speaker as the dialogue progresses would be another way to get the point of the structure across.

To those of you who didn't "get" it -- this is fun in its reveal. The point of not showing what's happening, of just revealing it through dialogue is manifold, and effective:

1. Unreliable narrator. We only see these women as they see each other and themselves, as they represent themselves verbally. We also see how they self-justify, and we also see them transform, in a very small space. We're also treated to what is, clearly a sweet relationship that has just gained depth.

2. Removal of all but the most essential details. What's important is the women, and their self-concept, and their relationship. Everything else is excised. We don't, in fact, need to know anything but what is given. We can infer a great deal, which brings me to the next part.

3. What we know versus what they know. What works best about this piece is that although we read them entirely through their own voices and experience as they narrate it, we still see more than both women combined. It's deft, clever. From the outset we already see the lie, the humorous pretense, and it's a delight to watch it play out until they accept the truth for themselves.

It's also a nice look at middle aged women and their bodies, and it takes the teeth out of some of the competition between women. They reveal, and are vulnerable in revelation, but then admire and build each other up. There's no jokes or crudity around looser vaginas. It's examined -- so to speak -- playfully and kindly. They are still hot, to each other, and to us, while also being very normal, and real.

There's a lot of good stuff here. Sure, it could stand some work but so could everything we write, ultimately. I really enjoyed it.

In the style of old pulps. But not executed well.

Everyone is a little queer according to a reviewer.

But if someone says everyone queer is a little straight it becomes some type of phobic.

Sexual fluidity unless it's straight.

What a dark sense of humor by nature to have procreation achieved by straight sex when everyone is a little queer.